My Friend’s Husband Disrespected Me

I would tell my mother what happened and then I would ask my friend to not come to the party. I would tell her that your mother didn’t know about how he talked to you that day and that neither of you are comfortable with him being there. Your friend can deal with her own husband and the fall out from her putting you in between them.

You deserve to bring in the new year with your family. I also think your friend was wrong to ask you to answer the door in the first place, forcing you to deal with her angry husband. It’s one thing to have your father/brother/male cousin answer the door. But your female friend? Not cool.
 
Yes, I agree with hopeful. Your friend is the one in the wrong here. I could see how he would feel upset for another woman to answer his door and bar his entry into his own home. I am totally not blaming you, you were just trying to support your friend. It's never a good idea to get in the middle of someone's relationship issues. They may reconcile and it will leave a bad taste in your mouth. You got good advice here, take this up with your friend.
 
Your friend shouldn’t have put you in the middle. She knew having you answer her door at HIS house and tell him he can’t come in “not a good time” automatic problem. She has caused this problem for you and a true friend would have answered her own door or just not answered at all. Let it go with him because she has. Your Friend is the one you need to meditate on. Why would my friend have me tell her husband he can’t come in his house? Why didn’t she just tell him through the door now is now a good time? This is not Boyfreind girlfriend this is a MARRIAGE big difference.
 
I would’ve never answered the door for her husband. For her to even think his knock needs to be “answered” speaks volumes and she sounds ridiculous to even ask you to do that. It is his house too.

Long story short: he shouldn’t have spoken to you that way but telling a man he can’t come into a house he pays the bills in is not gonna fly :look:
 
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She shouldn’t have asked you to answer the door. She was using you to play games with her husband. You shouldn’t have answered the door to tell him anything because it’s not your business. He may have been rude but who wouldn’t be when someone outside of his household, not even a member of the family, who doesn’t pay nan bill is telling him he can’t enter his house?
 
Be prepared to lose this friendship. The husband won’t care about not going but the wife may feel some kind of way about her invitation being rescinded. If you tell her you felt disrespected it’s unlikely that she’ll step up and facilitate the apology you deserve. She may make excuses and expect that to appease you. Lots of women expect everyone else to get amnesia when they reconcile. That might fly if she hadn’t put you in the middle but she did.
 
Yeah, your friend was wrong. That was not ok to put you in the middle. I would speak to her and let her know how you felt that he spoke to you rudely. Then let her know that since she and her man are apparently on the mend, it makes it feel like she put you in the middle of things and now you feel very awkward. I would also tell your friend that her husband at the party is going to make you feel awkward (maybe unless both she and he apologizes). I would tell my mother as well.
 
I agree with everyone else. But also. Soooo what were you expecting to happen when you opened the door and said no, person who lives here, you can't come in? :look: You were expecting a nice answer to that? Lol ok.

I would've opened the door and told his ass to leave, had my friend asked, cuz, sometimes, other people's drama is fun to me :look: :lol: if I'm being asked to get involved in a friends relationship, marriage or otherwise, I already know I'm bout to have some good, juicy stories to tell our other mutual friends. That's just how we roll :lol: tell 1, tell all.
 
I don't think I would be mad at him given the circumstances. I can see why he would be upset, and she already knew he was upset before she sent you to open the door. He could have gotten violent with you or anything. She was wrong for putting you in the middle like that. I would tell the friend her husband can't come, but be prepared to lose her as a friend.
 
I concur with everything @hopeful said.
She'll get offended but that's okay. She needs to understand that as a wife you cannot involve people in your marriage especially if you plan on going back under your rude ogre's bosom. :look:
My advice is for you not to get involved in any way, shape or form, next time, whoever it may be. It puts you in an awkward position whereas those two have obviously reconciled and now act like it's okay for everybody.
 
So did she at least come to the door or was she off in the other room having you pass on messages to her hubby?

After he said he needed to speak to her, I would've got out of his way, and sat my a** down or gathered my belongings because they need to talk.
 
hopeful said:
I would tell my mother what happened and then I would ask my friend to not come to the party. I would tell her that your mother didn’t know about how he talked to you that day and that neither of you are comfortable with him being there. Your friend can deal with her own husband and the fall out from her putting you in between them.

You deserve to bring in the new year with your family. I also think your friend was wrong to ask you to answer the door in the first place, forcing you to deal with her angry husband. It’s one thing to have your father/brother/male cousin answer the door. But your female friend? Not cool.
Click to expand...

Thank you!! This is the approach I will take.

We’re all 30 and under and she’s the only married friend I have so I’m not used to these situations at all lol. He knew he wasn’t allowed back there so I honestly thought he would just leave since she still didn’t want to see him. Didn’t think he was going to blow up..especially since I kept my cool.

Anyway. Lesson learned!
 
NaturallyBri87 said:
Thank you!! This is the approach I will take.

We’re all 30 and under and she’s the only married friend I have so I’m not used to these situations at all lol. He knew he wasn’t allowed back there so I honestly thought he would just leave since she still didn’t want to see him. Didn’t think he was going to blow up..especially since I kept my cool.

