***Online Dating Support Thread***
- Thread starter JollyGal
- Start date
I get more emails on POF than on Okc, but it's usually the, "hey ma, how you doing?" types.
erplexed I never respond to them because I can already see where it's going to go. It seems like POF is a thug magnet, so I won't be messaging any guy on there first. I see more of my type of guys on Okc, but I feel like if they are really interested in me they will message me and show that they actually read my profile. So far so good. It's funny how the belief is that attractive women get 1000 messages a day on online dating sites. But I'm starting to wonder how often is this true for attractive women? And how many of these messages are even quality?
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
mischka both actually.I get poor quality hits when the dude hits me up like the yo mama you iz sexi holla at ya boy type bs or when I eloquently reach out to a guy I get no response or some may be nice and say oh thank you for the compliment but it doesn't lead to anything.I sent a message to a guy last night we went back and forth but when I gave my number he stopped then I sent a message this morning saying I hope I didnt scare you he finally responded saying he doesnt go fast in dating..
POF is grimlin central.
erplexedGirl, the more I read about the reality online dating, the more I realize it's over rated. Sure, most women are getting tons of messages, but are these men even good men? Are they even meeting IRL? How are these men IRL? Sometimes I think not getting messages is a blessing in disguise. God is trying to protect us from nonsense and help us avoid the rift raft.
I think it's nice to put up an online dating profile just to see what's out there. But I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket and depend on it as my main source of dating. I would try to put more effort in meeting men in real life.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
lushcoils you know you just said something that hit my baby toe about putting all your eggs into one basket.I feel I have bc Im so darn much a homebody and dont like going out unless I have a purpose to ie a date if I could ever get one.So online dating is my main way bc when irl dudes chat its nothing I would even consider to date.
I go days without messages but then on some days I get a few.Oh I wish I had more gusto to go out and more money.
I go days without messages but then on some days I get a few.Oh I wish I had more gusto to go out and more money.
mischka
shrinkage.
no, lol. this is the way i look at it, most of the men doing online dating are deficient in some way. in this country, where it is arguable that there are more available women than available men and women are beginning to be more successful in the labor force/academic market than men, men shouldnt really be single like that. it shouldnt be hard to any type of quality man to meet a woman, and he probably wouldnt be on online dating sites to do it. so by default the argument could be made that if he is doing online dating at all something is probably wrong with him.
of course it could be a variety of benign to malignant things wrong with him that don't necessarily mean he's single because he'll ALWAYS be single. things like being unemployed, living with parents, being overweight, having a small penis, being uglier than normal all contribute to guys' self esteem with women and may be a factor in why those guys find it easier to meet girls online. it isn't necessarily something like his personality sucks, he's a horrible person, he's a murderer, etc. that he's a guy you need to avoid and would never date. but in general i think this does imply something about his quality is not necessarily up to par.
there are also guys who are so busy with things like med school and law school and demanding careers and whatever that don't really have a lot of time to devote to a social life and to meeting women so they use online dating. but the same rules apply because they can afford to be much choosier - they COULD meet women irl if they had time so they are less reliable when it comes to online dating and may not get to the stage of meeting irl. so that could account for why things stall or why great guys are hard to find/connect with on these sites. you would probably have to be better than normal to bag a high quality man online dating since people who are in high demand aren't likely to use online dating in the same way that other people are.
idk if i articulated all that well.
Have you tried the paying sites like eharmony or match? It seems like guys are little more serious when they have to pay. Or maybe even some of the sites targeted to black people? I know some of these non-bm are open to bw, but seeing the "I prefer every women except bw" checked gets discouraging after some time.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
No I haven't as Im not balling yet not saying these sites are hecka expensive just not in the cards at the moment.The one blk site I went to blackpeoplemeet wasn't hitting it since you have to pay for a membership.OKC wasn't good for me at all.I guess I'm not the white guy's thing.
Interesting insight. I have also thought about what would make a guy sign up for online dating, especially when browsing through the men in my area with most of them looking like losers. Then I wonder, could the same be said for women using online dating sites? (That if they were in high demand, they wouldn't be on there?)
mischka
shrinkage.
i'm not in high demand. i get hit on a lot and guys want to sleep with me, but when it comes to relationships i'm not that girl. part of it is me not being or wanting to be the relationship girl and part of it, i have to assume, is guys not choosing me for a relationship. so while physically i probably don't have much trouble attracting men, once you get past that there are some issues that prevent me from having anything other than flings.
this doesn't bother me too much because i'm not big on relationships and i'm a loner. the thing that does bother me is that i figure a relationship should have happened by now and i don't know what pieces are in motion that have prevented it from happening - is it more me or is it more them, for example. so i mostly use online dating to meet new people and see if it goes anywhere, not for a relationship specifically. and for hooking up, sometimes. lol.
this doesn't bother me too much because i'm not big on relationships and i'm a loner. the thing that does bother me is that i figure a relationship should have happened by now and i don't know what pieces are in motion that have prevented it from happening - is it more me or is it more them, for example. so i mostly use online dating to meet new people and see if it goes anywhere, not for a relationship specifically. and for hooking up, sometimes. lol.
