***Online Dating Support Thread***

kweenameena said:
Whenever a man says that he wants an independent woman who takes care of her own....I start to think that either he's cheap or he wants to be taken care of. I hate that I feel this way but something about it just rubs me wrong.
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I agree. I absolutely loath that statement. Each time I would read that on a profile, I would block the guy when he tried to contact me. In my experience, when a guy feels the need to explicitly state the need for an "independent woman that can hold her own", he turned out to be lazy and didn't have my calibre of manliness.
 
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crlsweetie912 said:
Waiting to hear about @kweenameena and her date?
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Alright!! I'm back.

I met up with Guy #3 in front of the Indian spot.
When we went in, the indian waiters were mean-mugging him. They are the ones that usually cater to me and my coworkers.
Guy #3's presence is very quiet and reserved compared to my wild self. But he's a former marine so I kinda expected that. But it's still sexy.:lick:
The conversation was never dull though and he made it a point to keep it going. He's a great listener as well.
He did notice that the waiters were staring at us so he said "the atmosphere is a bit heavy in here" and laughed it off.

Our waiter mentioned that they didn't have anymore of my favorite rice pudding but when he saw me come in he had them make some for me to take with me (I didn't ask for it though...they just know what I like).

So Guy #3 said "well if I worked here, I'd cater to a lady as pretty as you too" **swoon** He had me blushing.
He paid, of course.
And asked when he could see me again.
I like him and I'll definitely go back out with him again.

When I got back to the office and checked my messages on iphone, Guy #1 had left the sweetest message and asked if he could stop by and bring me a cupcake. He also asked how my tire was doing. He had pumped air in my tire after our lunch date on Tuesday. His words are always so sweet.
I really like Guy #1...A LOT!!!!
 
crlsweetie912 said:
Aww I'm so happy for you! @kweenameena
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Thanks girly!
Me and Guy #1 are gonna go ahead and meet for cupcakes tonight before I pick up my daughter from her dad's house.

He's super romantic and lovey dovey. He keeps saying my first name with his last name. And then he gushes about how it sounds like a superstar name. LOL
I'm nervous to let myself really bask in the puppy love stage with him. Although on the inside I'm squealing.
I just hope this isn't game he's spitting at me or something.

I gotta figure out how to really live in the moment and enjoy it but at the same time keep up my guard.
 
okay yall i need your help!!!
historically ive been a nice girl who many guys have used a door mat in the past. I've been that very woman that books like WMLB advises against.

was i right for this? Car accident guy messaged me today (refer upthread for his story) Sorry kind of long...

Him: hey
Me: waddup. how are you?
Him: in your town, I'm good wbu?
Me: what are you doing here?
Him: checking out an appartment that i am getting....Come see me.
Me: (:ohwell:) You come and see me.
Him: I came out here so you come see me...i came more than half way over lol
Me: And?
Him: Please? I'm trying not to use all my gas up because i have to make it last until tomorrow.
Me: I cant drop what i am doing either.(i wasn't doing anything :look:) Where are you?
Him: *gives location*
Me: do you know where the book store is? im there. its in the same location.
Him: Hey do you want to go swimming?
Me: Lol no
Him: y?
Me: i dont want to...are you gonna come or what?
Him: dont rush me. do you have something to do?
Me: yes (no)
Him: like?
Me: nunya, just know that my time is precious to me. not to be wasted.
Him: ok well go do what you gotta do then
Me: always
Him: i guess
Me: how long are you going to be i have something to do at 7 (eat)
Him: not sure because im still filling out paper work.
 
^^ did i give in too soon? because i feel like i did. i shouldve left it at the "always" message. Im no good at this stuff. :nono: i just want to be my regular ol' nice self.
 
mallysmommy said:
^^ did i give in too soon? because i feel like i did. i shouldve left it at the "always" message. Im no good at this stuff. :nono: i just want to be my regular ol' nice self.
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yeah, you shouldnt have sent that last message. and dont feel bad or think that youre being mean because what youre doing is standing up for yourself, asserting yourself, demanding proper treatment. hes on some bs and forcing what he wants on you instead of listening to what youre saying. he does not sound like a partner to me, one who would do things for you and accommodate your life. its all about him.
 
mallysmommy said:
^^ did i give in too soon? because i feel like i did. i shouldve left it at the "always" message. Im no good at this stuff. :nono: i just want to be my regular ol' nice self.
Click to expand...

That conversation would have pissed me off! I would have gone off @ the "don't rush me" comment.

I would told him i didn't ask him to come right that second but don't have all day to sit and stare at the phone to wait for him to make up his mind. Then I would tell him he can contact me later when he has time and IF I AM FREE then MAYBE I will meet him. And then I would not answer any of his texts and tell him The reason he didn't hear from me is because he never got back to me in a reasonable amount of time and ifilled my time with other activities.

