***Online Dating Support Thread***

Folks love to pull the disappearing into thin air act. It's actually pretty funny. Men going to the extreme to get your attention and go all out with I'm really feeling you and want to get to know you better then you just stop hearing from them all together. :lol: 2 years ago I would have been pissed off now I'm like whatever. If anything I'm happy I didn't waste too much of my time.
 
Ms Red said:
I deleted my POF account last month. Don't know how I feel about that. I guess I need to get out more.
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Dreadful isn't it. It's like logging onto the Maudsley Hospital's client list (Mental Health Hospital in London).

Unfortunately I can't really get out and about much so that's my lot. I destined to be single forever. :nono:
 
Question
How much about yourself do you reveal whilst you're messaging someone? Do you just keep it light and general and only mention more personal stuff once you talk on the phone, on an actual date or perhaps even after a few dates, if it ever gets that far.

Thing is I want lots of details about them but I want to hold back on stuff about me. Nothing bad but I'm just tired of random men knowing my business.

Would also be helpful if the ladies who have actually met their SO online could answer.
 
Bublin said:
Question
How much about yourself do you reveal whilst you're messaging someone? Do you just keep it light and general and only mention more personal stuff once you talk on the phone, on an actual date or perhaps even after a few dates, if it ever gets that far.

Thing is I want lots of details about them but I want to hold back on stuff about me. Nothing bad but I'm just tired of random men knowing my business.

Would also be helpful if the ladies who have actually met their SO online could answer.
Click to expand...

what kind of personal stuff are you referring to? the most ill divulge is my professional field. nothing about my personality, life, family, friends, where i live, past relationships, on and on... i dont think any of that is apporpriate when you are only in the messaging have not met phase. i stick to subjects - common interests, objects, music, books, places to go - to keep the focus on the fact that we need to go out (hopefully somewhere fun nice that we are both interested in) before anything else moves.
 
emilymichelle said:
what kind of personal stuff are you referring to? the most ill divulge is my professional field. nothing about my personality, life, family, friends, where i live, past relationships, on and on... i dont think any of that is apporpriate when you are only in the messaging have not met phase. i stick to subjects - common interests, objects, music, books, places to go - to keep the focus on the fact that we need to go out (hopefully somewhere fun nice that we are both interested in) before anything else moves.
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This is very helpful. I think in the past I have 'chatted' too much. I just don't want to talk about my children, my job or past relationships.

I have changed with the guy I'm chatting to right now. I've only mentioned what field I am in not - my specific job title and where my parents are from. I have not asked him anything that I'm not prepared to divulge myself.
I think telling too much too early comes across as needy/desperate and takes away that air of mystery and them wanting to know more about you.

ETA - he just asked me if I have children. Well my profile says I do! I just ignored the question and asked him what music he was into and what he does in his spare time :yep:
 
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Bublin said:
Dreadful isn't it. It's like logging onto the Maudsley Hospital's client list (Mental Health Hospital in London).

Unfortunately I can't really get out and about much so that's my lot. I destined to be single forever. :nono:
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Can you start a meetup group at you home or at a place near your home or work? What are your passions and interests? Do you have any friends you could use to get a nice sized group started? I started a few years ago and had around 15 people (mostly guys :look:) wanting to join in 3 days.
 
Danewshe said:
Bublin

I see you're in London, did you come across this prick called Tyrone29? I ended up deleting my profile because of him.
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Danewshe hiya. No didn't come across him but they're all the same. What did he do? PM me if you need to.
What are we going to do? I need to get out more on my own but have no clue where to go on a Saturday afternoon where decent black men might be.
In the US, women can go to places like a book store, fat chance of a black man over here in one of those :look:
 
Bublin, I met my DH online.

When messaging men, I pretty much revealed what I was comfortable with. The times I didnt feel comfortable and felt a guy was being invasive, I would simply let them know and would add that I wouldn't mind talking about it in person or later.

