***Online Dating Support Thread***

sweetvi said:
@bunnycolvin

you know whats funny ,I had a long listof do not message me until some stranger and my friend checked me. They both said I come across as an angry black woman and guys would be turned off and I won;t get serious messages.....
Click to expand...

i wont get into a discussion about "abw," but i will say in general it's just negative. like how do you feel when you come across the profile of someone you would like and they have a "do not message me if" list and it includes something that excludes you?

this is what my profile used to say under message me if; i cannot understate that my profile was very popular and got me a lot of good dates. i was regularly told by guys who messaged me that my profile was perfect and not to change a word of it, how they usually dont read long profiles but read every word of mine etc etc... (i finally decided to change it because i kept it that way a long time and i figure ive gotten all the use i could out of it and its time to try a different approach.) first im going to show what it would look like if i did the "do not message me if" route:

do not message me if:
  • you dont read
  • you have no interests or hobbies of your own
  • you think its cute to write me poetry
  • you have no ambition
  • you think moscato is a classy drink
  • we have a high enemy percentage
  • you have no culture
  • you are not chivalrous
  • you're pretentious
  • you treat women like ****


etc etc


instead i took the same information and turned it around so it was more palatable, and my profile said:


you should message me if..



  • you consider yourself well read
  • you wanna watch/go to basketball games
  • you like girls who are very straightforward
  • you think poetry is lame
  • you have enough sense that your default profile pic on a dating site doesnt include another woman -____-
  • you can tutor me in a second language
  • you're a peeta, not a gale, a jake not a matty, an aiden, not a big
  • you even know who or what any of those things are
  • you are ambitious and goal oriented
  • you prefer reds over whites
  • you hate jonathan franzen
  • you hang a pair of jeans well
  • we are 0% enemies
  • you do cheesy **** like spending the day together at the museum
  • you won't mind following behind me carrying my bags as i shop
  • you always open doors for ladies
  • you are not a redditor... um... noredditorsokbye
  • you are passionate about literature, music, law, government, education, and/or human rights
  • you don't think valentine's day is just a "made up holiday" you get to skip
  • you have ever written a short story (or more!)
  • youre not too cool for movie night
  • you were never described by anyone as "pretentious"
  • you know that there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity
  • you wanna take me out for a drink
  • and you're not crazy
....but probably not in that order.


same information presented differently; flirty and fun and joking, not exhausted and irritated and tired. and i did still slip in some hints that im not here for your bull****; it's just not as biting and aggressive (which ymmv on). i really believe that in online dating perception is half the battle; which is probably to say i went out with lots of great guys but then fumbled the ball when it came to holding up my end of the bargain irl :lol:
 
bunnycolvin said:
you should message me if..

  • you consider yourself well read
  • you wanna watch/go to basketball games
  • you like girls who are very straightforward
  • you think poetry is lame
  • you have enough sense that your default profile pic on a dating site doesnt include another woman -____-
  • you can tutor me in a second language
  • you're a peeta, not a gale, a jake not a matty, an aiden, not a big
  • you even know who or what any of those things are
  • you are ambitious and goal oriented
  • you prefer reds over whites
  • you hate jonathan franzen
  • you hang a pair of jeans well
  • we are 0% enemies
  • you do cheesy **** like spending the day together at the museum
  • you won't mind following behind me carrying my bags as i shop
  • you always open doors for ladies
  • you are not a redditor... um... noredditorsokbye
  • you are passionate about literature, music, law, government, education, and/or human rights
  • you don't think valentine's day is just a "made up holiday" you get to skip
  • you have ever written a short story (or more!)
  • youre not too cool for movie night
  • you were never described by anyone as "pretentious"
  • you know that there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity
  • you wanna take me out for a drink
  • and you're not crazy
....but probably not in that order.
Click to expand...
Stealing this...:look: :lol:
 
Well that's how I wrote mine. I didn't come out and say "stay away if are looking for a hook up" My words were message me if you are interested in connecting and finding something meaningful. Dang it! And I changed it and took that part out altogether thinking I was running people off. Oh well, I actually like the revisions and don't even think I'm serious about meeting someone so I'll leave it.
 
