My Boyfriend Has All Femal Friends? Is this a Problem?

[LdyKamz]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. We are getting a little bit serious and we are in the meeting the friends stages. I noticed early on, he only talked about women and I asked him flat out "do you have any MEN friends?" He said yeah but they are all married and their wives don't let them out. Some of the women are married too though. Anyway, I finally met a few of them this weekend and for the most part I like them, except one. I'm keeping that to myself for now and I'll give her another chance and see if I change my mind.

But is this weird that he hangs out with all women. He does have men friends and the girls even told me about some of them and their wives/girlfriends. But it seems like when they guys get girls, they spend less time with the "group of girls". Is it weird that my boyfriend isn't doing this and keeping these friendships? I'm not jealous and I actually like the girls. Just want to know what you ladies think?

 

[nlamr2013]

hmm you say youre fine with it but I sense you have a bit of a problem. Do these women seems overly flirty? have you said something to so?

 

[BonBon]

Well if you feel OK with it (apart from one of them) then it isn't a problem?

I want to know what she did

I'm wonder what happens with these women who say "I hate women, I only hang with male friends" types. I'm guessing the carry on hanging with their male friends after they get attached to someone? I know a couple of women like this actually (girl gamers) and they seem to find partners that don't care that they mostly have guy friends.

 

[Fine 4s]

Plenty of topics like this here and in fact similar to what I'm currently dealing with. Think long and hard about this before you get further down the road!

 

[LdyKamz]

hmm you say youre fine with it but I sense you have a bit of a problem. Do these women seems overly flirty? have you said something to so?

No, none of them seem flirty really. Out of the 3 that I met, one is married with a baby (I really like her), one has someone and is trying to get a ring and she is into hair. I really like her too. It is almost like having someone from the forum to hang with IRL. The last one...she wasn't flirty but seemed very territorial. Trying to keep his attention and pull him into side convos.

Well if you feel OK with it (apart from one of them) then it isn't a problem?

I want to know what she did .

I don't know if it's because I didn't get a chance to talk to her/get to know a little about her because she left kind of early. But we were talking about a natural hair event they had just come from -the nice one gave me some of her sample products since she took extra, she may be my new best friend - and she (the one I'm uneasy about) says "I was the lightest one there" with a ridiculous smug look on her face. Then when the other one was talking about how long she'd been natural and saying she can't wait for length, the other chick starts playing in her hair and swinging it all around. Then she started complaing about another of their guy friend's gf/now fiance saying the girl can't get her name right. She says "I'm one of Paul's really really good friends and I was here before you, why can't you get my name right?" I don't know, something about her is off. Maybe I'm being petty. I'm going to give her another chance and I'm making an effort because these are his good friends.

Plenty of topics like this here and in fact similar to what I'm currently dealing with. Think long and hard about this before you get further down the road!

I'm going to do a search and see what other people are saying. How are you handling it?

I liked the other 2 because they didn't leave me out and it wasn't all about side convos about people I don't know. Which I wouldn't have minded but I noticed their effort to keep me included.

 

[hopeful]

Seems odd to me, but to each her own. I couldn't do it. I don't have the make up to tolerate that. Make sure you don't end up competing for his attention. You should always be his number one girl, period. Also, if you find it's too complicated for you, just KIM. You don't have to over explain yourself. Not being comfortable with a bf/SO/or husband having all close female friends is perfectly normal.

 

[BonBon]

Wow. I would be giving her side eye also. I have a feeling that's her real personality shining through unfortunately. Usually people are on their best behaviour at a first introduction lol.

The other two seem nice though.

My SO's male friends are mostly booed up now or married and they don't bother to contact much anymore. They used to hang out and talk all the time when single. I have witnessed a few occasions where we try to get them to meet and they will cancel on him last minute etc. I haven't actually met them yet because it never works out. erplexed As soon as they get a girlfriend, they disappear lol.

All my SO has right now is me, his family and his dog on a regular basis. The last person to bother to come up to see us was the one female friend he has. Honestly I wouldn't like it if my partner had all female friends at this stage in the game , but I can see how things can end up that way.

 

[dyh080]

He's gay.