There were also the few with whom I felt very comfortable and we both were open and revealed a lot about ourselves even before we spoke. In those situations, I fed off of their "on line aura" and followed their lead. I would say that happened about 2 times and each time we became friends. A little more than 2 years later, I can still say they are good, honorable men.
 
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Bublin said:
@Danewshe hiya. No didn't come across him but they're all the same. What did he do? PM me if you need to.
What are we going to do? I need to get out more on my own but have no clue where to go on a Saturday afternoon where decent black men might be.
In the US, women can go to places like a book store, fat chance of a black man over here in one of those :look:
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@Bublin

Sorry for the late reply, just saw your message(my mentions do not work).

I agreed to go on a date with him (I must have been crazy) then later on that day, I started getting all these strange messages from a woman on POF. I guessed it was a fake profile, because the profile pictures were of a model. For some reason, I knew the messages were coming from him, he must have been upset that I was still logging on because after all, in his crazy psychopathic mind, I was "his" woman now. Needless to say, I cancelled our date and well, he lost the plot, started calling me all sorts of names and then within minutes I started getting phonecalls from different men. He had given these guys on pof my number. I threatened to call the police and then the phonecalls stopped straight away.

I was pretty new to the dating game, but now I know I need to wait a few weeks before giving my number out.

I'm in East London and there's not much going on around here either. I was saying to my friend, I hardly ever see young black men around here, you stand a much better chance of finding one down south. I went to a Gospel talent showcase last night and there were lots of young men there, but I think the age range was about 20-28. I would have been nice to see a few older heads in there. The next one is on the 1st of September, it's at Cottons restuarant EC1R. I think Brixton Splash is supposed to be on next week isn't it? I've never been so I might check it out.
 
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Danewshe said:
@Bublin

Sorry for the late reply, just saw your message(my mentions do not work).

I agreed to go on a date with him (I must have been crazy) then later on that day, I started getting all these strange messages from a woman on POF. I guessed it was a fake profile, because the profile pictures were of a model. For some reason, I knew the messages were coming from him, he must have been upset that I was still logging on because after all, in his crazy psychopathic mind, I was "his" woman now. Needless to say, I cancelled our date and well, he lost the plot, started calling me all sorts of names and then within minutes I started getting phonecalls from different men. He had given these guys on pof my number. I threatened to call the police and then the phonecalls stopped straight away.

I was pretty new to the dating game, but now I know I need to wait a few weeks before giving my number out.

I'm in East London and there's not much going on around here either. I was saying to my friend, I hardly ever see young black men around here, you stand a much better chance of finding one down south. I went to a Gospel talent showcase last night and there were lots of young men there, but I think the age range was about 20-28. I would have been nice to see a few older heads in there. The next one is on the 1st of September, it's at Cottons restuarant EC1R. I think Brixton Splash is supposed to be on next week isn't it? I've never been so I might check it out.
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What in the world??? I have always said the black men on pof are crazy. I have a similar story from last year. Claimed me as his girlfriend, i stupidly went on a date and then he threaten to beat me up via text because I said I didn't want to see him again.

I think we are in the same age range. Brixton Splash was 4th August. Do not go there looking for man :nono: It is extremely crowded - worse than carnival and it is full of young gang members. There were two serious stabbing this year.
 
Bublin said:
What in the world??? I have always said the black men on pof are crazy. I have a similar story from last year. Claimed me as his girlfriend, i stupidly went on a date and then he threaten to beat me up via text because I said I didn't want to see him again.

I think we are in the same age range. Brixton Splash was 4th August. Do not go there looking for man :nono: It is extremely crowded - worse than carnival and it is full of young gang members. There were two serious stabbing this year.
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I'm 30 in september.

OMG, that has to be the same guy! Was he tall, fair skinned and really serious looking? If not, why is POF harbouring all these crazy men?

