***Online Dating Support Thread***

I'm getting out of my funk and giving online dating a shot. I just set up a new profile and everything on Match.com. Can someone answer me these Match.com related questions?

If there is a white guy that you think is interesting but he specifies "White, Asians, and Latinas" as his preference, do you pass him up or do you 'Wink' at him?

If a man is 'interested' in you, do you wait for him to Wink or Message you first or do initiate it if you are interested also?
 
I forgot I had a okcupid page lol
I never get any messages so I disabled it. Even the white men was acting funny; they would check me out multiplies of times but wouldn't msg me LOL.
 
I am rotating in a whole nother crop of men because the current ones are on some BS :nono: I won't lie & say I'm not disappointed that things didn't progress with Mr. Awesome Message. We had several lovely dates and talked everyday...then I left town and we only talked once during the past week (through a text :lol:) Doesn't count :giggle: Oh well, I really liked him, but I am not going to chase anybody, so I just have to let things happen naturally and continue to have fun with the process. So on to the next...:yep:

Talking to two new guys now, after a disastrous phone call with the third new guy last night! I'll have to share about that later :lachen::lachen:
 
ndidirod said:
I'm getting out of my funk and giving online dating a shot. I just set up a new profile and everything on Match.com. Can someone answer me these Match.com related questions?

If there is a white guy that you think is interesting but he specifies "White, Asians, and Latinas" as his preference, do you pass him up or do you 'Wink' at him?

If a man is 'interested' in you, do you wait for him to Wink or Message you first or do initiate it if you are interested also?
Click to expand...

I would pass up the guy who specifies other races as his preference. I have visited a guys page & noticed that, but they have never visited back, so they really meant it :giggle:

If he states he is interested, why wouldn't he send a message as well? It has an option to send a message when you select that you are interested (it says are you really interested? Send a message now & provides the message box, so you don't have to do anything extra!) Maybe I am expecting too much from these men :lol: So I have no advice to give...
 
I wouldn't recommend messaging a guy that didn't have black checked in his dating preferences either. I had a bad experience going on dates with a white guy who messaged me first and stated in his profile that he didn't care about race. We went on some dates for about 4 weeks and then he told me that he didn't want to continue dating me because I was black and that his family would disown him if they found out he was dating me.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off that he had the nerve to say that to me (it was via Facebook too). I defriended him and never spoke to him again. He tried to add me back as a friend on Facebook later on even though I had started a relationship with my current boyfriend. I refuse to speak to him or acknowledge that he exists.
 
Well, I went on my first date or meetup whatever you want to call it. This was with guy 1 who I was thinking would end up in the friend zone. I was right...he was the biggest cornball with an annoying laugh and he kept wanting to do the fist bump:look: He was sweet and complimentary towards me, we talked for about an hour, the conversation wasn't bad but I felt no spark, nothing...plus he had a fat stomach:nono: Not to mention he was dressed kind of meh. He said if I'm lucky, I'll get to see you again...am I lucky? I was like :look: I just said we'll see.

I'm just glad I got out there and did it:yep: I don't feel bad about the experience at all. All the ladies I work with that have had success with online dating told me there are several duds before finding someone you click with.

Guy 2 wants to take things offline and meet in person. Guy 3 (meaningless texter) has gotten more in depth with his messages so he's still in rotation. Guy 4 is cute white guy...we are still only messaging online and not very frequently but just enough for me to think he's still an option, we'll see. Guy 5 is the young grad student...I mentioned my kids a lot in my last message to see if that would make him lose interest:lol:
 
so i signed up with OKC again. the one guy i am talking to (met on POF) isn't as attentive as i would like (been almost 4 months now) and interest may be waning. so i don't want to get wrapped up in him and set myself up for failure/sadness so i decided i need to go back to multi-dating. i had a ball when there were plenty and hopefully i have that same success :yep:
 
Wow INNSMOM!! You are really getting out there. It's nice to see you got positive out of that lame first date, too. Your great attitude really needs to come this way to today. lol

Endless texters are annoying...as well as one-line messagers. What's the point? Lame! Got one of those at the moment... Gonna cut him off
_________

I wrote in the "Everything was cool" thread, but thought I'd post it here... Dude I've been endlessly messaging on OKC msgs today to say he wants to get a new 2-wheeler... unfortunately not only does he not have the money, but he'll need someone to co-sign the loan.