Several messages in I ask this guy what made him message me and he said "I think you're attractive." Should I think ok he's being honest or should I run?
 
janiebaby said:
Several messages in I ask this guy what made him message me and he said "I think you're attractive." Should I think ok he's being honest or should I run?
Click to expand...

Just say thanks and unless he says something inappropriate and/or you are just not feeling him don't over analyze it.
 
NijaG said:
Just say thanks and unless he says something inappropriate and/or you are just not feeling him don't over analyze it.
Click to expand...

Ok-I said thanks. He said your welcome. Don't think online dating complements
my personality.
 
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so I offically have a stalker online smh

in less than thirty minutes i have recieved several messages all at least 1.5 paragraphs long. Here is one of his messages of several... remember this is just one. So you can imagine what the rest are like:

You have some nerve not rsponding to my msg. But you have time to respond to otherz...really??? Wjo ever your talking to in lieu of me, ask uourself, is this guy better looking than me..idk, smarter, hell no, i graduated top of my class. I have been flying planes since i was 14 yrs, i can navigate a boat and drive a commercial truck, cook and fix anything aroind the house. Im an experienced music producer, and artist. Im licensed in real estate and constriction for over 10 yrs. I own my own house in miami shores and have a classic porsche, i dont drive. Im not stuck up, i help may ppl. I send my neice money every month while she's in college and i still work hard to take care of mine. You treat me like you think less of me than whoever it is uou find thr time to reply to at 3am and not me. Im insulted that uou can see the quality and integrity of the man sending you these msg...its to the point where i don't even care to know you anymore. I dont care that your doctor, and I'm sure I've made more money than you in my past life which is not the point. The point is that uou think your special because you've achieved that title, well im special too and if i wanted to be a doctor, i would have been, so no need for you to act lkke your too good because your not.. I have more than 10 ppl in my family that are doctors, in fact my indian cousin bri just recently became a pediatric doctor last year, so whatever. Im so tired of women with potential for me, that turn out to self centered on themselves and have the wrong view of me because of this stupid back and four on some silly dating website.

Im better than this, and more than likely better than most of the men here. If you can't see that, then i just wasted my time talking to you. You and these one line responsess, I'd rather have not sent you msg of i knew you were hoing fo be stuck up and come around and show more interest... My family are afluent, i was rasied with class and this msg is not like me, but i thought better of you, and you just dissed me. Im far to jntelligent anx well rounded to be dismissed the way you did me. For the record, im a documented genius I.Q.. In fact i can still recite biological definitions still high school...wave like contraction and relaxation of the circular and longitudinal muscles to push food forward along the alimentary canal... How many guys you know not in the medical field can do that??? Hell i can even recite the periodical table.. So if you dont contact me after this, im sure its because your hard head, or not happy with my reply. Either way it will be your detriment to not contact me because i have NO competition here...absolutely none. You make your pick. Im gone.



P.S. He said he is gone but kept sending more messages lol
 
sweetvi said:
so I offically have a stalker online smh in less than thirty minutes i have recieved several messages all at least 1.5 paragraphs long. Here is one of his messages of several... remember this is just one. So you can imagine what the rest are like: You have some nerve not rsponding to my msg. But you have time to respond to otherz...really??? Wjo ever your talking to in lieu of me, ask uourself, is this guy better looking than me..idk, smarter, hell no, i graduated top of my class. I have been flying planes since i was 14 yrs, i can navigate a boat and drive a commercial truck, cook and fix anything aroind the house. Im an experienced music producer, and artist. Im licensed in real estate and constriction for over 10 yrs. I own my own house in miami shores and have a classic porsche, i dont drive. Im not stuck up, i help may ppl. I send my neice money every month while she's in college and i still work hard to take care of mine. You treat me like you think less of me than whoever it is uou find thr time to reply to at 3am and not me. Im insulted that uou can see the quality and integrity of the man sending you these msg...its to the point where i don't even care to know you anymore. I dont care that your doctor, and I'm sure I've made more money than you in my past life which is not the point. The point is that uou think your special because you've achieved that title, well im special too and if i wanted to be a doctor, i would have been, so no need for you to act lkke your too good because your not.. I have more than 10 ppl in my family that are doctors, in fact my indian cousin bri just recently became a pediatric doctor last year, so whatever. Im so tired of women with potential for me, that turn out to self centered on themselves and have the wrong view of me because of this stupid back and four on some silly dating website. Im better than this, and more than likely better than most of the men here. If you can't see that, then i just wasted my time talking to you. You and these one line responsess, I'd rather have not sent you msg of i knew you were hoing fo be stuck up and come around and show more interest... My family are afluent, i was rasied with class and this msg is not like me, but i thought better of you, and you just dissed me. Im far to jntelligent anx well rounded to be dismissed the way you did me. For the record, im a documented genius I.Q.. In fact i can still recite biological definitions still high school...wave like contraction and relaxation of the circular and longitudinal muscles to push food forward along the alimentary canal... How many guys you know not in the medical field can do that??? Hell i can even recite the periodical table.. So if you dont contact me after this, im sure its because your hard head, or not happy with my reply. Either way it will be your detriment to not contact me because i have NO competition here...absolutely none. You make your pick. Im gone. P.S. He said he is gone but kept sending more messages lol
Click to expand...
i swear to god i feel like i read this same message on tumblr, like the same guy doing the same whining.

