Nonnegotiable Flaws In Men?

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
I have a hard time when people ask me advice towards should they stay and make it work or just leave when it comes to certain flaws in men?

Generally if it's something like compulsive cheating and lying I tell them to trust their heart which usually means leave.

But what about bad finances? Baby mama drama, men that are mama boys, not having a stable job at THAT time, poor Christian Faith, not finishing a degree (skipping schools a lot), easily angered, etc.

What can you put up with? What can you overlook?
 
Yeah I wouldn't tell anyone to leave their man unless it was family and she was getting beat or something.
Other then that mind your business.

As forthe question
Butwhat about bad finances?
-if debt it depends on why. And if he has the means to eventually pay it off.
And if he's still engaging in that risky behavior
Baby mama drama,
I don't date men with kids

men that are mama boys
Not sure. Usually men who are mama's boys didn't have a daddy growing up and I'm not sure me having a relationship with a man who didn't have a present father figure would work.

not having a stable job at THAT time
I'm 20 something we good on that right now. Lol

poor Christian Faith
Can't work with that

, not finishing a degree (skipping schools a lot)
Can't do that either

easily angered
Nope I'm annoying lol
 
You tell them to write down their non-negotiables for what they want in a man and compare it to the man that they are dating now. After that they can make their own decisions

I thought I couldn't deal would much, but I have overlooked a lot of stuff in the name of love lol idk each situation is different.
 
PeaceLover said:
You tell them to write down their non-negotiables for what they want in a man and compare it to the man that they are dating now. After that they can make their own decisions

I thought I couldn't deal would much, but I have overlooked a lot of stuff in the name of love lol idk each situation is different.
Click to expand...
True lol love changes EVERYTHING. Good advice thanks!!
 
Before meeting my boyfriend my non-negotiables were/are:
-Having no boundaries (unable to say 'no' to people, because they're afraid of someone being mad at them)
-Extreme laziness: No job, no plans to get a job, living at home with parents with no plans of moving out
-An unstable job. Based on my experience, attempting to date a man who does not have steady income while I do gets old FAST.
-Not keeping up their physical appearance (not staying in shape, getting a hair cut, taking care of their skin, etc.)
-Being shorter than me (I'm 5'10)
-Being overweight
-Smoking
-Dishonesty. I believe that if a man lies, he'll also cheat. I'm not talking about white lies, like if he's planning a birthday surprise or something for me and tells me things to keep me from figuring out the surprise. I mean things like lying about where he is and omitting things. If I hear him lying to other people, that's a deal breaker because I'll assume he is also lying to me.
-Wanting to go through the....'backdoor'
-Attempting to control me
-A quick temper
-Already having kids
-Cheating (this includes anything leading up to the act of having sex with someone else like text messages or 'just hanging out')
-Physical abuse

Things I can overlook:
-*Slight* jealousy. For example: We're out in public and my boyfriend notices another man staring at me, so he decides to put his arm around me or kiss me or something else that shows we're together. Or, if I leave the house looking good and I'm not going out with him and he says something like "Where you going looking so good?" In fact, I like this lol.
-Not being especially creative in the bedroom.

Luckily, my current boyfriend has none of my non-negotiables.
 
Noelle01 said:
Before meeting my boyfriend my non-negotiables were/are:
-Having no boundaries (unable to say 'no' to people, because they're afraid of someone being mad at them)
-Extreme laziness: No job, no plans to get a job, living at home with parents with no plans of moving out
-An unstable job. Based on my experience, attempting to date a man who does not have steady income while I do gets old FAST.
-Not keeping up their physical appearance (not staying in shape, getting a hair cut, taking care of their skin, etc.)
-Being shorter than me (I'm 5'10)
-Being overweight
-Smoking
-Dishonesty. I believe that if a man lies, he'll also cheat. I'm not talking about white lies, like if he's planning a birthday surprise or something for me and tells me things to keep me from figuring out the surprise. I mean things like lying about where he is and omitting things. If I hear him lying to other people, that's a deal breaker because I'll assume he is also lying to me.
-Wanting to go through the....'backdoor'
-Attempting to control me
-A quick temper
-Already having kids
-Cheating (this includes anything leading up to the act of having sex with someone else like text messages or 'just hanging out')
-Physical abuse

Things I can overlook:
-*Slight* jealousy. For example: We're out in public and my boyfriend notices another man staring at me, so he decides to put his arm around me or kiss me or something else that shows we're together. Or, if I leave the house looking good and I'm not going out with him and he says something like "Where you going looking so good?" In fact, I like this lol.
-Not being especially creative in the bedroom.

