***Online Dating Support Thread***

[MuziqizLyfe]

M and I are still cool. He's okay but we have more physical/romantic chemistry than friendship if that makes any sense. I can see that fizzling out and don't want to just get stuck on him only.

So I've discovered that you can keep your profile hidden on POF but still interact with people, yay! I didn't want to unhide my profile and be inundated with messages again to sift through. I think that led me to making some bad choices. I prefer making my own selections

So I've reached out to 2 POF guys and responded to one OKC guy.

Guy #1 and I have chatted online all day long and are still currently txting right now! (I'm the oddball that actually prefers txting because my kids are always around and nosy) We actually have a lot in common. Like some of the same authors, shows we watch, music etc.

Guy #2 msg'd me a few weeks back but I had too many in rotation to add him at the time. I reached out to him and we've exchanged a few messages today. He seems cool and he likes latin dance, yay! He's short though and I don't like short men but I made an exception once in college and he was one of my best boyfriends so I decided not to count him out

Guy 3# lives about an hour away so we'll see. He's already said that he will come to me for the first 2 dates but would like me to come to his city for the 3rd date. I'm like how do you know we will make it that far, lol

Alright, let the dating olympics begin

 

[kweenameena]

I canceled my dates last night since I went from feeling just under the weather to having full blown flu symptoms. One of them seemed to be understanding. He sent me a text this morning asking if I was ok. The other seemed to be like whatever. Oh well, his loss.

But I ended up exchanging a few messages online with 2 new guys. One of them put it out there that he's trying to go into ministry, he's celibate and boy does he have a way with words. He and I might set up an initial date soon.
The other has his own govt contracting business, his own home on the waterfront and just seems so mature. We haven't set up a date yet but I like what I see so far. We'll see though.

Oh...there was one more guy who kept bragging about how gorgeous his kids are because they are biracial (they are the same mix as me). But he really turned me off with that. So he won't be getting any conversation from me anymore. I can already tell that he's a kang.

 

[cami88]

@cami88 dont let my pathetic love life discourage you. you may fare better than i have.i keepsattracting horrible guys and scaring the good ones off. i never thought that finding someone and then being with them (if it ever gets to that point) will be like pulling teeth. i have more fun playing angry birds all night.

*sigh*
It' not that...Any relationship I could pursue would have to exist only on skype. I have a small child, and can't afford to pay any sitters so, there's that. Also, I just don't feel confident enough at this weight to go out and date. The weight isn't such a hindrance, its really more my confidence. I just don't feel good enough to go out and date at this point. I'm shooting for this time next year.

 

[MizzKutieQ]

cami88 dont let my pathetic love life discourage you. you may fare better than i have.i keepsattracting horrible guys and scaring the good ones off. i never thought that finding someone and then being with them (if it ever gets to that point) will be like pulling teeth. i have more fun playing angry birds all night.

Same here my phone is my cuddle buddy. I tried the positive profile. To attract positive men. Blah! It seems like the ignorant just don't read or don't care. It's like I'm a magnet for guys that don't want anything serious. Guys that are just a joke, and the plan ol'weirdos.

I'm not trying to be all woe is me. But DAMN! Who knew it would be this hard to find ONE man.

 

[DarkJoy]

I hear you ladies. I feel the same way at times...all this BS to find the one gem. Too much work.

Speaking of, let blue collar go. He asked some obnoxious questions. And I don't do obnoxious. It pisses me off.

 

[Bublin]

*sigh*
It' not that...Any relationship I could pursue would have to exist only on skype. I have a small child, and can't afford to pay any sitters so, there's that. Also, I just don't feel confident enough at this weight to go out and date. The weight isn't such a hindrance, its really more my confidence. I just don't feel good enough to go out and date at this point. I'm shooting for this time next year.

cami88
Do you work? If yes, have you thought about going on lunchtime dates?
I used to wait every other weekend to go on a date. I then switched to lunch dates and in two weeks I met 3 guys.
When you find the right guy he will naturally fit into your life.
Going on a few dates may boost your confidence.

