Farida
Well-Known Member
I learned very early on not to involve my friends/family in my marriage. I talk about things here on the board (and only because things got bad and I don't know any of y'all) but I don't involve my friends and family members. I would only involve them if I felt unsafe and/or was filing for legal separation or divorce.
I may occasionally talk to someone I truly trust but it has to be someone who believes in marriage and who will call ME out on my BS. Someone with lots of experience with marriages.
People don't know the particulars of your relationship and they don't get to hear the other side from the spouse. We like to think we are open and honest but we almost always paint things in the light most favorable to our side of the story. It is human nature. And sometimes it takes a lot of time and work to fix a problem and unless you are going to involve your friends and family in the entire process they won't understand once you get to the other side of the issue. They will just remember the bad that happened, the hurt and the anger. They won't understand and they may even resent your spouse. Of course sometimes that reaction is warranted but many times it's not because they were only involved in part of the problem.
One time DH tried to get my mom to mediate a problem between us which surprised me because he NEVER wants to talk to other people. I REFUSED. He was upset but I told him it was a terrible idea because by the very nature of her being my mom she is inherently biased. Second, once we worked things out she would never forget, try as she may. Third, I did not want to open this up to having him
But you learned a good lesson. I don't get involved in other people's relationships unless we are BFFs and they are simply dating. And even then I may offer advice but I won't be the messenger or anything of the sort. And I would not bar a man entering his own home. He should only be barred if he is a danger to her and in that case it would be the cops or a male doing it. Not me.
I may occasionally talk to someone I truly trust but it has to be someone who believes in marriage and who will call ME out on my BS. Someone with lots of experience with marriages.
People don't know the particulars of your relationship and they don't get to hear the other side from the spouse. We like to think we are open and honest but we almost always paint things in the light most favorable to our side of the story. It is human nature. And sometimes it takes a lot of time and work to fix a problem and unless you are going to involve your friends and family in the entire process they won't understand once you get to the other side of the issue. They will just remember the bad that happened, the hurt and the anger. They won't understand and they may even resent your spouse. Of course sometimes that reaction is warranted but many times it's not because they were only involved in part of the problem.
One time DH tried to get my mom to mediate a problem between us which surprised me because he NEVER wants to talk to other people. I REFUSED. He was upset but I told him it was a terrible idea because by the very nature of her being my mom she is inherently biased. Second, once we worked things out she would never forget, try as she may. Third, I did not want to open this up to having him
But you learned a good lesson. I don't get involved in other people's relationships unless we are BFFs and they are simply dating. And even then I may offer advice but I won't be the messenger or anything of the sort. And I would not bar a man entering his own home. He should only be barred if he is a danger to her and in that case it would be the cops or a male doing it. Not me.
