***Online Dating Support Thread***

Got a message on okc from a wm in the nerd industry lol. It was a good opening message. Better than the others. I responded and we have been back and forth all day.

I do like that he's employed. The others have all been wannabe artist unemployed losers. He is a roundish guy which I have never been attarcted to. Not that I'm in shape but have always had a pref for thin men. I always figured we can't both be fat! Lol. We shall see...
 
Online experts: How soon do you feel comfortable going to someone's house that you met online? :look:

In general, what safety measures do you take with online dating?


ETA: I'm not going to anyone's house right away, just want to know what to look for when and if the time comes and I'm not talking about for coloring:blush:, just dinner/movie type of date but at their house.
 
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INNSMOM said:
Online experts: How soon do you feel comfortable going to someone's house that you met online? :look:

In general, what safety measures do you take with online dating?


ETA: I'm not going to anyone's house right away, just want to know what to look for when and if the time comes and I'm not talking about for coloring:blush:, just dinner/movie type of date but at their house.
Click to expand...


Funny enough, I have never gone to their house or had them come to mine :lol: We always stop dating before that point :lachen::lachen: I was supposed to go to Mr. Awesome Message's house to watch a movie soon, but since we are no longer dating, that ain't happening...but it would have been a month after we started talking. That seems like a good amount of time to feel comfortable going to someone's home. At least for me...
 
Whether you meet someone online or off, you should go to their place when you feel comfortable. I would however make sure your kids, if you have any, are not at home if you invite him to yours for at least the first few visits, no matter how long you've been dating.
 
Bublin said:
Whether you meet someone online or off, you should go to their place when you feel comfortable. I would however make sure your kids, if you have any, are not at home if you invite him to yours for at least the first few visits, no matter how long you've been dating.
Click to expand...


I'm so protective of my kids...I really don't want them meeting anybody I date, like ever, lol. I've decided that will be a talk to have, if I ever get to the point that I'm in a relationship (not really looking for it, but open to it if it happens)...I want to keep my personal life seperate from them. They don't need a stepdad, they have a good dad:yep: If I think I might want to actually marry someone, then they get to meet my kids:lol:
 
INNSMOM said:
I'm so protective of my kids...I really don't want them meeting anybody I date, like ever, lol. I've decided that will be a talk to have, if I ever get to the point that I'm in a relationship (not really looking for it, but open to it if it happens)...I want to keep my personal life seperate from them. They don't need a stepdad, they have a good dad:yep: If I think I might want to actually marry someone, then they get to meet my kids:lol:
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I'm the exact same way....no meeting my kids.....
 
I agree with the comments. A date has never met my kids. That will only happen once their is serious talk/plans for marriage.
 
Oh boy, a friend and I are doing this together and we decided to sign up on POF. Okay, the majority of good looking black men in my state must be on this site because I'm trying to wade through the messages and narrow things down. I disabled my Okcupid profile, still talking to 2 guys from there, but now I have 4 more from POF:grin:

And why do the young ones have to be so cute and send nice messages:spinning:

I don't think this is good for someone who was married her entire adult life, I'm like a kid in a candy store:nono: :lol:
 
I created a new OKC profile. I only uploaded 2 pics. I have written anything in the profile yet. Guys are sending me messages though and no one has asked why I haven't filled out my profile yet. I may just leave it blank.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I get absolutely no messages on OKC......:lachen:
Click to expand...

Hey....I'm not saying I'd date the fools that are messaging me. I put my profile back up last night and so far there are only 2 dudes who are even half-way decent.
I think you have to take it down and then put it back up later as if you were never on there. They love fresh meat:look::lol:
 
How would you guys handle this? I really don't know what to do here:

Guy1 is black, super cute, is college educated, seems grounded from his profile. He winked at me first. I winked back. Then he messaged me. This is all it said:

How are you?

I was expecting more of a message. Anyway, I play this game and reply back with this message:

I'm fine. And you?

So he replies back within 8 minutes with this message:

How is your day going? What are you up to?

I feel like we are text message buddies or something. I'm already yawning. What do you guys think? Would you continue replying?
 
ndidirod said:
How would you guys handle this? I really don't know what to do here:

Guy1 is black, super cute, is college educated, seems grounded from his profile. He winked at me first. I winked back. Then he messaged me. This is all it said:

How are you?

