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Bublin, well if the only way you get dates is through online websites, then are you are dependent on online dating if you want a relationship, whether it was intentional or not.
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Belle Du Jour
Well here are my tips for anyone interested. (Most of it is (common sense) and just about being realistic and/or focus on dating IRL so it may or may not help. lol)
*Again, if you are and/or look racially ambiguous or are intimidatingly beautiful or show a lot of cleavage in your pictures, this does not apply to you. Please don't come at me with the I never had a problem finding a husband within 2 weeks on a dating website. *
Reality of Online Dating
1). Be aware of
demographics of the site so you can be realistic. I'm only going to use okcupid as an example.
race - The majority of users on OKC are white. I think I read somewhere that blacks only make up about 3% -10% of okc. With that in mind, remember that most people prefer to date their own race. Yes, some are open to others, but many non-bm online have the check everything but black attitude, So this may decrease your options on okc.
With black men, there just aren't that many to chose from on okcupid. And this may not be PC, but I think most bm on okc are looking for an IR and/or open to all types of women. I mean, to me it makes sense. If a bm wants a bw, why is going on okc to look for her when we are only a small percentage of the site? If a bm wants a bw, he can easily find one offline, especially since most bm aren't afraid to approach women in real life.
religion - The majority of users on OKC are atheist or agnostic. I know many BW are Christian and very religious. Again, this may decrease your options online.
education - I think at least half (probably more) of the men on okc have at least a bachelor's degree. Most college educated men want their women to be polished, college educated, and very knowledgeable about a variety of topics. This is common sense but please make sure your profile reflects that. Your grammar and spelling need to be "on point."
2). With that said, don't depend on online dating as the only way to get dates. The numbers are not in our favor online, though it can happen of course.
Do what you can to learn how to meet men in real life, get them to approach, mingle, and flirt with them.
3).
Open minded
If you must use online dating, as a bw you must be open-minded to men of all races who may be open to bw. Blacks are not the majority on okc, so it doesn't make sense to me when people complain about not finding bm on there. lol
If you want to date bm only, maybe try black dating sites like blackpeoplemeet or blackplanet. If you must date a Christian, try religious sites like christianmingle.com.
4).
Try meetup.com or other co-ed interactive message boards or social media. If you must use the internet to find dates, join meetup.com groups with men that may be your type. Make sure you use attractive pictures, and fill out your profile completely. Make your profile approachable, and some men may hit you up on there. Also, go to the events. It will be a great way to meet men from online with similar interests. Same with other message boards and social media (fb, twitter...) if you are into those things. Have a cute picture and interesting/approachable profile.
Cater to the audience of the site. Think about the type of men you like and how you can craft a profile to catch their interests.
5). (Profile)
pictures are very important. If you are not getting enough hits, you must find a better picture. Make sure that your main picture is somewhat flirty and clear/crisp enough to see your features well enough. Make sure your pictures don't look "LE." This isn't pc, but I can usually tell from a guy's main picture if he is "LE" or not.
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Face shot - A smile is must. If you are dark, please don't use blurry or dull pictures where we can't see your features. Phone or webcam pictures are a no no. They don't capture our features well. Only use pictures from actual cameras. You might want to wear makeup.
Or get professional photos done.
-Hair - Again, not pc, but most men on these sites prefer longer hair. If your main picture is one of you with a twa, shrunken twists, cornrows, or Nia long hair cut, you may not get as many hits. Please try experimenting with pictures with more feminine/flirty hair styles (usually hair worn down or baa) if you can.
-Body - Again, okc is a white majority site. Most nonbm prefer their women on the smaller side. If you are overweight, then this may decrease your options. You must have full body shots on your page. If you are trying to cater to the average college educated man on okc, please make sure your outfits portray you as polished, feminine, poised, and professional.
6).
Profile names. On blackpeoplemeet, user names such as iLOVEgod, MsPeaches, thickems, soulfoodlover, JayZswifey, and darkmenonly, may get you tons of hits. On sites on okc, those types of usernames may decrease your hits. If you want to use sites like okc and you are open to all races, create a username that suggest you are open to all cultures and have unique interests...belle du jour is a good one. You must have an engaging/witty username on sites like okc.
7).
Keywords/Profile content. Check out this page:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/. Make sure you talk about interests on your profile that will interest the types of men you want to attract, but remember the main audience on the site. Be honest.
Not saying to change yourself, but if you are on sites like okcupid, and all your page talks about is how you love Trey Songs, Lil Wayne, basketball, Jesus, Denzel, favorite movie: Love and Basketball, favorite book: Coldest winter ever, and all you watch on tv is Martin, don't be surprised if a lot of men on okc don't message you.
8).
Look at your competition. See how they write their content and the types of pictures they use. This may help you figure out what works and doesn't work. Also,
check out the profiles of the men you want and don't want. This may give you better insight on how to get what you are looking for. No offense to anyone, but when I look at profiles of college educated women/men vs non-college educated women/men, overall I see a major difference. And as I said earlier, I can usually tell if a guy is my type or not by his main profile picture/username.
He came out with elaborate story which was bull and blowing up my phone for 2 days afterwards.
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...haven't been in here or too focused on dating in a while as I've been preoccupied with other life things. Guy3 is still hanging in there even though I've been kinda neglectful lol