Anyway. Lesson learned!
Click to expand...
Actually, he was / is allowed back there because it's his home / house.

As rude and as disrespectful as he was to you, he was still within his rights to be there unless there was a legal order of restraint in place against him.

Obviously, your friend (who is not a friend) is a controller. She likes having her way. She put her husband out to control him; he comes back to take retrieve control / or to make amends. He came to his home to speak with his wife and no one else. Those two factors, his house, his wife is what triggered his harsh and unfair reaction to you. You didn't deserve it nor to be put in that position.

The women here in this thread have given you excellent advise but even more, they cover / support you as a friend, unlike the 'un-friend' and her husband.

Tell your mom and ask her to uninvited them. You should be able to enjoy your new year in peace.
 
NaturallyBri87 said:
Thank you!! This is the approach I will take.

Yes, lesson learned :yep:. We’re all 30 and under and she’s the only married friend I have so I’m not used to these situations at all lol. He knew he wasn’t allowed back there so I honestly thought he would just leave since she still didn’t want to see him. Didn’t think he was going to blow up..especially since I kept my cool.

Anyway. Lesson learned!
Click to expand...

Yes, lesson learned:yep:. And don’t feel badly. Like you said, you guys are young. Life is filled with many lessons. You were being a loyal, supportive friend to her. She didn’t grant you the same level of kindness. And yes, she is learning too so perhaps she will be very apologetic? Idk. But as others said it seems she isn’t a very good friend. After you express your feelings to her, really listen to your gut and your heart. Ask yourself if her response makes you feel loved and appreciated. And regardless of her response, she and her husband need to stay away from your mom’s party.

I’m sorry this happened to you but hey stuff happens. Forgive yourself, let it go, and move forward. Go into 2018 with this lesson learned. You sound like a sweet, kind person. Hold onto that, but in the future make sure you also keep your safety and happiness front and center. Be as sweet, kind, and protective to yourself (if not more) as you are to your friends.
 
*please don’t quote*

I had a conversation with my friend and told her that her husband put me in an uncomfortable situation that day and he shouldn’t come to the party.

Her response was that his reaction wasn’t directly to me personally...it was just a hear of the moment reaction.

She also said She doesnt know why I’m bothered by what went down between them that day..which showed me that she didn’t rwally understand where I was coming. My issue is not with their marriage problems and what went down that day. My issue is simply the way he spoke to me at the door and that’s it.

She ended with saying it’s not right for me to uninvite him to my moms party because I wasn’t the one that invite them. She was. Not realizing that had my mom known what went down she wouldn’t have invited them to begin with.

Ssoooooo. They still are uninvited and it is what it is.
 
Welp there you have it. She doesn’t feel badly about how her husband spoke to you or about putting you in the middle of things. So she and her dh can stay home and that’s that. So long as they know that they aren’t welcome. She is not a friend. Her allegiance is to her husband who I suspect is a mess and so leave them both in 2017. Good riddance to her and him.
 
Well I'm not surprised that she doesn't see where you are coming from. Oh well, she's shown you who she is now.
But I think you should have just uninvited them both because no decent spouse would come to an event where their other half was uninvited. The friendship as you knew it before is G.O.N.E
 
lesedi said:
Well I'm not surprised that she doesn't see where you are coming from. Oh well, she's shown you who she is now.
But I think you should have just uninvited them both because no decent spouse would come to an event where their other half was uninvited. The friendship as you knew it before is G.O.N.E
Click to expand...

I agree. Both should have been uninvited. They both treated OP in an unkind manner that day.
 
The nerve of her suggesting that you were out of line because you didn't invite her. I wouldn't dare step foot inside someone's home knowing I offended their child and was told so directly.

She may be inexperienced rather than ill intentioned. Either way its best to leave her alone. Now its not a matter of what the husband did to you. It's about how she's responding to it all. And of course that she set all this in motion to begin with.
 
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Sorry you had to experience this. However,

:bighug:

Happy New Year!

Out with the Old...In with the New!

Keep them in your prayers, they need it. Especially for not being accountable to how you were mistreated.
 
She called me not too long ago to apologize for putting me in the middle of it by asking me to open the door and be her messenger. She also shared with me that the way he spoke to me at the door is nothing new and he uses profane language like that towards her too. He's verbally abusive and she wants him to go to therapy. blah blah blah. She doesn't want to risk losing a ride or die friend of almost 20 years, she used bad judgement in that moment etc

The whole thing is just too much. I'm out of it and don't need to discuss it any further. His verbal abuse is their problem to work through. All I needed to do was rescind the invitation so that I didn't have to be around him while all of this is still fresh....which I did.

Thank you all for your advice and food for thought.
 
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This marriage really needs a lot of help and prayer.

In the meantime, have you picked out your dress for the New Year? Your shoes, jewelry, makeup? It's time to celebrate you! Celebrate the year that God has brought you through.

AND Celebrate your Mom for being so cool to have party to celebrate. Your Mom must be young at heart and quite the beautiful lady. :gorgeous:

Enjoy your New Year! Pray for your friend and husband!

Take care of you ❤
 
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