 

[Victorian]

So I just got back from dinner with a new guy (I guess that makes him guy6? I'm mad I wasted a number on guy5...They don't get numbers unless we've met in person--that's the new rule ). We went to an Ethiopian place -- it was quite good. He seems really nice and normal, former Navy, currently in business school. I'd go out with him again.

Other new guy I've messaged a couple times, he asked if he could call, gave me his number and was also seeing if I was free tonight. I suppose I could have said drinks or something tonight since I'm already back home, but I'm busy working on my vision board So I replied with my number and we might do something tomorrow--we shall see.

Both of these guys have the same first name which cracks me up for some reason (same name, and use the same nickname)

 

[Glamorous_chic]

so, i went out on a date today. so, we talked on the phone and we had pretty good conversation, and he was a good on paper type. went to college, has his masters, is a engineer, seemed to have his ish together. we talked on the phone for a couple of hours for the last few days, and decided to meet up for lunch today. well....

his pics he posted, he was a little chubby, and i was okay with that, but he apparently gained alot of weight since his pics. he was very obese and had very feminine qualities, including this high pitched laugh, and mannerisms. smh. i wanted to turn and run and go home. i decided to try to make the best out of the date, hoping well atleast this could be a friend. but, he annoyed me to no end. like, he started asking me questions, that we talked about just thursday. i answered, but then he it literally turned into the exact conversation we had on thursday. i told him, hey we just talked about this. he got attitudy and said do you expect me to remember everything we talk about?! umm no, but this was just 2 days ago, not 2 weeks or 2 months ago. wtf. like it was the exact conversation. then he proceeded to ask me if i was spoiled. ohwell: at this point, i was really annoyed, and he asked me if i was normally this quiet and asked if i had any friends. i told him no, i was a boring lame loner with no hobbies. (i can sometimes be a b#$h when im annoyed) i tried to make the best of it. he also kept making comments about how small and tiny i was (im 5'2 and petite), and how precious my size is. erplexed

i feel like it was a complete waste of time. i can feel myself becoming jaded, but i just remind myself that all it takes is 1. i just really wonder how many more frogs i will have to date before i find my prince. im really considering deleting my online profile, b/c i really only seem to keep attracting is either the unemployed or facially challenged.

 

[MizzBrown]

^I like that quote though.. All it takes is 1.

All it takes is 1. All it takes is 1. All it takes is 1...

 

[kweenameena]

Ok, so I've been recovering from the flu today. I decided to go to the Korean bath house to soak and sit in their steam room. I arrived at around 11pm.
As I pull up and get out of the car.....guess who calls my name?

Guy #1!!! This place is not located near either of us. I mentioned it to him in passing when we were dating. I never thought he'd actually go. But here we are at the bath house at the same time on a Saturday night.
So of course he goes into how much he misses me. How it's like a dream that he actually ran into me. How I need to give him a 2nd chance. How it's a sign. How he will respect my celibacy because he decided to go ahead and remain celibate as well. Blah blah blah
He's so cute when he begs..
But I don't know about him. I don't trust it.

 

[mallysmommy]

^^ thats one hell of a coincidence......

 

[DarkJoy]

'coincidence' like that can't be ignored!

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

'coincidence' like that can't be ignored!

Yes it can! I'd call that stalking not coincidence. Lol. That is way too unique of a place to randomly run into someone on a Saturday night.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

mallysmommy
The first thing that struck me as a little odd is that he asked what you were doing this weekend and you responded by asking him out. If a guy (that I've been talking to online) asks me about what I'm doing this week/weekend, I always assume he's about to try to make plans. So I would have responded with church and work and the food truck thing, but NOT invited him. At that point he might have gone on with some suggestion or asked if you wanted to do something. And if he was honestly just chatting, and not asking you out, don't remark on it.

I kinda cringed a bit at the asking if he'll ever be available erplexed Just the language here is telling: "am i stuck with only texts?" While I'm sure you didn't think of it this way, you are basically indicating that you believe you only have 2 options: 1) he finally asks you out 2) you continue texting with him even though you don't want to (you're stuck with it). As if option 3 (you figure this is going nowhere and move on) doesn't even exist. As I said, I'm sure you don't actually think that, but that is the vibe you will give off if you phrase things that way.