It's a good job I missed Brixton Spalsh then. Thanks for the heads up!
 
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Danewshe said:
I'm 30 in september.

OMG, that has to be the same guy! Was he tall, fair skinned and really serious looking? If not, why is POF harbouring all these crazy men?

It's a good job I missed Brixton Spalsh then. Thanks for the heads up!
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Nah, he was tall and dark and ugly :nono: Thought I'd give an ugly dude a try..........:lachen:
 
Bublin said:
Question
How much about yourself do you reveal whilst you're messaging someone? Do you just keep it light and general and only mention more personal stuff once you talk on the phone, on an actual date or perhaps even after a few dates, if it ever gets that far.

Thing is I want lots of details about them but I want to hold back on stuff about me. Nothing bad but I'm just tired of random men knowing my business.

Would also be helpful if the ladies who have actually met their SO online could answer.
Click to expand...

I met My bf online. We actually didn't talk much online. We exchanged a few msgs over a few days that didn't really reveal much. We exchanged numbers and talked more thru text and arranged a date for a few days later. It took five mths to become a couple but thru that time a lot was revealed, however initially hardly anything was revealed until we decided we liked each other
 
runwaydream said:
I met My bf online. We actually didn't talk much online. We exchanged a few msgs over a few days that didn't really reveal much. We exchanged numbers and talked more thru text and arranged a date for a few days later. It took five mths to become a couple but thru that time a lot was revealed, however initially hardly anything was revealed until we decided we liked each other
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Thanks for your reply.
Seems like all personal stuff is off limits. Just keep it light and fun. Did your bf ever ask personal questions in the beginning? How did you avoid answering.
I know texting always gets the thumbs down but I honestly don't have the time for a chatting on the phone to a complete stranger....but then again talking on the phone has saved me from going on dates with some crazies/weirdos and I need to know what his voice sounds like before I meet him :look:
 
Maybe I have sucky guy burn out. They are just not doing it for me. Add to the fact that they are over an hour away also makes it harder for me to care or be excited. I need to really like you to want to drive to see you or meet you half way.
 
Bublin said:
Thanks for your reply.
Seems like all personal stuff is off limits. Just keep it light and fun. Did your bf ever ask personal questions in the beginning? How did you avoid answering.
I know texting always gets the thumbs down but I honestly don't have the time for a chatting on the phone to a complete stranger....but then again talking on the phone has saved me from going on dates with some crazies/weirdos and I need to know what his voice sounds like before I meet him :look:
Click to expand...

He didn't ask anything personal really. We just had light convo and talked about basic, surface things. I kno alot of people say no to texting but I feel like talking on the phone takes up too much of my time. I like to text so I can do multiple things at once. I feel like im wasting my time talking on the phone all day
 
Keshieshimmer said:
Maybe I have sucky guy burn out. They are just not doing it for me. Add to the fact that they are over an hour away also makes it harder for me to care or be excited. I need to really like you to want to drive to see you or meet you half way.
Click to expand...

Ditto. Too many in a row, I'm taking a break. Again.
 
Bublin said:
Question
How much about yourself do you reveal whilst you're messaging someone? Do you just keep it light and general and only mention more personal stuff once you talk on the phone, on an actual date or perhaps even after a few dates, if it ever gets that far.

Thing is I want lots of details about them but I want to hold back on stuff about me. Nothing bad but I'm just tired of random men knowing my business.

Would also be helpful if the ladies who have actually met their SO online could answer.
Click to expand...

Hey Bublin. Light and airy. If he's a talker you could surreptitiously ask pointed questions that seem light. I think I became an expert at asking the seemingly innocent questions over time.

I kept my answers somewhat vague and not open ended for him, if he were polite, to NOT ask follow up questions. Just kept the focus on him really.

I reveal nothing until in person besides basics like work, kids, job, family.

With Coffee, he still doesn't know anything about me really. It's been 3 months :look:

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
 
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