edit: that dude sounds delusional. and drunk :lol:
 
Last edited:
sweetvi said:
so I offically have a stalker online smh

in less than thirty minutes i have recieved several messages all at least 1.5 paragraphs long. Here is one of his messages of several... remember this is just one. So you can imagine what the rest are like:

You have some nerve not rsponding to my msg. But you have time to respond to otherz...really??? Wjo ever your talking to in lieu of me, ask uourself, is this guy better looking than me..idk, smarter, hell no, i graduated top of my class. I have been flying planes since i was 14 yrs, i can navigate a boat and drive a commercial truck, cook and fix anything aroind the house. Im an experienced music producer, and artist. Im licensed in real estate and constriction for over 10 yrs. I own my own house in miami shores and have a classic porsche, i dont drive. Im not stuck up, i help may ppl. I send my neice money every month while she's in college and i still work hard to take care of mine. You treat me like you think less of me than whoever it is uou find thr time to reply to at 3am and not me. Im insulted that uou can see the quality and integrity of the man sending you these msg...its to the point where i don't even care to know you anymore. I dont care that your doctor, and I'm sure I've made more money than you in my past life which is not the point. The point is that uou think your special because you've achieved that title, well im special too and if i wanted to be a doctor, i would have been, so no need for you to act lkke your too good because your not.. I have more than 10 ppl in my family that are doctors, in fact my indian cousin bri just recently became a pediatric doctor last year, so whatever. Im so tired of women with potential for me, that turn out to self centered on themselves and have the wrong view of me because of this stupid back and four on some silly dating website.

Im better than this, and more than likely better than most of the men here. If you can't see that, then i just wasted my time talking to you. You and these one line responsess, I'd rather have not sent you msg of i knew you were hoing fo be stuck up and come around and show more interest... My family are afluent, i was rasied with class and this msg is not like me, but i thought better of you, and you just dissed me. Im far to jntelligent anx well rounded to be dismissed the way you did me. For the record, im a documented genius I.Q.. In fact i can still recite biological definitions still high school...wave like contraction and relaxation of the circular and longitudinal muscles to push food forward along the alimentary canal... How many guys you know not in the medical field can do that??? Hell i can even recite the periodical table.. So if you dont contact me after this, im sure its because your hard head, or not happy with my reply. Either way it will be your detriment to not contact me because i have NO competition here...absolutely none. You make your pick. Im gone.



P.S. He said he is gone but kept sending more messages lol
Click to expand...

What kind of crazy is this?! I hope this made him feel better because that was pointless. You didn't like him, he needs to move on.
 
LaChaBla said:
^^^This is why if I get a message from someone I know I'm never going to contact, I just block them.
Click to expand...

I've started to do this after reading about bunnycolvin and her pages of blocked users.

At first I was like how can you have so many pages of blocked users. Until one guy sent me a message saying "not sure if you got my first message but I wrote..." and then copied and pasted his original message. Then another sent 3 messages all saying Hello or Hi, or How are you? They add up quickly. I think I've been on for about 3 days and I have several people blocked already.
 