Oasis
grabbing life by the pussy
@mischka can we be friends? 
you sound hilarious and oh so much like myself.
i ended up deleting my profile on OkStupid. what is it about me that makes unattractive white guys think i'd be interested in them?
i was a member for almost 3 months and only about 1% of the guys who contacted me were black. they really don't care for me. 
i'm thinking of creating a new profile cuz i'm bored and i need a body.
you sound hilarious and oh so much like myself.i ended up deleting my profile on OkStupid. what is it about me that makes unattractive white guys think i'd be interested in them?
i was a member for almost 3 months and only about 1% of the guys who contacted me were black. they really don't care for me. i'm thinking of creating a new profile cuz i'm bored and i need a body.
Britt
Well-Known Member
I can't say i'm enjoying this online thing really so far. I'm about in month 2 on BPM. There has been one person who really caught my eye meaning he's def catch my attention if I saw him irl. Anyway, I msg'd him and he didn't respond.
Then there were 2 other guys. The first one I spoke to several times on the phone, and text back and forth. The convos were kinda 'blah' w/him, but I personally don't want to speak to anyone w/o getting to see them in person. I'm big on live interaction. When I suggested meeting in person he sounded hesitant and never called me back.
The other guy I spoke to once on the phone for a while, and he def has personality, which I love... we text'd a few times, but I gather he's not interested in that way.
I say all this to say, this is only 2 ppl but I don't want to go through this with a bunch of other men. I can easily see how ppl get tired of dating. The positive in this all is that it gives me practice w/ coming out my shell and speaking to men more.
Then there were 2 other guys. The first one I spoke to several times on the phone, and text back and forth. The convos were kinda 'blah' w/him, but I personally don't want to speak to anyone w/o getting to see them in person. I'm big on live interaction. When I suggested meeting in person he sounded hesitant and never called me back.
The other guy I spoke to once on the phone for a while, and he def has personality, which I love... we text'd a few times, but I gather he's not interested in that way.
I say all this to say, this is only 2 ppl but I don't want to go through this with a bunch of other men. I can easily see how ppl get tired of dating. The positive in this all is that it gives me practice w/ coming out my shell and speaking to men more.
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
I get more emails on POF than on Okc, but it's usually the, "hey ma, how you doing?" types.
It's funny how the belief is that attractive women get 1000 messages a day on online dating sites. But I'm starting to wonder how often is this true for attractive women? And how many of these messages are even quality?
The same here. I don't respond to "Yo" are any other message written to me about my body parts. It's a shame that grown men act like they've been raised by wolves.
On POF, I started off getting a lot of messages...I mean A LOT. I would definitely choose quality over quantity though. I had to erase a lot of BS type men to get to the few decent ones on that site...
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
You are so in my head right now!
My big issue right now if finding an actual mate...not some fling. That seems to be the trend with the men that I interact with. They act like horny, never seen cookie before type of fools with me...but then they mate with the next chick that they go out with.
This whole dating thing is starting to mess with my head,lol. I really need to focus on me and figure out what it is that keeps attracting these type of folks....and why it's so easy for some women to get into a relationship, but not me....
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Man I guess Im just a ***** or something bc I can't seem to be me without offending some dude.This dude was like can I have another way to contact you so I gave him my email then he is like sweetie sweetie whats your number.I was like My name is xxx but I will let you pass.
Now ole boy won't even respond.Man this dating ish is for the flipping birds.I can't seem to find a manly man who doesn't get all huffy over me being sassy.
Now ole boy won't even respond.Man this dating ish is for the flipping birds.I can't seem to find a manly man who doesn't get all huffy over me being sassy.
cinnespice
Hello is me your looking for?
I was on match and e-harmony and they did not work out. I signed up to ok cupid with the push from a friend. Why is it working out much better. I met a really nice guy I also had a date with him that went really well.I'm hoping that it works out. I have been on ok cupid for 3 weeks. There is also another guy that seems interesting also. Just trying to be patient.
