My hair got molested this morning in the corner store

[mscocoface]

Oh wow he did one of those drive by touches from behind you. Those are the worst.

You have no idea where his hands where JUST before he touched you. He could have just come from the bathroom, blown his nose, wiped his face, you get the picture.

With the H1N1 virus running rampant..........Naw keep your hands to yourself.

The comment about your husband was either fishing for a response or a very sexist thing to assume you are married. Unless he saw a ring on your finger.

 

[mj11051]

i believe he was fishing

 

[Shananyganz]

See that's my point. They don't allow their woman to work in the store but they will touch a black woman and think nothing of it. Because there are woman that get with them.

I think that there are a lot of men of all races who find, make up, CREATE reasons to touch ANY woman, no matter her race. In my mind, black women (and our hair) will always be seen as taboo and exotic; does that give people the right to overextend their boundaries , no not at all. But in turn it doesn't give us the right to assume that we are touched because of our color, or (in part) because other women preference/date/get with that race of man. I don't like my personal space invaded... period DOT. Like I've mentioned before on the boards (and will say again), with regard to unwelcomed touching; I'm a lil lenient with my folk, but strangers...we don't go...at all..not even a lil bit. I personally, can give two flips about your race when it comes to touching me...unwanted..unsolicited..off-guard...just don't do it (disclaimer:: all things being equal..cause Idris Elba!! He can get it holy!! ).

-S-

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

it's not funny..
But I just pictured the whole thing..

I can imagine if you had your sock of quarters..lawd...

some ppl don't know how to stay in there own personal space

 

[FindingMe]

girl, looking at your siggy....your hair is pretty...I'd have to curb the reflex to touch it myself if I was in line behind you!

he was wrong, tho-

 

[Skiggle]

Your hair does look soft.....though..

very tempting...

 

[sunbubbles]

People don't understand personal space. When I lived in Germany, there wasn't a day when I didn't feel some lady's boobs on my back while standing in line.

I know you wanna get your turn in line, but can you not touch me????

Slightly OT but YES GIRL!! I hate it when ppl wont stay in their personal space!! Ex. When Im at the ATM. That means its MYYYYY turn and u need to gimme 50 ft!!!!! ( or 6-7ft ) THEY (ahem, i say THEY because thats the only ones Ive noticed) be all up ON me when Im at the ATM. It drives me INSANE!!!

Back to the subject at hand: Sorry this happened to u OP, but yes I do beleive its disrespectful, moreso from cultures that are accustomed to not touching and such. When I lived in Detroit, if they saw ANY other race tryna holla at their women (Ive had friends experience this) they go ballistic!!! But its ok for you to holla at me tho?? and worse TOUCH me (when me even having my head UNCOVERED is viewed as prostitutelike in the culture)
So that leads me to think that u dont respect me as a woman to be touchin me like that! SUPER disrespectful! I know thats probably WAAYY too much thinkin. Sorry if I offended anyone, but thats my opinion

but uhhh, alot of them men DO be fine tho.............

 

[JollyGal]

Even if you were dating an arab man it doesn't mean that it's ok for a strange arab man to put his hands in your hair.

The more I hear about this (people touching hair without permission) the more I believe only black women get treated like this.

 

[jasmin]

Yuck...scary nasty man.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

So I'm standing in line with to pay for my stuff and this arab man walks and just sticks his hands all up in my head. Saying OMG your hair so beautiful and soft, I envy your husband. I'm like get your hands out of my hair, what's wrong you you!!!!!You don't walk to a stranger and without permission just stick your hands in their hair. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I was so mad, he looked scared and I wanted to slap the crap out of him. He took me by surprise. I know there are black women who date these men , but I'm not one of them. I left my sock full of quarters at home.

