***Online Dating Support Thread***

CaraWalker said:
cOFOgAc.jpg


what? :lol: what options does that leave? :lol:
Click to expand...
He sounds a bit...weird?
 
Did this 36 y/o OTHER fool just ask me if I've ever been with a Caucasion before?! These men are so bold! It's hard out here in these e-streets.
 
i dropped my looking for age down to 25 and it must have finally registered in the system because overnight i got a bunch of visits from 25 and 26 year olds ive never seen before.

most of them are tall and the majority of them seem interesting and the reason why i wasnt seeing this so much before is that by the time these guys are my age theyre not going to be single :rolleyes:

i also clicked on a visit from a 35 year old and the change in tone was ridiculously apparent. i went from all this bright eyed bushy tailed optimism and bravado to boring "i like dive bars with jukeboxes and if you can pick a 5 dollars worth of songs" blah blah blah

yep. underestimating the drop off in quality with age, definitely going to concentrate a little younger at this point.
 
Thank you ladies. This thread is full of valuable advice. I have updated my profile pictures due to it (one was 10yrs old). i met a really great guy and thought we clicked majorly but he ghosted after our first date. And I have a sick feeling that I maybe catfished him. Though he asked for a kiss another date and I thought it went well.
Anyway, on to better. I have a lunch date planned for today.
 
If I about the guys in my area. This is my second time on Pof and thought it would be so much better. I guess I will sign up for other sites
 
Wanderland said:
Thank you ladies. This thread is full of valuable advice. I have updated my profile pictures due to it (one was 10yrs old). i met a really great guy and thought we clicked majorly but he ghosted after our first date. And I have a sick feeling that I maybe catfished him. Though he asked for a kiss another date and I thought it went well.
Anyway, on to better. I have a lunch date planned for today.
Click to expand...

Come on now. You can't use old pics. We all looked different 10 years ago.
You know whether you catfished him or not...There's no surprise there :lol:

I might not be the one to talk though. 10lbs can throw off my whole look but I use those pics since they're recent. Smh.


ms-gg said:
o_Oo_Oo_O:confused::confused: I just don't have the words...

This crap brings out the sickos. Frickin disgusting. He looks like a stalker nerdy white boy. I snapped a screenshot of his pic just in case I go missing :look:
Click to expand...

He might've been trolling you. Better off not responding.
 
CaraWalker said:
FPyPxyU.jpg

hmmmm....
Click to expand...

Do you really see potential here? I noticed that the guys who complain, after making poor choices, are not that intelligent.

Also, if I find the need to write something sorta like what you did here, I get turned off. I'm wayyy less attracted to men after I've schooled them so early on :/

**omg, the thought alone is making me cringe :lol: :nono:
 
Dude,

Tell me how this guy hits me up online. Interesting profile, well written, nice vibe and all. We even message each other for a bit. But once we exchange numbers and he starts texting me, he seems dumb. Not young, but dumb. His writing is poor and even what he says is dumb.

How the hell did this happen??
Fade to black.
 
I haven't read the article yet, but apparently there's a study that says on OkCupid, women who send messages first have a higher rate of response. Thought that was interesting. I don't think I've come across not one guy I even found attractive on there.

keyawarren said:
Do you really see potential here? I noticed that the guys who complain, after making poor choices, are not that intelligent.

Also, if I find the need to write something sorta like what you did here, I get turned off. I'm wayyy less attracted to men after I've schooled them so early on :/

**omg, the thought alone is making me cringe :lol: :nono:
Click to expand...

There are A LOT of bitter, complaining a** dudes on these sites. I've read some profiles where I almost wanted to write the dude and be like "bruh".
 
MzLady78 said:
I haven't read the article yet, but apparently there's a study that says on OkCupid, women who send messages first have a higher rate of response. Thought that was interesting. I don't think I've come across not one guy I even found attractive on there.
.
Click to expand...

i read that as well. ive never messaged first but it goes against everything ive heard women say.
 
MzLady78 said:
I haven't read the article yet, but apparently there's a study that says on OkCupid, women who send messages first have a higher rate of response. Thought that was interesting. I don't think I've come across not one guy I even found attractive on there.



There are A LOT of bitter, complaining a** dudes on these sites. I've read some profiles where I almost wanted to write the dude and be like "bruh".
Click to expand...
where is the link? because the last time they released their stats they said that BLACK women get soundly ignored when they send out first messages.
 
MzLady78 said:
I haven't read the article yet, but apparently there's a study that says on OkCupid, women who send messages first have a higher rate of response. Thought that was interesting. I don't think I've come across not one guy I even found attractive on there.



There are A LOT of bitter, complaining a** dudes on these sites. I've read some profiles where I almost wanted to write the dude and be like "bruh".
Click to expand...

Lol you would think that on thecoli it is the opposite. Like we r the bitter, depressed angry women. However they have a million topic on guess what : women!!
 