I'd consider him a lost cause given how long it's been. Guy5 was like that (texting, hinting at wanting to go out, but never actually, literally asking for a specific date), and I just stopped replying to his random what's up messages. I know it's difficult when you don't want to feel like you are being overly strict or not giving someone a chance -- trust me, I'm all for being reasonable -- but waiting and begging is not the business.

I had to do that to someone. Emailed forever, I said take my personal email it's quicker for me to reply, he made some excuse about that method isn't easier/quicker for him, he mentioned this is the longest he's ever emailed someone(good thing to him), I said that's not necessarily a good thing (that we've email for 2 months and you haven't asked for my number or asked me out), finally we exchanged numbers and he would text. Called like twice. After the sexing call I didn't return it. You can't take 3-4 months to ask me out and still think I'm still interested. No sir.

 

[cami88]

so, i went out on a date today. so, we talked on the phone and we had pretty good conversation, and he was a good on paper type. went to college, has his masters, is a engineer, seemed to have his ish together. we talked on the phone for a couple of hours for the last few days, and decided to meet up for lunch today. well....

his pics he posted, he was a little chubby, and i was okay with that, but he apparently gained alot of weight since his pics. he was very obese and had very feminine qualities, including this high pitched laugh, and mannerisms. smh. i wanted to turn and run and go home. i decided to try to make the best out of the date, hoping well atleast this could be a friend. but, he annoyed me to no end. like, he started asking me questions, that we talked about just thursday. i answered, but then he it literally turned into the exact conversation we had on thursday. i told him, hey we just talked about this. he got attitudy and said do you expect me to remember everything we talk about?! umm no, but this was just 2 days ago, not 2 weeks or 2 months ago. wtf. like it was the exact conversation. then he proceeded to ask me if i was spoiled. ohwell: at this point, i was really annoyed, and he asked me if i was normally this quiet and asked if i had any friends. i told him no, i was a boring lame loner with no hobbies. (i can sometimes be a b#$h when im annoyed) i tried to make the best of it. he also kept making comments about how small and tiny i was (im 5'2 and petite), and how precious my size is. erplexed

i feel like it was a complete waste of time. i can feel myself becoming jaded, but i just remind myself that all it takes is 1. i just really wonder how many more frogs i will have to date before i find my prince. im really considering deleting my online profile, b/c i really only seem to keep attracting is either the unemployed or facially challenged.

I busted out laughing.

 

[kweenameena]

Yes it can! I'd call that stalking not coincidence. Lol. That is way too unique of a place to randomly run into someone on a Saturday night.

I doubt he was stalking me. He doesn't know my schedule, where I live, how often I go or anything. He was leaving the spa as I was pulling up. He mentioned that he wanted to go ahead and try it out since he didn't have plans for the night.

 

[Victorian]

Well I just had brunch with guy7. He's so....sweet. Like SO sweet Like, looking-to-hide-your-gayness-from-your-family-by-dating-a-girl sweet
As soon as he said "hi" I was all erplexed (on the inside -- I smiled and said hi on the outside).

He comes off a bit overly focused on making money (which, to be fair, he IS doing) and seems to think he's better looking than he is.

But the worst part is that I totally want to be BFF's with him
We were talking nonstop the whole time. We're in a similar line of work and like a bunch of the same geeky stuff. We went to the comic book store after brunch. He was telling me all sorts of stuff about various comics and their storylines and how he was an extra in The Dark Knight Rises.

*sigh* I still want to hang out with him again He and I will never make babies.

 

[kweenameena]

Well I just had brunch with guy7. He's so....sweet. Like SO sweet Like, looking-to-hide-your-gayness-from-your-family-by-dating-a-girl sweet
As soon as he said "hi" I was all erplexed (on the inside -- I smiled and said hi on the outside).

He comes off a bit overly focused on making money (which, to be fair, he IS doing) and seems to think he's better looking than he is.