I hate for someone to accuse me of racism...but here it goes. This was an Arab man? Are you for sure? If this man is muslim or christian...he would not be daring to touch a woman in the open like that....unless he thought of you as a "sharmuta" or a whore. I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon that Black women are considered thusly. And to think we have threads about AA women not being mad when complete strangers wrangle into their hair. How dare he assume this. You realize, he was coming onto you sexually right? You should have slapped his m.....f...... face!

Know what? These Palestinian guys who owned this AA neighborhood grocery store with jackedup old sh*t would say in Arabic "sharmuta" whenever a Black female would enter the store..even for 3-year old children. They stopped when an Arabic speaking black woman cussed them the hell out. I love and respect all people...but all people do not love and respect me.

I had to edit several sentences of incoherent "English" cuz this made me so freaking mad! People who pretend all is kumbaya and don't understand your mentioning the race...get real, please. It ain't just whytie treating us like marde!

 

[Charz]

Slightly OT but YES GIRL!! I hate it when ppl wont stay in their personal space!! Ex. When Im at the ATM. That means its MYYYYY turn and u need to gimme 50 ft!!!!! ( or 6-7ft ) THEY (ahem, i say THEY because thats the only ones Ive noticed) be all up ON me when Im at the ATM. It drives me INSANE!!!

Oh let something like that happen to me at an atm. I would look them dead in the face and say loudly, "Excuse me, are you trying to steal my pin number or something? If you don't back off me, I will call the police".

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Ms Kitty, you need a sign that says "Hands off the hurr!" This happens to you too much

 

[mj11051]

I hate for someone to accuse me of racism...but here it goes. This was an Arab man? Are you for sure? If this man is muslim or christian...he would not be daring to touch a woman in the open like that....unless he thought of you as a "sharmuta" or a whore. I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon that Black women are considered thusly. And to think we have threads about AA women not being mad when complete strangers wrangle into their hair. How dare he assume this. You realize, he was coming onto you sexually right? You should have slapped his m.....f...... face!

Know what? These Palestinian guys who owned this AA neighborhood grocery store with jackedup old sh*t would say in Arabic "sharmuta" whenever a Black female would enter the store..even for 3-year old children. They stopped when an Arabic speaking black woman cussed them the hell out. I love and respect all people...but all people do not love and respect me.

I had to edit several sentences of incoherent "English" cuz this made me so freaking mad!

See this is why I was so pissed. the guy the behind counter apologized to me for him, because I go there a lot and he was shocked also. But I told that man if he ever put his hands on me again I would have my hubby whip his butt. I told him he was wrong for invading my personal space and that he should asked my permission to touch my hair.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

See this is why I was so pissed. the guy the behind counter apologized to me for him, because I go there a lot and he was shocked also. But I told that man if he ever put his hands on me again I would have my hubby whip his butt. I told him he was wrong for invading my personal space and that he should asked my permission to touch my hair.

I hate to say it this way...but a lot of clueless ladies are not realizing culturally and socially what the hell is going down when this happens to them. That's exactly why I put it into perspective. He shouldn't be asking for no permission....nada. What a schmuck! And you see where his mindset is... Urgh. Forget slapping his face, take off your shoe and throw it at him...ahahahaha Greatest insult!

 

[LatterGlory]

[ I left my sock full of quarters at home.[/QUOTE]

Now you talking... my first reaction after reading...:hardslap:

 

[mj11051]

[ I left my sock full of quarters at home.

Now you talking... my first reaction after reading...:hardslap:[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what i wanted to do. that **** really caught me off guard.

 

[isobell]

I hate for someone to accuse me of racism...but here it goes. This was an Arab man? Are you for sure? If this man is muslim or christian...he would not be daring to touch a woman in the open like that....unless he thought of you as a "sharmuta" or a whore. I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon that Black women are considered thusly. And to think we have threads about AA women not being mad when complete strangers wrangle into their hair. How dare he assume this. You realize, he was coming onto you sexually right? You should have slapped his m.....f...... face!

