***Online Dating Support Thread***

aprils13 said:
Hey all. I just jumped back in to online dating. I was wondering how long do you you chat, online or on the phone, before going out on a date?
Click to expand...

i went out with some guys the next day after their first message :look: though i know some would advise against that. personally, i do not enjoy long back and forth emails nor talking/texting over the phone. lets meet asap in a public place to see if we get on or not. if not, oh well, no time wasted. i would say that approach worked quite well for me. most guys were super surprised that i was willing to meet so soon. to be young, bored and broke.:lol:

i would also like to mention i was super picky about the men i responded to so i had some good dates.

your* sexy
hey beautiful
hi/hello
how are you?
so i read your profile and you seem really cool. let's chat!
do you date white guys?
i've never been with black girl/i love black girls
or anything to indicate they hadn't read my extremely hilarious profile

all of the above was ignored and i didn't feel the least bit bad about it.

there were times i would respond to one person a month, if that.
 
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ok gals. i finally got my life together. and now im lining up the dates.

1. i have been talking to this guy off and on for probably over a year now. but what it really amounts to is a handful of conversations. if it were real life it would be the equivalent of running into the same guy at starbucks every three or four months. he finally asked to meet.
2. guy i may meet with saturday schedule permitting (which it may not at this time). he dropped some red flags like "youre going to meet somebody else before saturday" :look: and things of that nature and im mainly only going to just to get back out there.
3. an older guy who is a director at a hospital who has literally messaged me once a year for the last few years :rofl: i saw him skulking around so i finally replied. tbh i meant to reply before, sort of, but i always had better stuff going on.
4. a guy my age who has been sending good messages. idk if the chemistry will be there in person but im willing to find out.
5. a guy that im not sure if hes lying about his age. hes listed as 29 but in one of his pictures he looked older than that. plus 29 is the obvious "im over 30 and insecure about it" lie point. but he also sent good messages, so depending on where hes planning to take me out i may go.
6. a guy i messaged with briefly a few months ago then stopped, then he came back, so whatever. i'll go.

obviously im only expecting to want to see the first guy again. but i have to get back up on that horse :yep: there are a few more warming up on the bench but these are the ones that have definitively put the invitation out there.
 
I'm starting to line up some dates, but there is one guy I'm not to sure about. I've been chatting with him for almost two weeks and he hasn't asked me out yet. I prefer to meet within the first week but I'm not sure how to say that without sounding desperate. Any tips??
 
aprils13 said:
Hey all. I just jumped back in to online dating. I was wondering how long do you you chat, online or on the phone, before going out on a date?
Click to expand...

For me, if I see someone I'm interested in and we msg a few times, I'm ready to speak to the person asap. Like right away. If they make it past a phone call ideally I'd want to meet up quickly. For me, this is what I'd prefer this way I can see right away if I'm interested in the person. Online dating takes away from that automatic attraction/vibe that you would get from seeing someone right away in person. A picture doesn't always capture that.

I also prefer to speak to the person asap just to get a feel for them.

I recently was talking to someone online and we kept messaging for what seemed like a few weeks straight. I was getting impatient and antsy bc I want to know right away what you sound like, etc etc. the person I was messaging was incredibly polite in all his messaging. Finally I said let's talk and he was happy to do so. We spoke on the phone and that went well. Then we met up . I assumed bc he's not a New Yorker and the way he speaks he prob didn't want to be too forward or aggressive so I let it kinda drag out. Needless to say, the first and last date was pretty chill but I knew off bat as soon as I saw him that I had no interest in him really. I would have preferred to not have drawn this process out and talk to him on the phone right away and then meet up quickly asap.

Sooo if I continue with the online thing- I'm ready to speak to a dude quickly and if that goes well I want to see you in person. I don't want to deal with the mystery - I wanna see u right away. Mannerisms, vibe, chemistry and all that cannot be filled conveyed fr pics. I inadvertently saw 2 ppl online in real life and one of them - his pics and profile did not do him justice at all lol. In person he caught my eye immediately lol.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
DarkJoy said:
I agree on meeting with the first week. No mote than 2. Much longer and fantasy can overpower reality. Hence the letdown ^^^ is talking about when you meet face to face.
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Perfectly said !!!
Yeppp if too much time passes you'll start to project what you think this person is like irl and what they look like. It makes the let down more of a let down.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
I attempted to progress from messaging on the site, to texts, to a phone call that first day or the next. I have a thing about a man's voice.
 
