***Online Dating Support Thread***
- Thread starter JollyGal
- Start date
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
sorry. itll get better after awhile.
janiebaby
Well-Known Member
Or what you think people want to hear
I've only been online less than 2 weeks and I'm ready to give up. My inbox is full and I'm completely overwhelmed. I gave one guy my # and he was texting me throughout the day (I'm busy at work) and he asked what I was doing that night and I said I had plans. He said what about afterwards. He just seemed a little to eager so I stopped replying. This was on Wednesday. I feel bad that I got a weird vibe and I know the point is to go out and date. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this life. I need someone a little more patient with me, because online freaks me out and I'm a little too cautious.
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MrsTimberlake Aww, don't give up. If you get a weird vibe then you're probably right. You should probably figure out how long you want to talk before you meet someone though so that you can at least give the other person a timeframe maybe? I'm sure someone else can chime in about that. It sounds like your only issue is hesitancy on your part but I think with time you can overcome it.
Lenee925
Well-Known Member
Glad someone is having luck!
Haha yeah. I'm glad it works for someone. Ever since I completely swore it off, I have been getting approached more anyway, go figure!
MrsTimberlake
Well-Known Member
Thanks janiebaby Yes, I'm a little hesitant and I'm definitely hesitant meeting someone at 8:30pm on a random Wednesday. I would feel more comfortable meeting for the first time during the day. So I need to convey that to them. It's all so overwhelming and new.
OhTall1
Well-Known Member
My profile has been up for about a month. I've been making little tweaks to get it bumped up in the activity feed, but now I'm working on revising it. I think I'm going to incorporate the "message me" list that I already told bunnycolvin I was going to steal, plus some tips from this article (sorry if this has been posted before).
Source
I Got My OKCupid Profile Rewritten By A Ghostwriter
Or how to make yourself sound absolutely awesome online.
Jessica Chou
Aug 11, 2013 at 1:30pm
Let’s get to it: You, dear xoJane reader, are most likely an awesome human being. But sometimes, that greatness doesn’t translate online -- and editing your OKCupid profile seems like a supreme waste of time.
Enter OKCupid ghostwriters, like the Craigslist ghostwriter Mashable uncovered, or Lisa, the gal behind Not-Just-OKCupid. Lisa, who performs makeovers on, yes, people’s OKC profiles, will take a look at clients’ online dating accounts and Facebook photos, rewriting half-a**** profiles for a measly $20. “I’ll help your profile sound more like who you really are and get you the response your (loins) brains have been longing for,” her website swears.
Because my own OKC profile was getting me messages from dudes calling me “lovely girl” (ew) and asking if I’ve ever slept with a white guy before (ugh), I decided to let Lisa take a gander at mine. She promised an increase in the quantity of visitors as well as in the quality of the messages.
Here's what she had me do.
Increase the Number of Pics
Lisa found that everyone tends to choose photos where we’re glammed up (or suited up) and posing prettily. Your better options, however, might just be the ones where you’re goofing off with friends with your eyes crossed.
“People get sentimental about photos, but they don’t realize that photos either need to really look like you or work as conversation starters,” Lisa says, swapping a photo of me at a friend’s wedding for one where I was smiling giddily for the camera in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. “You look really happy there,” she says.
Other rules? Give people something to talk about; find photos of you doing something active like horseback riding, hiking, or dancing. “Use one where you’re doing something, to show you’re into things, that you do things other than stand and have people take a photo of you,” Lisa says. Since I didn’t really have any active photos, Lisa opted for an artsy one instead.
Complete Your Deets
I initially left all this blank, thinking the photos would tell everyone what they need to know. Unfortunately, some people filter by body type (rude, yes, but a reality), and some potential suitors could care a lot about height. Things you must fill out, according to Lisa: height, body type, diet, smokes, drinks, and job (if you do something cool).
The Casual Sex Button (AKA the Magic Button)
Before: New friends, Short-term dating, long-term dating
After: All that, plus Activity Partners
Don’t click “casual sex” for something you're seeking if you’re not up for it, but saying you’re up for it will definitely get you more hits (and more messages). It’s obvious, but it works, and if you’re really just hoping to get laid, it could work wonders. One of Lisa’s clients received 10 messages a day when it was clicked; afterwards, it went down to two.
On the downside, casual sex-only seekers aren’t usually relationship material, Lisa says, and since I’m not really into casual sex, she lets it slide on my profile. She did, however, convince me to choose “activity partners,” because “activity partners can always grow.” (She seemed to read it as sexytime activities, whereas I read it as hiking/biking/museum-crawling activities).
Everything Else: Be Specific
“I think it’s worse to be super-generic than it is to leave something blank,” Lisa says (although, she did get on my case about leaving five sections empty). While it’s a pain to actually think about what you want to represent you in each section (what do I spend most of my Fridays doing? Does "Sleeping" sound lame?), look for something specific that could spark a conversation. “You want something for them to latch onto,” Lisa says. “Another way to think about OKCupid is to think about the most enviable parts of your life, like you’re at your 10-year reunion. Play up the stuff that you know might not be glamorous but for the rest of the world is really interesting.”
