My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Unattractive Without Makeup

[natural_one]

'I have been seeing the same guy for about 3 months now, due to past relationships I decided to hold off on sex so I knew he was 'for real'. I see about twice a week, he do fun stuff together, he is adventourous and spontaneous like me so we have had a good time, we both share the same interests and it's just been a really nice and refreshing relationship.

Last weekend was the first weekend I have stayed over at his, he usually chills at mine but due to our schedules we never really get to sleep over, we usually are together till about 3am then part ways but on saturday I slept over. We did the whole wake up shower thing and I chilled there for most of the day, no make up wearing his clothes. He was very lovey dovey and touchy feely just seemed very into me.

On sunday night, he came over to mine, I cooked, we chilled watched movies, spoke for ages, then he fell asleep. He had been using my laptop whilst I cooked , when I came on to my laptop yesterday and went on facebook his was still logged in, think he must have thought shutting down the laptop it would log it self out. Now this part I know I shouldn't have done this , curiousity killed the damn cat, I decided to click on message cos he had a brand new one flashing I don't know why I clicked on it.

Since saturday he has been messaging his brother back and forth about me, in the message chain he basically was telling his brother how 'shocking' I look without make up, he used the words 'ha rd' 'rough' and 'not a quarter as attractive' specifically. He did mention that I was a sweet girl and definitely someone he see's himself with long term but he just can't shake how unattactive I am without make up on, he said 'it takes a good 4 point off her'. His message was him basically saying he can't get over how different I look without makeup.

I have been wearing makeup since I was 14 and has become a part of me, I never actually thought I looked that different without it, call me delusional but I really didn't. I have acne scars and dark circles so I guess my Mac concealor gets rid of those, my eyes are also natually round but with my cat eye liner and mascara they look more slanted and Asian, I also put false lashes in the corner aswell.

I really don't know how to feel now, firstly I am hurt, this is a HUGE blow to my ego to read I look 'rough' 'ha rd' and unattractive without makeup. Also because I know he finds me unattractive, I don't think I should pursue a relationship with a guy who feels this way. I really don't know what to do now.
Please advise me'

Repost http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/he-thinks-im-unattractive-without-makeup_topic327403.html

 

[Kanky]

Yay a makeup thread!

 

[Keen]

So you didn't get enough response in BHM or did you not get the answer you wanted to hear?

ETA: Is that even the same person in the picture? the hair is different.

 

[tlbaby23]

We all love make up because it makes us feel prettier and we do look prettier because it does change how we look whether it's a drastic or mild change. But some guys don't like makeup for that reason, it's like a different person. If he affects your self esteem and talks about you like that behind your back that's something that you have to consider if your willing to take that. I would ask him in a non-confrontational, non suspicious way how he feels about girls and makeup and see if he opens up to you about it.

 

[TayMac]

She does look better with makeup but those are hurtful comments nonetheless.

 

[ScorpioLove]

she has good makeup skills

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

She does look better with makeup but those are hurtful comments nonetheless.

 

[faithVA]

I swear I saw a thread on this at the beginning of this year or last year. I think it got pretty heated and there was controversy over whether it was the same person.

 

[sylver2]

huh this is old and that pic is not the person in the story. that was just a pic someone decided to pick lol

 

[sounbeweavable]

Wow… I don't even know what to say to this.

 

[natural_one]

It's not about me...I seen it on another forum and wanted to know your ladies' thoughts. Didn't know it had been posted before.

 

[sounbeweavable]

My only thought (and it might be very un-PC) is that it almost seems deceptive to draw someone in looking one way when you look completely different. You can't really expect someone to accept you for who you are inside and out if you make your outside so unrecognizable that they don't even have the opportunity to accept what you really look like. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, but women should really use caution because the makeup has to come off eventually and a man will either be pleasantly surprised or completely shocked. If a woman does wear a lot of makeup, maybe she should gradually step down from a full face to nothing. Like maybe skipping the false lashes and then swapping bright shadow for nude colors and a more understated brow, etc… so a guy can get a feel for what she really looks like before he sees her without anything on.