Hello everyone! I've been lurking in this thread for a while as I hadn't started online dating until recently. I need opinions/advice. I met this guy on a site that matches you with potential friends, concert buddies etc by music choice. At first he said he couldn't meet me in June because he was transitioning to a new job. We agreed to meet to see Shakespeare in the Park and it rained something awful the day of and before. So I promptly cancelled. That particular play has ended so he suggested we go to a favorite restaurant of his the next week. Today he messages me and (darn) theres a concert he forgot about, really wants to go to on the same day. Now he's asking if we can go the Friday. I feel like I've lost my desire to even see him. I told him I'd let him know later Thursday for Friday. Has this ever happened to anyone? An otherwise polite and interesting guy wants to take you out only to have all these "coincidences" collide with plans. Its as if I've had too much time to think and convinced myself its not worth it...
 
What. the. entire. :censored:


im white american and i am very serious about only dateing westindian wmn but u are very beautaful
Sent from the OkCupid app 3:02am
Block him Report

my dad works us immigrasion in trinidad westindies i left white suburbia at age seven and lived thier till 27 and we went back and forth haiti and kingston jamaica
Sent from the OkCupid app 3:02am
Block him Report


Your a** needs to be serious about learning how to spell and basic grammar, SMDH.
 
Last edited:
MzLady78 said:
What. the. entire. :censored:

im white american and i am very serious about only dateing westindian wmn but u are very beautaful
Sent from the OkCupid app 3:02am
Block him Report

my dad works us immigrasion in trinidad westindies i left white suburbia at age seven and lived thier till 27 and we went back and forth haiti and kingston jamaica
Sent from the OkCupid app 3:02am
Block him Report

Your a** needs to be serious about learning how to spell and basic grammar, SMDH.
Click to expand...

Lol....lol....lol
 
amii

the concert he wants to go to is not more important than you- if you really want to meet someone some concert is not going to stop you, at most he could've invited you to the concert or met up with you after or b4 the concert

either your serious about dating or your not...been trying to meet up since June, its now July

no...YOU set the tone for how you are to be treated....i would reply Im available to meet you on the day we agreed upon, we've been communicating since June and this constant rescheduling is a bit much

also not for nothing if he wanted to see you in June he could've a quick meet up for drinks would be fine and not break the bank--men are interesting.




amii said:
Hello everyone! I've been lurking in this thread for a while as I hadn't started online dating until recently. I need opinions/advice. I met this guy on a site that matches you with potential friends, concert buddies etc by music choice. At first he said he couldn't meet me in June because he was transitioning to a new job. We agreed to meet to see Shakespeare in the Park and it rained something awful the day of and before. So I promptly cancelled. That particular play has ended so he suggested we go to a favorite restaurant of his the next week. Today he messages me and (darn) theres a concert he forgot about, really wants to go to on the same day. Now he's asking if we can go the Friday. I feel like I've lost my desire to even see him. I told him I'd let him know later Thursday for Friday. Has this ever happened to anyone? An otherwise polite and interesting guy wants to take you out only to have all these "coincidences" collide with plans. Its as if I've had too much time to think and convinced myself its not worth it...
Click to expand...
 
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amii said:
Hello everyone! I've been lurking in this thread for a while as I hadn't started online dating until recently. I need opinions/advice. I met this guy on a site that matches you with potential friends, concert buddies etc by music choice. At first he said he couldn't meet me in June because he was transitioning to a new job. We agreed to meet to see Shakespeare in the Park and it rained something awful the day of and before. So I promptly cancelled. That particular play has ended so he suggested we go to a favorite restaurant of his the next week. Today he messages me and (darn) theres a concert he forgot about, really wants to go to on the same day. Now he's asking if we can go the Friday. I feel like I've lost my desire to even see him. I told him I'd let him know later Thursday for Friday. Has this ever happened to anyone? An otherwise polite and interesting guy wants to take you out only to have all these "coincidences" collide with plans. Its as if I've had too much time to think and convinced myself its not worth it...
Click to expand...