Start by asking yourself consistent follow-ups. “Going out with friends” for the Friday night question is too generic -- what type of bar? What type of music? Do you dance or just people watch? If you get too vague, you might just blend in with all the other profiles. “You are not your OKCupid profile,” Lisa says, “but you want your OKCupid to be a microcosm of you.”
Step 5: Package it Up
A good majority of my profile changes involved formatting. Bold this, section this off, clean it up to make it more readable. Watch punctuation, because it only makes an impression when it’s bad, but avoid semicolons or you'll seem too much like a grammar freak (!). Just remember that people are lazy when browsing the Internet, plus they’re browsing through hundreds of profiles at a time, so you generally don't want to stand out in a negative way.
So, did it work?
I stopped getting single-syllable messages (i.e. “Hey”), and instead, guys ended up commenting on my job (and feminism, which isn’t such a boner killer after all), asking questions that I actually wanted to respond to. A few guys commented specifically on parts that Lisa added in (funny side comments, jokes, etc), which says more about her as a writer than me as a person. “Part of what happens is that people forget their personalities and they write like they’re filling out a housing application,” Lisa says. “What are your major characteristics? It’s like, ‘I don’t know.’”
The trick, it seemed, was to create opportunities for someone to start a conversation, while pinpointing things that felt specifically “me.” So it helped to have someone else look over my profile and point out what’s generic. Also, having someone else figure out how to market you is sort of like having your own public relations expert, which is pretty much a cheap confidence boost.
Source
I Got My OKCupid Profile Rewritten By A Ghostwriter
Or how to make yourself sound absolutely awesome online.
Jessica Chou
Aug 11, 2013 at 1:30pm
Let’s get to it: You, dear xoJane reader, are most likely an awesome human being. But sometimes, that greatness doesn’t translate online -- and editing your OKCupid profile seems like a supreme waste of time.
Enter OKCupid ghostwriters, like the Craigslist ghostwriter Mashable uncovered, or Lisa, the gal behind Not-Just-OKCupid. Lisa, who performs makeovers on, yes, people’s OKC profiles, will take a look at clients’ online dating accounts and Facebook photos, rewriting half-a**** profiles for a measly $20. “I’ll help your profile sound more like who you really are and get you the response your (loins) brains have been longing for,” her website swears.
Because my own OKC profile was getting me messages from dudes calling me “lovely girl” (ew) and asking if I’ve ever slept with a white guy before (ugh), I decided to let Lisa take a gander at mine. She promised an increase in the quantity of visitors as well as in the quality of the messages.
Here's what she had me do.
Increase the Number of Pics
Lisa found that everyone tends to choose photos where we’re glammed up (or suited up) and posing prettily. Your better options, however, might just be the ones where you’re goofing off with friends with your eyes crossed.
“People get sentimental about photos, but they don’t realize that photos either need to really look like you or work as conversation starters,” Lisa says, swapping a photo of me at a friend’s wedding for one where I was smiling giddily for the camera in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. “You look really happy there,” she says.
Other rules? Give people something to talk about; find photos of you doing something active like horseback riding, hiking, or dancing. “Use one where you’re doing something, to show you’re into things, that you do things other than stand and have people take a photo of you,” Lisa says. Since I didn’t really have any active photos, Lisa opted for an artsy one instead.
Complete Your Deets
I initially left all this blank, thinking the photos would tell everyone what they need to know. Unfortunately, some people filter by body type (rude, yes, but a reality), and some potential suitors could care a lot about height. Things you must fill out, according to Lisa: height, body type, diet, smokes, drinks, and job (if you do something cool).
The Casual Sex Button (AKA the Magic Button)
Before: New friends, Short-term dating, long-term dating
After: All that, plus Activity Partners
Don’t click “casual sex” for something you're seeking if you’re not up for it, but saying you’re up for it will definitely get you more hits (and more messages). It’s obvious, but it works, and if you’re really just hoping to get laid, it could work wonders. One of Lisa’s clients received 10 messages a day when it was clicked; afterwards, it went down to two.
On the downside, casual sex-only seekers aren’t usually relationship material, Lisa says, and since I’m not really into casual sex, she lets it slide on my profile. She did, however, convince me to choose “activity partners,” because “activity partners can always grow.” (She seemed to read it as sexytime activities, whereas I read it as hiking/biking/museum-crawling activities).
Everything Else: Be Specific
“I think it’s worse to be super-generic than it is to leave something blank,” Lisa says (although, she did get on my case about leaving five sections empty). While it’s a pain to actually think about what you want to represent you in each section (what do I spend most of my Fridays doing? Does "Sleeping" sound lame?), look for something specific that could spark a conversation. “You want something for them to latch onto,” Lisa says. “Another way to think about OKCupid is to think about the most enviable parts of your life, like you’re at your 10-year reunion. Play up the stuff that you know might not be glamorous but for the rest of the world is really interesting.”
