***Online Dating Support Thread***

Sweetg
I'm older too, 42. I've been on them all and all of them are terrible, lol. I've done Okcupid, POF, Black People meet, Eharmony, and Match. I feel like I'm forgetting one. This was my second round of online dating. The first time was only eharmony. I met my SO on POF and we've been together 2 years. Now some people think POF is the most ratchet of all. I disagree. I had the same amount of men on Match (paid site) as POF (free site) straight up asking for FWB. Only difference was on Match it was Tyrone the lawyer and on POF it was Pookie that was living with his mama and didn't have a job. Also just like I was on more than one site so were the men. So it's mostly all the same men. I just preferred the set up on POF and it was more active.

To weed through the fools I had the following answered by our first or second conversation:
What do you do for a living?
Do you live alone?
Do you have kids? Do they live with you?
What kind of vehicle do you drive? (I was just trying to determine if they owned a vehicle at all and was also gathering info to give my mama and a friend if we went on a date)

Also we needed to meet within the first week if we were going to meet at all.
 
Sweetg said:
Thanks! I'm from a different era. I'm a little older (43) than you so in my time you just met people organically. I work in media so I'm out alot but not meeting quality men hence the online option now. Hopefully, I can get some more insight from you ladies!

Thank you @ScorpioRising my fellow Scorpio Queen! ;)

I did blackpeople meet in the past. 2 thumbs down
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Hey I work in the media too!! I just went back on Match...I had one bite...not worth my time. I always end up in like with someone at work....and it hasn't worked out so far or else I wouldn't be on Match!
 
ScorpioRising said:
I met my husband online and most of my relationships were by men I met online, I'd been using the internet as a dating tool since I was 17 (I started college at that age, I'm now in my late 20's) and I can tell you from experience to be very wary of men who take a long time to meet. If a man really wants to he will, they will not wait for days to meet up. The men who played those games were in relationships and treated online dating as a way to gain more options discreetly OR they were single but not really interested but kept the convo going "just in case" (basically adding on to their options also).
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I admire you! I am older..went to college in the 90's. We met people at the mall, the club or in class..People actually walked up to you and said Hello. So I am lost in this age...I need help!:yep:
 
I just came from shopping on POF and there's a few "decent" looking black guys on there. But for some reason I get all the white men that look like they're wanted by the FBI! Let's see how it goes this time.
 
welp

so last week i got a message from a woman asking "did this username blah blah blah ever message you?" and i ignored it bc im not getting involved in that, for whatever reason shes asking

but i did look up the username out of curiosity and id never seen the guy before so i definitely ignored it

visitor today from the same username with "herpes" on the end o_O viewed the profile and it says "i just made this account to warn women that this guy is infecting women with a lifetime gift without warning them first" o_O

first of all the guy was 40 and gross so i would not have replied to his message anyway if he had contacted me but still OOF... dramaaaaaaaaaaa :nono:
 
I have a date on Saturday. Met him on OkCupid 2 weeks ago. 6 feet, looks like Dwayne Wade (to me :lick:), divorced with 1 kid, attorney. We've been talking over the phone and video chatting. I really like him so far. We're going to the museum 1st and then lunch at his family's restaurant. I feel nervous about going to his family's restaurant but maybe that means that he is comfortable with me and likes me or maybe he's just cheap and don't wanna pay for no meal. :look: :lol:
 
ScorpioRising said:
I met my husband online and most of my relationships were by men I met online, I'd been using the internet as a dating tool since I was 17 (I started college at that age, I'm now in my late 20's) and I can tell you from experience to be very wary of men who take a long time to meet. If a man really wants to he will, they will not wait for days to meet up. The men who played those games were in relationships and treated online dating as a way to gain more options discreetly OR they were single but not really interested but kept the convo going "just in case" (basically adding on to their options also).
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I agree...
I want to speak to you on the phone soon and if that goes well meet up face to face casually.
 
I finally signed up for Tinder last Wednesday after hearing a lot about the app. I've heard that it's for hookups, but I figure you just have to be discriminating, as with anything. The thing I like about Tinder is that you both have to "like" each other's profile in order to be able to contact one another. So, I signed up on Wednesday, and had a date on Thursday. :lol: I went out with this guy who is a Professor. He is a red-head :look: and a vegan. He suggested lunch as our first meeting and paid. It was fun. We have our second date tomorrow. I am also chatting via the site with a couple of other guys who asked right away to take me out for drinks. I travel quite a bit for work, so a couple of them I will have to catch the next time I am in their city. There are some CAY-U-TIES on that site . . .believe it! :)
 
Him - Hello
Me - Hiya John
Him - Hows u
Me - Im very well thanks. On my way home and now off for 2 weeks
Him - Nice
Him - Thought I would have heard from u
Me - Oh you're welcome to call anytime
Him - What about u
Him - Don't u want to call
Me - ( fill in the blank)

Background - there isn't any. We've talked once on the phone 3 days ago. He didn't ask me out on a date.
 