Know what? These Palestinian guys who owned this AA neighborhood grocery store with jackedup old sh*t would say in Arabic "sharmuta" whenever a Black female would enter the store..even for 3-year old children. They stopped when an Arabic speaking black woman cussed them the hell out. I love and respect all people...but all people do not love and respect me.

I had to edit several sentences of incoherent "English" cuz this made me so freaking mad! People who pretend all is kumbaya and don't understand your mentioning the race...get real, please. It ain't just whytie treating us like marde!

hmm I agree that this person invaded her personal space and was very disrespectful but don't you think you're kind of over generalizing a little bit? Many of us lhcfers have reported myriad instances where people, not only men, of all races, even our own, have done similar things to us. Why generalize about a culture that includes people of so many different religions and nationalities in that manner? Just because you have seen similar men acting badly towards black women does not mean they all do. I'm sure there are people who can likewise tell of just the opposite experience. No need to fan the flames of cultural misunderstanding and burgeoning bigotry.

 

[sunbubbles]

I hate for someone to accuse me of racism...but here it goes. This was an Arab man? Are you for sure? If this man is muslim or christian...he would not be daring to touch a woman in the open like that....unless he thought of you as a "sharmuta" or a whore. I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon that Black women are considered thusly. And to think we have threads about AA women not being mad when complete strangers wrangle into their hair. How dare he assume this. You realize, he was coming onto you sexually right? You should have slapped his m.....f...... face!

Know what? These Palestinian guys who owned this AA neighborhood grocery store with jackedup old sh*t would say in Arabic "sharmuta" whenever a Black female would enter the store..even for 3-year old children. They stopped when an Arabic speaking black woman cussed them the hell out. I love and respect all people...but all people do not love and respect me.

I had to edit several sentences of incoherent "English" cuz this made me so freaking mad! People who pretend all is kumbaya and don't understand your mentioning the race...get real, please. It ain't just whytie treating us like marde!

Thanks for this. I think a lot of ppl who dont live in heavily populated areas with different cultures like this wont know their rationale behind their actions. I dont go psycho when ppl touch my hair in general, it doesnt bother me, especially with fam and friends, BUT if I KNOW that ur doing it for a derogatory reason, (or just so u can get a weave check lol) I feel offended, and violated.

Would that man go up to a woman of his own race who had on a head covering and push off her covering and start rubbing her hair??? NO, it would probably be UNTHINKABLE to him, (because itd be like stripping her down naked, completely humiliating for her)
so why the HECK is it ok for you to touch ME like that and take liberties that usually ppl of that culture ONLY take with someone whom they're married to!!??
Bluntly Speaking : Because to you, Im a Harlot, thats why.

Wow that really hurts my feelings because I love all ppl, but like you said "all ppl dont love and respect me" I certainly cant control that sick type of thinking, but I know one thing,I can control the fact that YOU WILL NOT be touching all over me without some reactions!!!

 

[vavouna]

 

[mj11051]

What's so funny?

 

[sunbubbles]

hmm I agree that this person invaded her personal space and was very disrespectful but don't you think you're kind of over generalizing a little bit? Many of us lhcfers have reported myriad instances where people, not only men, of all races, even our own, have done similar things to us. Why generalize about a culture that includes people of so many different religions and nationalities in that manner? Just because you have seen similar men acting badly towards black women does not mean they all do. I'm sure there are people who can likewise tell of just the opposite experience. No need to fan the flames of cultural misunderstanding and burgeoning bigotry.

Unfortunately its not fanning flames. Its fact. If somebody says something like "all black ppl love watermelon" etc. lol THAT would be a generalization. The statement that in different arabic countries a woman whos head is not covered is viewed as a prostitute is a cultural and RELIGIOUS based fact.
Thats why theres no doubt that this man in particular (whos not "americanized") was touching her out of disrespect, regardless of whether he genuinely thought that she had pretty hair or not.

He might have not come out and said "I think ur a hoe"but his actions certainly proved that he didnt view her as highly or else he would have kept his hands to himself.