I was expecting more of a message. Anyway, I play this game and reply back with this message:

I'm fine. And you?

So he replies back within 8 minutes with this message:

How is your day going? What are you up to?
I feel like we are text message buddies or something. I'm already yawning. What do you guys think? Would you continue replying?
Click to expand...

This is only a question I ask if I want to hang out with someone or if it's a friend/family member and I'm just curious about what they're up to. If a guy that I don't know well texted me/messaged me this, I would be a little suspicious about his intentions. It comes off as a "hookup" lingo. Then again, I could be wrong. I would just message back something simple to see where he goes with it.
 
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ndidirod, usually before I stop talking, I try and break up that cycle of boring nonsense chatter. :lachen:

I ask something totally off topic. About something in the news, talk about the weather, ask about whatever details on his profile for more indepth answers. If it's still a crappy one-liner messages that ask " how r u?" 20 times a day, the fools get dropped. I can't imagine what a rl conversation would be like with someone like this...ugh!


ndidirod said:
How would you guys handle this? I really don't know what to do here:

Guy1 is black, super cute, is college educated, seems grounded from his profile. He winked at me first. I winked back. Then he messaged me. This is all it said:

How are you?

I was expecting more of a message. Anyway, I play this game and reply back with this message:

I'm fine. And you?

So he replies back within 8 minutes with this message:

How is your day going? What are you up to?

I feel like we are text message buddies or something. I'm already yawning. What do you guys think? Would you continue replying?
Click to expand...
 
Gave the WM nerd the digits. Told him to text and then maybe we'll see about actually talking. I know it's only been like a couple days but I hate messaging. And in almost 3 days we exchanged like 10 pms. That's enough. lol

It's in his court. See what he does....
 
DarkJoy said:
ndidirod, usually before I stop talking, I try and break up that cycle of boring nonsense chatter. :lachen:

I ask something totally off topic. About something in the news, talk about the weather, ask about whatever details on his profile for more indepth answers. If it's still a crappy one-liner messages that ask " how r u?" 20 times a day, the fools get dropped. I can't imagine what a rl conversation would be like with someone like this...ugh!
Click to expand...

right. you could try to make the conversation interesting too, otherwise yall both being boring and undateable.

its not just them all the time.
 
INNSMOM said:
Oh boy, a friend and I are doing this together and we decided to sign up on POF. Okay, the majority of good looking black men in my state must be on this site because I'm trying to wade through the messages and narrow things down. I disabled my Okcupid profile, still talking to 2 guys from there, but now I have 4 more from POF:grin:

And why do the young ones have to be so cute and send nice messages:spinning:

I don't think this is good for someone who was married her entire adult life, I'm like a kid in a candy store:nono: :lol:
Click to expand...

INNSMOM what state are you in?
 
aprils13 said:
@INNSMOM what state are you in?
Click to expand...


North Carolina. It is crazy on POF, crazy in a good way because of the number of men that will reach out to you. not saying they are all quality messages and/or men. Some are great eye candy with high school diplomas:nono:, but there are many business owners, lawyers, PhDs, etc. Even the white men are successful and looking good:yep: I keep saying I'm going to disable my profile and try and concentrate on the 6 guys I have in rotation and start to narrow it down....then I get on and get new messages from more good ones and I'm like:look: and hit "reply":lol:
 
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Wm nerd responded with his own number. Goodness. Guess he wants me to make the first real world move. Fine. I ain't shy...and usually its me who asks dudes out. Lol. I'm actually quite forward.

ETA: It's raining dudes... a couple more conversated with me on OKC. Dropping Mr Living with his dad. His conversation was boring anyway. Plus I dont think he has a car either and he lives 50mi away. I ain't gone be the one drivin allllll the time.
 
