PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Man I cursed out my mother so good today. I'm apologetic but she really pissed me off. She told me hopes I fail today. And I'll need her before she needs me. You don't talk like this to your child. This was my letter to her. I sent it on facebook via msg and I'm going to mail it. (I deleted most of it now) snippets below
I EXPECT TO WIN! Even when my mother tells me, “Karma will come around and she hopes I fail” at the end of the day, I expect to win and I will win because of my perseverance.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD. I always second guess myself from the decisions I make vs the decisions you try to make for me in attempt to control my life. Examples have been throughout my childhood.
You cannot control my life. The only thing you can do is offer input and advice and be supportive. Instead, I am often hit with judgmental comments that make me feel isolated and less than a person deserving of love.
You attack me with words to try to persuade me to do as you say as an adult. It does not work this way. out her and basically reduced her to nothing. Morally what is more important? Your self-image or the happiness and healthiness of your children?
This leads to many of the unanswered questions You can’t and won’t answer. They include:
· What is more important happiness or self-image
· Why am I always hit with criticism more than my brother?
· What did I do to deserve so much criticism
I’ve tried to talk to before. I always feel broken down when talking to you. I can never do anything right. Even with my son, the one thing I can do right is care for my son. But in your eyes, I don’t hold his head, I shake him too hard in his bouncer, I don’t have socks on his feet, I don’t talk to him enough, I don’t take him out enough, and I guess I don’t “mother” him right. This is just another example of how your words dictate and make me feel less than a person. And in instances like this, even my brother told you to be mindful of your words to not break my spirit, but in your eyes every action is justified.
I am now 29 years old. I don’t ask you all for finances. I don’t ask you all for anything. This is not Mother May I. I don’t owe you any answers. Therefore, I don’t have to ask you for permission. The time is now to stop living for others in attempt to try to make others happy. Priss needs to be happy. And that means making decisions that you may not agree with, but you must respect. This is not Mother May I. I don’t owe you any answers. But I do owe myself some respect, since my parents my parents give me so little. If my mother wants me to fail, why would I want her around her grandchild? You drain me of spirit and energy. You emotionally blackmail me in attempt to threaten to punish me for not doing what you won’t. But I am not a child. You will not sit here and criticize me and demean me or I can’t allow you to continue to taint my life.
I wish you all would both would attend counseling sessions and my counselor that I used to attend wo made it evident to me that my childhood was dysfunctional and the actions that I experienced are not okay. He told me I would continue to feel confused throughout life and had narcissistic traits that were created from having a narcissistic mother that attempted to control my life instead of help me make wise choices.
Characteristics of Narcissist Mothers
1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. (Everything in this letter will be twisted to say that I made this all up or your actions are justified)
2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (My choices and decisions are my right, you violate those rights)
3. She favoritizes. Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. (My brother is more respectful than I)
4. She undermines. Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them (My accomplishments are because of what you have taught me or provided). Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit is ignored or diminished.
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates. She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person's side even if she doesn't know them at all . She doesn't care about those people or the justice of your complaints. She just wants to let you know that you're never right.
Sincerely,
Priss
I EXPECT TO WIN! Even when my mother tells me, “Karma will come around and she hopes I fail” at the end of the day, I expect to win and I will win because of my perseverance.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD. I always second guess myself from the decisions I make vs the decisions you try to make for me in attempt to control my life. Examples have been throughout my childhood.
You cannot control my life. The only thing you can do is offer input and advice and be supportive. Instead, I am often hit with judgmental comments that make me feel isolated and less than a person deserving of love.
You attack me with words to try to persuade me to do as you say as an adult. It does not work this way. out her and basically reduced her to nothing. Morally what is more important? Your self-image or the happiness and healthiness of your children?
This leads to many of the unanswered questions You can’t and won’t answer. They include:
· What is more important happiness or self-image
· Why am I always hit with criticism more than my brother?
· What did I do to deserve so much criticism
I’ve tried to talk to before. I always feel broken down when talking to you. I can never do anything right. Even with my son, the one thing I can do right is care for my son. But in your eyes, I don’t hold his head, I shake him too hard in his bouncer, I don’t have socks on his feet, I don’t talk to him enough, I don’t take him out enough, and I guess I don’t “mother” him right. This is just another example of how your words dictate and make me feel less than a person. And in instances like this, even my brother told you to be mindful of your words to not break my spirit, but in your eyes every action is justified.
I am now 29 years old. I don’t ask you all for finances. I don’t ask you all for anything. This is not Mother May I. I don’t owe you any answers. Therefore, I don’t have to ask you for permission. The time is now to stop living for others in attempt to try to make others happy. Priss needs to be happy. And that means making decisions that you may not agree with, but you must respect. This is not Mother May I. I don’t owe you any answers. But I do owe myself some respect, since my parents my parents give me so little. If my mother wants me to fail, why would I want her around her grandchild? You drain me of spirit and energy. You emotionally blackmail me in attempt to threaten to punish me for not doing what you won’t. But I am not a child. You will not sit here and criticize me and demean me or I can’t allow you to continue to taint my life.
I wish you all would both would attend counseling sessions and my counselor that I used to attend wo made it evident to me that my childhood was dysfunctional and the actions that I experienced are not okay. He told me I would continue to feel confused throughout life and had narcissistic traits that were created from having a narcissistic mother that attempted to control my life instead of help me make wise choices.
Characteristics of Narcissist Mothers
1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. (Everything in this letter will be twisted to say that I made this all up or your actions are justified)
2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (My choices and decisions are my right, you violate those rights)
3. She favoritizes. Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. (My brother is more respectful than I)
4. She undermines. Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them (My accomplishments are because of what you have taught me or provided). Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit is ignored or diminished.
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates. She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person's side even if she doesn't know them at all . She doesn't care about those people or the justice of your complaints. She just wants to let you know that you're never right.
Sincerely,
Priss
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