I can't stand my boyfriend's friends....

[Briabiggles]

For a person's who only been here since April 2011, you know about the band? I mean, such phrases? Interesting

She may already be a member....

OP: Have you tried introducing your SO to guys that are more...successful? Maybe once he has a better circle of friends he'll out grow these other guys a bit. I don't think he should stop hanging out with them completely but if he as other guys to occupy some of his time it would be better.

 

[aleemah]

How long have you guys been together?? Did he have these friends when you met him? Have you spoke to him about it? Personally, I think friends have a lot of influence on one another. You are who you attract and this is a true statement. From what you say he seem to have more negative friends than positive ones and thats a problem. I could never be with a man who kept this type of negative energy around him because eventually he will give in and end up doing something he has no business doing. I don't care how much love you have for a friend if they are not contributing to your life in a good way why do you need them? Eventually this will cause drama in yall relationship so you should talk to him because we don't really know ur relationship like that and no one here can decide if you should stay or leave this man thats ur choice. You set the standards and figure out what you will and won't deal with. Im just saying

 

[LovinLea]

Honestly guys, I'm Jamaican. That means that I'm not on anyone's side here and I don't find this soo offensive. There ARE cultural differences. We're all black women here...we don't need to walk on eggshells amongst each other, do we?

The friends things worry me but you guys have made it to the point we're you guys want to spend your lives together. I think you should remain tactfully honest with him about it and hope he grows out of them but still try to remain open to these guys in the meantime.

 

[anon123]

How did he get these friends? Like someone asked, were they childhood friends and they're now going separate paths? I don't know, but seems people of similar character hang out with each other. It can't just be guy stuff, because there are more productive guys in the world (yes, Americans, too) who also like sports. He's choosing this particular set of guys to hang out with, which means they are the kind of guys he likes.

Not sure what else to say . . .

 

[goodmorningruby]

why do you have such resentment toward your SO's friends when you've described your own best friend essentially the same way in a previous thread?

maybe he values their "other" qualities just like you see the potential in your friend in spite of "setbacks"...


if you continue to be affected in this way it might be a good idea to reconsider the company you keep altogether...

 

[ThickHair]

I was here.

To keep it short and sweet, birds of a feather flock together. So there is something up with your bf, if there isn't he wouldnt hang with those type of guys.

 

[Country gal]

You are what you eat and the company you keep. It sounds like his culture requires him to be prim and proper. It sounds like his friends are the polar opposites of the culture he grew up in and that is what is probably attractive to him. You can't control the friends he has. He has to see that they are not good for him. If you want to change the direction of your life, look at the closest people in your life. He can't bring them up so they will only bring him down.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Are you sure you want to marry this guy? how can you be certain his friends have not rubbed off on him?


I can see why some folks took offense to your post as i'm not sure what his friends being Americans have to do with the fact that they're no good losers.


Either way, best wishes

 

[pookaloo83]

Alladis thread.

 

[lux10023]

just do what kobe and vanessa do.....lmao
i think vanessa is mexican-habesha lmaoooooooooo

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

ok...before i light up a newport one hunnit...lemme go n google "habesha" cuz lawd knows i ain't neva heard of it. can someone post pics? i swear i learn sumfin new every dayum day.

 

[SmileyNY]

ok...before i light up a newport one hunnit...lemme go n google "habesha" cuz lawd knows i ain't neva heard of it. can someone post pics? i swear i learn sumfin new every dayum day.

*waits patiently*

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

welp, *lights up a newport one hunnit*.... glad i looked it up cuz i thought habesha was some type of exotic dish....but anywho...see below. i only copied n pasted some paragraphs..the others were just too dayum long and i can't pronounce half da stuff on hea so have at it...





The term Habesha (Ge'ez: ሐበሻ Ḥababaśā, Amharic (H)ābešā, Tigrinya: Ḥābešā; Arabic: الحبشة ‎ al-Ḥabašah) refers to the South Semitic-speaking group of people whose cultural, linguistic, and in certain cases, ancestral origins trace back to those people who ruled the Axumite Empire and the kingdom known as DʿMT (usually vocalized Diʿamat).


The term "Habesha" was formerly thought by some[18] to be of Arabic descent (who used the word Ḥabaš, also the name of an Ottoman province comprising parts of modern-day Eritrea and Ethiopia), because the English name Abyssinia comes from the Arabic form.[21] South Arabian expert Eduard Glaser claimed that the hieroglyphic ḫbstjw, used in reference to "a foreign people from the incense-producing regions" (i.e. Punt, located mainly in the coastal area of Eritrea and Somalia)used by Queen Hatshepsut ca. 1460 BC, was the first usage of the term or somehow connected, a claim repeated by others; however, this etymology is not at all certain, given the large time difference in the usage of the terms.[18]

 

[aleemah]

They are usually very attractive ppl psychically. I have run into a few of them around my way but the ones I run into seem to have bad attitudes and a bit conceited. I don't think all of them are like this but I just didn't have great experience with them

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

well, they have a restaurant on U Street (Shaw section) in D.C. It's a market and carryout .....

 

[Honey Bee]

ThatJerseyGirl,

 

[Ladybelle]

Depends, are we playing price is right rules?

Oh yea, the OP. Good luck on extracting your FH from the clutches of those trifling Americans.

