My Co-worker's Husband Who Is A Senior Company Partner Told Me I Looked Nice-update

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Ganjababy

Well-Known Member
and that my outfit was beautiful. We were at a work party. Upon leaving the party he proceeded to hug me. His wife was not in the room each time. No on else hugged anyone. We are not a huggy lovey group. I am not a huggy lovey person. Please do not get into my personal space.

I was taken aback. I don't even hug her. Much less him. We are not friends. That was the second or third time I met him socially and we only ever said hi and bye. When we parted he said he was looking forward to seeing me at some other function (I do not know what he was talking about because I have not been invited to that event).

He has a very senior position in our company and I don't even say hi to him in the elevators. I am that awkward black woman who pretends to look at my phone or read my notes when I am not sure if we should say hi to each other.

Was he being slightly flirty, or am I imagining things?

Or maybe he knows something about me he should not and it was pity? I feel paranoid.
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Trust your intuition. If it's off, it's off.

One colleague of mine was particularly effusive with his compliments and he was married. I brushed it off because I felt he just gave those compliments out generally. He eventually did make a move so I wasn't imagining it. I feel bad for his wife. People always talked about him behaving improperly.
 
OP, I am constantly being confronted with married men flirting with me. In the beginning, I reacted like you. But now I am so accustomed to it, it doesn't faze me much anymore. My advice... remain cordial but keep your distance. This could be a real messy situation in the making. Although you may never reciprocate, the fact that you all work together really makes things even more messy. It's best that your co-worker (his wife) doesn't know, just keep it moving and act like you are not aware of his inappropriate behavior. I have observed that these married men are very bold, these days. I wonder if they have always been this way?
 
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Supeervixen said:
Sounds like he was drunk at this work party. Drunk men at work parties get frisky. Especially the white ones.

Now that you know he's attracted to you, how can you use it to your advantage without overstepping?
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Good question, but he's married. Whatever she does he's going to see that as a green light. You know how men are. She needs to avoid this one it could get messy.
 
WhoIAm said:
Good question, but he's married. Whatever she does he's going to see that as a green light. You know how men are. She needs to avoid this one it could get messy.
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Another thread someone suggested helping him pick out gifts for his wife. A win-win--he scores puddy points with his wife and you score brownie points with both.
 
Simple. Don't flirt back. Don't joke with him. When he compliments your appearance, etc., don't smile, don't act flattered, etc. Always act serious and professional around him. Most people will stop if you do that because people who flirt (especially cheaters/adulterers) are doing so for an ego boost. Cheaters/Adulterers usually are insecure and want the validation.
 
I never flirt. I am so out of the game. I get embarrassed and I get the deer in a headlight look and hope DH does not notice the men's actions.

We went to a party once and he caught a guy flirting with me and it nearly caused a scene. I hate embarrassment so I just casually walked away from the scene and pretended I did not know Dh.

(By the way, this is not an everyday occurrence, I am no femme fatale (not anymore anyway). But it occasionally happens when I go that extra mile and I am feeling good about myself. When it does I get uncomfortable. Always did.

Lovelylocs said:
Simple. Don't flirt back. Don't joke with him. When he compliments your appearance, etc., don't smile, don't act flattered, etc. Always act serious and professional around him. Most people will stop if you do that because people who flirt (especially cheaters/adulterers) are doing so for an ego boost. Cheaters/Adulterers usually are insecure and want the validation.
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Ganjababy said:
I never flirt. I am so out of the game. I get embarrassed and I get the deer in a headlight look and hope DH does not notice the men's actions.

We went to a party once and he caught a guy flirting with me and it nearly caused a scene. I hate embarrassment so I just casually walked away from the scene and pretended I did not know Dh.

(By the way, this is not an everyday occurrence, I am no femme fatale (not anymore anyway). But it occasionally happens when I go that extra mile and I am feeling good about myself. When it does I get uncomfortable. Always did.
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I know you weren't flirting, Ganjababy. I hope it didn't come across like I was blaming you.
 
Update. I work with the wife. I went out on a girls night out with her and another lady I used to manage. She moved and had to get another job closer to home. She is always inviting me out for a girls night out with them but I always make up excuses.


It was getting obvious that I just did not want to go so I made the effort tonight as I am trying to be more sociable and less isolated.

We went to the city the former employee moved to and had a nice dinner. We took the train together. While we're we're having dinner her husband decides to give us a lift back to our town in a limousine that was paid for by a pharmaceutical company that was wining and and dining him and some of his work buddies in the same city.

While in the limo he opened his leg as wide as he could and his right leg was touching my leg. I squeezed myself away from him and he kept opening his leg wider and wider so that it touched mine.

His wife noticed and grabbed his leg away from mine and firmly held it. I felt so awkward! After a while she let it go and he did it again while I tried to become one with the door on my side. She grabbed his leg again and firmly held it for the rest of the journey.