10 characters

 

[intellectualuva]

I had a guy like this. Such a long story. I don't trust it and will never date or get involved with a man who has a bunch of female friends.

Call me what you want, but I couldn't do it. Go find some single guy friends then, though plenty of my married and single coworkers, friends, associates seem to have no trouble hanging out together for guy time.

No shade on your man and I wish you the best, but I made a rule that I wouldn't deal with that.

 

[LiftedUp]

Do whatever feels comfortable to you. It may not be a problem unless you make it one.

With that said. I prefer men with mostly male friends. In fact, I like men with brothers. That male bonding is important to me. This balances me off because I am a girly girl. I have mostly female friends and identify greatly with my femininity.

 

[SelahOco]

Trust your gut. I would trust him until I had reason to think otherwise. But your gut is telling you something about that one friend. Listen.

My DH had a friend like that before we got married and I learned from my friends that she was talking slick about me at the wedding - they overheard her.

Hey stay friends with a man then get jealous when he marries cause they have a weird territorial 'he should have picked me' thing.

If you notice she is excluding you, I would tell him. If he doesn't admit it's weird, if cut him loose.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I don't understand why he's not hanging out with his married friends. I don't believe all the wives are telling all the guys that they can't hang out with friends. Even if they were, why not do couples nights or double dates or something? My guess is that the wives aren't cool with all the female friends and that's what they said no to. I wouldn't be cool with it. I wouldn't say he can't be friends with them at all, but the friendships would have to change if we were getting serious.

 

[LdyKamz]

I don't understand why he's not hanging out with his married friends. I don't believe all the wives are telling all the guys that they can't hang out with friends. Even if they were, why not do couples nights or double dates or something? My guess is that the wives aren't cool with all the female friends and that's what they said no to. I wouldn't be cool with it. I wouldn't say he can't be friends with them at all, but the friendships would have to change if we were getting serious.

He hangs out with them...but it isn't often. Most of them are newly married and/or just starting to have kids so I suppose it's the priorities shifting. And he was single for about a year before we got together and was with his ex for a few years. Something tells me she wasn't ok with all the ladies either.

I completely agree with the bolded. I wanted to get to meet them but I think as we progress I would like for the "girl time" to stop. He can hang out with them but I would like it if they brought their guys at least. When I met them this past weekend, if I hadn't been there, it would have been him sitting there with 3 chicks. I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I trust him, don't think he's gay, and I'm not jealous. But still something seems a llittle strange here.

*Edited to clarify that the ex I'm talking about above is not one of the current friends.

 

[LdyKamz]

Trust your gut. I would trust him until I had reason to think otherwise. But your gut is telling you something about that one friend. Listen.

My DH had a friend like that before we got married and I learned from my friends that she was talking slick about me at the wedding - they overheard her.

Hey stay friends with a man then get jealous when he marries cause they have a weird territorial 'he should have picked me' thing.

If you notice she is excluding you, I would tell him. If he doesn't admit it's weird, if cut him loose.

Yes, there is something about her and something about another one that I haven't met yet. I am holding my judgment until then but I already have a feeling. Example, I call him by his full name instead of his shortened nickname. And apparently so does this friend I haven't met. There is some widespread "joke" that this is going to be a "problem". When I said his name they were all like "ohhh, she calls you _______. This should be interesting when she meets _____". I said what does that mean. After they said that she's the only one that calls him. I said calmly with a straight face, "not anymore, she'll get over it" And they shut up about it. At the bolded, I want to tell him flat out that I don't like her. But everyone is telling me that I shouldn't do that. I want him to know I got a bad vibe from her.

 

[hopeful]

He hangs out with them...but it isn't often. Most of them are newly married and/or just starting to have kids so I suppose it's the priorities shifting. And he was single for about a year before we got together and was with her for a few years. Something tells me she wasn't ok with all the ladies either.

I completely agree with the bolded. I wanted to get to meet them but I think as we progress I would like for the "girl time" to stop. He can hang out with them but I would like it if they brought their guys at least. When I met them this past weekend, if I hadn't been there, it would have been him sitting there with 3 chicks. I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I trust him, don't think he's gay, and I'm not jealous. But still something seems a llittle strange here.