But the worst part is that I totally want to be BFF's with him
We were talking nonstop the whole time. We're in a similar line of work and like a bunch of the same geeky stuff. We went to the comic book store after brunch. He was telling me all sorts of stuff about various comics and their storylines and how he was an extra in The Dark Knight Rises.

*sigh* I still want to hang out with him again He and I will never make babies.

Girllllll, I could've written this myself! I went out with a new guy, (Guy #5) today.
He's an aspiring pastor, but he also has a full time and a non-profit. Through our messages back in forth he was very articulate and expressive. He just seem to get it.

I met him for breakfast this morning and my gaydar was screaming!!!!
But now he's calling me like crazy and is planning our 2nd date. He's a great guy but I can see us shopping together. Did I mention he's a fabulous dresser **2 snap fo the kids**

 

[kweenameena]

Ok.....I forgot to update you all on my other date today.
So this morning was breakfast with Guy #5.
And this evening was golfing with Guy #2 (the emotionally unavailable millionaire).

Ok so Guy #2 drove an hour and half to see me and come to the really cool point-based driving range in my city. We played about 8 games and I only beat him in one. He really seemed to enjoy himself. I was proud of myself for putting together a cool date. This was his fist time at a place like that.

We both took the 5 love languages quiz (from our iphones) while we were there. I learned a bit about how he operates and what affection and love mean to him. Overall, he's really mature, considerate, smooth and very much a gentleman. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him.

 

[3akay3]

Phew!! Ok, finally made it through this entire thread.

I'm currently on OKC and Match... I think it's been close to a month since I've signed up. I tried online dating early last year and epic failed. I lasted maybe a week before I jumped ship. I definitely wouldn't have lasted as long this time around if it hadn't been for this thread.

I don't have much to report yet. I get a lot of messages and there are a few guys with potential I'm messaging but they don't seem so eager and I'm not going to chase. There's hope, though.

V, who's Indian, just moved here from Philly and we've had good momentum so far. We started messaging when he was in Philly. Now that he's here, he hinted at going on a date after he gets settled. Great personality but not feeling a physical attraction from his pictures... hopefully I'll feel differently after we meet.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I think someone is about to get kicked off my island. We've been messaging through POF I finally give him my number. We haven't really talked yet. He called me, I missed the call and called him back Friday he had to call me back, he did when I was at happy hour. I called him back Sunday at 5 he was on his way somewhere and said he would call me back when he got home. He called at 10:20(biggest pet peeve I find this VERY rude to call people you don't really know after 10). I didn't answer. He just texted me at 7:30am. Wtf. A little further down the road this might be a sweet gester but right now it's working my nerves.

 

[Bublin]

My nerves are being worked too LovelyLouboutin
This guy is over analysing everything i say he also texts me in the am that he is going to call in the pm. Come pm he texts me small talk. I'm about to blow my top but I playing along to see how far he takes this. But believe, I will not be picking up the phone.

 

[3akay3]

Just need to vent for 3 seconds.

HOW CAN YOU HAVE 27 PICTURES BUT NOT ONE IS A CLEAR SHOT OF YOUR FACE?!?!?

That is all...

 

[Daeuiel]

Just need to vent for 3 seconds.

HOW CAN YOU HAVE 27 PICTURES BUT NOT ONE IS A CLEAR SHOT OF YOUR FACE?!?!?

That is all...

Wat.

Ok let's say you met someone online but they live on the other side of the planet, so even though y'all are having a great meeting of the minds, you never thought it would come to anything. You have everything in common. He's smart and funny and a great friend. Then he comes to visit your country on a totally different trip and you happen to meet him and it's like

And you've talked about it--it's totally mutual, you both want to see where this could go. He brought up marriage first - not a crazy, way-too-soon proposal, but that he could see the two of you going the distance. He wants to be the provider and have you stay at home if you choose. He wants to have your babies. Unfortunately, he's going back to the far side of the moon. Can't visit you again until next year But he will gladly buy you a plane ticket so you can come see him. Do you go? When do you go? How long do you stay? How much time do you need to spend together before agreeing to a commitment? You've known him for a year but that was only online. (doesn't count.) You've spent less than a month in his physical presence but every minute of it was awesome.