He also lives 50mi away and I don't have the time to be driving back and forth all weekend.

Also found out he's barely employed and cuts hair out of his fathers house who he lives with! He's 42...

Dealbreakers methinks. Keepin it movin...
 
ndidirod said:
If there is a white guy that you think is interesting but he specifies "White, Asians, and Latinas" as his preference, do you pass him up or do you 'Wink' at him?
Click to expand...
I agree with the other ladies ndidirod. Don't bother. They may talk to you and keep you on a string for a while out of curiosity but they would end similar to what Applecake718 had happen. As a teenager this happened to me a cpl times. :perplexed
 
i've been seeing this guy i met on OKC. he's nice.:ohwell: i miss my ex that i met on there.:sad:

ndidirod said:
If there is a white guy that you think is interesting but he specifies "White, Asians, and Latinas" as his preference, do you pass him up or do you 'Wink' at him?
Click to expand...

not sure if srs.:perplexed
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I agree Lushcoils....and I think there are a lot of lurkers in here. And I bet a poll of married women on this site would show a lot of people met online. I'm not discouraged at all. It's actually getting interesting. I'm getting a lot more messages. I think Dudes wanna be booed up for the summer! :lachen:
Click to expand...

I think there is a poll somewhere asking where members met their dh/sos. I think GlibGurl started it.

I met dh online. We were just telling the kids last night that we met online back when it was still a weird thing to do. :lol:
 
oh god. just saw a guy on the train who once rejected me on okcupid. i knew who he was because i recognized his face and hair from the freaking daily visits he made to my profile without messaging. when i was finally like siht or get off the pot (but in some brief and charming way, im sure) he never replied. idk if he kept stalking me after that bc then i hid his profile.

i dont think he saw me. luckily i was reading a book.

wtf. in this city i feel like thats gonna happen a LOT this summer especially where i live now. omg what was i thinking leaving my hidey hole, lol.
 
Oasis said:
i've been seeing this guy i met on OKC. he's nice.:ohwell: i miss my ex that i met on there.:sad:



not sure if srs.:perplexed
Click to expand...

I know a black lady who listed "African American" as her preference. A white guy messaged her anyway and she gave him a chance. It turned into a relationship.

I guess it doesn't quite work the other way around. Lol.
 
ndidirod said:
I know a black lady who listed "African American" as her preference. A white guy messaged her anyway and she gave him a chance. It turned into a relationship.

I guess it doesn't quite work the other way around. Lol.
Click to expand...

it really doesnt. but go ahead and try it since you seem so *ahem* eager to do so. and let us know how it turns out for you.
 
I went through my matches today and had to stop reading all the other parts of their profiles until after I checked their preferences (ethnicity). I seem to have a bit in common with 30ish year old yt guys (like baseball, being outdoors, trying new restaurants). Eh, I'll keep looking. The messages I've been getting are pretty cool. Looking forward to dressing up soon for my first meet-ups.
 
Tip: Even if you never attend the events on meetup.com, keep your profile page updated and interesting with pretty pictures and conversational content with things you would probably put on your online dating page anyway. Every few weeks or so, try to be active in the group by participating in the discussion or RSVPing so your profile page will show up in the front page. Apparently, meetup.com is the new hook up spot. :look: And most of the groups are FREE. Great way to meet someone in your area with similar interests.

Why pay for online dating when there are so many ways (got to think outside the box) to do it for free? (especially since men on those paid sites seem to check everything but black and quality isn't necessarily better than free sties).
 