Sweetg said:
Ladies!!!

Good evening. I am thinking of heading online, again, it's been a few years. Any suggestions on sites that you like?

Thanks!!!
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Sweetg Do it! It'll be fun until the right one(s) come along. In my opinion BPM even though it's a pay to communicate site housed more nutcases than POF. Not sure why that is. But I do know most guys have profiles for years on more than one site.

I seem to have the best luck on the black sites, coming from any race. I'm told often I have one of the best worded profiles they've read.

My suggestions would be don't just put up pics of yourself have some of like a really tasty looking home cooked meal, doesn't matter if you cooked it or not. They'll assume you did...and we all know that old adage about men and food.

No kissy faces...everyone does that and it looks really odd anyway.

A candid of you smiling at someone off camera...I think men interpret this is you're smiling at them.

A full body shot regardless of what your body looks like. Men get suspicious of what they can't see and assume the worst. Most men our men anyway love legs and butt. So I'm fond of putting on a pair of stilettos and propping my foot up on a chair and most men adore shoes, feet and toes too...weird.

Talk about what you want, not what you don't want. That right there is for the universe as well.

Oh and a pic of your favorite sports team. I am not a sports person at all, but have a symbol of the Dallas Cowboys because most men either love them or hate them. Either way they will immediately see a commonality with you. If they get too deep with the sports stuff just say I hope they win this year and move on to something else. Or ask them questions while you get up on the sport. If you say I would love to go see a live game one day, I can guarantee you they will put that on their bucket list.

If I think of some more I'll come back and add. Happy hunting!
 
Bublin said:
I met okcupid guy (first date) at his friends party, so not exactly a club.

He has a huuuge head and looks stunted even though he's the same height as me. I felt so awkward as we looked like an odd couple. His friends were really nice to me. He was asking me out for a 2nd date about 10mins after i met him. Why can't the guys i like do that.

He was a nice enough guy until he asked me what I tasted like.....wtf. When I asked him what he meant he said he wanted to kiss me, just a little bit...uggh...vomit.... Nasty big head man, get away from me.

I left after 2 long hours.

I'm now talking to a guy that has been on okcupid for just as long as me but he never messaged until recently. He's going to call me this evening.
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Bublin Wishing you luck kiddo! Too bad on the Quasimodo...the most fugliest men always still want the best we have to offer. He sounds horrid and who but a nutcase says just a little bit as if any won't be just as bad as a lot. Yikes...that had to be a long two hours.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Sweetg Do it! It'll be fun until the right one(s) come along. In my opinion BPM even though it's a pay to communicate site housed more nutcases than POF. Not sure why that is. But I do know most guys have profiles for years on more than one site. I seem to have the best luck on the black sites, coming from any race. I'm told often I have one of the best worded profiles they've read. My suggestions would be don't just put up pics of yourself have some of like a really tasty looking home cooked meal, doesn't matter if you cooked it or not. They'll assume you did...and we all know that old adage about men and food. No kissy faces...everyone does that and it looks really odd anyway. A candid of you smiling at someone off camera...I think men interpret this is you're smiling at them. A full body shot regardless of what your body looks like. Men get suspicious of what they can't see and assume the worst. Most men our men anyway love legs and butt. So I'm fond of putting on a pair of stilettos and propping my foot up on a chair and most men adore shoes, feet and toes too...weird. Talk about what you want, not what you don't want. That right there is for the universe as well. Oh and a pic of your favorite sports team. I am not a sports person at all, but have a symbol of the Dallas Cowboys because most men either love them or hate them. Either way they will immediately see a commonality with you. If they get too deep with the sports stuff just say I hope they win this year and move on to something else. Or ask them questions while you get up on the sport. If you say I would love to go see a live game one day, I can guarantee you they will put that on their bucket list. If I think of some more I'll come back and add. Happy hunting!
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Great points about the pics. I had two full body shots and one of me full out laughing. Men loved the picture of me laughing. Body shots are important bc they think you're trying to hide something. Men and women tend to put up old pics or ones of their sister, cousin, brother etc. Foolishness. It was important to me bc I'm overweight. Men needed to know that upfront. I talked about sports in my profile, I'm a huge Floria Gators fans. Turns out my SO is a big Georgia Bulldogs fan. Makes things interesting. Also it's funny you said that about the Dallas Cowboys. My SO is a Cowboys fan too.
 
Does anyone here use Tinder? It's so easy to use and you only get connected with people who have mutually "liked" you. That way you never get contacted by people you don't like. And if after chatting you find you don't like someone, you just unmatch and you never see them again.

I've never otherwise done any dating online at all. This has been a really good intro.
 
