***Online Dating Support Thread***

CarLiTa I think some guys go all over the top when they are nervous and excited - still creepy though. They should exercise control and have some dignity!!
 
I'm starting to think it might be a country thing...he's from West Virginia, ain't no black ppl over there. He prolly thinks black women are sexy and is surprised one would talk to him. I never really have IR much thought from the people on the other side.

Strangely All this is doing is reminding me of my ex and that for some stupid crazy reason my dumb *** still isn't over him. Looks like ill be taking another break from the dating scene. :nono:
 
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yuhlovevybz said:
I'm starting to think it might be a country thing...he's from West Virginia, ain't no black ppl over there. He prolly thinks black women are sexy and is surprised one would talk to him. I never really have IR much thought from the people on the other side.

Strangely All this is doing is reminding me of my ex and that for some stupid crazy reason my dumb *** still isn't over him. Looks like ill be taking another break from the dating scene. :nono:
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Don't. Just keep dating:lol: Those thoughts will pass:look:
 
I signed up for match.com for one month. I've been on it for a week. An interesting guy emailed me yesterday and we have planned to grab drinks tomorrow after work. He's cute. Older than I typically go for. He's 40 and I'm 31. Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting back into the dating world and to try to stop being so shy or afraid to make mistakes. I need to take chances.
 
I have a first date with "the cute teacher" tonight. He's actually not thaaat cute now that I've reeled in my expectations lol. But cute regardless.
We will see how it goes. I think I will cut down on the number of people I go out with, bc it is a little overwhelming. I haven't been to the gym in a week bc I had a date almost every day after work. And I more or less liked everyone enough to be open to a second date... Though I did not feel chemistry with any (except the ones I've known for a while). It's like: I have a good time I'm person, but I don't feel drawn enough to them to wanna communicate when we aren't face to face.

I have a tentatively museum date on Wednesday, but I am going to tell this guy it won't work out.
 
CarLiTa said:
I have a first date with "the cute teacher" tonight. He's actually not thaaat cute now that I've reeled in my expectations lol. But cute regardless.
We will see how it goes. I think I will cut down on the number of people I go out with, bc it is a little overwhelming. I haven't been to the gym in a week bc I had a date almost every day after work. And I more or less liked everyone enough to be open to a second date... Though I did not feel chemistry with any (except the ones I've known for a while). It's like: I have a good time I'm person, but I don't feel drawn enough to them to wanna communicate when we aren't face to face.

I have a tentatively museum date on Wednesday, but I am going to tell this guy it won't work out.
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CarLiTa at least they were pleasant enough to see them again. There is a major shortage of decent men in London. I don't even have the opportunity to multiple date because the choice is so poor.

Every first date ends at that. They are all crazy.

I had one on Saturday and it was terrible. I just text him and told him very politely that we won't be meeting again and wished him all the best. He immediately rang my phone and I didn't answer it. He then sent a text. I haven't opened it but I can see the first sentence starts...'I see you are not answering the phone, seems...........'

This anger happens after the majority of my first dates. I just can't any more. :nono:

eta - he's just send another text and called my phone another 2 times. I need some help here. Why can't these men just accept that I don't want to see them again. It was only one date :perplexed
 
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Bublin, I am convinced that, just like us women, men get invested very quickly when dating someone. It's surprising and interesting.
I'd read the text and say I'm sorry, it just won't work.

(Then again, sometimes I'll try to reason with guys about why things won't work out, and a few have told me: "let's discuss this later... let's not make a decision just yet"... to which I agree... and then become really flaky the next few times they ask).

But I guess... everyone has feelings. They're looking for relationships just as we are, and they have high hopes upon meeting a sweet lady (^^:)), and they should be let down easy.

One guy on OKC asked me out recently, and I answered a couple days later and said yes, and he responded and said he'd just found someone and was about to take down his profile. I was like oh:look:... but hey, that's great. So I responded and said that was nice to hear and wished him luck.
 
CarLiTa I understand what you're saying but it's too much. These guys have decided that I'm their girlfriend before we've even met. They're setting themselves up for a fall.