Honestly, that is so rude, I am angry on your behalf. Fluck that guy. Seriously!

This is a key illustration of a guy who thinks that not only is he the prize, but that YOU need to work for him. Don't confuse that BS for self-esteem or dominance. That is a grade A loser. A man can believe in himself and have self worth and self respect without having disregard for you and your time.

Sent from my iPhone
 
I'm sad.:sad:
I kinda called it off with Guy #1.
We had a great time tonight.
But somehow we ended up talking about reasons for dating.
We had this conversation before (or so I thought) but I guess I didn't listen clearly the first time.
He asked me why I'm dating. I told him that I'm dating with the intention of getting married.
So I asked him what was his purpose in dating.
He said that he wants to be in a relationship but that marriage wasn't on his radar anytime soon. He admitted that he is indecisive and said that he knows he will more than likely drag his feet when it comes time to remarry.
That to me is a scary thought. He just seemed very unsure of what he wants.

I'm pretty much at a point in my life where I don't want to waste my time with a man who has no direction as to what he wants when it comes to relationships.
So I told him that I didn't really see the point in us continuing to date. I don't want to get my emotions all caught up in him and then be heartbroken down the line. He said that I was right but that he wanted a relationship with me. I still called it off. I just can't allow myself to fall for another man who doesn't want the same things that I want.

Am I crazy?:sad:
 
^^^no you were honest and very brave to set aside emotions from reality. i have a hard time with that. what you did was for the best for you, no need to continue on if you guys don't share mutual intentions.
 
mallysmommy said:
^^^no you were honest and very brave to set aside emotions from reality. i have a hard time with that. what you did was for the best for you, no need to continue on if you guys don't share mutual intentions.
Click to expand...

mallysmommy Thanks honey. I needed to hear that. Sometimes, it's really hard for me to pass up on a seemingly great guy. Especially when we have so much chemistry. Also, he kept trying to talk sex with me.

Last night, he mentioned that he wanted us to go to church (which I was cool with) but then he started talking about how he wanted me to come over afterward, how he liked to dine downtown (if you know what I mean), etc. But then he asked me if I had ever spoken in tongues before in church.
I was like what kinda psuedo-christian heathen foolishness does he have going?
Shoot, I can be worldy all by myself. I don't need his help.
 
Sorry kweenameena. It's painful but you did the right thing painful as it is. Your man is out there waiting for you...it just wasn't this guy.
-----------
The social workin brutha is out. great chemistry and lots of talking and 2 dates over the week, but he bailed saying he was having personal issues. Oh well.

The puerto Rican electrician is going last on my list. How stupid is this: he calls me yesterday and tells me he has no plan for the weekend. So I say, neither do I! Maybe I will go to the movies. He said me too...! I wait. Pause. He didn't ask me out. I really do think he wants some kind of phone relationship BS. Who has time for that?! How dumb.

Blue collar brutha still has not called me. IDK what his prob is, but he likes to text all day. He 'confessed' he is diabetic yesterday. Not a big deal, but why not mention it sooner? Anyway, I invited him to call but nada. zilch. but I can guarantee I'll get a text this afternoon. Another stupid one.

The realtor is out too. He only emails even after I said he could text.

WTH is wrong with these dudes? Idiots, the whole lot! I think my age group 35-45 is shot. It's like they don't know how to get a RL sitch started or somethin.

Welp, time to get a new rotation going! This group is through! :lachen:
 
starting to believe that i am cursed and will alone forever. :sad:
i had a date with the older guy last night, but he called and canx and said that he had to take his daughter to e.r.
car accident guy had the nerve to text and ask what i was doing today. ignored.
and then another leftover who i have yet to meet texted me today. its going on 3 weeks and we have not met yet, and he has not initated a meet up let alone a date. when he first messaged me, that weekend he had to go out of town. the following weekend he had family over, and now this weekend he is also appearantly busy. :ohwell:

Him: hey wyd?
me: nothing much
blah
blah
blah
*insert insignificant surface babble*
Him: so what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Church and work, but there is this food truck exhibit in uptown tomorrow that i am going to. do you want to come with me?
Him: What time because i have plans at 4
Me: oh well nevermind then.
Him: why?
Me: the exhibit starts at 5. So will you ever be available or am i stuck with only texts?
Him: Lol we definitely gonna see each other, just been busier than usual
Me: i understand. i just can't see myself texting someone who i haven't met for long. just being honest.
Him: Lord, *my name*
Me: idky people are so content with mess. but i digress.
Him: Well i do call you and you dont respond so i text. (this has happened only twice :rolleyes:)
Me: Missing your call and not responding are two different things. If i miss a call, i always call back when i can. Im not making a big deal out of this. just voicing my concerns.