Makeup is like real-life photoshop when women know how to do it well, so you can literally catfish a guy to his face and go from Beyonce to busted in 5 minutes or less.

 

[Lenee925]

It's not about me...I seen it on another forum and wanted to know your ladies' thoughts. Didn't know it had been posted before.

It's ok! I haven't seen it.

Man, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. I know that not every man in this world will find me attractive but hearing specifics of such would sting a little. I think in her case maybe she might want to take a different approach next time. For example she can tone her makeup down every sleepover until eventualy she either doesn't have much on, or any at all without shocking the poor guy. either that, or do like the divas in the 40s and 50s did and not let a man ever see you fully relaxed/do your beauty routine. I know this isn't practical or empowering to women though.

To be fair, he was attracted to her based on the artificial stuff he put on her face and sometimes it can seem disgenuous to misrepresent yourself.

I would definitely admit to checking his message and try to let him know, as gracefully as I can; that it did hurt my feelings but I understand your perspective and that we shouldn't pursue a relationship at this point. I would always feel self-conscious knowing I can't be relaxed around him without turing him off

 

[Lenee925]

My only thought (and it might be very un-PC) is that it almost seems deceptive to draw someone in looking one way when you look completely different. You can't really expect someone to accept you for who you are inside and out if you make your outside so unrecognizable that they don't even have the opportunity to accept what you really look like. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, but women should really use caution because the makeup has to come off eventually and a man will either be pleasantly surprised or completely shocked. If a woman does wear a lot of makeup, maybe she should gradually step down from a full face to nothing. Like maybe skipping the false lashes and then swapping bright shadow for nude colors and a more understated brow, etc… so a guy can get a feel for what she really looks like before he sees her without anything on.

Makeup is like real-life photoshop when women know how to do it well, so you can literally catfish a guy to his face and go from Beyonce to busted in 5 minutes or less.

I was typing this as well while you were posting

 

[sounbeweavable]

I was typing this as well while you were posting

Great minds think alike haha.

Something else women in general should think about is that they wouldn't need so much makeup if their skin was under control. Sure, there's acne, the resulting scarring, and other issues that can make skin less than stellar, but working on your skin's health is better for you in the long run in terms of how you look and how you feel than piling on the makeup.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Her skills are dope!


She should leave this guy alone. He seems mean and superficial.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Great minds think alike haha.

Something else women in general should think about is that they wouldn't need so much makeup if their skin was under control. Sure, there's acne, the resulting scarring, and other issues that can make skin less than stellar, but working on your skin's health is better for you in the long run in terms of how you look and how you feel than piling on the makeup.

i was watching youtube makeup vids and i was thinking this. i wanted to start a thread, but i knew it would get heated and locked. but some of those mu gurus, the before, i'm like does your husband know how you look? the scars, dark spots, acne, ect. i was honestly at their transformation. some looked exactly how her bf described, rough and rode hard i was truly left speechless at the magic of makeup and a weave/wig.i do not have perfect skin by far, but i find when i wear makeup for extended periods of time, my skin isnt as "clear" as when i don't. some pressed powder and concealer is fine, but the full face consistently takes its toll on my skin. i mean, not to be mean, but i agree with the bf assessment, she is very pretty with makeup, but without it its like WHOA. it may be mean, but its his uncensored opinion. can't be mad at that. i'd be hurt, and would probably confess to snooping, but i wouldn't expect an apology b/c it wouldn't be sincere. i'd have to get over my feelings eventually and read some articles about naturally improving the condition of my skin. drink some water and start taking some fish oil supplements.

 

[Nelli04]

This is one of my fears and why I keep the makeup to a minimum...I want to look like myself, just more polished.

I mean if you're covering tons of acne scars, hyper pigmentation, dark circles and adding false lashes you are definitely going to look different without all of that on.

 

[nlamr2013]

Lol at her not thinking she looks different.

 

[weaveadiva]

I don't think she should leave him at all. He wrote a personal, private message to someone he could trust. He was venting. It's not like he dogged her to her face. And he did say he could see being with her long-term.