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
lol, I've done the same thing. It really makes my skin crawl when some guy I don't even know starts with the sappy nicknames...
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
I'm starting to get antsy about deleting my POF profile. I'll give it another week...but I may just have to end my no dating strike :\
TRUKARISMA
Active Member
ladies i am not getting much communication on match these days.. no winks, no emails. i put up a new pic recently and i wonder if it has anything to do with that. i am getting fed up. I just need to meet one guy ...jeez
just venting..
just venting..
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Yes I know its ridulos..I mean oh I had this middle eastern dude who I sent a message to who had some pretty eyes to me so I sent him a message saying Im probable not your type but just had to comment on your nice eyes..his reponse was you have some nice boobs.WTF
Britt
Well-Known Member
YESSSS! mischka has a good point. B/c imo men have it far easier and much more to choose from than women do. However, when I look at someone like myself, and even my peers, we all are good women, and I think would be a pretty good catch so men would prob wonder the samething. They might wonder if something is wrong with us also. I certainly get that asked often "why am I on a dating site". My honest answer to that is that I don't go out much at all, actually.. hardly. I don't meet men @ work or even on my way to work. I think if I were to go out much more often.. like every wknd or after work, there prob wouldn't be as much as a need to be on a dating site. That's not gonna change all too much tho. I might start hanging out more, but even then that doesn't mean that I'm going to meet someone. If I were a social butterfly that went out often I would have more options from which to choose. Right now, online has been my option
.
mischka
shrinkage.
is this pof still? they are a mess over there. it seems much more a hook up site than people over there wanting a relationship.
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
Lmao...guys are so weak!
I used to get guys calling me mrs.booty or refrencing my body parts all the time on POF
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Thats the thing I dont have clevage on any my of pics that is out.My pics Im covered but I do have 46i boobs so your going to see them though..
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
So...I went on my OKCupid profile to delete it and saw a message from 2 really gorgeous guys. One that I spoke with back and forth on there months ago (I gave him my number before I stopped going on that site, but he never called)
I feel like I'm actually cheating on my no dating rule,lol. We'll see how it goes with these two. If they don't make any moves to trying to set a date or ask for my number soon then I'll go ahead and delete the profile.
I feel like I'm actually cheating on my no dating rule,lol. We'll see how it goes with these two. If they don't make any moves to trying to set a date or ask for my number soon then I'll go ahead and delete the profile.
dollface0023
Well-Known Member
I don't know how it is with some women, but men will still do it.
Just like men will still dam near assault me while I'm in sweats and flip flops. Men need to actually start acting like men...then we wont have this problem.
Question ladies,
So im going out on my first online date from okcupid tomorrow. We've been talking/texting for about a week and he asked me out to lunch, i agreed. Then i texted "do you like bread co" he said "absolutely". I suggested a location that happens to be real popular and his reply was "eww lol" then i was like "ok what's wrong with that location" he said "they stay packed'. I'm real direct so i said "I see, you want to go somewhere low key (no pun intended) how about the one where i live? "(out where mostly white folks are) Then I texted "It should be less opportunity for you to run into someone you know
" He replied 15 mins later with "stop!"
Anyway, my question is doesnt this seem like a red flag?
Its obvious he doesnt want to be seen.
So im going out on my first online date from okcupid tomorrow. We've been talking/texting for about a week and he asked me out to lunch, i agreed. Then i texted "do you like bread co" he said "absolutely". I suggested a location that happens to be real popular and his reply was "eww lol" then i was like "ok what's wrong with that location" he said "they stay packed'. I'm real direct so i said "I see, you want to go somewhere low key (no pun intended) how about the one where i live? "(out where mostly white folks are) Then I texted "It should be less opportunity for you to run into someone you know
" He replied 15 mins later with "stop!"Anyway, my question is doesnt this seem like a red flag?
Its obvious he doesnt want to be seen.
NYAmicas
Seeker
Question ladies,
So im going out on my first online date from okcupid tomorrow. We've been talking/texting for about a week and he asked me out to lunch, i agreed. Then i texted "do you like bread co" he said "absolutely". I suggested a location that happens to be real popular and his reply was "eww lol" then i was like "ok what's wrong with that location" he said "they stay packed'. I'm real direct so i said "I see, you want to go somewhere low key (no pun intended) how about the one where i live? "(out where mostly white folks are) Then I texted "It should be less opportunity for you to run into someone you know
Anyway, my question is doesnt this seem like a red flag?
Its obvious he doesnt want to be seen.
Why would you assume he is trying to avoid people unless he's said other suspect things? I took it as he'd like somewhere less crowded or with a better chance at being seated quickly.