Start by asking yourself consistent follow-ups. “Going out with friends” for the Friday night question is too generic -- what type of bar? What type of music? Do you dance or just people watch? If you get too vague, you might just blend in with all the other profiles. “You are not your OKCupid profile,” Lisa says, “but you want your OKCupid to be a microcosm of you.”
Step 5: Package it Up
A good majority of my profile changes involved formatting. Bold this, section this off, clean it up to make it more readable. Watch punctuation, because it only makes an impression when it’s bad, but avoid semicolons or you'll seem too much like a grammar freak (!). Just remember that people are lazy when browsing the Internet, plus they’re browsing through hundreds of profiles at a time, so you generally don't want to stand out in a negative way.
So, did it work?
I stopped getting single-syllable messages (i.e. “Hey”), and instead, guys ended up commenting on my job (and feminism, which isn’t such a boner killer after all), asking questions that I actually wanted to respond to. A few guys commented specifically on parts that Lisa added in (funny side comments, jokes, etc), which says more about her as a writer than me as a person. “Part of what happens is that people forget their personalities and they write like they’re filling out a housing application,” Lisa says. “What are your major characteristics? It’s like, ‘I don’t know.’”
The trick, it seemed, was to create opportunities for someone to start a conversation, while pinpointing things that felt specifically “me.” So it helped to have someone else look over my profile and point out what’s generic. Also, having someone else figure out how to market you is sort of like having your own public relations expert, which is pretty much a cheap confidence boost.
lol, cuz apparently, yous is
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I appreciate the compliment, but come on, son. Poor grammar is SUCH a turn-off for me.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I appreciate the compliment, but come on, son. Poor grammar is SUCH a turn-off for me.
That makes me think of that can I have your # skit
BayAreaDream
Well-Known Member
I joined tinder 2 weeks ago. Met a guy a week ago then finally met in person Friday then again on Saturday. Last night I'm going through pics on tinder and I see him. Different picture and Different name. FYI on tinder it connects through FB so you use your real first name. I took a screen shot an an text him.. I said I thought your name was Josh (New profile says Eli). He said yes. That he didn't feel the need to tell me he had another profile on the same site. He didn't like it hooked to his FB so he made a fake FB an used his middle name.
Is this alarming to any of you ladies??? Or am I over reacting?
Is this alarming to any of you ladies??? Or am I over reacting?
crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
That might send up red flags to me. Can you find his real FB page?
BayAreaDream
Well-Known Member
Welp too late.. We stopped talking. He said he was thrown off that I even asked him about the second account. Smh.. Oh well! Moving on..
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
Thrown off? Sounds more like salty he got caught up. Boo to him.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
^you pay for match.
start free
start free
Simply_elle
Well-Known Member
Match.Com has $15 deals on Groupon... Why not?
I think I've sworn off online dating and dating period. I've met some great guys for the most part but it always ends the same. We date, they maintain their profile, meet someone else and then do the fade. I've recently met someone, Who I've clicked with and we had great times together and then poof he faded, while denying that's what he was doing. No time to text or call because he's busy but he's online and on fbook, go figure. But when he does call , lately it's once a week he talks about how much he misses me. T.I.R.E.D
I'm tired of the whole meeting someone new and getting to know them, figure out shared interests and compatibility. It gets tiring.
I'm tired of the whole meeting someone new and getting to know them, figure out shared interests and compatibility. It gets tiring.
cinnamin316
Active Member
I met this guy 5 weeks ago and everything great with him. We have so much in common and want the same things out of life. We talk on the phone for hours at a time and its never a dull moment. He told me I have all the qualities in a woman that he looks for and if things keep progressing he can see me becoming his wife. The only problem is that he lives out of state, like really far. He comes to my state every couple of months and told me he would be here within a month or two. He's already planned our first date and everything. He planned on moving to my state next year and has already talked about how it would be so nice to be that close to me. He even told his mom about me. But because this is a long distance relationship I still have my guard up. I'm still taking this one day at a time to see where this leads.
Keshieshimmer
Active Member
Yeah y'all need to meet first.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
just curious, how and why does one get into long distance online relationships? i straight up ignore anybody who is not within driving distance. i see absolutely NO point to any of it.
cinnamin316
Active Member
I met him on a gaming site not an official online dating site. We had no intentions on dating or anything of that sort. But the more we played the game together the more we liked each other.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
got a male friend who is hesitant to meet a girl because the pics look suspect. at first i thought he was joking but now im like yeah... not sure i dont think i would chance it. is there a nice way to ask someone "so were you born a man?"
i dont think i would chance it. is there a nice way to ask someone "so were you born a man?"
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
got a male friend who is hesitant to meet a girl because the pics look suspect. at first i thought he was joking but now im like yeah... not sure
Awe man! Is she that ambiguous? You'd think people would disclose that kind of info but you never know I guess!
Sent from my iPad mini mini.