I've read the texts and he is basically demanding to know why. Even he must know the answer but granted, I did agree to another date but that was to get him out of my car!

The second text says that if I don't call him back then he is disappointed in me and that would be a shame. I dgaf what he thinks of me.

I know that if I talk to him he will try and convince me and I'm not remotely interested....he also very aggressive in his nature and I don't want get into it with an almost stranger. It's all too much after 1 date.
 
CarLiTa said:
We will see how it goes. I think I will cut down on the number of people I go out with, bc it is a little overwhelming. I haven't been to the gym in a week bc I had a date almost every day after work. And I more or less liked everyone enough to be open to a second date... Though I did not feel chemistry with any (except the ones I've known for a while). It's like: I have a good time I'm person, but I don't feel drawn enough to them to wanna communicate when we aren't face to face.
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You must be my dating twin. I'm going to be on date 3 with two of my guys this week and I'm sort of ambivalent about it. Not that I don't like them, because I do, but it's more like warm tap water instead of a boiling, or hell even simmering pot.

There are a few newbs on deck and I don't see how I'm going to be able to continue dating the ones I've been seeing and also seeing new folks. I'm tired just thinking about this weekend where I have managed to schedule multiple dates stacked on the same days.

Went on a 2nd date with this guy this evening who I will call Glee, because he told me he was in show choir as a kid :lol: He was the one I said was very similar to me. This date I actually got to see how we were different a bit better than the last, although we are still a lot alike. I like him a lot, but he is tubby and seemed even fatter this time than the last. I hope he isn't actually getting fatter in 2 weeks time and it is my imagination :perplexed

Hoping this other guy I'm chatting with will hurry up and ask me out before I lose interest. I like him from his online persona and he is the first person who hasn't mentioned he loves to hike- which is getting so redundant from people from okcupid that it's becoming a pet peeve.
 
Had a date tonight. The guy is from match. He was super nice and fun! We talked for 3.5 hours and closed down the restaurant and stayed there an hour past closing.

We will probably go out again.

Sounds fun so far!
 
Bublin said:
CarLiTa I understand what you're saying but it's too much. These guys have decided that I'm their girlfriend before we've even met. They're setting themselves up for a fall.

I've read the texts and he is basically demanding to know why. Even he must know the answer but granted, I did agree to another date but that was to get him out of my car!

The second text says that if I don't call him back then he is disappointed in me and that would be a shame. I dgaf what he thinks of me.

I know that if I talk to him he will try and convince me and I'm not remotely interested....he also very aggressive in his nature and I don't want get into it with an almost stranger. It's all too much after 1 date.
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Oh man! What's the matter with him?? You are right, this does not sound like someone to communicate with. Yuck. I can't believe he is attempting to guilt trip you into seeing him. That is so manipulative.
 
I had that date with the teacher. He spoke like a politician:perplexed
It wasn't boastful, but the tone was very detached, politician-like. I don't know how else to describe it. It would be the voice of someone who is at a job interview.
I really didn't like it:sad:
(Not that I'm sad, but just expressing my dislike for that tone...lol)

According to my roommate, maybe that's his nervous voice, maybe he was trying to stay cool. I dunno.

I dated someone who would speak to me in that voice (it always sounded forced)... and I didn't like it. Even though I kinda liked him and we kept in touch for many months, I never got close to him... in big part because of that.
I once heard this person interact with friends he's close to, and the voice sounded less pitched, (what I felt was) more genuine. I took that as confirmation that his tone was purposely to keep me at arm's length:look:

(is that crazy?)
 
I feel wierd about sending the first message...I dont want to look too thirsty. I'm getting a lot of visits...but most dont grab my attention.

I feel like I am too picky already.

Should I be doing anything differently ?
 
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There's this one guy that has been visiting my profile for months and has never sent any kind of message. He literally visits my page several times a month. What the heck is THAT about??

The one wordy dude still never popped the question (for my #)...oh well. In the mean time, I've been talking to other people and going on a few dates. Yet, part of me is NOT really interested in anyone else I'm talking to or dating. I'm jut like blah. I just kinda wish he had taken the next step. Anyhow, onward I go...
 