Guy 2 wants a first date this week & Guy 4 (cute white guy) wants to meet for drinks this week. Guy 3 is still txting, found out more about him but he hasn't made any moves to meet in person yet. I think Guy 1 got the hint that I'm no longer interested, yay!
 
Met a guy from pof yesterday....we talked for hours. Talked about so much....he didn't run SOOO....we'll see what happens. :lachen: He is much cuter in person. He texted me before I got home.."I Really like you". I thought it was so sweet.
 
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Whoever said they ALWAYS come back is right. 6 days later and here comes texting talking about "i really like you and I'm sorry..."

Did I mention he was white? :look:

Yeah I done crossed over...:perplexed:
 
Why do guys call you Baby, Sweetie, Sugar, etc.?

I don't know you like that. Why are you getting personal with those names?
 
Last October I was on match.com for a month and was contacting this guy on it. We exchanged numbers/email/chatted on the phone a few times and had a plans to meet up, but things kept falling through on both ends so we never met in person...and eventually just lost contact in Dec.

So he randomly emails me the other day saying he was just thinking about me and now we have a date on Tues. I'm excited because he seemed really cool (and very cute/succesful) and I think we will get along well at least.
 
I met up with with someone Tuesday at Starbucks and went for dinner at Applebees. I thought we vibed well but he hasn't called. Oh well....

Making arrangements with someone else for this week. He is rather mysterious.
 
I finally heard from Mr. Awesome Message this weekend. He texted and called me...I knew something was up. He told me he took a step back to think about things because I am basically too religious for him. I asked him to pray over a meal last date & it made him uncomfortable :nono: I knew it did as soon as I said it, but it is second nature for me to ask someone to pray over a meal. So I retracted my request & prayed over my own meal silently because some people don't like to lead a prayer out loud.

Anyway, my ideas on spirituality and courtship are apparently too much for him, so we had a discussion about it. It was a hard one to have because neither one of us are wrong for how we feel. I just am a bit hurt that it took a month for this to come up! We spoke at length about this before & he seemed like he was cool. He said I was very clear about who I was and he thought he could move forward with me, but he doesn't believe he can now...UGH! Why even engage with me if you know who I am and already have issues with it?! Then he floated ideas on whether we could be friends and see where things go...I nixed that. I told him that always leads to someone getting hurt & it is usually me :lol: So we could try to be JUST friends and if that is something I can't give, I will let him know and we will go our separate ways.

I gotta respect his honesty though. I just already started to get somewhat invested, so it is not a fun feeling. This would be easier to deal with if he was a complete douchebag :lol: I am comfortable with anger, not so much with hurt and rejection :look:
 
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I've been on paid sites like match, eHarmony, and chemistry.com and I didn't find any of them better than OKC. I thought the quality of men would be better, but at the end of the day I just couldn't say that was true. I got a really big mix of messages on match. I'd say I get a higher percentage of "good" messages on OKC, but I think it might be that there are more of "my" kind of guy on OKC (nerds :lol:) *shrug*

We're due for a Circus update :lol:

Previously unnumbered guy is now guy5 and replaced guy2 in the rotation (though I'm starting to think 4 guys is too many for me to keep up with :look:).
I saw guy1 last night. We just hung out at Starbucks for about an hour talking about work, carbohydrates and diets, what was good and bad about the movie Prometheus, and futurism. Then he was off to catch his train (he doesn't live in the city, don't know if I mentioned that). Then we sent each other sweet text messages while he was in transit :giggle:

Guy3 has claimed tomorrow after work, but I don't know what we're doing yet. Guy4 was asking about my availability, but is low on options since I'm doing non-date activities on Thursday and Friday. Guy5 is new so he gets a pass this week :lol: There was one point yesterday when I was literally texting all 4 of them back to back. It was a little :spinning: I'm going to wait until everyone has had 2 dates before I decide how to scale back.

I replied to a new message last night. I clearly don't need any more guys, but he likes one of my favorite authors and I couldn't resist nerding out about it lol.
 
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