***Online Dating Support Thread***
- Thread starter JollyGal
- Start date
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
I know right!! I'm hoping to add my name to the list soon
....reactivated my OKC account today after a 3 week break 
MizzBrown
Well-Known Member
A friend just got engaged to a guy she met online about nine months ago!
Damn! All it takes is 1...all it takes is 1....all it takes is 1..
RoseofLily
Well-Known Member
I guy on okc asked me if I like white guys. I told him yeah. This man has no profile or pics and he wants my number to text. I asked that man twice, why no profile or pic. I get no answer.
I've never done that -- you need it at least to coordinate when you're actually meeting ("I'm 5 minutes away" or whatever). With most guys I haven't talked to them on the phone before meeting them, though.
Guy3 wanted to meet up over the weekend, but I missed his text.
I've gotten a bunch of views and new messages lately, as I've turned on "locals" on the OKC mobile app to try that out for a while--but I haven't heard from anyone I find interesting. It's always some gross, random dude parked at a bar in wrigleyville that wants to meet. Ugh.
I'm sort of stalking this one guy
He rated me highly a while back, then I rated him highly. He looked at my profile again when okc sent that automatic email about us choosing each other. I looked at his. Nothing happened. A few days later he visited again shortly after I logged in (I think he might have favorited me...) I visit him a whole lot from my "other" account where I browse anonymously with reckless abandon I refuse to send a message first.
We're a bit mis-matched, but I find him intriguing. And he's totally my type physically. *sigh* I'll just stalk silently...for now...
I've gotten a bunch of views and new messages lately, as I've turned on "locals" on the OKC mobile app to try that out for a while--but I haven't heard from anyone I find interesting. It's always some gross, random dude parked at a bar in wrigleyville that wants to meet. Ugh.
I'm sort of stalking this one guy
He rated me highly a while back, then I rated him highly. He looked at my profile again when okc sent that automatic email about us choosing each other. I looked at his. Nothing happened. A few days later he visited again shortly after I logged in (I think he might have favorited me...) I visit him a whole lot from my "other" account where I browse anonymously with reckless abandon I refuse to send a message first.We're a bit mis-matched, but I find him intriguing. And he's totally my type physically. *sigh* I'll just stalk silently...for now...
Dposh167
Well-Known Member
ever since i went on POF, i really haven't had time to be on there. This is the first time that i actually am putting in time on this site. And i know black don't crack...but some of these BM are lying about their age. I'm seeing some old arse 27, 30 year olds. who are they fooling.
I decided to try a new zip code just to see what the guys were like in another city. I feel bad now cuz i have to break the news that i don't live there. oh well
I decided to try a new zip code just to see what the guys were like in another city. I feel bad now cuz i have to break the news that i don't live there. oh well
MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
Random online dating thought:
I work with a lot of white women (our unit staff is about 75 nurses, there are 2 black women including me) anyway, quite a few of them met their husbands or SO online. They dated a few duds but each found their hubbys within about 6 months or so. Which leads me to believe that a lot of the problems in this thread are reflective of problems many black women have when dating. I just think our dating pool whether online or off has some issues
doesn't mean there won't eventually be success, we just have to sort through a little more crap
Anyway, mr. granola got the ax after date 2, just wasn't my type
So I'm down to 2 guys. They are actually very similar. One guy has been around for awhile, the other one is still sort of new but we have a really great vibe so we'll see.
I work with a lot of white women (our unit staff is about 75 nurses, there are 2 black women including me
) anyway, quite a few of them met their husbands or SO online. They dated a few duds but each found their hubbys within about 6 months or so. Which leads me to believe that a lot of the problems in this thread are reflective of problems many black women have when dating. I just think our dating pool whether online or off has some issues doesn't mean there won't eventually be success, we just have to sort through a little more crapAnyway, mr. granola got the ax after date 2, just wasn't my type
So I'm down to 2 guys. They are actually very similar. One guy has been around for awhile, the other one is still sort of new but we have a really great vibe so we'll see.
