***Online Dating Support Thread***

I exchanged a few messages with this guy over the course of a few days. The last message he leaves his number suggesting that we move the communication to text and/or phone calls. I prefer that guys initiate contact so I decided to put it back on him by texting him suggesting that we arrange a time to speak later. He then gives me his availability and says "try me then". At that point I decided that I was no longer interested. He then sends another text letting me that he worked late and that I should call later than he originally suggested.

Who taught these men how to date?
 
that's why i hate online dating. everything seems so backwards.

the men want you to chase, they want you to make initial contact, they want you to ask them out.
 
Ugh. I am trying Okcupid again and NONE of the guys are cute to me. I was browsing through my quick matches and gave one cute guy 4 stars and I get an email saying we both liked each other. I notice he looked at my page and did not send a message :/. Too bad. I refuse to be the one to send the first message.
 
I'm currently on POF and OKC. On POF, the men there are something not to be desired at all. :wallbash::perplexed Online dating can become quickly frustrating. Most of the men on there have a completely different agenda which I am not interested in. Lots of throw backs! I'm beginning to think that the state I'm searching in is also a problem.
 
jamani78 said:
I'm currently on POF and OKC. On POF, the men there are something not to be desired at all. :wallbash::perplexed Online dating can become quickly frustrating. Most of the men on there have a completely different agenda which I am not interested in. Lots of throw backs! I'm beginning to think that the state I'm searching in is also a problem.
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I changed my location to different states a couple times and things didn't get much better for me lol...I am envious of those who have success so easily with Online dating. Maybe I am just too picky.
 
jamani78 said:
I'm currently on POF and OKC. On POF, the men there are something not to be desired at all. :wallbash::perplexed Online dating can become quickly frustrating. Most of the men on there have a completely different agenda which I am not interested in. Lots of throw backs! I'm beginning to think that the state I'm searching in is also a problem.
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I'm in the same boat and considering deleting my POF profile this week. I get tons of messages but the quality is just terrible and I end up deleting most of them. My area is an issue as well. I did a quick search on the city that I lived in previously (when I was in a relationship) and there are way more options! Too bad it's a 2 hour flight away.
 
To the ladies who are feeling fustrated w/online, I think changing your mindset a bit could help.

I've never gone into online dating with a heavy focus of finding someone special per se. I just look at it as another avenue of meeting guys, flirting, and getting dates. If I end up meeting sm1 special and it works out great. If not at least I get to meet some guys, some who could become part of and help expand my social circle.
 
Example......

I moved back to Nigeria, and use Badoo here. I've met and gone on dates with a few guys off the site.

A few guys I met and wasn't feeling them and point blank told them it wouldn't work out when they contacted me later.

I've friendzoned abt 2, partly due to distance. We went on dates but they dont live where I'm based @ d moment. I'm not into long distance. We touch base with e-chats and some phone calls here and there.

1 is an e-buddy. We've never met. He moved back like me, so connected thru that. Same issue of distance.

There's one guy who I've been chattn w/for abt 2mnths but haven't seen f2f yet. He is d only 1, I've gone against my time policy when it comes to mtging live.

We have a really good phone and e-Chat rapport. He's been away and is coming back in abt 1-2wks.

However, I've still been going on dates and meeting others in RL and online.

I weed out alot of guys who contact me. Some I never respond to, some I get bored and ignore after a few e-chats.

The thing is not 2 take it seriously.
 
Messaging a guy first is pretty painless.
A simple message with a comment or question about something in a guy's profile works. OKC is easy because you can also remark on questions he's answered.

If he's interested, he'll continue the conversation. It's the same as flirting in person; make a general comment to open the door and he'll take over from there. No chasing involved.

I've learned that guys don't mind doing the courting/chasing after being given a sign that you're open to their advances.

Now the ones that hound you after you've expressed a clear disinterest, that's a whole 'nother story. LOL

GL ladies! :)
 
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So maybe I'll keep my POF account up for a little longer. :)

I sent my very first message to a guy who's profile I was really into. He's really nice-looking, tall, a professional and his profile was just so well-written, he seems to know himself quite well. He wrote back and we've had a few exchanges. Turns out we have the same Caribbean background and he's been to my (Canadian) hometown. Looking forward to the next message :)
 
MzSwift said:
Messaging a guy first is pretty painless.
A simple message with a comment or question about something in a guy's profile works. OKC is easy because you can also remark on questions he's answered.

