***Online Dating Support Thread***

[aprils13]

@aprils13-I think the personality graphs are pretty accurate...it says I am old-fashioned too, among other things It also says I am more spiritual and extroverted and less sex-driven I guess the waiting until marriage thing highly influenced those results

That's pretty much what mines says. I thought it was because I skipped some of the sex questions.

Haven't run into a lot of black men on okc. Mostly whites

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Question for the vets and non vets: Do you message guys you are interested in? I am the type to wait to get approached IRL but I figure I should be more proactive online. My question is what are do you put in a message? I am thinking something along the lines of "I think you seem interesting and would like to discuss/get to know you" UGH, that seems so corny to me but idk, is that par for the course?? I do know I definitely don't want to do the hi then drop mic routine

belletropjolie- I agree with Victorian. I never approach guys IRL and I don't do it online. My reasoning is most men know what they want and go after it. If a woman contacts a man, he will often respond, even if he isn't that interested. If he is interested, he will contact you I have winked at guys before (Match) or gave a high rating of a guy's profile (OKC) so they would know I existed It is my cyber version of walking down the same grocery aisle of a hot guy in hopes that he notices me and approaches I feel like my main job should always just be to remain approachable and let him know I am receptive. IRL, I would smile and make eye contact to convey those signals, but online is a bit trickier so I do the ratings so I show up on his radar. If he isn't interested after that, I keep it moving...so I guess it is my way of being proactive, but allowing him to ultimately take the lead.

In my experience, when the guy is the one making contact, it usually turns out better and we actually end up meeting Since my goal is a serious relationship, I want a man who is assertive and truly adores me...it is hard for me to tell if that is truly the case when I am the one doing most of the work

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Haven't run into a lot of black men on okc. Mostly whites

There are definitely more white men on OKC. But the black men I run into on there are usually pretty decent guys...except the one guy from last year who mentioned marrying me when we only spoke on the phone once He was a lawyer, but he had stalker tendencies, so it wasn't worth it! But the rest have been nice enough, I just didn't click with them. I will say the black men on OKC have blown away the ones on BPM and Match in my experience. I only date black men, but I probably missed out on interesting dates with others by not being more open

 

[Katherina]

Trying to not get my hopes up, but he seems so cool. And he looks... Good. please clawd let this man be intelligent and interesting, too!

I wrote him first, though.

Y'all are worrying me!

 

[meesch]

Question for the vets and non vets: Do you message guys you are interested in? I am the type to wait to get approached IRL but I figure I should be more proactive online. My question is what are do you put in a message? I am thinking something along the lines of "I think you seem interesting and would like to discuss/get to know you" UGH, that seems so corny to me but idk, is that par for the course?? I do know I definitely don't want to do the hi then drop mic routine

i stopped messaging guys first. the turnaround rate on that was too low, and nothing good came of it. in general i have no problem making the first move on guys, but the results didnt justify continuing to do it.

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

I must really like this guy because I woke up an hour and a half earlier than usual to catch breakfast with him so I could see him before I left town It was my first ever breakfast date (I'm an extreme night owl), but it was a great time and I didn't have a ton of trouble waking up...it will be nice to see where things go with him

 

[**SaSSy**]

Question for the vets and non vets: Do you message guys you are interested in? I am the type to wait to get approached IRL but I figure I should be more proactive online. My question is what are do you put in a message? I am thinking something along the lines of "I think you seem interesting and would like to discuss/get to know you" UGH, that seems so corny to me but idk, is that par for the course?? I do know I definitely don't want to do the hi then drop mic routine

belletropjolie IMO if you are interested in a guy just send a very simple non complimentary message like "Cool pictures". If the guy is interested he will answer and start the rest. I've done that, and some guys respond or don't. But it's just less pressure and less desperate.

 

[scarcity21]

So I'm back in the online dating saddle.
I'm on OKC (haven't been brave enough to get back on POF yet)..
This guy reached out to me and when we finally spoke on the phone...we just clicked.

But when I met him in person...I was so taken aback.
His profile said he was 6 feet tall. He was no more than 5'9. He wouldn't walk near me and I think he didn't want me to actually see for sure that he was a tad bit shorter than me with my heels on.
His teeth looked like they were fighting over the sam spot.
He had locs (which he didn't have in the pics). I love locs but his were thinning and sloppy.
He was such a string bean of a man. Not in a tall, sexy, lanky way either.
He reminded me of my younger brother.
BUT he has a fabulous job and a great personality. But I need to be at least half way attracted to a man.
But with him, my ovaries shriveled up.

Woe is me.....

 

[Duchesse]

This white guy asks me if he can be my slave. He said he likes to be ordered around by beautiful women lol.

