***Online Dating Support Thread***
- Thread starter JollyGal
- Start date
hard copy and I couldn't even find it in the kindle version. but there is a very similar book by the same guy called "how to avoid falling in love with a jerk" on kindle http://www.amazon.com/John-Van-Epp/e/B001IGNZ4I
That's good stuff.
yeah!! when I first read that, i felt so DUMB because, it's all obvious but something I never thought about. how much pain would I have been spared if i'd looked for signs of a weak conscience instead of letting it get to the point where he cheated on me "out the blue"
now I look to see if things bother a guy. how he treats others, etc.
oh and here's another thing from the book that stood out-
everyone in a person's life falls into a level of 'intimacy' (for lack of a better word). kind of like a bull's eye. you have strangers/people you interact with but never know (a waiter at a restaurant, the teller at the bank) aquaintences, who are a little closer to you, your friends, your innermost circle/family and then your partner/hubby/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend-- who is supposed to be the closest.
well, van epp says that when you're dating you're gonna be treated the BEST that your relationship will ever get. But, that a partner will eventually treat you the way they treat all the other levels of intimacy, because over a lifetime commitment you will fall in and out of love and get close and far and ebb and flow and that this is natural.
so he says, YOU NEED TO REALLY LOOK to see how the people in ALL LEVELS are treated because there will come a day when you are treated like all of those.
now, i'd heard we are supposed to see how a guy treats the waiter, how he treats his momma, how he treats his friends. but I didnt' know it meant that's how **I** would be treated by him. i just thought it meant look to see if he's a nice guy.
it makes sense when I look back at my past relationship through the theories in this book. my ex cut his friends off, and he did the same to me. i never thought he'd treat ME like that b/c well, i was in the innermost circle, i was special etc. but no. now it makes sense, and i know what to look for, and it wont hurt b/c i'm keeping a clear head from day one and not being blindsided. love love love this booksorry if this is common sense/old news to y'all, i was just 'schooled' by it. no one ever really explained it to me. the book is empowering
tinkat
Well-Known Member
bermudabeauty said:
bermudabeauty
Right now I have profiles for okcupid, pof, match, and bpm. But I have not finished completing my profile for match (im lazy) and bpm you have to pay for and Idk if I want to pay...
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
it just never occured to me a boyfriend/husband would treat me like an aquaintance, or worse- like the waiter, after i became the g.f./wife, while we were committed to each other- or that such treatment is a part of a natural relationship cycle.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
laCriolla said:
I have learned no one is exempt lol. By looking at how he treats everyone, you will see his character. But some people are fine with a person treating others bad as long as that person does not do it to them. It's unsettling to me though.
OAN:
I just off of the phone with friend and I wanted to talk longer...lol. I am a chatterbox with him. We went from talking about Greek life, to costs of going to school and how to get free benefits if military or child, to favorite subjects on school, to which grocery stores have the cleanest meat, to AIDS and if there is a cure to is p diddy gay lol. That happened in a span of 30 minutes but it did not feel like it.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
O-ren
New Member
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
whatever he should have bought the ipad
and whats with these dudes telling women how to dress? I dont get it. like why act so entitled?
Believe me, I'm gonna milk this cow til I get the friggin iPad and then some. I deserve it.
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
GoddessMaker Part of me wants him back...flaws and all. But the other part of me wants to see what's out there.
But he will have to work very hard to come back (if I let him).
I won't make a decision yet, though. For now, I'm happy being wined and dine.
It's like having all the perks of being in a relationship with a man on his best behavior but without the commitment..... so I can have that same treatment with other men as well. Now I understand why men like to have their cake and eat it too.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
O-ren
New Member
Believe me, I'm gonna milk this cow til I get the friggin iPad and then some. I deserve it.
That's my girl!GoddessMaker shift them plans to mid or late march. the weather is better then anyway
tinkat
Well-Known Member
CurliDiva
Lol, I don't even log into bpm or match, profiles are not complete. My profiles are complete on ok Cupid and pof. I only check those two bc I get messages on those sites. But I have seen the same profiles on pof and okcupid before.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
Lol, I don't even log into bpm or match, profiles are not complete. My profiles are complete on ok Cupid and pof. I only check those two bc I get messages on those sites. But I have seen the same profiles on pof and okcupid before.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
aw man, everything was going so well between me and mr. sunday date. he's moving kind of slow (no kiss) but I take it as respectful. a week after our date he told me that he thought my legs were absolutely gorgeous and was trying not to stare (i wondered why he waited 7 days to say that)
a week prior to the date he'd left the site.
and i haven't heard from him today, but that didn't bother me because well, i've heard from him so much lately.