He then asked me where I wanted to be dropped off. I told him back at work and my husband would collect me. He said no it's too late. I will give you a lift home after I pick my car up. I told him no. He says it is not a problem and kept insisting. By this time I suspect he was a bit tipsy as they had a lot of liquor and empty bottles in the limo. Thank god the wife insisted she would drop me home instead. As soon as I got in her car I told her to just drop me at work. She seemed relieved that she did not have to drop me home.

Talk about awkward. I am starting to think he has a thing for black women. He kept talking about Venus Williams and how absolutely wonderful she is.

Note to self. Try and avoid dude at all cost in the future.
 
I felt bad too. But at the same time i realized then that she knows exactly who she is married to and seems unbothered due to all the perks. He married her after her husband died and left her with 2 toddlers. He adopted them and sent them to the best private schools. Is paying their college tuition and will pay for grad school. He is a millionaire and she takes great pride in being his wife. She knows ALL the rich and powerful people in our town. Is part of an exclusive country club, heads local charities and committees and only works for my boss because he is their friend and he begged her for years to work for him and she wanted something to keep her occupied after the kids left home for college. I am not going to lie. She is an asset to or department. She is great at networking. Has all the honchos wrapped around her fingers as they are all friends. Started up a very successful multi million dollar charity organization on her own - hence the reason my boss wanted her on his team. She has skills.

She is the typical hallmark movie rich wife. Plays tennis and golf. Her self worth seems to be tied to her social position as his wife. She name drops a lot. I thought it was pathetic at first but now I humor her and it makes her happy. She used to get on my nerves because she hated that i was her manager. Now i charm her and compliment her and she has calmed down and feels more secure. She does a good job at work and that is all i care about. That and keeping the harmony. I do not do toxic work environments.

I did think her husband was wonderful at first but he is an arrogant sob.

prettywhitty said:
I feel bad for the wife. You know he's tried it before in front of her.
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Ganjababy said:
I felt bad too. But at the same time i realized then that she knows exactly who she is married to and seems unbothered due to all the perks. He married her after her husband died and left her with 2 toddlers. He adopted them and sent them to the best private schools. Is paying their college tuition and will pay for grad school. He is a millionaire and she takes great pride in being his wife. She knows ALL the rich and powerful people in our town. Is part of an exclusive country club, heads local charities and committees and only works for my boss because he is their friend and he begged her for years to work for him and she wanted something to keep her occupied after the kids left home for college. I am not going to lie. She is an asset to or department. She is great at networking. Has all the honchos wrapped around her fingers as they are all friends. Started up a very successful multi million dollar charity organization on her own - hence the reason my boss wanted her on his team. She has skills.

She is the typical hallmark movie rich wife. Plays tennis and golf. Her self worth seems to be tied to her social position as his wife. She name drops a lot. I thought it was pathetic at first but now I humor her and it makes her happy. She used to get on my nerves because she hated that i was her manager. Now i charm her and compliment her and she has calmed down and feels more secure. She does a good job at work and that is all i care about. That and keeping the harmony. I do not do toxic work environments.

I did think her husband was wonderful at first but he is an arrogant sob.
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Do you think this is somewhat like a GW and Michele Obama crush? As in....an attractive Black woman... It's ok to flirt (esp. when I'm drunk)? Or more serious?
 
I dont know. The first time i got the feeling that he felt caring towards me. He was attentive and gentle and i wondered if he was told about my health problems and felt sorry for me (he is a surgeon also) but i then got the distinct feeling he was flirting. I wondered if he has a savior complex. Saving women turns him on.

But last night there was no doubt. It was clear as day he is attracted to me. It made him seem sleazy to me. Especially doing it in front of his wife. It is unsettling to me. Because of his wife and he is very handsome. I think i would have felt less ill at ease if he was paunchy and unnatractive. I dont know why.

GetHappy2014 said:
Do you think this is somewhat like a GW and Michele Obama crush? As in....an attractive Black woman... It's ok to flirt (esp. when I'm drunk)? Or more serious?
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I think you are handling it well. Keep your distance.... I know we have the 'ole workplace sexual harassment protection... But I don't think that usually ends well for the victim, esp. given his level. Maybe you need to introduce him to your husband (not in a threatening fashion) or bring up your husband in conversation, often.
 
Ganjababy said:
I dont know. The first time i got the feeling that he felt caring towards me. He was attentive and gentle and i wondered if he was told about my health problems and felt sorry for me (he is a surgeon also) but i then got the distinct feeling he was flirting. I wondered if he has a savior complex. Saving women turns him on.

But last night there was no doubt. It was clear as day he is attracted to me. It made him seem sleazy to me. Especially doing it in front of his wife. It is unsettling to me. Because of his wife and he is very handsome. I think i would have felt less ill at ease if he was paunchy and unnatractive. I dont know why.
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It's normal to be ill at ease. He's attractive. I could be wrong but maybe an unwilling part of you is attracted to him. Doesn't mean you'll ever jump him given the right circumstances. Kinda like if Idris Elba sat next to me on a flight. Doesn't mean I will be joining the mile high club...Wait, what did I just say?:look:

ETA: seriously, it's normal. Ignore him. And don't ever get caught alone with the creeper.
 
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