If he's interested, he'll continue the conversation. It's the same as flirting in person; make a general comment to open the door and he'll take over from there. No chasing involved.

I've learned that guys don't mind doing the courting/chasing after being given a sign that you're open to their advances.

Now the ones that hound you after you've expressed a clear disinterest, that's a whole 'nother story. LOL

GL ladies! :)
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Thanks for this :) I'm pretty traditional so it was tough for me to wrap my head around reaching out first, but this makes sense. Reach out and if he's interested he'll take it from there.
 
MzSwift said:
Messaging a guy first is pretty painless.
A simple message with a comment or question about something in a guy's profile works. OKC is easy because you can also remark on questions he's answered.

If he's interested, he'll continue the conversation. It's the same as flirting in person; make a general comment to open the door and he'll take over from there. No chasing involved.

I've learned that guys don't mind doing the courting/chasing after being given a sign that you're open to their advances.

Now the ones that hound you after you've expressed a clear disinterest, that's a whole 'nother story. LOL

GL ladies! :)
Click to expand...

That's true. I just feel if we both got the message that 'you like each other' and he looked at my page afterwards and did not send a message...I am just assuming he's not interested like he was before. But maybe that's just my way of justifying not messaging him first.
 
I decided to delete my POF account. I was just getting way too many messages from men that could not possibly be serious. That on top of all the "meet me" emails that you can't turn off was enough for me. Plus, the one man that I messaged first just overall didn't seem very interested, oh well! I'll stick with OKC, it's a much smaller pool but so far the quality on there has been much better!

On a brighter note, I'll be going on my second ever online date this Saturday with the young engineer from OKC. I'll be studying in the morning and then we'll meet up for coffee (herbal tea for me) at this hipster tea place. I have a friend who lives in the area if I need someplace to escape too. We chatted a bit today and he seems really funny and really interested which is always nice. Looking forward to it :)

Finally, made plans to go to an event hosted by the physio dept of another university! If nothing else it's a fun night out with the girls :)
 
So you asked for my number and I gave it to you. For two days you have been only texting me, even though I said it is okay to call. I'm giving you a few more days then sayonara. We are adults, why don't you pick up and call. Smh
 
Yeah I am also thinking of deleting my POF profile. I have been talking to a guy from there too long. I want to take the next step. I don't know about him. The others that I dated nothing came out of it. Okcupid I hid my profile. I may be back later. Not enough guys in my area. I joined Zoosk. I will see how that goes.
 
Ladies in the DC area, which online dating site do you think has the best quality men in this area? I'm about to start dating again, and I'm just curious to know your thoughts.
 
so wait...we met online. you texted me since then with no phone calls? So what makes you think I would be flattered or amused that you mastur**** to my picture the night before?

So because I did not respond the way you were hoping, you tell me we are not on the same page. LOL But did you not read my profile or you just only cared for the pictures?

im ready to delete my profile. this is a waste man
 
I'm finding the same problems with Online dating and that i have in real life. The guys I like don't message me, and the ones I don't like are abundant...must be me.
 
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Well I have been lurking and I see so many of us are frustrated. Don't Give Up. I have used POF and OKC a little bit for almost a year. So this is my advice and thoughts for Inline Dating. Online dating is the same as meeting some one in the grocery store, malls, museums, bars, clubs etc.... Ladies the majority of us are not going to meet the person we should met within a six-mile radius of where we live or work. That said we must think of On-Line dating as meeting more men not necessarily Better ones. The same way you turn down that Cray guy at the gas- station is same as online. Set some boundaries, refuse the No Pic msg with no answer or call them out in it. Derogatory comments such as "Hello Sexy" is the ignore button for me. Let them know that within your profile to take that somewhere else with drama. Next is advice: Change your location of where you look to further out say within a 40 mile radius as a profile update. I placed where I reside in one area and the guys looked like they chewed roaches, lived with them or had retired, Ugh. 2 weeks later changed my venue and 2 great guys popped up asked me out and talked/ texted most of the evening. They both said pick a place you'd like to go for our first date:). Second, you are going to hit delete in the msg box 90% of the time but I promise you your discernment will pay off. I can tell you last year. Hmm.. confessions that I met some characters. I met a stocky short guy hung like a stripper, smart, perfect gentlemen with, 3 baby mommas ( did not see that coming) a 3mon old and a 9 Mon old, Lol, Then I went out with a Former Marine who took me to Disneyland first date, he was so 40 Ilbs over his Profile weight. Coming home he started becoming sooo drunk driving that II thought I was on Mr. Toads Wild Ride, a Yep then I met a nice federal operative who forgot to mention he was missing most of his left hand before we met at the Coffee shop, smh. Another was seemingly perfect, handsome green eyed 6'3 guy. Who had some serious porn and fantasy rape issues is all I'm going to say. I smile now I realize I had some year but I would not trade that because I know What I want and I'm not giving up. ladies If its No Chemistry I say so and so should you; immediately. Change your venue and see what happens. Three:Stop talking in text and make them get to know you. I usually don't discuss that or tell them you don't know them well enough. Let them talk and then you'll see if they are controlling, looking for Yoni only, Cray Cray, boring , gentlemen, emotionally unavailable and so on. Also communicate that it's always your choice. Don't feel guilty or obligated regardless of persistence. Happy hunting and again Don't Give Up. Love all Ya.
 