-but-
i go online and he's re-activated his profile. :-(
ladies, I really really don't know if I can take another round of this. what gives? what the heck happened?
a week prior to the date he'd left the site.
and i haven't heard from him today, but that didn't bother me because well, i've heard from him so much lately.
-but-
i go online and he's re-activated his profile. :-(
ladies, I really really don't know if I can take another round of this. what gives? what the heck happened?
tinkat
Well-Known Member
laCriolla
I guess that is one of the annoying things that come with dating in general. It's still kind of early but I would not worry about him at all or why he is doing whatever. If he falls off the face of the earth, that's one less person wasting your time (and more room to meet a potential).
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
I guess that is one of the annoying things that come with dating in general. It's still kind of early but I would not worry about him at all or why he is doing whatever. If he falls off the face of the earth, that's one less person wasting your time (and more room to meet a potential).
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
we have been talking for 3 months. first date was in december. does that change things?
erplexed
tinkat
Well-Known Member
laCriolla said:we have been talking for 3 months. first date was in december. does that change things?
Yea that does, I thought this was like the first couple of dates lol. Hmmm, he could be seeing others maybe...
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
it was the 2nd date! it took him from december till a week and a half ago or so to ask for the 2nd one- all the while talking, keeping in contact regularly. i mean, to be fair he tried a few times to set something up but between the holidays, bdays in his family and mine, and his crazy work schedule it didn't happen until recently. but like i said about a week or so before our date he got off match. now a week and a half after he's back on.
he's been really opening up lately and sharing a lot more and gosh- i mean, i hate the txting, but he txts me all day, starting first thing in the am until kind of late at night. now something 'flipped' and i heard nothing from him today and he's back on. we didnt argue and our conversation isnt provocative enough where i'd think i offended him. also, it took him a week to compliment my appearance on our date. i think he's shy? i dunno i'm trying not to let past disappointments (and cheaters) make me think this is a negative situation.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
laCriolla said:it was the 2nd date! it took him from december till a week and a half ago or so to ask for the 2nd one- all the while talking, keeping in contact regularly. i mean, to be fair he tried a few times to set something up but between the holidays, bdays in his family and mine, and his crazy work schedule it didn't happen until recently. but like i said about a week or so before our date he got off match. now a week and a half after he's back on.
If you don't like texting, then you should tell him that you prefer calls. If he continues to text, then don't respond. You did not do anything wrong so don't think his actions have to do with you. It may not even be anything personal. I would not respond the next time he texts personally. Does he ever call you?
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
he calls, maybe only once a week. and i'm always in a meeting or at the gym and he leaves a message and i call him back. but the texting is ...constant, every day all day. and I did tell him I dont like it. i told him at the beginning, he kept texting (not cool), and then told me "but i dont know when to call". i thought about just not txting him back but then i thought i was being a hard @ss and that i should cut the guy a break.
smh.
SUPER SWEET
Well-Known Member
I'm so tired of these men online. It's getting weirder by the day 
tinkat
Well-Known Member
laCriolla said:
That I don't know when to call was bs lol. He can always call and leave a message. He seem to be on some other ish. What gets me is that a lot of these guys will message all day but I start getting annoyed and let them know directly or indirectly that I don't like it all the time. It limits getting to know a person especially online. Phone convos should outweigh texting or at least be balanced.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
I have a date with Mr. Spiritual tonight but I don't really wanna go. He always catches me when I'm PMSing. His timing is really wack. I'd rather go to spa world
tropical-punch
Well-Known Member
So he asked something about me and other guys on okc. I told him I wasn't interested in any of them because I like what I see in front of me. Then he tells me that he's a bad person, blah, blah. When a guy says something like that, its never good 
Now I'm questioning whether or not we want the same thing.
Now I'm questioning whether or not we want the same thing.So he asked something about me and other guys on okc. I told him I wasn't interested in any of them because I like what I see in front of me. Then he tells me that he's a bad person, blah, blah. When a guy says something like that, its never good
if a guy asks me about other guys i'm dating, i was usually very casual and gave a non-committal answer. it's not really any of his business, unless you've had a conversation about becoming exclusive.
also, when a guy starts doing that "im a bad person" thing, it's time to bow out. no time for the BS. Either he's telling you the truth or he has self-esteem issues.
meesch
yeezytotme
tropical-punch said:So he asked something about me and other guys on okc. I told him I wasn't interested in any of them because I like what I see in front of me. Then he tells me that he's a bad person, blah, blah. When a guy says something like that, its never good
translation: im seeing other women and i dont want to lie to you about it, but im not going to stop either.