MzLady78 said:
I'll post when I get to my laptop. It was one of those stories that comes up on the side on FB.
Click to expand...
ill see if i can find it. im not going to send first messages one way or the other because i dont need to, but i have to admit, i did derive a little pleasure out of my small contribution to balancing okcupid's stats with every message i ignored (which is 95% of them)

e: it turns out they DID update those original statistics from 2009, back in 2014. ima check it out and see what they said the second time around. smh, already off to a bad start:

Way Back in 2009
Five years ago, the basics of race and attraction on OkCupid looked like this:

men
– non-black men applied a penalty to black women
– while black men showed little racial preference either way


women
– all women preferred men of their own race
– but they otherwise penalized both Asian and black men

Here’s how the exact person-to-person numbers shook out:

scores2009.png


hey! looks like my thoughts about latino men were justified! :lol:
 
im low key annoyed at how the article is doing its best to politely insist to people in denial that its data is not lying. i like christian rudder from way back in his days at the spark, and this is annoying to read :lol: i can tell he is trying to be patient and considerate of the backlash but it's obvious the data speaks for itself.

no matter from who (black women like ourselves that are experiencing these things) or where (online or real life) or how (anecdotal vs scientific) many different ways we present this argument, people are still in denial about the way we are getting shafted and therefore the very real threat to our ability to find partners.
 
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/s...ine-dating-are-rewarded-study-finds.html?_r=0

Women Who Make First Move in Online Dating Are Rewarded, Study Finds


By DANIEL VICTORMARCH 9, 2016

Photo
09xp-okcupid-master675.jpg

OkCupid’s study found that women who sent the first message on its app were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same. CreditMatthew Staver for The New York Times

  • Hey.

    So, how’s your week going? Have any fun plans for the weekend?

    You seem pretty cool. You free now?

    You wanna read an article about women and online dating apps?

    If you’ve never used the apps or websites like OkCupid, Tinder and Bumble, the opening lines above might sound horrible. If you have used the apps, and you are a woman, those lines most likely sound horribly familiar.

    The boring conversations — if you can call them that — tend to be started by men, owing to centuries of Western courtship convention that have remained mostly consistent in the digital age. But in data published Monday, OkCupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are rewarded with higher response rates and more desirable men.

    “There are women on the site that are reaching out, and they’re getting all of the benefits,” said Jimena Almendares, the chief product officer at OkCupid.
    OkCupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are rewarded with higher response rates and more desirable men.

    “There are women on the site that are reaching out, and they’re getting all of the benefits,” said Jimena Almendares, the chief product officer at OkCupid.

    Photo
    09cupid_xp-master315.jpg


    The company studied a random sample of 70,000 users who had logged in at least three times within the same month. It found that women who sent the first message were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men who did the same. And the men the women contacted were more “attractive,” as determined by how other users rate the men’s profiles for both looks and content.

    OkCupid, which said it has 1.5 men for every woman on the site, said both men and women are aspirational in whom they approach — men send messages to women 17 percentage points more “attractive” than themselves, while women send messages to men 10 percentage points higher. So a woman who simply sifts through her inbox is most likely fielding entreaties from men less attractive than she is, while she’s most likely to get a response if she contacts a more attractive man.

    About 12 percent of first messages men send turn into a date, while 30 percent of women’s first messages end up in a date, the site said. And yet, men send 3.5 times as many first messages on OkCupid as women do.

    “Women have very much been trained to sit back and let men come to them,” said Whitney Wolfe, the founder of Bumble, a separate dating app.

    Bumble requires women to flip the presumption that men are the dating aggressors. After a man and a woman indicate mutual interest in each other’s profiles, they’re both notified that there has been a match — but only women can send the first message. That makes women more confident and empowered, while the men are more flattered and relaxed, Ms. Wolfe said.

    “It makes for a healthier and more enjoyable all-around experience,” she said. “It puts the women in the driver’s seat, and typically women aren’t in the driver’s seat.”
 
MzLady78 said:
I haven't read the article yet, but apparently there's a study that says on OkCupid, women who send messages first have a higher rate of response. Thought that was interesting. I don't think I've come across not one guy I even found attractive on there.



There are A LOT of bitter, complaining a** dudes on these sites. I've read some profiles where I almost wanted to write the dude and be like "bruh".
Click to expand...

This could very well be true. Because yes, they do respond (I'd say at a 99.9% rate)...but the conversation does not ever go anywhere. Meaning: the conversation does not go beyond a few lines and there certainly is no exchange of numbers.

You gotta know how to read between the lines (or stats for that matter) :lol:

So yeah, won't be messaging first.
 
Naw. I want those "messaging first" stats broken down into races.

Like @keyawarren said those convos never go anywhere I bet lol.

But like @CaraWalker also said, that rating from OKC is annoying and slightly depressing. Like WE know we're beautiful and amazing so what's up?
 
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