Luckily, my current boyfriend has none of my non-negotiables.
Click to expand...


everything she said....I want to add immaturity and selfishness.

I learned the hard way a selfish man is an awful lover.
 
Can't stand inconsistency, poor follow through and people whom I can't depend on. Those things would get to me and I'd be unhappy and insecure. Oh and poor money management is a downer but if they are willing to listen to MY (lol) advice or learn elsewhere, I'm cool with that.
 
Fine 4s said:
Can't stand inconsistency, poor follow through and people whom I can't depend on. Those things would get to me and I'd be unhappy and insecure. Oh and poor money management is a downer but if they are willing to listen to MY (lol) advice or learn elsewhere, I'm cool with that.
Click to expand...
Lol at listen to YOUR advice. I feel like that as well. I don't know it all but I have a pretty solid ground towards finances.
 
I don't care about height. Because there are men who are such men that I don't feel any type of way being a couple of inches taller in heels.

Non hard worker.
No dreams.
Abusive.
Cheater.
Insecure. If someone looks at me too long, and that drives you crazy, you gotta go. If me spending a night without you drives you crazy, you gotta go.
Overly sensitive.
 
  • lack of respect for relationship - meaning talks about our problems to others not to get advice but to complain. And when this happen, they always talk about YOU never them; Cheating lying etc.
  • not sanitary/clean - they must bathe, use deodorant. They cannot be a pig. I am not cleaning up after anyone.
  • Financially savvy - If you have debt, must be willing to do whatever it takes to pay it off and have saving for the future. Live for the future not just the present
  • A good father, not having a lot of children - I will NOT date a man who has more than 2 children with multiple baby mamas. I believe a good man will want to be a good father and that takes being in the home with or having your kid around you lot and being in the child life. In my opinion, if you have so many kids in different locations, it is had to be there for them. Also, I don't want to deal with a lot of different baby mama personalities.
  • Bad baby mama choices - I have a hard time with men who chose crazy women to bare their children. Maybe one bad baby momma but if they all have the same character tics, I don't have faith in your ability to chose women. Some men will agonize about buying a car do all the research but will allow crazy women to birth their children.
  • Gets angry a lot and over stupid silly things
  • Putting mother before wife - NOPE Mother has a place and will always have a place and I would never frown on that but momma cannot dictate the household.
  • And my Number one deal breaker - emotionally bankrupt/selfish/etc. - to me, there is nothing worse than having a man who won't/ can't show you emotion. No hand holding, hugs, never saying I love you, etc. I don't mean fawning over you all the time like a dog in heat, I mean showing you love and kindness without expecting sex afterwards. I want affection, I want you to be there for me emotionally I am your woman, not your boy. Make me your Queen
 
One thing I forgot, I can't settle down with a man who isn't a problem solver. My ex was like this. He would tell me about a problem and then do absolutely nothing to fix it, so I'd be the one trying to come up with solutions and ways to fix it while he'd be dragging his feet. I want to settle down with a man who will work to fix problems before I even learn about them. A leader and someone who takes initiative, basically
 
gimbap said:
One thing I forgot, I can't settle down with a man who isn't a problem solver. My ex was like this. He would tell me about a problem and then do absolutely nothing to fix it, so I'd be the one trying to come up with solutions and ways to fix it while he'd be dragging his feet. I want to settle down with a man who will work to fix problems before I even learn about them. A leader and someone who takes initiative, basically
Click to expand...
That's one thing I'm with you on. An ambitious man who takes initiative is very important to me. I hate being the one that always has to solve the problem. It makes me feel like bruh what r u here for honestly. In my younger years I wouldn't call it a non-negotiable but now it is now that I'm older.
 
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