Who was he with for a few years? The chick who was acting funny with you? If so then he wants to hang out with his ex, that's tots dif from a platonic friend and explains a lot if I'm interpreting your comment correctly.

 

[gabulldawg]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. We are getting a little bit serious and we are in the meeting the friends stages. I noticed early on, he only talked about women and I asked him flat out "do you have any MEN friends?" He said yeah but they are all married and their wives don't let them out. Some of the women are married too though. Anyway, I finally met a few of them this weekend and for the most part I like them, except one. I'm keeping that to myself for now and I'll give her another chance and see if I change my mind.

But is this weird that he hangs out with all women. He does have men friends and the girls even told me about some of them and their wives/girlfriends. But it seems like when they guys get girls, they spend less time with the "group of girls". Is it weird that my boyfriend isn't doing this and keeping these friendships? I'm not jealous and I actually like the girls. Just want to know what you ladies think?

YES IT IS WEIRD! The fact that one of them is giving you negative vibes, too??? Don't do it, girl! You're asking for trouble IMO. I don't care what anyone says. That's not normal.

 

[LdyKamz]

Who was he with for a few years? The chick who was acting funny with you? If so then he wants to hang out with his ex, that's tots dif from a platonic friend and explains a lot if I'm interpreting your comment correctly.

No, he was with a different girl (not one of the current friends - that would be a big FAT NO for me) for a few years and I don't think she was cool with all his lady friends either. Sorry, if that wasn't clear.

 

[hopeful]

Okay thanks! But sounds like she likes him, perhaps secretly. Tread carefully, but don't tell him you don't like her or any of his friends (at least for now). Maybe bring up a situation or an incident and see how he responds. Good luck girl.

 

[LdyKamz]

YES IT IS WEIRD! The fact that one of them is giving you negative vibes, too??? Don't do it, girl! You're asking for trouble IMO. I don't care what anyone says. That's not normal.

Even though one is married and the other has a live in boyfriend, hoping to get a marriage proposal soon? I feel like they are ok.

I really do have to think about this some more I guess. erplexed

 

[LdyKamz]

Okay thanks! But sounds like she likes him, perhaps secretly. Tread carefully, but don't tell him you don't like her or any of his friends (at least for now). Maybe bring up a situation or an incident and see how he responds. Good luck girl.

Can anyone shed some light on why this is frowned upon? Is it really a bad thing to not like one of your SO friends?

 

[gabulldawg]

Even though one is married and the other has a live in boyfriend, hoping to get a marriage proposal soon? I feel like they are ok.

I really do have to think about this some more I guess. erplexed

I think that a man who only associates with women is a red flag. Just like the opposite. A woman who only hangs with dudes is odd. Why don't you have same sex friends to hang with? If you feel those are ok that's on you. But there is definitely something up with the other one.

 

[hopeful]

Can anyone shed some light on why this is frowned upon? Is it really a bad thing to not like one of your SO friends?

Well you look petty. And what is he supposed to do with "I don't like her"? Stop being friends? Re-evaluate his relationship just based on your "opinion"? Plus he will likely become defensive, thinking you are questioning his judgement. And he may feel the need to be protective of her. Like when you discover someone doesn't like your friend, how do you feel? Best to be subtle and let said person reveal themselves and let his own lightbulb come on to them. JMHO.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Can anyone shed some light on why this is frowned upon? Is it really a bad thing to not like one of your SO friends?

You're setting yourself up as "the outsider", the new girl coming in trying to get rid of his friends. He'll push back if you come right out and say you don't like her after the first meeting. He likes her and most likely will defend her if you tell him now. Whatever happened he probably didn't notice, or he'll say you misunderstood. Most men aren't able to read cattiness and pettiness like women do, especially when it's not really obvious.

I think it's better to have a series of conversations about boundaries with the opposite sex. It's not something that has to happen immediately. How do they know each other? Has he always been strictly platonic with all of them? How often does he see them? Does he see any of them one on one? Do they talk on the phone? (I don't expect you to answer all of those btw) The type and frequency of their interaction would dictate how and when you need to put your foot down.

 

[Damaged but not out]

I have a few guy friends that have a lot of women friends.But the truth is their male friends are just not the going out type, so it seems like they are always surrounded by women. Plus male friendships happen on a different level.