he has yet to respond back. the heck am i doing wrong? and/or why am i attracting guys who are not for me, or who i appearantly keep scaring off. was i wrong to voice that basically i am tired of texting and want to meet him? i didn't want to invest any more time or effort into him if i wasn't going to like him in person.

i quit
 
mallysmommy

He is on some other ish. You are not asking for much.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
mallysmommy said:
starting to believe that i am cursed and will alone forever. :sad:
i had a date with the older guy last night, but he called and canx and said that he had to take his daughter to e.r.
car accident guy had the nerve to text and ask what i was doing today. ignored.
and then another leftover who i have yet to meet texted me today. its going on 3 weeks and we have not met yet, and he has not initated a meet up let alone a date. when he first messaged me, that weekend he had to go out of town. the following weekend he had family over, and now this weekend he is also appearantly busy. :ohwell:

Him: hey wyd?
me: nothing much
blah
blah
blah
*insert insignificant surface babble*
Him: so what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Church and work, but there is this food truck exhibit in uptown tomorrow that i am going to. do you want to come with me?
Him: What time because i have plans at 4
Me: oh well nevermind then.
Him: why?
Me: the exhibit starts at 5. So will you ever be available or am i stuck with only texts?
Him: Lol we definitely gonna see each other, just been busier than usual
Me: i understand. i just can't see myself texting someone who i haven't met for long. just being honest.
Him: Lord, *my name*
Me: idky people are so content with mess. but i digress.
Him: Well i do call you and you dont respond so i text. (this has happened only twice :rolleyes:)
Me: Missing your call and not responding are two different things. If i miss a call, i always call back when i can. Im not making a big deal out of this. just voicing my concerns.


he has yet to respond back. the heck am i doing wrong? and/or why am i attracting guys who are not for me, or who i appearantly keep scaring off. was i wrong to voice that basically i am tired of texting and want to meet him? i didn't want to invest any more time or effort into him if i wasn't going to like him in person.

i quit
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mallysmommy
The only thing I see you doing wrong asking out loud if he will ever be available and asking him to join you. It makes you sound a wee bit too eager. I would just talk to him on occasion until he asks you out. Otherwise I would assume he's not interested in meeting you. His loss. You are a beautiful, sweet lady, so quit wasting your time on a guy that's putting in so little effort. Don't ask him out, don't ask when he's free, just KIM and live your life. Him not showing real effort or interest in you does not mean anything is wrong with you, it's just likely that he is not the one for you. I think wasting your time like this is what is draining you, you gotta get a more nonchalant, whatever attitude until a guy has displayed real and true interest.
 
mallysmommy I agree with the other two ladies.

And we have the same issue! Dudes who like to stay in text/phone land. I get impatient but don't show it. I offer a meetup once and if they decline, don't take 'em serious from that point on. Done. Next!

It ain't us. It's them...
 
DarkJoy said:
Blue collar brutha still has not called me. IDK what his prob is, but he likes to text all day. He 'confessed' he is diabetic yesterday. Not a big deal, but why not mention it sooner? Anyway, I invited him to call but nada. zilch. but I can guarantee I'll get a text this afternoon. Another stupid one.
Click to expand...

diabetes? :huh: nah son. that is not something that requires confession. he got something else. bet on it. (in no way implying i have any clue what it is, just that id seriously doubt it's diabetes.)
 
mallysmommy said:
starting to believe that i am cursed and will alone forever. :sad:
i had a date with the older guy last night, but he called and canx and said that he had to take his daughter to e.r.
car accident guy had the nerve to text and ask what i was doing today. ignored.
and then another leftover who i have yet to meet texted me today. its going on 3 weeks and we have not met yet, and he has not initated a meet up let alone a date. when he first messaged me, that weekend he had to go out of town. the following weekend he had family over, and now this weekend he is also appearantly busy. :ohwell:

Him: hey wyd?
me: nothing much
blah
blah
blah
*insert insignificant surface babble*
Him: so what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Church and work, but there is this food truck exhibit in uptown tomorrow that i am going to. do you want to come with me?
Him: What time because i have plans at 4
Me: oh well nevermind then.
Him: why?
Me: the exhibit starts at 5. So will you ever be available or am i stuck with only texts?
Him: Lol we definitely gonna see each other, just been busier than usual
Me: i understand. i just can't see myself texting someone who i haven't met for long. just being honest.
Him: Lord, *my name*
Me: idky people are so content with mess. but i digress.
Him: Well i do call you and you dont respond so i text. (this has happened only twice :rolleyes:)
Me: Missing your call and not responding are two different things. If i miss a call, i always call back when i can. Im not making a big deal out of this. just voicing my concerns.


he has yet to respond back. the heck am i doing wrong? and/or why am i attracting guys who are not for me, or who i appearantly keep scaring off. was i wrong to voice that basically i am tired of texting and want to meet him? i didn't want to invest any more time or effort into him if i wasn't going to like him in person.

i quit
Click to expand...

here is what you are doing wrong:

a.) you are passive aggressive and b.) you assert yourself in a way that is not really asserting yourself.