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This guy got "hornivore" (it means exactly what it sounds like: horny and out to get some in any way he can :look:) on his OKCupid dating persona test. I got "sonnet" (love-driven, romantic, and soft :lol:)

It says that I should avoid him at all costs. He's cute and seems intelligent tho. So I wrote him back :look:
 
Katherina said:
This guy got "hornivore" (it means exactly what it sounds like: horny and out to get some in any way he can :look:) on his OKCupid dating persona test. I got "sonnet" (love-driven, romantic, and soft :lol:)

It says that I should avoid him at all costs. He's cute and seems intelligent tho. So I wrote him back :look:
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Katherina , no!!! :lol:

I went on a date last night at 8 pm, and dude never showed up. No text, no call, nothing. So I stayed and had a nice meal and drink, then I went home. :drunk:

Today at noon he sends this message as an excuse. :ohwell:

I completely got the wrong directions. Took the train to the 42 and started walking to 5th and 38, did not find the restaurant, and my phone stopped working. I was outside till like 10:00 pm. It was just crazy walking everywhere without description but we should fixed a more straight forward restaurant.
I sincerely apologize and still cannot wait to see you.
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Um, :huh: what the hell is a 'straight forward' restaurant?? I picked a famous restaurant named after an Elizabeth Taylor movie! I sent him the address the day before and he confirmed that he would be there at 8. You're telling me you were a block away from the place for 2 hours, and did not ask anyone if they knew where it was? Did you forget the name and the address? :rolleyes:

Yeah, my response to that was 'No, thank you.' and I blocked him. Next!

Just curious, would any of you have let him take you out after this? There were definite warning signs. The fact that we live in NYC and he couldn't think of a restaurant to take me to besides Dallas BBQ, and insisted that I choose a place was one. :ohwell: I didn't want to turn him down because of that because I'm not a strict Rules Girl, but I might as well have done.
 
Daeuiel- You did the right thing! He was on some other stuff :nono: If he wanted to be there, he would have been there :yep: I got lost on the way to a date last month, but I called for help & he eventually was able to direct me there! I was 45 minutes late, but I kept trying because I wanted to be there...just as a sidenote, I refuse to pick a restaurant or plan the first date. I feel like that is the man's job on the first time out the gate and when they really like me, they have tried to plan a lovely first date :yep: I feel like it is a good first indicator how interested they are...plus, I like a man who takes charge :giggle: I will happily help plan things once I know where his head is at :grin:

In another thread, someone suggested a book called "The List: 7 Ways To Tell If He's Going to Marry You" by Mary Corbett. I know the title sounds intense, but it was a great read. It pretty much gives hints about how to tell if a man really likes you (actually adores you) in 30 days and him taking the time to plan a first date he thinks you'll enjoy is one of the points on the list. When I thought back, all of the decent contenders did the things on the list & the guys I fell for and got brokenhearted over didn't :look: If you ladies are interested, you should check it out! It was basically things I already knew in my gut, but I needed the reminder! I cut off all my half stepping dudes after reading it :lachen::lachen: I now have a new crop who I will only keep entertaining if they act right :lachen:
 
LilMissSunshine5 said:
Daeuiel- You did the right thing! He was on some other stuff :nono: If he wanted to be there, he would have been there :yep: I got lost on the way to a date last month, but I called for help & he eventually was able to direct me there! I was 45 minutes late, but I kept trying because I wanted to be there...just as a sidenote, I refuse to pick a restaurant or plan the first date. I feel like that is the man's job on the first time out the gate and when they really like me, they have tried to plan a lovely first date :yep: I feel like it is a good first indicator how interested they are...plus, I like a man who takes charge :giggle: I will happily help plan things once I know where his head is at :grin:

In another thread, someone suggested a book called "The List: 7 Ways To Tell If He's Going to Marry You" by Mary Corbett. I know the title sounds intense, but it was a great read. It pretty much gives hints about how to tell if a man really likes you (actually adores you) in 30 days and him taking the time to plan a first date he thinks you'll enjoy is one of the points on the list. When I thought back, all of the decent contenders did the things on the list & the guys I fell for and got brokenhearted over didn't :look: If you ladies are interested, you should check it out! It was basically things I already knew in my gut, but I needed the reminder! I cut off all my half stepping dudes after reading it :lachen::lachen: I now have a new crop who I will only keep entertaining if they act right :lachen:
Click to expand...

LilMissSunshine5 I absolutely agree! And that is why I kept asking him to choose a restaurant. When that fool said 'I only know of Dallas BBQ' I should have said 'ok thanks for nothing' and not even bothered. Sigh. But it's ok though. I have a date tomorrow and another one with a different guy on Tuesday :giggle: Both of them took the time to plan something nice. Well, the Tuesday guy is still planning. :lol:
 
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