 

[isobell]

Unfortunately its not fanning flames. Its fact. If somebody says something like "all black ppl love watermelon" etc. lol THAT would be a generalization. The statement that in different arabic countries a woman whos head is not covered is viewed as a prostitute is a cultural and RELIGIOUS based fact.
Thats why theres no doubt that this man in particular (whos not "americanized") was touching her out of disrespect, regardless of whether he genuinely thought that she had pretty hair or not.

He might have not come out and said "I think ur a hoe"but his actions certainly proved that he didnt view her as highly or else he would have kept his hands to himself.

How do you know he's not americanized? He might even be a citizen. He might have mental health problems. He might just have liked her. So called "Arabic" men also date and marry black women. Also arab is not synonymous with muslim. Furthermore not all muslim people observe their religion or adhere to their cultural practices when they live in the usa....IMO there are any number of possibilities. My point is that you are extrapolating a lot of information from the fact that OP said he was arab. And really would these actions not be equally disrespectful had he been black or white or asian? i just don't see the correlation. I have known many arab people, as well as many muslim people, their behavior and beliefs run the gamut that others do. I am not trying to make anyone out to be a saint, just human like you and me. IMO we would need a lot more specific information about this individual to make a reasonable assertion about his particular actions towards the OP meant. I'm just not one for jumping to conclusions. Yes he was dead wrong for his actions especially since OP justifiably felt violated, but the rest is a little extra in my opinion.

 

[CurlyMoo]

So I'm standing in line with to pay for my stuff and this arab man walks and just sticks his hands all up in my head. Saying OMG your hair so beautiful and soft, I envy your husband. I'm like get your hands out of my hair, what's wrong you you!!!!!You don't walk to a stranger and without permission just stick your hands in their hair. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I was so mad, he looked scared and I wanted to slap the crap out of him. He took me by surprise. I know there are black women who date these men , but I'm not one of them. I left my sock full of quarters at home.

See that's my point. They don't allow their woman to work in the store but they will touch a black woman and think nothing of it. Because there are woman that get with them.

That was totally disrespectful. I bet if a Black man stuck his hand in an Arab woman's hair the men would let him know that he was being disrespectful or beat him senseless. Yes for any man this is a no no. However, I think they think they can treat us any kind of way because we are Black women. I've had to educate a few Arab men when it comes to touching or propositioning me. I asked them do you behave this way with your women. The guy had the nerve to say NO! our women are virgins and respected.

 

[Almaz]

Yep and that Arabic Speaking Black woman would be me and yes at this store they always ALWAYS ALWAYS called any woman that walked into the store a Sharmuta to the point where these ladies thought that it was a term or endearment like saying Habibti or something. Again some of these Black women get with these guys. Can't tell you how many half Arab babies I have seen but yet will never move them out of the projects to a better environment and still call them Sharmuta behind their backs. Only ONE or 2 Dudes that I know actually Claimed their child and move the mothers into better conditions. One actually married and adopted the other children and are raising them like their own This is not always the case with everyone. But if he is Middle Eastern HE KNOWS that he should NEVER EVER EVER EVER touch a woman that is not related to him.

That was sexual harrassment. The police should have been called.

The problem is you got a lot of tricks arse hos that will give it up to these dudes for some Courvosier and a pack of Newports and some of that nasty outdated food so they think that everyone is like that.

Next time you tell him Look you Ibn Sharmuta. (Son of a whore) do NOT touch me in such a manner Only my husband touches. HOW dare you think that you can put your hands on me. That is Haram.

I hate for someone to accuse me of racism...but here it goes. This was an Arab man? Are you for sure? If this man is muslim or christian...he would not be daring to touch a woman in the open like that....unless he thought of you as a "sharmuta" or a whore. I hate to say it, but it's not uncommon that Black women are considered thusly. And to think we have threads about AA women not being mad when complete strangers wrangle into their hair. How dare he assume this. You realize, he was coming onto you sexually right? You should have slapped his m.....f...... face!