Glamorous_chic
Well-Known Member
Random online dating thought:
I work with a lot of white women (our unit staff is about 75 nurses, there are 2 black women including me
Anyway, mr. granola got the ax after date 2, just wasn't my type
So I'm down to 2 guys. They are actually very similar. One guy has been around for awhile, the other one is still sort of new but we have a really great vibe so we'll see.
yes, i agree with your whole post. sadly this is my experience too.
i have quite a few co-workers who met their so's online. they found them relatively quickly, they put their profile up, went on 3-4 dates, bam, new boyfriend. non of these crazy dating stories either. btw they all met their so's on pof. and these are long-term going on 1-2 years now, possibly headed for marriage. and non of these parties are aa, 1 is philapino dating a caucasian the rest are caucasian. non of my aa friends have really had any success with online dating sadly.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
poochie167 said:
You don't necessarily have to change zip codes. The guy I am getting to know did a search by typing his interest in and was pleasantly surprised when he saw my profile....we were 12 hours away. That was a little over a month ago but feels longer bc we communicate all the time. I just moved ironically and now only six hours away. Meetup will be soon.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
Totally agree. Too much shenanigans, dead beats, down right unattractive, game playing, zero personality, chip on shouldersRandom online dating thought:
I work with a lot of white women (our unit staff is about 75 nurses, there are 2 black women including me
Anyway, mr. granola got the ax after date 2, just wasn't my type
So I'm down to 2 guys. They are actually very similar. One guy has been around for awhile, the other one is still sort of new but we have a really great vibe so we'll see.
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This is why I personally think most bw shouldn't depend on online dating. I've also noticed that (overall) (average to attractive looking) ww and Asian women have different experiences with online dating compared to the non-racially ambiguous (average to attractive looking) bw I've known*. Just change your picture to a ww or Asian woman and see for yourself. ** Most of these sites are a white majority. As shown by the check everything but black on paid sites and marriage stats, most date/marry their own. (I didn't say all).
So I think if bw want to be more successful with online dating, they need to be more strategic about their profile pictures/content and be more open to others. If you're only open to the few bm on non-black online dating sites, it MAY take longer to find someone. If your profile picture/content doesn't appeal to the male majority type for whatever reason, it MAY take longer to find someone.
An example for being appealing in profile content: religion. I noticed atheist bw have quicker success than Christian women on these non-religious dating sites.
*Cue the if you're a pretty normal black woman, you shouldn't have issues with finding your husband online within 1 week posts.*
**If you're one of those that get 100 messages a day and found your husband within 2 hours of making your online profile, calm yourself. This experiment doesn't apply to you.**
So I think if bw want to be more successful with online dating, they need to be more strategic about their profile pictures/content and be more open to others. If you're only open to the few bm on non-black online dating sites, it MAY take longer to find someone. If your profile picture/content doesn't appeal to the male majority type for whatever reason, it MAY take longer to find someone.
An example for being appealing in profile content: religion. I noticed atheist bw have quicker success than Christian women on these non-religious dating sites.
*Cue the if you're a pretty normal black woman, you shouldn't have issues with finding your husband online within 1 week posts.*
**If you're one of those that get 100 messages a day and found your husband within 2 hours of making your online profile, calm yourself. This experiment doesn't apply to you.**
meesch
yeezytotme
Oasis said:
good question. and ftr, all the white women i know who have discussed online dating (and the reason i started using okcupid which seemed kind of like a crazy/ridiculous idea to me was because of a bunch of friends and associates [ww] that recommended it and discussed their crazy stories) went on a bunch of dates and didnt necessarily have success with it. one girl did find her bf on it after dating/boning tons of ppl first, one girl ended up dating a guy we went to school with, and the poor overweight woman is still single.
stop drinking the koolaid.
