My boyfriend's friend hates me for no reason!

[specialbeauty]

My man and I have been together for 9 months in a mostly good relationship. He spends a good amount of time at his best friend's house. His best friend's wife (who he is also friends with) has disliked me since before she met me. I think she has a crush on my BF and doesn't want him to have anyone. I've been over there a few times with him, and have been very nice to her, but she is always *****y and unfriendly.

My issue is that my BF had been spending lots more time there and it bugs me, like on Sat night he went over there to hang out and left me at my house with no plans (and the weather was bad so none of my friends wanted to hang) and he never brings me, since even though everyone else likes me (including her kids and SO) she doesn't. It makes me feel like he's choosing her over me or that he feels like we're temporary because he won't address the problem. I'm not sure what to do but it really hurts me that he doesn't seem to care about my feelings.

 

[Syrah]

My man and I have been together for 9 months in a mostly good relationship. He spends a good amount of time at his best friend's house. His best friend's wife (who he is also friends with) has disliked me since before she met me. I think she has a crush on my BF and doesn't want him to have anyone. I've been over there a few times with him, and have been very nice to her, but she is always *****y and unfriendly.

My issue is that my BF had been spending lots more time there and it bugs me, like on Sat night he went over there to hang out and left me at my house with no plans (and the weather was bad so none of my friends wanted to hang) and he never brings me, since even though everyone else likes me (including her kids and SO) she doesn't. It makes me feel like he's choosing her over me or that he feels like we're temporary because he won't address the problem. I'm not sure what to do but it really hurts me that he doesn't seem to care about my feelings.

Something a little fishy is going on. It's one thing if you're a pain in the ass and they don't like you - it's another if you make an effort and they still don't like you.

It's kinda like - when you find out someone might not be too big of a fan - you kinda know why. Hell, you know when you're not acting right. I have a co-worker that I KNOW doesn't like me, but he probably shouldn't because I roll my eyes everytime he opens his mouth. But when people dislike you for no reason?? That's another story.

One of my good friends - we can't stand his girlfriend. And he knows it - cuz she's a b!tch. And she knows it - cuz she's a b!tch. When she comes around we act cordial, but the minute she starts up - we tell her. Cuz she's a b!tch (she slapped him in the bar once - across the face because one of his friends made a joke about her SHOES...and no she's not black).

But my boyfriend - his best friend's girl...no one in their circle likes her. And I have no idea why. She's a nice girl, she always makes an effort when she comes around. She speaks to everyone. She tries to "be herself". And they dog her out....I don't know why.

Sometimes boys can be kinda silly. Hell, sometimes we girls can be kinda silly.

But talk to your man about it. Like "look - I'm uncomfortable around your friends because I feel like they don't like me and I don't know why". How he responds to your concerns about his friends' reaction to you is also important.

 

[amwcah]

Have you had a conversation with her about her attitude towards you? I would just get it all out in the open. It is so funny how a person can not like you for no apparent reason, but most of the time it is something. Perhaps you have or possess something that she doesn't such as personality, looks, hair, nice car, clothes, etc. Think about it! It probably is something as petty as the listed.

 

[Much2much41]

Have you had a conversation with her about her attitude towards you? I would just get it all out in the open. It is so funny how a person can not like you for no apparent reason, but most of the time it is something. Perhaps you have or possess something that she doesn't such as personality, looks, hair, nice car, clothes, etc. Think about it! It probably is something as petty as the listed.

I agree. It could be that she's simply an unfriendly person, and there are no hard feelings toward OP at all. I'd say that I would really like for us to be friends, and see what her reaction is. But I wouldn't let her come between me and my SO. She's really not that important.

 

[Gryphyn]

I say talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. You never know, she might have said something to him about you already and he just doesn't want to tell you and have to sort out the situation.

Some women can be very petty, you might have said "thanks" when she was looking for a "thank you".

 

[jturner7156]

Not trying to sound negative but maybe he has something going on with one of her friends but out of respect for her boyfriend, she tolerates you coming over . I am saying that b/c I would probably act the same way if that was the case and I was her. I'm not saying this to make you think about breaking up with your boyfriend but you should really keep your eyes open.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Sounds like a jealousy problem...maybe she does have a crush on him. erplexed I'd ask him what the deal is.

As for him leaving you with no plans...honey, make your OWN plans!
There is no reason in the world you have to sit at home by yourself while he's at their house. When he tells you he's going out, say great...so am I! And do it!

 

[specialbeauty]

Thanks ladies for the replies, all of your answers made sense I'm gonna talk to him, he thinks it's no big deal because everyone else loves me, but it does bother me. Am I wrong to feel like he should step up and talk to her, since he's her friend? I think he would be hurt and be asking me to talk to her if the situation was reversed.

 

[Much2much41]

Thanks ladies for the replies, all of your answers made sense I'm gonna talk to him, he thinks it's no big deal because everyone else loves me, but it does bother me. Am I wrong to feel like he should step up and talk to her, since he's her friend? I think he would be hurt and be asking me to talk to her if the situation was reversed.

I don't think it's an issue of right or wrong, but I do think you're giving her what she wants, which is conflict between you and your boyfriend. She has to know it makes you uncomfortable to be around her, and now, you're staying away. You said you have a good relationship; why does this third party and what she thinks matter to you? Screw her. I wouldn't let somebody on the outside affect a good relationship with my man. There are always going to be people who don't want to see you happy. Why indulge them? What's stopping you two from meeting other couples that like BOTH of you? Where are your friends, and why don't you start hanging with them more? There are plenty of ways to avoid having to see this woman, and I would utilize them.