This has happened to me with 2 different guys. I ended up telling them politely that day doesn't work and just fell silent. I didn't offer any other suggestion or make a speech. One ended up picking up the slack and rearranging his schedule and the other fell off.
 
as soon as i start replying to messages again my red response rate turns yellow within a week.

YOU A LIAR AND A PLAYER HATER, OKCUPID. i only responded to probably four or five people.
 
sharifeh said:
i just made a profile on okc
whoa it's so much better than match...where have I been?
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Totally agree! OKCupid >>> Match.com. I honestly think Match is rigged.

I had a great 1st date from OKC this afternoon. Brunch, followed by the world cup final. He even met some of my friends and did very well with them. I think I shall be seeing him again.
 
I would run a background check on him as well. Don't let him (or anyone) rush you into anything until you're ready and feel comfortable.
 
This is just frustrating. So far, hood, short, obese, unattractive men contact me on OKC. One really super good looking guy messaged me but never responded to my response. A few other guys have just not ever responded.


I don't know what I'm doing to attract this men I DON'T want to talk to but I need to figure it out and make it stop.
 
OhmyKimB said:
This is just frustrating. So far, hood, short, obese, unattractive men contact me on OKC. One really super good looking guy messaged me but never responded to my response. A few other guys have just not ever responded.


I don't know what I'm doing to attract this men I DON'T want to talk to but I need to figure it out and make it stop.
Click to expand...

Everyone gets those. Ignore them. And take a look at your profile and your profile pics to see if you need to make any changes. Are you on more than one site? What worked for me is I was on a few sites at a time. Also it took me a year of weeding through the fools to find my SO. I know some women don't like to contact men themselves but I did. Matter of fact I contacted my SO. I used online dating to do things I would never do IRL. I never would have approached any man in IRL but I did online.
 
OhmyKimB said:
This is just frustrating. So far, hood, short, obese, unattractive men contact me on OKC. One really super good looking guy messaged me but never responded to my response. A few other guys have just not ever responded.


I don't know what I'm doing to attract this men I DON'T want to talk to but I need to figure it out and make it stop.
Click to expand...

+1

I hate that I get flooded with undesirables and the [very few] attractive ones who contact me never respond to my response. :fistshake: Like, WTF?!
 
OhmyKimB said:
This is just frustrating. So far, hood, short, obese, unattractive men contact me on OKC. One really super good looking guy messaged me but never responded to my response. A few other guys have just not ever responded.


I don't know what I'm doing to attract this men I DON'T want to talk to but I need to figure it out and make it stop.
Click to expand...


Same thing happens to me, but Shay gave me prep talk to continue trying.
 
OhmyKimB said:
This is just frustrating. So far, hood, short, obese, unattractive men contact me on OKC. One really super good looking guy messaged me but never responded to my response. A few other guys have just not ever responded.


I don't know what I'm doing to attract this men I DON'T want to talk to but I need to figure it out and make it stop.
Click to expand...

Have a male friend review your profile. I did and it definitely helped. You're always going to get the undesirables. Just ignore them and focus on the few good ones you do attract. The most important thing about the profile is your pictures (a lot of men just skim the written part). Fewer pictures are better. You need a clear head shot, a full body shot, and then preferably one "lifestyle" shot. Don't put up 7+ pictures because it just gives you more to be judged on and men will always base their opinions of your attractiveness off of the worst one. 3 fabulous pictures are better than 8 pics of varying quality.
From there make sure that there are no red flags in the text portion of your profile. You want to come off as sweet, easy, breezy, and fun. Humor is difficult so if you don't have a way with words straight forward is always better. Also don't write a freaking novel. Men don't want to read all of that.
 
People think they are slick by not smiling in photos. 99% of the time their grill is JACKED up. I am pretty flexible on most physical requirements. Height, race and weight is whatever ,but FAWKED UP TEETH and SKIN ??? I CANNOT DEAL!
 
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