Shay72 said:
Great points about the pics. I had two full body shots and one of me full out laughing. Men loved the picture of me laughing. Body shots are important bc they think you're trying to hide something. Men and women tend to put up old pics or ones of their sister, cousin, brother etc. Foolishness. It was important to me bc I'm overweight. Men needed to know that upfront. I talked about sports in my profile, I'm a huge Floria Gators fans. Turns out my SO is a big Georgia Bulldogs fan. Makes things interesting. Also it's funny you said that about the Dallas Cowboys. My SO is a Cowboys fan too.
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Shay72 Thank you and yes I've seen this more times than I will admit on this or any site. I think showing that you are well rounded really sets you apart from the pack.
 
I signed up for Match... I'm nervous now, but I was feeling bold and confident when I hit that register button! :lol:
 
NappyNelle said:
I signed up for Match... I'm nervous now, but I was feeling bold and confident when I hit that register button! :lol:
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I've met a few nice guys from Match. I'll probably try it again late fall/early winter. I'm trying to hold out for the old members to rotate off and newbies join.
 
Im so worn out my this online dating that I just did a terrible thing.

I eventually spoke to this guy and 2 mins into the convo he told me he didn't drive. He asked me if I did and I said yes and he said he was saving up for a car.
I switched off...mentally and literally. I cut the convo and turned off my phone.
#aintgottime
Im 38 years old...where are the men???

eta yes, I know it was childish but after 3 years of being polite and hearing pure bullsh*t, I just can't anymore..
 
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Bublin said:
Im so worn out my this online dating that I just did a terrible thing. I eventually spoke to this guy and 2 mins into the convo he told me he didn't drive. He asked me if I did and I said yes and he said he was saving up for a car. I switched off...mentally and literally. I cut the convo and turned off my phone. #aintgottime Im 38 years old...where are the men??? eta yes, I know it was childish but after 3 years of being polite and hearing pure bullsh*t, I just can't anymore..
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Misty Copeland has a hashtag (under armour) #iwillwantwhatiwant, you won't believe how much it's made me stop apologizing! You know what you want, Do.Not.Settle!
 
Bublin said:
Im so worn out my this online dating that I just did a terrible thing.

I eventually spoke to this guy and 2 mins into the convo he told me he didn't drive. He asked me if I did and I said yes and he said he was saving up for a car.
I switched off...mentally and literally. I cut the convo and turned off my phone.
#aintgottime
Im 38 years old...where are the men???

eta yes, I know it was childish but after 3 years of being polite and hearing pure bullsh*t, I just can't anymore..
Click to expand...

Bublin If I had a dollar for every time...I'd be rich. I don't even try to be polite and feign the slightest bit of interest now. If you're wasting my time I want my time back...it's a simple as that.
 
I have a date with a Match man on Sunday, and one with another Mach man on Monday. So far, I'm getting lots of hits.

There are two people I'm really interested in. One is in an adjacent state (:sad:) but we've been emailing back and forth. He says he wants to meet. I just viewed the other guy's profile, and hopefully he will view mine and send something. *fingers crossed for these two*
 
NappyNelle One of my girls is headed for divorce...(been divorced for years just not legally) and she is determined Match is going to work for her. I don't know... when I was on it, it only seemed to match me with old white guys regardless of what I said I wanted. I think it puts income as a major marker for compatibility.

I don't need a man for his money...I mean I don't want a broke man either, but that's just not a major marker for me. A major for me is looks and being an introvert too! There are other things of course but if he's missing those too...nothing else will work.
 
Bublin said:
Im so worn out my this online dating that I just did a terrible thing.

I eventually spoke to this guy and 2 mins into the convo he told me he didn't drive. He asked me if I did and I said yes and he said he was saving up for a car.
I switched off...mentally and literally. I cut the convo and turned off my phone.
#aintgottime
Im 38 years old...where are the men???

eta yes, I know it was childish but after 3 years of being polite and hearing pure bullsh*t, I just can't anymore..
Click to expand...

This is so interesting to me because not having a car here is not a big deal at all. I din't think it's something you'd even ask someone in the first few conversations. How come in America it's such a big deal or defines being a 'man'. I'm not saying there's anything wrong at all, just curious as to why/how it's a priority?
 
Urban said:
This is so interesting to me because not having a car here is not a big deal at all. I din't think it's something you'd even ask someone in the first few conversations. How come in America it's such a big deal or defines being a 'man'. I'm not saying there's anything wrong at all, just curious as to why/how it's a priority?
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I've wondered about this too, but Bublin is not in America. She's in the UK. I wonder if she keeps encountering that problem NOT because these men are true deadbeats but because having a car is simply not a common thing where she is. Because that's too odd. This happens too frequently. 90% men I know don't own a car, but we also live with access to metropolitan cities. And if I were dating a car-less man (I have, a LOT) he would simply needs to have the financial comfort to pay for my taxis without issue. I don't know the UK though. There must be a reason why being carless is such a problem, I assume.
 
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