So I would say be weary but give him the benefit.

And i agree if you don't like the girl after repeated meetings, share ur feelings. But not before, definitely not before.

 

[Kindheart]

Has he ever been intimate with any of these girls ?

 

[LdyKamz]

He's never been intimate with any of them. And I suppose it isn't really a good idea to tell him I don't like her so early on. But we are getting more serious and if my feeling doesn't go away she will have to go.

 

[SelahOco]

Yes, there is something about her and something about another one that I haven't met yet. I am holding my judgment until then but I already have a feeling. Example, I call him by his full name instead of his shortened nickname. And apparently so does this friend I haven't met. There is some widespread "joke" that this is going to be a "problem". When I said his name they were all like "ohhh, she calls you _______. This should be interesting when she meets Lacie". I said what does that mean. After they said that she's the only one that calls him. I said calmly with a straight face, "not anymore, she'll get over it" And they shut up about it. At the bolded, I want to tell him flat out that I don't like her. But everyone is telling me that I shouldn't do that. I want him to know I got a bad vibe from her.

She will do something that you can point to. Just wait. And she will probably talk greasy about you to him on the sly.

Wait until he can't deny it. And I he does, you'll know it's not worth the drama.

If he is blind to her sheisty attitude, I'd think he likes the attention. And a man should check his friends or cut them loose, IMO.

 

[DrC]

Dafuq? Sheeeeeeeee sounds like a ****.

No, none of them seem flirty really. Out of the 3 that I met, one is married with a baby (I really like her), one has someone and is trying to get a ring and she is into hair. I really like her too. It is almost like having someone from the forum to hang with IRL. The last one...she wasn't flirty but seemed very territorial. Trying to keep his attention and pull him into side convos.



I don't know if it's because I didn't get a chance to talk to her/get to know a little about her because she left kind of early. But we were talking about a natural hair event they had just come from -the nice one gave me some of her sample products since she took extra, she may be my new best friend - and she (the one I'm uneasy about) says "I was the lightest one there" with a ridiculous smug look on her face. Then when the other one was talking about how long she'd been natural and saying she can't wait for length, the other chick starts playing in her hair and swinging it all around. Then she started complaing about another of their guy friend's gf/now fiance saying the girl can't get her name right. She says "I'm one of Paul's really really good friends and I was here before you, why can't you get my name right?" I don't know, something about her is off. Maybe I'm being petty. I'm going to give her another chance and I'm making an effort because these are his good friends.

 

[gabulldawg]

Anytime you are dealing with a female "friend" who is acting jealous or trying to show you up it is not a good sign.

 

[BonBon]

You're setting yourself up as "the outsider", the new girl coming in trying to get rid of his friends.

Lawd. I went through this with my 2nd boyfriends ex (they only were together a week).

I know nothing was going on between the two of them, but she had similar possessive behaviour as the girl in this thread.

She found me IM handle and added me, then proceeded to tell me that I wasn't good enough for him. Told me I was wrong to ask him to reduce contact with her. Other stuff also from some details he told hererplexed.

I told him and he was reluctant to get rid of her, so I left him. Then he came begging back and said he chose me.

Long story short, after two years he started going cold on me (which was strange because he was a nicey, nicey type), wouldn't look me in the eyes etc... I downloaded a new IM client on my account and for some reason it signed me into his because we shared a computer. Instantly I see this ex send me a message "Has she stopped ruling over the computer then". Couldn't believe that ****. I opened up their chat history and he'd been back in contact for two months and bit-ching hard. She brought me up at any opportunity, pumped him for information about me, took my personal issues and spread them to people I knew. These women want to know everything negative about you as ammunition.

The worst thing is she actually asked him who gave the best head out of me and her because they had a week long relationship a long time ago. What type of whore throws dick sucking comparisons into conversation like that IDK.

I was young and clueless back then and didn't expect him to be so stupid, but I would never go there again with a man reluctant to let go of a hostile friend. Of any sex tbh. If a partner doesn't get outraged when you get treated rudely its a deal breaker to me. As far as I'm concerned I shouldn't have to ask.

This girl sounds like she hasn't said anything to you yet but if she does and he doesn't deal with her I'd beware. She will be trying to get into your business.