personally im begining to wonder if the issue has nothing to do with the platform. for example a person who cant meet anyone in regular life, for whatever reason, isnt suddenly going to "fix" that issue just because he or she got online
online dating isnt a fix for not meeting men. getting online isnt magically going to make a good match, a guy you want, fall at your feet. its a way to meet more men and different men and go on more dates, but it isnt a instant cure all. you kind of have to already have the basic skills down you have to already know how to get what you want.eta: the more i think about it the more i think theres some merit to that. i think the idea is still sort of a furtive and sneaky "only weirdos need to use online dating" when that isnt true anymore. these days "real" people, regular people, desirable people use online dating. our culture is so techno-intensive, dating and meeting people could not remain something inaccessible by mainstream society. theres like this idea that one is deigning to lower themself to online dating. nah son
you still have to come with your a game just like anywhere else because at this point its no different from looking for a good man in any public respect. you wanna look at studies about how research shows nobody wants poor black women in online dating, how about you also look at the studies that say the quality of pictures is directly proportionate to response. dont put up that busted blurry cell phone photo and go well this gives them an idea of what i look like. folks are buying high quality cameras and deliberately going out places and setting up photo ops for dating profile pictures that show them as interesting, desirable, and wanted people. ive seen sites where people discuss doing it. ive seem some unattractive women, women who imo are so ugly i cant really stand to look at their faces, post some super intriguing photos that make them look fun and interesting and i have no doubt they meet tons of guys. those same "studies" examined that effect too. you believe the effort you exert is proportionate to the quality of your outcomes? put in some effort. dont go "well i cant really describe myself that well in writing, theyll get to know me when they meet me" why would they want to meet you? put some effort into displaying what makes you an interesting catch. and if you can't, well maybe you're not one and need to go work on that first. its the reality sometimes, and theres nothing wrong with that. im not saying pretty people dont have it easier when it comes to dating in general, because they do and they probably dont have to work as hard. and im not saying white women probably dont get more messages than black women on average, because they probably do, for many reasons discussed ad nauseum on this site. but what should that have to do with YOU? (general you obviously)
however, i do actually agree with the idea that religiousness will work against you in this context.
read these instead of more "black women suck" newsbreaks
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/This chart gives excellent insight as to why to the subject of this picture:
gets many more meaningful messages than does the subject of this one:
even though the two women are basically the same age, spend the same amount of time on the site, have similar profile length and quality, and have the same “attractiveness” as rated by OkCupid’s male population. If you want worthwhile messages in your inbox, the value of being conversation-worthy, as opposed to merely sexy, cannot be overstated.
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MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
Well when I say our dating pool, I'm speaking more specifically to black men. I know IR dating is a viable option but many black women date within their race hence the "different pool" I was referring to. I think there are differences when you seperate the dating pools by race.
Also, I've noticed that white women don't seem to be as concerned with looks and fashion sense as bw...this also makes their dating pool different in what I think is a good way. These are of course opinions and generalizations so feel free to disagree
meesch
yeezytotme
Well when I say our dating pool, I'm speaking more specifically to black men. I know IR dating is a viable option but many black women date within their race hence the "different pool" I was referring to. I think there are differences when you seperate the dating pools by race.
Also, I've noticed that white women don't seem to be as concerned with looks and fashion sense as bw...this also makes their dating pool different in what I think is a good way. These are of course opinions and generalizations so feel free to disagree
ok this is my question. not asking you directly because i think its kind of a divergence on what you have said/been saying. but, if the difference or problem is in the dating pool referring specifically to the MEN... with one pool being exclusively black men and one pool being non-black men (with or without black men also)... and the problem is with the dating POOL... then why does it seem like questions are geared toward what the women could do in order to make the experience better/more successful? idk if i phrased that well, hope it translates.
MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
good question. and ftr, all the white women i know who have discussed online dating (and the reason i started using okcupid which seemed kind of like a crazy/ridiculous idea to me was because of a bunch of friends and associates [ww] that recommended it and discussed their crazy stories) went on a bunch of dates and didnt necessarily have success with it. one girl did find her bf on it after dating/boning tons of ppl first, one girl ended up dating a guy we went to school with, and the poor overweight woman is still single.
stop drinking the koolaid.
We both can site different experiences of white women, its all anecdotal evidence *shrug*
personally im begining to wonder if the issue has nothing to do with the platform. for example a person who cant meet anyone in regular life, for whatever reason, isnt suddenly going to "fix" that issue just because he or she got online
I think meeting people in real life can depend on your circumstances. Don't think because people aren't meeting good options in real life it's because they have issues they need to fixerplexed
you wanna look at studies about how research shows nobody wants poor black women in online dating, how about you also look at the studies that say the quality of pictures is directly proportionate to response. dont put . and im not saying white women probably dont get more messages than black women on average, because they probably do, for many reasons discussed ad nauseum on this site. but what should that have to do with YOU? (general you obviously)
I never thought about white women getting more responses...but I guess it makes sense. I personally felt bombarded by messages each day which is why my profile is now hidden. For me it hasn't been quantity of msgs, I just needed help filtering through to find worthy profiles and for me it worked out better to go looking than to only respond to the messages I got.