My impression (from the guys I've gone out with from the website) is that the guys are lukewarm about the women who send messages to them first.
They're like yeah... I mean... I don't really get messages from women that often... and then I ask them if they get excited once they DO receive these messages, and they're like well, yeah... it's flattering... but...

Yeah, they seemed very lukewarm. One even said he doesn't always respond. Which had me feeling like oh dang, poor women:sad:

I've sent a couple of messages too and gotten no response. Lucky for me, they weren't anyone I was interested in... Something compelling on their profile caught my attention, and I tried to find out about it. For example, one guy and I described our work the exact same way, so I asked him about that. He didn't respond:lol:
 
CarLiTa said:
My impression (from the guys I've gone out with from the website) is that the guys are lukewarm about the women who send messages to them first.
They're like yeah... I mean... I don't really get messages from women that often... and then I ask them if they get excited once they DO receive these messages, and they're like well, yeah... it's flattering... but...

Yeah, they seemed very lukewarm. One even said he doesn't always respond. Which had me feeling like oh dang, poor women:sad:

I've sent a couple of messages too and gotten no response. Lucky for me, they weren't anyone I was interested in... Something compelling on their profile caught my attention, and I tried to find out about it. For example, one guy and I described our work the exact same way, so I asked him about that. He didn't respond:lol:
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I've done that a few times as well. In one particular case, The guy had a country flag and mentioned something about his family being from where the first flag was originally made. It's the same place my mom is from, so I sent him a note, asking him about it. Another guy talked about an NPO he recently set up, and I wanted to know more about the organization. Neither of thm responded. In my head, I was like, dude I'm not even interested in that way... lol.
 
It's funny because so many guys complain in their profiles about women not sending messages first and hating that men have to make the first contact. :lol:
 
I sent a lot of first messages. I wouldn't do that IRL so I used being behind the screen to help me. I messaged my BF first. He liked it but he's a confident straightforward person so that's expected.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
I haven't sent any messages first. I don't have any hard stance against it, I just don't prefer it. I fell in love with one guy's profile *swoons* and still never worked up the nerve to say something.

Looks like I'll be dropping all my dates this weekend. My mom, aka my sitter, is having a procedure this weekend. I could really use some sleep, so while I mentally want to keep it going, it may be for the best physically.
 
I'm sending messages letting the guys know I won't be pursuing anything else with them. Part of that sounds very logical in my head, and the other part sounds a little coocoo (but that's me).

ETA: while the post doc (let's call him MH) and I are not exclusive yet, we are spending more and more time together. I'm open to dating someone else as well, but I'll need to actually like that person.
 
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Well, dude gave me his personal email address to email him directly or chat via IM. So, I guess to him, this is the next logical step...lol. :perplexed At this pace, we will be talking on the phone by summer time! :rofl
 
Incognitus said:
Well, dude gave me his personal email address to email him directly or chat via IM. So, I guess to him, this is the next logical step...lol. :perplexed At this pace, we will be talking on the phone by summer time! :rofl
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Wait so all of those essays were on the site? I say go with IM. Email is what you were already doing.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
Shay72 YES, girl! On the darn site! Well his exact words were:

Hey xxxxx, I'm great...how are you? How was your weekend? xxxx[USER=89221]mai[/USER]l.com In case you'd like to email directly or chat on Google. ​

Now that I think about it, I believe my response was kinda snotty:

Greetings from one pseudo-Midwesterner to another.

I've been doing well. I'm proud to have moved up in the cyber world---from site email to direct email, and possibly Google chat..hahaha. Lol. I'm being very silly. I hope you "get" my teasing, and it doesn't come across differently in my words.

My weekend was nice, pretty laid back. I went to ............ Actually, I enjoyed myself. How did you enjoy your weekend? What type of dance venue did you go to?
​
Was my response kinda rude? :ohwell:
 
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Incognitus said:
Shay72 YES, girl! On the darn site! Well his exact words were:

Hey xxxxx, I'm great...how are you? How was your weekend? xxxxmail.com In case you'd like to email directly or chat on Google.