On a plus side..I started chatting with Derek jeters cuter brother.

 

[Bublin]

Hey ladies, after a long break from online dating I'm back!!! I had previously decided to give up on dating all together as clearly I was not going to meet anyone anytime soon and concluded I was probably going to be single forever.

On Tuesday I got home from work and just decided to create a very quick profile on POF (yeah I know). Made a 5 line profile and one picture.

I decided to message the 2nd profile I looked at. Like most of you, I don't like to message a guy first but I thought what the heck.

Within 30 minutes he messaged me back with a lovely, full response. We messaged back and forth and he asked for my number. We spoke that evening for 2 hours.

Since then we have spoken for about 3 hours every evening and he texts me during the day.

We are like 2 peas in a pod and neither of us can believe how alike we are. He ticks every box on every level. Boxes that I had decided that were never likely to be ticked in meeting a guy. I feel a sense of calm after I speak to him....not that crazy excited feeling that usually fizzles out. We seem to 'get' each other.

Now the other weird thing is that I always have a full inbox, especially when I first create an account but I have not had a single message from another guy. I haven't even logged in since first speaking to him to see if anyone has viewed me but not one single email notification from anyone else.

We can't meet up for 2 weeks due to our schedules clashing but neither of us have real problem with that.

At the very least it is so refreshing to actually have the most wonderful conversations and 'real' laughs with a man.

I have always believed that too much talking before the actual date can be dodgy ground as in it could lead to disappointment but with this guy I really don't care and am throwing that rule out of the window. I can wait and at this stage I am enjoying the convo and connection.

ETA - so I just went online to hide my profile whilst I'm getting to know this guy and it turns out that my profile is already hidden. Guess that explins why I had no other messages . But I honestly don't remember hiding it in the first place. Spooky.
And yeah, you know I did. I checked to see if he had been online and he hasn't .

 

[Victorian]

Yeah, we've only had 2 dates so I'm trying not to get all attached. Plus, he's...a very complex person (he gave fair warning on his profile ), so I feel like I definitely need to take my time and make sure I know what I'd be getting myself into.

Well...we had a long, soul-baring convo on date 4 last night, so now I officially know what I'd be getting myself into. It's not trivial (by any stretch of the imagination), but I surprised myself (and him too, I think) by not wanting to immediately throw up my hands and say, "no way, not dealing with that." On the other hand I'm glad I'll be away for a week starting tomorrow so I can have some time to think about the situation without being distracted by cuddling

 

[Bublin]

Well...we had a long, soul-baring convo on date 4 last night, so now I officially know what I'd be getting myself into. It's not trivial (by any stretch of the imagination), but I surprised myself (and him too, I think) by not wanting to immediately throw up my hands and say, "no way, not dealing with that." On the other hand I'm glad I'll be away for a week starting tomorrow so I can have some time to think about the situation without being distracted by cuddling

Victorian are you able to share what exactly you'd be getting into?

 

[MizzBrown]

I gotta go meet someone in about an hour. I'm nervous as HELL!!

He's talking bout hangin' out with me all damn day. I can get enough nerve to meet his a$$ at the local Starbucks...forget hanging out all day.

*Goes off to find somethin' to wear*

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Bublin- I wondered where you'd been! I'm glad you have a good prospect on the horizon...

Victorian- I am glad you found out what made him so "complex" and have time away to get some clarity on the situation

It is nice that things are going well for several ladies right now...if I saw a thread like this last year, maybe I wouldn't have given up on cyberdating for 8 months

 

[Bublin]

LilMissSunshine5
Hey hun, i had to take a break from online dating because I started to take the foolishness too personally etc etc. But I'm back. I'm quietly confident about this guy but have to wait 2 weeks to actually meet him. In the meantime the connection and convo is off the scale.

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

MizzBrown- Give us an update of how it goes! Try not to be too nervous...if you don't enjoy his company, you can always cut it short! You don't have to be held hostage But it is a good sign he already wants to spend a lot of time with you

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Bublin- I totally understand. I took a break after I encountered some foolishness for 8 MONTHS! This time has been much better these last 3 months...glad you have met someone cool! It is good to see you back around these parts I think I was mostly lurking when you were posting most often

 

[**SaSSy**]

.................

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

Ladies, if anyone has some concrete strategies for not developing an attachment too soon, please share them...this has been my issue twice in the past & I'm not looking to repeat the pattern! UGH...I want to try something different this time

 

[jazzerz]

Ladies, if anyone has some concrete strategies for not developing an attachment too soon, please share them...this has been my issue twice in the past & I'm not looking to repeat the pattern! UGH...I want to try something different this time

Not concrete but I've always heard that you should date several guys until someone gets attached to you and wants to be exclusive.