however, i do actually agree with the idea that religiousness will work against you in this context.
read these instead of more "black women suck" newsbreaks
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/
I hope my post didn't come across as a black women suck post
meesch
yeezytotme
I hope my post didn't come across as a black women suck post
but this is what i mean. your "issue" (i use quotes bc its not a bad thing, but its something that impacts your dating circumstances) is your divorced status/3 kids. that impacts your dating life, right? thats not going to go away just because you go online. the same guys walking around in real life are the same ones onlineI think meeting people in real life can depend on your circumstances. Don't think because people aren't meeting good options in real life it's because they have issues they need to fix
whats different other than accessibility?how do you feel about online dating in general? do you think it's good/helpful/going to meet your goals? i dont mean to sound like im putting you on the spot, just wondering how you do feel about online dating. i get weary of the idea that something wont work for a group of women just because they are black women (not saying that you did say that).
MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
Hmmm, I guess for me what has been helpful are the hints/tips on what I can control which would be making good choices for dates. So taking someone like me for example who got married young, did not have much dating experience and is now jumping into the dating game, those tips are helpful. Meeting someone out and about is what I'm used to pre-marriage and even though its brief, you can tell a lot about a person from face to face interaction on the first meeting. Much more than from pics and answers to profile questions.
meesch
yeezytotme
ahhhhhhhhhhhh i see what you mean. sort of like how to eagle eye clues and cues on profiles that the format of being online helps men to camouflage
MuziqizLyfe
Well-Known Member
but this is what i mean. your "issue" (i use quotes bc its not a bad thing, but its something that impacts your dating circumstances) is your divorced status/3 kids. that impacts your dating life, right? thats not going to go away just because you go online. the same guys walking around in real life are the same ones online
Yeah well I guess I know for a fact I can be in "mommy mode" when out with the kids. Not in my dress, I do always take the time to look nice and I'm not a frumpy dresser but I'm on a mission, I'm dealing with the kids, discipline, getting whatever accomplished and so I'm in a zone so to speak and may not even notice men.
There have been times where glances have been exchanged but then I remember the kids are with me and I snap out of it and ignore the person
For example, I've been in the minority in saying that I prefer txting. I like it because I can interact with men on the site or txting while cooking dinner, homework help, hanging with the kids and it doesn't take away from my kids. It also doesn't bring them into the scenario like it would if they were right there while I chatted up some guy and exchanged numbers
how do you feel about online dating in general? do you think it's good/helpful/going to meet your goals? i dont mean to sound like im putting you on the spot, just wondering how you do feel about online dating. i get weary of the idea that something wont work for a group of women just because they are black women (not saying that you did say that).
I really like it. But I guess my goals are different than the average woman. I just got out of something long term so a serious relationship is not my goal right now. I joke that I will be ready in about 3 years when I hit 40 but I am loving the freedom to raise my kids, work, go out with friends, etc too much to want to be tied down.
So for me, online dating has helped me with my goals. I wanted to meet new people, make friends, date etc. I'm doing thatI knew my ex husband better than he knew himself but figuring these men out is something else. I've had to stop comparing or looking at them like my ex.
I didn't mean for my post to imply online dating couldn't work for black women. My actual goal was to show that dating online isn't that much different than real life dating so people shouldn't give up so easily. I'm not the best at expressing my thoughts I guess
Dposh167
Well-Known Member
please explain how sending me a half naked pic of yourself...with the words good morning is supposed to make my day? especially after we only had 1 conversation that wasn't all that great. That's like me sending a pic of me in a bra with "how's your day going?". who does this???? why?? if i wanted to go thru this i would have went straight to craigslist personals
mallysmommy
Well-Known Member
Soo the older guy texted on monday and i ignored it. He. Called today and i answered. He promised me up and down that he did not stand me up and that he tried to contact me three times saturday and i didnt respond. I wouldnt have believed him hadnt a few people before told me that they tried calling and texting but i didnt respond because i didnt receive it. He said that he has kept all of the messages and phone log and can prove that he tried contacting me.
Le sigh
I wonder if all the other guys who i assumed stood me up contacted me as well.
Le sigh
I wonder if all the other guys who i assumed stood me up contacted me as well.