It didnt get too bad in here. Guess it slid because it wasnt on a Sunday!

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100

 

[PraisedBeauty]

I can't with ThatJerseyGirl... All I hear is Mabel Simmons. :/ Lmfao.

 

[chelseatiara]

lol. ignoring all the american and habesha mess because if it didnt matter it wouldnt have been mentioned saying maybe his friends arent the best influence on him but he might be the best influence on them. with that being said it's up to him to outgrow them, influence them, or enjoy them just as they are. you dont have to. delete them off your fb if it bothers you so much. If they ask why tell them their posts offend you and leave it at that. Your bf CHOOSES to be around them so let him make his decisions without your judgement.

 

[Farida]

Don't get fooled. Birds of a feather. I've met people who are 'friends' with people they grew up with, were in the military etc and it is a different kind of "friendship" and most of them tend to drift as they mature even though they would probably die for each other.

But a 'man' with a bunch of terrible friends he has chosen to hang out with from the start? And if you were to get married you know they will be coming over or he will be going out with them and it will not feel any different, in fact it is much worse.

Not that he is necessarily a bad guy, he may just not be grown up enough at this point to make wise choices.

 

[Farida]

Oh and I would not take the comment:

"I guess by American standards he is prince charming (buying my groceries, talking and texting me often, taking me out, etc.) But by Habesha standards, it's just expected..."

... as some show of superiority. In American and many Western and African countries a good man has the CHOICE whether or not to do things for you and it is looked upon favorably when he chooses to do so. He is prince charming.

In many cultures even a*holes will buy you groceries and take you out because it is culturally required, not because they are trying to respect and woo you. So him doing nice things for her as per Habesha standards is just as normal as having breakfast and not necessarily a testament to his character.


Basically it does not mean Habesha men are superior to American men. In fact she seems to be saying that all that may be him succumbing to cultural pressures even though on the outside you may think he is a nice guy.

I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[snillohsss]

OP- You remind me of the poster Chocolatelove2010

 

[FlowerHair]

If my SO had not one, but many friends I couldn't stand, I would definitely feel that it was a reflection of his personality...

I'm happy to say that my SO's friends are very good educated and kind hearted people...all except for ONE!

Culture and heritage isn't everything, when you find a man that ticks all the boxes you will know it and you will be sure that he's the right one for you. Habesha or no habesha.

 

[UrbainChic]

Your friends, especially your closest friends, are a reflection of your personality and values. The expression " Birds of a feather, flock together" didn't stick around for a bajillion years for no reason it is the truth.

I have consciously/purposefully let old friends with diverging life paths go from my life because, the older I get, the closer I get to starting a family. Me and my husband had not only share values, but we should not spend time around people we think are bad influences around our children. If you don't reflect my values, you will be downgraded to acquaintance, even if it means i have to say no to hanging out and more time alone. In the end it just leaves more room for people who share my values and enhance my life rather than detract from it.

If you are seriously considering getting married, I would think long and hard about who he will be inviting to your functions and BBQs and letting around your future children.

Also you sound young and so does he. If you're not officially engaged yet why don't you just see how your relationship goes. No offense but it sounds right now like you are in a honeymoon phase and this might self terminate before you have to worry about any of this "ten years from now" stuff.

 

[Farida]

Never mind... I just saw the "saving grace" because he used to mess with American girls" comment. erplexed

Unfortunately this is an attitude across cultures/colors and all sorts of people:

"saving grace because he used to mess with white girls"erplexed
"saving grace because he used to mess with black girls"erplexed
"saving grace because he needs to settle down with a nice, Jewish girl/nice Italian/nice Indian/nice Asian"erplexed

Oh and I would not take the comment:

"I guess by American standards he is prince charming (buying my groceries, talking and texting me often, taking me out, etc.) But by Habesha standards, it's just expected..."

... as some show of superiority. In American and many Western and African countries a good man has the CHOICE whether or not to do things for you and it is looked upon favorably when he chooses to do so. He is prince charming.

In many cultures even a*holes will buy you groceries and take you out because it is culturally required, not because they are trying to respect and woo you. So him doing nice things for her as per Habesha standards is just as normal as having breakfast and not necessarily a testament to his character.


Basically it does not mean Habesha men are superior to American men. In fact she seems to be saying that all that may be him succumbing to cultural pressures even though on the outside you may think he is a nice guy.

I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[Briabiggles]

OP- You remind me of the poster Chocolatelove2010

.........................

 

[*CherryPie*]

OP, It's more than likely, your BF is doing the same mess as his friends, YOU just haven't found out. Nobody hangs out with people they don't "mesh" with.

It's like someone that's against drug use hanging with a drug addict.erplexed Birds of a feather really do flock together.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

 

[shortycocoa]

Unfortunately, i don't know how to play poker, and I haven't played spades in ages.

Ya"ll wanna play tonk???

 

[weaveadiva]

OP, It's more than likely, your BF is doing the same mess as his friends, YOU just haven't found out. Nobody hangs out with people they don't "mesh" with.

alla this

Unfortunately, i don't know how to play poker, and I haven't played spades in ages.

Ya"ll wanna play tonk???

lawd no you didn't say tonk! i haven't played that in ages
i'm the master, though, and will gladly challenge you to a tonk tournament