 

[Victorian]

Victorian are you able to share what exactly you'd be getting into?

Eh...I don't feel comfy giving details, but it's the type of thing that involves a shrink

In other news, guys 3 and 4 are trying to get second dates, and unnumbered guy and I are still messaging. If he doesn't at some point this week want to exchange numbers or make plans for when I get back in town, I'm just going to assume he wants to be pen pals

 

[chelleypie810]

Lol I was on pof for a while. I deleted that ish. Everyone was 5'6 or below, had issues, messed up teeth, etc etc. Lol just not my type. I am on the single forever train at this point...the last person I met up with I ended up skipping out on the date. I know its terrible but I didn't know it was this hard getting to know ppl and dating. I don't like it.

 

[jazzerz]

Anyone using match? Was thinking about joining.

 

[Duchesse]

So there's this cute guy on OKC that I sent a very brief message to last week..he kept popping up in my searches and according to them we are 82% compatible lol. He hasn't replied but has visited my profile several times and once again this morning. Is that weird? Why keep looking at my profile but not responding?

 

[aprils13]

So there's this cute guy on OKC that I sent a very brief message to last week..he kept popping up in my searches and according to them we are 82% compatible lol. He hasn't replied but has visited my profile several times and once again this morning. Is that weird? Why keep looking at my profile but not responding?

I have quite a few people visiting my profile multiple times, but they don't send a message.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

Ladies, I'm brand new to online dating and have been reading this thread for tips! I may come on here for advice from time to time as dating in general is new to me...(married young, together for 15 years, been single a year) Anyway, I'm sooo inexperienced with the whole dating thing!

So I'm only on OKcupid (from the recc in this thread) and am talking to 2 guys. Both educated, with jobs, nice personalities, looks etc. Guy 1 has taken things offline, we've txt'd and talked on the phone and he wants to meet this week. Guy 2 is still messaging me daily on the site. I kind of like guy 2 better so far, can't tell if guy 1 will end up in the friend zone, we'll see! Should I wait for guy 2 to take things offline, or should I ask for his number?

 

[aprils13]

I have a quick evening date at Starbucks with MrEducated tomorrow.

I was supposed to have a dinner date with a another guy tonight but I wasn't feeling a late dinner. Plus he was really trying to get me to send him full body pics. You know, so he will know what I look like at the restaurant

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

I completely agree that women should date multiple men until one expresses that he wants to be exclusive. I just get frustrated because the other guys I was talking to aren’t reliable and I don’t want to encourage that behavior or chase them just so I have something to do…but if I cut them off, then I am only left with the one I am really interested in This whole dating thing is so confusing! I think other cultures are smart to just do arranged marriages

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

So there's this cute guy on OKC that I sent a very brief message to last week..he kept popping up in my searches and according to them we are 82% compatible lol. He hasn't replied but has visited my profile several times and once again this morning. Is that weird? Why keep looking at my profile but not responding?

I have the same thing happen fairly often. I just figure it is because they like the way I look, but aren't seriously interested in me So they visit to look at my pics I even have people who have "favorited" me on Match, but never tried to contact me SMH That annoys me to no end! I am going to sign in tonight and block them

Ladies, I'm brand new to online dating and have been reading this thread for tips!

So I'm only on OKcupid (from the recc in this thread) and am talking to 2 guys. Both educated, with jobs, nice personalities, looks etc. Guy 1 has taken things offline, we've txt'd and talked on the phone and he wants to meet this week. Guy 2 is still messaging me daily on the site. I kind of like guy 2 better so far, can't tell if guy 1 will end up in the friend zone, we'll see! Should I wait for guy 2 to take things offline, or should I ask for his number?

I am a bit more traditional, so I would let him take the lead. It has been my experience that when I tried to "help" move things along, it just prolonged the inevitable ending. A man will move things forward if he feels strongly enough about someone and I think we all deserve to be that special someone The times that things that actually lasted past a few convos and progressed to actual dates were when the men took the lead on things. It sucks because I am usually an assertive person, it just has worked out better in dating for me to allow the men to be more aggressive

 

[belletropjolie]

ugh soooo annoyed...no one serious has messaged me on howaboutwe.com

however, random decrepits have messaged me on okcupid e.g.one of the guys who messaged me, his picture was just a shot of bulging pants (think Anthony Weiner)

One guy messaged me, just a simple "HI How are you doing", he seemed pretty normal so I messaged him back saying "I'm doing great". Why was his response "I want to play with you, wink smiley"

I immediately blocked him since I thought that was inappropriate but I was so annoyed. Is this par for the course?? When did this become okay SMH. I see I'm going to need to do a lot of sifting