Now that I think about it, I believe my response was kinda snotty:

Greetings from one pseudo-Midwesterner to another.

I've been doing well. I'm proud to have moved up in the cyber world---from site email to direct email, and possibly Google chat..hahaha. Lol. I'm being very silly. I hope you "get" my teasing, and it doesn't come across differently in my words.

My weekend was nice, pretty laid back. I went to ............ Actually, I enjoyed myself. How did you enjoy your weekend? What type of dance venue did you go to?

Was my response kinda rude?
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I don't think so. You're letting him know that you like that you're moving on to the next step. That you're looking forward to getting to know him better. I do think its good you explained just in case.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
Shay72 said:
I don't think so. You're letting him know that you like that you're moving on to the next step. That you're looking forward to getting to know him better. I do think its good you explained just in case.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
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And now that you've moved on to that, maybe you two will graduate to video chatting on gchat.
You guys are so far away from each other. Any idea when you might be in the same place?
I think the chance to chat on video would be great. Better than phone, even. You'd get to see him and hear his voice.
(I think it's evident there's interest there... I think communication makes the heart grow fond)
 
I got really good responses to the messages I sent last night. I'm both surprised and really pleased :)

X said he appreciates the message and that it was thoughtful, and that he enjoyed meeting me. He wishes me luck.

J texted and said the message was very considerate and polite (I'd added some humor and made some references to our first date). He says he wishes me well, but of course if things don't work out, he's be interested in getting to know me better.

I'm tickled by that and enjoyed their nice messages. Honesty for the win :) I wish men did the same for me... jerks:look:
 
CarLiTa said:
And now that you've moved on to that, maybe you two will graduate to video chatting on gchat.
You guys are so far away from each other. Any idea when you might be in the same place?
I think the chance to chat on video would be great. Better than phone, even. You'd get to see him and hear his voice.
(I think it's evident there's interest there... I think communication makes the heart grow fond)
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LOL. I'm hoping so. If it were anyone else, I would have jumped ship long ago. He just seems so perfect....for me! ... Well, so far. It's as if the Lord took my future husband list and used it to make him. Then again, this is only based on our emails.

I would love to get to the video chat point. Well, we are a ~4hr drive apart. I have no idea when we'd meet but, if it gets to that point, it can be easily arranged. I hope your right about the interest being there. I'm just so used to more aggressive, straightforward men. His slow moving behavior throws me off...


CarLiTa said:
I got really good responses to the messages I sent last night. I'm both surprised and really pleased :)

X said he appreciates the message and that it was thoughtful, and that he enjoyed meeting me. He wishes me luck.

J texted and said the message was very considerate and polite (I'd added some humor and made some references to our first date). He says he wishes me well, but of course if things don't work out, he's be interested in getting to know me better.

I'm tickled by that and enjoyed their nice messages. Honesty for the win :) I wish men did the same for me... jerks:look:
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Care to share any pointers, an example....or even template? LOL. This is a big problem for me. I always feel bad, and never know how to word it.
 
Incognitus, what if at some point (not now), you said to him: "it's too bad you're far away. I feel like if we met, we would have a fun time"
My romantic self imagines that he would be super happy you said that and would try to set something up really quickly:lol:

As for the messages, I said something like:

Hey J, I had a great time when we met last week (as you know) (I spent 3 hours hanging out with him talking about a lot.) I wanted to let you know that I've decided to pursue something with someone else. Guess that means I've passed up the chance to try your cooking, and I was really looking forward to that :-P It was great meeting you, and I hope all is well.

Carlita

(The comment abt his cooking is a joke... When he found out that a guy who can cook is really important to me, he was trying very hard to convince me that he cooks:lol: and I had teased him about that)

If I want to make anything sound positive (especially if I'm delivering bad news, I remove all the "but" and change them to "and" or I just start a new sentence. I read about that somewhere and I'm convinced it makes a difference.
 
before an actual meeting have you ladies thought about skyping a dude--so you wont waste a good outfit or your time...like a skype date
 
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