Looking at the pics, shoot, I'd be shocked too #imjussayin

 

[CoutureMe06]

Yea I knew this was a repost.

I still stan for makeup. It should not be to the point where you look completely different. It should be an enhancer to your beauty.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Lenee925]

I don't think she should leave him at all. He wrote a personal, private message to someone he could trust. He was venting. It's not like he dogged her to her face. And he did say he could see being with her long-term.

Looking at the pics, shoot, I'd be shocked too #imjussayin

That's not the girl in the OP's story though, it's a random pic.

I don't think it's his fault but why stay with a dude who thinks you're ugly and is only gonna bang you til he decides to upgrade? I say cut your losses and bounce.

 

[soulglo]

.....well he has a point

 

[soulglo]

But her skills are good lol

 

[FemmeFatale]

The biggest changer outside of the skin are those thick brows and lashes..I can see how wearing them that dramatic all the time can mislead someone.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Sometimes a man may confine in something personal to his boys or family that was on his mind. It was something that ran across his mind but the difference is some people say it out loud. In his case, he messaged his brother. He was no different in his treatment and sees a longer future together. Question: what is the point of the makeup if it doesn't cause improvements? I don't know what to think because when I read the word unattractive in the title, I thought it was time to leave him. Then I read he said "rough" and "hard" and I thought, yeah that was not too bad and sometimes is true especially when he first sees you without makeup. He should not have said it out loud.

Who doesn't pick something out they feel is a negative when they first start dating a person? "He's a little too short", "He does that for a living", He may be going bald there" "He has a big scar on this knee" "His front view looks better than his side view" LOL ...all types of superficial mess. We are initially superficial but we get over it very quickly if we like the person. In fact overtime, we either don't care or even like the imperfections. People either accept it or leave.

 

[LiftedUp]

Wowzers!

This happened a sister-in-law of one of my mother's friends. Her ex showed up at her house to surprise her with breakfast. He was was in for a treat when he saw her pre makeup, pre wig, pre girdle, pre everything. They broke up shortly after.

Regarding the pics in the OP. She does look noticeably different however, she can improve on the original. She can clear and smooth her skin using a couple of peels, up her water intake, drink lots of carrot water regularly and slap on a good moisturizer.

 

[danniegirl]

im not against make up but there is a such a fine line i think we all need to find our happy medium in what ever we do.

im just a little mad that who ever posted this didn't know that she looked different with out the make up.

 

[faithVA]

My girlfriend recently told me a story where she was working with one of her other girlfriends (girl2) on an event for two days straight. Girl2 work make-up for those 2 days. She said on the 3rd day, she went to introduce herself to this new lady, girl2, because she thought she hadn't met her. Girl2, said, girl stop playing, you know me. Girl2 had not worn make-up that day. I saw the girl and tried to imagine her without make-up but I couldn't. If your own friends don't recognize you, then yeah, that's an issue.

If I met the girl in the OP with make-up and then she showed up later without it, I wouldn't recognize her. And I know I wouldn't hide the shock on my face if she told me. I would need a warning.

 

[Britt]

My only thought (and it might be very un-PC) is that it almost seems deceptive to draw someone in looking one way when you look completely different. You can't really expect someone to accept you for who you are inside and out if you make your outside so unrecognizable that they don't even have the opportunity to accept what you really look like. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, but women should really use caution because the makeup has to come off eventually and a man will either be pleasantly surprised or completely shocked. If a woman does wear a lot of makeup, maybe she should gradually step down from a full face to nothing. Like maybe skipping the false lashes and then swapping bright shadow for nude colors and a more understated brow, etc… so a guy can get a feel for what she really looks like before he sees her without anything on.

Makeup is like real-life photoshop when women know how to do it well, so you can literally catfish a guy to his face and go from Beyonce to busted in 5 minutes or less.

I love makeup and completely agree with this.
Whether this is a true story and photo or not, I can see how a man would feel catfished. Great makeup will turn you into a different person. This before and after is amazing and if I was a man I'd feel bamboozled too. I also don't think this type of makeup is necessary for every day.