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Slicebread


thanks girl..did anyone let you know they got off on your pics lol im still in shock...

also whats up with the texting and not calling? sheesh

thanks for the encouragment
 
Yes, one sent such a obscene msg it was scary. Another I dated for three weeks mind you. I asked how was work and the usual and announced on the phone he was about to finish getting off;BLINK BLINK, I hung up.
 
sweetvi said:
Slicebread

thanks girl..did anyone let you know they got off on your pics lol im still in shock...

also whats up with the texting and not calling? sheesh

thanks for the encouragment
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They are playing a game, when they text and don't call, delete their number. When they call say" who is this" Go Hard!!!
 
WTF this MF is blowing up my phone with calls and texts from 11pm-1.30am. Another text this morning at 6am and a call.
I just text him this morning saying that i do not appreciate calls and texts at inappropriate times.
.....and we haven't even spoken yet.

Give me strength.
 
Bublin said:
WTF this MF is blowing up my phone with calls and texts from 11pm-1.30am. Another text this morning at 6am and a call. I just text him this morning saying that i do not appreciate calls and texts at inappropriate times. .....and we haven't even spoken yet. Give me strength.
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Adios!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
I had my second online date this past Saturday with the young engineer. We met for tea at this hipster tea place; it was a great first date spot actually. Unfortunately the minute I saw him I knew it was a "No." He was nice, but there was absolutely, no attraction for me. I generally like really smart guys, but this one was too nerdy even by my standards, and while he did resemble his pictures in person his profile picture definitely caught him at a VERY flattering angle. His reaction when I walked up to him was very cute though, his eyes opened really wide and he blurted out rather loudly, "Wow! You look fantastic!" lol. So, so far 0 for 2 in the in-person realm!

Out of the blue the day after my second date my ex-boyfriend who is currently in another country called me to ask for another chance. Such strange timing! I said no, although I still have feelings for him I'm not convinced that things will be different between us. Also, now that I've gone on a few dates and feel a little more comfortable with this single life I want to see what's out there.
 
^^Is it hard to go on a date with someone who you aren't attracted to or who you don't feel a connection with?? I am doing the online dating thing and that's what makes me nervous, but I know it's a part of the process.

Also do any of you ladies feel nervous about whether you look like your pictures in person??
 
Nelli04 said:
^^Is it hard to go on a date with someone who you aren't attracted to or who you don't feel a connection with?? I am doing the online dating thing and that's what makes me nervous, but I know it's a part of the process.

Also do any of you ladies feel nervous about whether you look like your pictures in person??
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I had dates with people that I wasn't attracted too. I call those the one and dones....as far as the pictures, that was the single most comment that I got was that I look exactly like my pictures.
 
Nelli04 said:
^^Is it hard to go on a date with someone who you aren't attracted to or who you don't feel a connection with?? I am doing the online dating thing and that's what makes me nervous, but I know it's a part of the process.

Also do any of you ladies feel nervous about whether you look like your pictures in person??
Click to expand...
You know what? In my very limited online dating experience thus far, I have found that telling myself that I'm going to meet up with a friend really helps. Mentally it takes the pressure off, when I re-frame it this way. I knew very early into the date that I was not interested in the OKC guy romantically but I just pretended that I was chatting with a friend :lol: and acted like my usual smiley/happy self and it was completely fine. The only awkward moment was at the end when he went in for a hug and I thought he might try to kiss me haha:lol: No sir!!
 
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