Know what? These Palestinian guys who owned this AA neighborhood grocery store with jackedup old sh*t would say in Arabic "sharmuta" whenever a Black female would enter the store..even for 3-year old children. They stopped when an Arabic speaking black woman cussed them the hell out. I love and respect all people...but all people do not love and respect me.

I had to edit several sentences of incoherent "English" cuz this made me so freaking mad! People who pretend all is kumbaya and don't understand your mentioning the race...get real, please. It ain't just whytie treating us like marde!

 

[jerseyjill]

I hate to say it this way...but a lot of clueless ladies are not realizing culturally and socially what the hell is going down when this happens to them. That's exactly why I put it into perspective. He shouldn't be asking for no permission....nada. What a schmuck! And you see where his mindset is... Urgh. Forget slapping his face, take off your shoe and throw it at him...ahahahaha Greatest insult!

Absolutely Sis, and Im glad you broke it down. Because when she said he was Arab I was like 'whoah!' he was totally taking her for a "sharmuta" or whatever the word was. And what is worst was his comment about him being jealous of her husband! They are chauvenist and believe women belong to men, so if you believe that why would you disrespect her husband like that!
Im glad she said she would get her husband after him, he would not dare do that to an Arabic woman, covered or not covered. How dare he! I am so freaking mad right now!! I'm sorry......

 

[Almaz]

Okay as someone who was born and raised and speaks more then one language of the middle east and Central Asia I can honestly say that those cultural norms are prevelent all over the region. YOU don't touch women that are not a part of your family. This is not bigotry this is a cultural truth. I don't shake or touch men that are not related to me either.

Whether if you are

Persian (Christian Jews Muslim)
Azeri (Christian Jews Muslim)
Kurds (Christians Jews Muslim
Libyan (Christian Jews Muslim)
Turks (Christian Jews Muslim)
Chaldean(Christian and Jew
Assyrians (Christians)
Baluchis (Christians Jews Muslim)
Turkoman(Christian Jews Muslim)
I can go on an on an on and name some culture or country from the
Asia Minor Middle East to Central Asia and the former Stans of the Soviet Union. (Turkmenistan, Tajikistan Uzebekistan.
Morrocans, Armenians Ethiopians Algerians Lebanese. etc.

There is a cultural awarness of who to touch and who not to touch and for the most part as I have travelled these regions and lived there no matter who I ran into too. They all had these cultural norms about touching and women and family.

Case in point If the OP had been a women in the Palestianian territory or Jordan or Yemen and some man came up and pulled that BS

SHE could have been a victim of an Honour killing. If she was in Iran in a REAL conservative Area like Qom a strange man that was NOT a relative doing that to her could have gotten her arse STONED.

Alright lets move back into the 60's and the Vietnam war. Okay after the war tons of Amerasian babies coming to America. Because places like Vietnam Thailand have different views on touching women and sex. That is why there is such a large Sex Industry in those regions. NOT generalising not saying its better or worse it is just different.

When was the LAST time anyone heard of a AmerIraqi baby scaping to get to Merica to find him papa??? Again nobody is touching those women. YOU maybe Might find one or two but I would be hard pressed and hopefully she ran away to America because again she could suffer greatly because of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

Remember a lot of these culturals family honour is shouldered upon the women. The women hold the honour. Women have gotten killed in the Middle East and Central Asia for that SAME reason some man violated her space.

Just sayin

hmm I agree that this person invaded her personal space and was very disrespectful but don't you think you're kind of over generalizing a little bit? Many of us lhcfers have reported myriad instances where people, not only men, of all races, even our own, have done similar things to us. Why generalize about a culture that includes people of so many different religions and nationalities in that manner? Just because you have seen similar men acting badly towards black women does not mean they all do. I'm sure there are people who can likewise tell of just the opposite experience. No need to fan the flames of cultural misunderstanding and burgeoning bigotry.