Not even going to try and front, this is a true story

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Daeuiel

Make sure you have your own hotel room. Maybe try to convince a few friends to come so you aren't completely alone in a different country.

I am too chicken to do that though, I didn't even want to visit this dude in NYC, and I am in GA. haha

 

[Daeuiel]

Daeuiel

Make sure you have your own hotel room. Maybe try to convince a few friends to come so you aren't completely alone in a different country.

I am too chicken to do that though, I didn't even want to visit this dude in NYC, and I am in GA. haha

Good plan. My mom will probably come with me. She is a 6' tall law enforcement officer. The poor man

I am thinking I won't visit him for at least another year or so. I have a lot on my plate in terms of travel and work for the next 8 months.

 

[DarkJoy]

Wat.

Ok let's say you met someone online but they live on the other side of the planet, so even though y'all are having a great meeting of the minds, you never thought it would come to anything. You have everything in common. He's smart and funny and a great friend. Then he comes to visit your country on a totally different trip and you happen to meet him and it's like.

Not even going to try and front, this is a true story

@Daeuiel, slow it down. It happened to me about a year ago. Massive fireworks. Guy was an older rich man from the Netherlands. We talked online for a very long time just like you but nothing was coming of it because I had a situation. Then the situation was over and he was on 12 hour flight to the US. We had a great week. Then again...he visited for 3 weeks a little after. He wanted to be hubby #2 lol I had to keep telling him to slow down. He really didnt know me.

I wasnt a newbie at meeting ppl from online have been doing so since the old BBS system days (that's PRE-Innanets for the yungins lol)--i've met folks from special interest and gaming groups before so knew personnas are different in 3D. So I waited and there was the real him starting to peek out. The one you don't see on a whirlwind week vacation. The one who who doesnt chat, skype or types to you for an hour a day.

Naw son... I told him not to come back after that 3rd week.

Got some nice prezzies out of it tho.

 

[Daeuiel]

@Daeuiel, slow it down. It happened to me about a year ago. Massive fireworks. Guy was an older rich man from the Netherlands. We talked online for a very long time just like you but nothing was coming of it because I had a situation. Then the situation was over and he was on 12 hour flight to the US. We had a great week. Then again...he visited for 3 weeks a little after. He wanted to be hubby #2 lol I had to keep telling him to slow down. He really didnt know me.

I wasnt a newbie at meeting ppl from online have been doing so since the old BBS system days (that's PRE-Innanets for the yungins lol)--i've met folks from special interest and gaming groups before so knew personnas are different in 3D. So I waited and there was the real him starting to peek out. The one you don't see on a whirlwind week vacation. The one who who doesnt chat, skype or types to you for an hour a day.

Naw son... I told him not to come back after that 3rd week.

Got some nice prezzies out of it tho.

Can't slow down when I'm not actually doing anything as of yet. I was just asking how long of a visit you think is necessary to really get to know the other person. After 3 weeks you'd had it, huh? Of course you have to take your time. I don't have the time to visit him or vice versa until next year anyway. But if I do visit him, I'd like to stay for at least a month.

 

[3akay3]

Ummmm..... this guy has a question for you ladies. Would anyone like to be his "friend"?

hello how are you? I'm X. I will be in Dallas on Tuesday and was wondering if you would like to get to know each other and get together while I am there. I am dropping off my daughter since she lives in Dallas with her mother. It would be nice to have a friend in TX since I will be there a lot visiting my daughter. What do you think? Talk with you soon
X



Le sigh... it's been a slow day for me.

 

[DarkJoy]

Can't slow down when I'm not actually doing anything as of yet. I was just asking how long of a visit you think is necessary to really get to know the other person. After 3 weeks you'd had it, huh? Of course you have to take your time. I don't have the time to visit him or vice versa until next year anyway. But if I do visit him, I'd like to stay for at least a month.

Uh... yeah... three weeks and I was like...dude... roll the hell out!!!

A month is a decent amount of time to get the gist. Actually just a week in his territory where he is relaxed and around familiar surroundings should show you plenty! Good luck!