"idky people are content with mess, but whatever." if youre gonna call him messy, call him messy. what you did was call him messy and then overtly indicate that you are willing to put up with his behavior. if he is messy, DONT DEAL WITH HIM! dont complain about him being messy and then continue to invite him into your life.

i think women must think that men dont know when they are behaving sihtty to us. THEY KNOW. and they know when women are allowing them to do that. when you allow that behavior, they have no incentive to behave like a man because they know they can be a loser and youll let them.

second point: you are trying to get across that you want him to meet you where you are (figuratively speaking) and take you out and do things with you like real dating works. but what you are essentially doing is begging him. not with "do you want to go to the truck show" thing. i think that is fine. but you dont need to follow up after you have already made the effort to invite him along. then you try to say "i dont want to text forever" but you couch it in wimpy terms. im sure you are a nice sweet girl, and that is awesome to be open and willing for people in a way that someone like myself is not. but you know that it's what's allowing them to treat you this way. if that had been me and i asked someone to accompany me somewhere and he says "idk i have other plans" (FCKING RUDE, for one) i would have been like ok forget it then and that would have been the end of the conversation. if he had exhibited this behavior even once before, i would be done dealing with him. PERIOD.

you have to set some boundaries for yourself. you are being too available to men that, from what you are posting, are only showing a minimal amount of attention to you to begin with. you are worth more than that, and you deserve more than that. but you cant expect anyone to give it to you when you are prostrating yourself to them before they have even shown they are worthy of it in any way.
 
OMG @meesch, you makin me nervous... so it's a dose of diabetes with a side of Hepatitis C? lol.

@mallysmommy--see, this is what I'm talkin about. I JUST exchanged 3 messages on OKC with this guy. Within that time, he's already asked me out for drinks next week. None of this dragging out online/texting nonsense. Just gotta go with the right one. This dude goes at the top of my new roster. lol.

Maybe we should make a rule and stick with it, mallysmommy. Like they must ask within a week or they go to the bottom of the list? I think that's reasonable.

ETA: Just saw meesch's response to your post. She is right...even though I can be the aggressor and will ask a dude out, if he hims-and-haws, I let it go instantly. Mr Puerto Rican aint got much play from me after that. I ignore his calls and texts and talk to him when I feel like it. He is entertainment for when I'm bored. By Monday, if he doesn't take initiative, he won't even be that. Don't waffle over these beesches...
 
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I usually tell men that I'm not much of a texter.
If they don't stop texting me I either I'll stop texting and ignore them, I'll call and tell them I can't respond to texts because my phone is broken, or wait til they call me and I'll say the same thing.
 
*weeps* I visit this thread from time to time so I can live vicariouly through all of you. There are several things that are hindering me from being able to date any time soon.
 
cami88 dont let my pathetic love life discourage you. you may fare better than i have.i keepsattracting horrible guys and scaring the good ones off. i never thought that finding someone and then being with them (if it ever gets to that point) will be like pulling teeth. i have more fun playing angry birds all night.
 
mallysmommy said:
Him: so what are you doing this weekend?
Me: Church and work, but there is this food truck exhibit in uptown tomorrow that i am going to. do you want to come with me?
Him: What time because i have plans at 4
Me: oh well nevermind then.
Him: why?
Me: the exhibit starts at 5. So will you ever be available or am i stuck with only texts?
Click to expand...

mallysmommy
The first thing that struck me as a little odd is that he asked what you were doing this weekend and you responded by asking him out. If a guy (that I've been talking to online) asks me about what I'm doing this week/weekend, I always assume he's about to try to make plans. So I would have responded with church and work and the food truck thing, but NOT invited him. At that point he might have gone on with some suggestion or asked if you wanted to do something. And if he was honestly just chatting, and not asking you out, don't remark on it.

I kinda cringed a bit at the asking if he'll ever be available :perplexed Just the language here is telling: "am i stuck with only texts?" While I'm sure you didn't think of it this way, you are basically indicating that you believe you only have 2 options: 1) he finally asks you out 2) you continue texting with him even though you don't want to (you're stuck with it). As if option 3 (you figure this is going nowhere and move on) doesn't even exist. As I said, I'm sure you don't actually think that, but that is the vibe you will give off if you phrase things that way.

I'd consider him a lost cause given how long it's been. Guy5 was like that (texting, hinting at wanting to go out, but never actually, literally asking for a specific date), and I just stopped replying to his random what's up messages. I know it's difficult when you don't want to feel like you are being overly strict or not giving someone a chance -- trust me, I'm all for being reasonable -- but waiting and begging is not the business.
 
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