 

[Nonie]

Wow! Mj11051, your hair has had more drama in the few years you've been on the forum than mine has had in a lifetime. I say move to Hogwarts. Fewer lunatics roam the streets around these sides.

 

[Almaz]

At the bolded because I have a cousin in Beverly Hills that is a Plastic surgeon that have made a MINT A shyte tonload of STUPID SILLY money attaching the HYMENS back of the so-called Virginal Middle Eastern and Central Asian girls of City of Los Angeles and the surrounding areas because they sneak off and have boyfriends and lovers that live in Riverside Lower Orange County. Compton Crenshaw Anelo Valley and as far a Palmdale to have their affairs with their non-ME boyfriends and lovers but when it is time to marry they run right to him to get their snatches hooked up so their husbands will think that these women have never been touched. I am sure even the MEN know that they are not virgins and neither were they but everyone just Taroof and plays the game to satisfy the family and all is good in LA and the world

That was totally disrespectful. I bet if a Black man stuck his hand in an Arab woman's hair the men would let him know that he was being disrespectful or beat him senseless. Yes for any man this is a no no. However, I think they think they can treat us any kind of way because we are Black women. I've had to educate a few Arab men when it comes to touching or propositioning me. I asked them do you behave this way with your women. The guy had the nerve to say NO! our women are virgins and respected.

 

[ricochet]

So I'm standing in line with to pay for my stuff and this arab man walks and just sticks his hands all up in my head. Saying OMG your hair so beautiful and soft, I envy your husband. I'm like get your hands out of my hair, what's wrong you you!!!!!You don't walk to a stranger and without permission just stick your hands in their hair. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I was so mad, he looked scared and I wanted to slap the crap out of him. He took me by surprise. I know there are black women who date these men , but I'm not one of them. I left my sock full of quarters at home.

LOL! I don't mean to laugh but the same thing happened to me about 2 months ago. I was in the Korean store looking for black soap and these 3 African women proceeded put their hands all up in my head. I had it in two Pocahontis plaits. One had one braid, one had the other and one was in my scalp feeling for tracks. I felt so violated. I was sad and mad at the same time.

 

[Almaz]

Please some of the most Americanised Perfectly English Speaking men from that area have some of the worst behaviours towards black women in the Grocery stores you see them with the Bling their hair faded talkin smack and treating certain people the same way. This is almost a Bodega culture. Remember this is not to everyone but those stores are usually NOT in the greatest of areas and they tend to take on the traits of the people that are in the area along with some of their own preconcieved notions about Blacks and other cultures.

One store owner got shot when he did this to a young girl and her Father got mad at went to the store and busted a cap in his arse. This man was in Gulf War one so he knew what the 411 was. The man at the store went back to the ME after that incident never to be seen again.

In Detroit one BM got beat to death when he tried to defend his daughter from such kind of person talking to her any kind of way and talking under her clothes. The father yes was BEAT to DEATH. Again this is not all ME people but there are enough out there that would try this and they are not ALL fresh off the boat. Cause the ones in Detroit were Born and Bred right in Dearborn, Michigan these guys were not fresh off the boat

How do you know he's not americanized? He might even be a citizen. He might have mental health problems. He might just have liked her. So called "Arabic" men also date and marry black women. Also arab is not synonymous with muslim. Furthermore not all muslim people observe their religion or adhere to their cultural practices when they live in the usa....IMO there are any number of possibilities. My point is that you are extrapolating a lot of information from the fact that OP said he was arab. And really would these actions not be equally disrespectful had he been black or white or asian? i just don't see the correlation. I have known many arab people, as well as many muslim people, their behavior and beliefs run the gamut that others do. I am not trying to make anyone out to be a saint, just human like you and me. IMO we would need a lot more specific information about this individual to make a reasonable assertion about his particular actions towards the OP meant. I'm just not one for jumping to conclusions. Yes he was dead wrong for his actions especially since OP justifiably felt violated, but the rest is a little extra in my opinion.