Girl there is more..thank God for KIK messengers. This is why don't give my number to anyone unless im sure..

here is another one after I told him I am not interested, p.s. his name is beautifulheart and he is black:

Your a prick..Your one of those haitian people-majority, who loves to argue..I can't beeive your as intelligent as you are but being so billigerant with me.. I have nothing to loose of that's how you feel-that alone says alot about your character, I'm glad your true colors are evident. thanks, but I'm no longer interested anyway.

I bet you'll be single for a while, or in a relationship, and single again..as for me, I'm going to delete this profile in a few days, no one on here is worth my time, either there looking for sex, or they're stuck up of something like you.

The difference between us, is I'm NOT rude or stuck up, just picky..I have no problem attracting women in person, Just not what I want...and I'm NOT a player-long gone past, so I wil not use women that are attratcted to me..but you'll end up with a good loser and then you'll realize that even though I come off like this, I'm a flipping amazing guy, but you won't know because youre thinking negative. Words on an email don't define me.

It's crazy how the devil works to keep god ppl from joining. And black families are dwindling away to race mixing; which I have no problem with, but I'm wanting to hold on to my roots and if it ain't a haitian woman it's going to be an african woman..Why couldn't you just understand that I just can't talk this way. I have never sent you a one liner msg..That alone should tell you..You're completely unfair to ignore that pertinent fact I have mentioned over and aver. Even if we spoke, there are no gurantees you would or I would want to go further, but I'm telling you, talking to me on the phone will make a whole lot of difference, for the good..Don't you like GOOD? geezzz...

call me, I'll apologize and then we can never talk again, if you want..I bet you a trillion dollars after you hear my voice you will NOT say so.. I bet you..


Just posting this to show the ladies that crazy come in all colors and ages. he is in his mid 30's and has a son. smh
 
Last edited:
KammyGirl said:
I've started to do this after reading about @bunnycolvin and her pages of blocked users.

At first I was like how can you have so many pages of blocked users. Until one guy sent me a message saying "not sure if you got my first message but I wrote..." and then copied and pasted his original message. Then another sent 3 messages all saying Hello or Hi, or How are you? They add up quickly. I think I've been on for about 3 days and I have several people blocked already.
Click to expand...

:lol: i also block visitors that i dont WANT to message me :lol: i have decided i have something very specific in mind including looks (im not dating anymore 5'7 men) so it is cutting off a lot of people from "maybe i'll like him and this superficial thing wont be a problem"... but honestly im sick of making those kinds of concessions and overlooking things that id feel like im constantly making an excuse for if i were to date that person. i block a little overzealously. (edit - ive had this profile since lets say september 2013 so it's built up over the year+ too)
 
sweetvi what is this guy's problem? I don't mean to laugh but :lol::lol::lol:
He is ridiculous! He tells you off and then tells you to call him so he can apologize and thinks you'll be mesmerized by his voice and just fall for him. Classic crazy.
 
:lachen::lachen::look:KammyGirl

girllll LOL he left his email and phone number several times!!! You know he also wrote what church he attends and that is MY CHURCH!. girl i did not let him know i go there and I will avoid anyone who I thinks looks like him..
 
sweetvi said:
Girl there is more..thank God for KIK messengers. This is why don't give my number to anyone unless im sure..

here is another one after I told him I am not interested, p.s. his name is beautifulheart and he is black:

Your a prick..Your one of those haitian people-majority, who loves to argue..I can't beeive your as intelligent as you are but being so billigerant with me.. I have nothing to loose of that's how you feel-that alone says alot about your character, I'm glad your true colors are evident. thanks, but I'm no longer interested anyway.

I bet you'll be single for a while, or in a relationship, and single again..as for me, I'm going to delete this profile in a few days, no one on here is worth my time, either there looking for sex, or they're stuck up of something like you.

The difference between us, is I'm NOT rude or stuck up, just picky..I have no problem attracting women in person, Just not what I want...and I'm NOT a player-long gone past, so I wil not use women that are attratcted to me..but you'll end up with a good loser and then you'll realize that even though I come off like this, I'm a flipping amazing guy, but you won't know because youre thinking negative. Words on an email don't define me.

It's crazy how the devil works to keep god ppl from joining. And black families are dwindling away to race mixing; which I have no problem with, but I'm wanting to hold on to my roots and if it ain't a haitian woman it's going to be an african woman..Why couldn't you just understand that I just can't talk this way. I have never sent you a one liner msg..That alone should tell you..You're completely unfair to ignore that pertinent fact I have mentioned over and aver. Even if we spoke, there are no gurantees you would or I would want to go further, but I'm telling you, talking to me on the phone will make a whole lot of difference, for the good..Don't you like GOOD? geezzz...

call me, I'll apologize and then we can never talk again, if you want..I bet you a trillion dollars after you hear my voice you will NOT say so.. I bet you..


Just posting this to show the ladies that crazy come in all colors and ages. he is in his mid 30's and has a son. smh
Click to expand...

YIKES!!!!! Writing that was an unnecessary waste of time on his part.
 
Bublin said:
I thought you could only block men who messaged you.
Im on Okcupid.
Click to expand...

i hide them from the visitors page. unless they message me then (which they don't because i'd have blocked manually), i imagine they just never come to my profile again because ive been hidden from them, so it effectively prevents them from messaging.
 
bunnycolvin said:
i hide them from the visitors page. unless they message me then (which they don't because i'd have blocked manually), i imagine they just never come to my profile again because ive been hidden from them, so it effectively prevents them from messaging.
Click to expand...

Got it. I guess that means 99% of the men!
 
I'm over here dying!! LoL! Hilarious!! Bless his little heart.

Yes there are crazies but online dating has its pros and cons :)
 
Do you feel like guys present a sweeter softer side to themselves online? My friend recently joined match.com and I was sharing my experiences with online dating with her and I just remember running into profiles of men that I knew IRL and seeing a totally different side of them. They just seemed way more open to love and vulnerable than they presented themselves to me previously.

Thoughts?
 
SincerelyJane said:
Do you feel like guys present a sweeter softer side to themselves online? My friend recently joined match.com and I was sharing my experiences with online dating with her and I just remember running into profiles of men that I knew IRL and seeing a totally different side of them. They just seemed way more open to love and vulnerable than they presented themselves to me previously.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Perhaps, being online gives you a chance to say what you want.
 
KammyGirl said:
Online dating suuuuucks!!!!
Click to expand...

I'm starting to see that it actually does but it makes perfect sense. I don't have alot of pics up and no full body shots and guys are afraid of being catfished. Messaging feels like a text convo and I don't like texting irl at all. It's just too drawn out for me. Feels like I'm pullin teeth. So yeah I totally get why it's not working out for me and see how it can work for others. I gave it the good ol college try.
 
janiebaby said:
Perhaps, being online gives you a chance to say what you want.
Click to expand...

Or what you think people want to hear :lachen:

I've only been online less than 2 weeks and I'm ready to give up. My inbox is full and I'm completely overwhelmed. I gave one guy my # and he was texting me throughout the day (I'm busy at work) and he asked what I was doing that night and I said I had plans. He said what about afterwards. He just seemed a little to eager so I stopped replying. This was on Wednesday. I feel bad that I got a weird vibe and I know the point is to go out and date. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this life. I need someone a little more patient with me, because online freaks me out and I'm a little too cautious.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
I was on okc yesterday and I hate the fact that when I'm online I get jumped on. bunnycolvin or LaChaBla is there a way I can hide. I know they say I can browse anonymously but does that keep my "online now" thing from showing up?

In other news I posted an ad on Craigslist. Not to date but I was honest. Said I'm going through a breakup and wanted someone to take my attention off of him. I was clear that it would be mainly a text/email/phone relationship. But I want the sense of something a little more than platonic. So many responses but I focused on one guy. He seems really nice. I enjoyed talking to him last night but hated the fact that when I woke up this morning I was still thinking of my ex. It's almost like I need constant stimulation. Ugh...the woes of dating.
 
is there a way I can hide.
Click to expand...

sadly they dont have offline browsing. just try not to tweak your profile or photos at all and you should stop showing up on the news feed as often. unfortunately, you are clearly "fresh meat" where you live, and new profiles with singles freshly open for business :lol: tend to get a lot of action. it's going to decline pretty sharply after awhile.

i would 100% not recommend you meet a guy on craigslist. they are going to be looking purely for a hook up FOR SURE, and there will be probably an 80% probability that he as a girlfriend or is married. i can tell you that meeting quality girls online is very hard for men, and they dont rely on craigslist for that purpose.
 
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