Marrying the other woman/man?

[Seeking8Rights]

What are your thoughts about a person marrying the other woman or man?

Do you think it would work? Would the decision to marry the other person have impact on your dealings with them? Example, if it were your coworker, family member or friend who decided to leave their spouse for another person they were having an affair with.

Lets say the man/woman said they married the wrong person and concluded that their decision to marry was a bad judgement call. However, them wanting to marry the other person is genuine.

A group of girlfriends and I were talking about this the other night and it was interesting to hear other ladies (and a man) opinions about marrying the other woman/man.

And to make the conversation really interesting, have you ever had an affair or was the "other woman" by consent.

 

[tocktick]

I think some of these relationships do not work because there are trust and insecurity issues beneath the surface. One or both partners thinks (either secretly or openly) that their partner will cheat on them also with someone else. I think these relationships are often build on a sense of doing something forbidden and lust but once that wears off you don't have much.

On the other hand, some of these relationships do work out for whatever reason. Maybe the truth is that they met someone they were highly compatible with yet weren't mature enough to break it off with their current SO before leaping into the new relationship. Generally people don't like to entertain the possibility that it can work because cheating is seen as immoral and people don't feel cheaters should be happy. A happy relationship that was born out of people cheating is a threatening prospect in many people's minds and doesn't sit quite right.

Personally, I do not believe in cheating. I understand temptation, feeling the other side is greener, wanting to leave but having too much tied into the relationship, being with an uninterested partner etc. However, I feel at some point one needs to make the conscious decision to break free otherwise they should stay and work on what they have.

 

[donna894]

I think some of these relationships do not work because there are trust and insecurity issues beneath the surface. One or both partners thinks (either secretly or openly) that their partner will cheat on them also with someone else. I think these relationships are often build on a sense of doing something forbidden and lust but once that wears off you don't have much.

On the other hand, some of these relationships do work out for whatever reason. Maybe the truth is that they met someone they were highly compatible with yet weren't mature enough to break it off with their current SO before leaping into the new relationship. Generally people don't like to entertain the possibility that it can work because cheating is seen as immoral and people don't feel cheaters should be happy. A happy relationship that was born out of people cheating is a threatening prospect in many people's minds and doesn't sit quite right.

Personally, I do not believe in cheating. I understand temptation, feeling the other side is greener, wanting to leave but having too much tied into the relationship, being with an uninterested partner etc. However, I feel at some point one needs to make the conscious decision to break free otherwise they should stay and work on what they have.

Co-signing.

Case in Point: I worked for a man who was once a minister of a large church. He was thrown out of the church for adultery and then married the other woman. The new wife didn't trust him as far as she could throw him. She frequently called the office, wanting to know where he was, who he was with, etc. She even pulled a couple of coworkers to the side and gave them "the talk" because she thought they were after her husband. From a distance it appeared they were happy, but I was close enough to observe otherwise.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I think some of these relationships do not work because there are trust and insecurity issues beneath the surface. One or both partners thinks (either secretly or openly) that their partner will cheat on them also with someone else. I think these relationships are often build on a sense of doing something forbidden and lust but once that wears off you don't have much.

On the other hand, some of these relationships do work out for whatever reason. Maybe the truth is that they met someone they were highly compatible with yet weren't mature enough to break it off with their current SO before leaping into the new relationship. Generally people don't like to entertain the possibility that it can work because cheating is seen as immoral and people don't feel cheaters should be happy. A happy relationship that was born out of people cheating is a threatening prospect in many people's minds and doesn't sit quite right.

Personally, I do not believe in cheating. I understand temptation, feeling the other side is greener, wanting to leave but having too much tied into the relationship, being with an uninterested partner etc. However, I feel at some point one needs to make the conscious decision to break free otherwise they should stay and work on what they have.

I agree with the bolded and my first thought is/was that such a relationship lacks an important element - trust. However, whose to say a relationship couldn't success and be build around trust (in a twisted way).

I'm still scratching my head on whether or not I would treat or view the person differently (negatively) and if they deserve such.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Co-signing.

Case in Point: I worked for a man who was once a minister of a large church. He was thrown out of the church for adultery and then married the other woman. The new wife didn't trust him as far as she could throw him. She frequently called the office, wanting to know where he was, who he was with, etc. She even pulled a couple of coworkers to the side and gave them "the talk" because she thought they were after her husband. From a distance it appeared they were happy, but I was close enough to observe otherwise.

And she has every right to feel and think this way because the behavior already manifested with their relationship.

Hmm, I don't know which one I would prefer out of both scenarios:

Being with a man who by evidence hasn't cheated, but there are indications of such.

or

Being with a man who you cheated with and the has made it a fact that he can/will cheat.

Both will result in acts of mistrust -- but which of the severities of mistrust are worse.

 

[vkb247]

Nevermind```

 

[tiara76]

it really depends on the situation and the people involved and true intentions and motives (love or selfishness without regard to anybody else).....thats where karma comes in, it doesn't matter what the outside actions are but the inside feelings and intentions that create circumstances to either make things "miserable" or "happy" on the outside

 

[TayMac]

They always say "If he'll cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you." I find it to be true for men and women. The thrill wears off and you are left with this person that snuck around and lied to be with you. What type of foundation is that?

 

[SugarBaby]

Its a no-win situation....either for the people in it or for the children/ex's that are left.


No one escapes being unaffected.

 

[worthy2b]

My ex is with the other woman off and on again because of mistrust, she's afraid that he's doing her like he did me, I'm sure he will. People like that deserve each other and the consequences that come along with not being honest and forthright in their marriage.
There will forever be that lack of trust and hint of doubt. Who wants that?

 

[neyhla]

it really depends on the situation and the people involved and true intentions and motives (love or selfishness without regard to anybody else).....thats where karma comes in, it doesn't matter what the outside actions are but the inside feelings and intentions that create circumstances to either make things "miserable" or "happy" on the outside

ok girls, so let me confesse something...im with a divorced man....When i met him he was married (i sent a post on it few months ago and i received a lot of negatif response...but nevermind -i m sure the ones who sent me those posts aren't that pure !)
So let me tell you my story...In fact I can not tell that he cheated on his wife...Cause they were about to divorce before we met...they lived separatly.They were not happy together...actually they get married because of their parents and because of religion not because of real love...they made a child and finally lived like brother and sister for 2 years (no kiss, no touch, no hug, no love at all...they did'nt even go out together)...(i get all those informations from Mr and confirmed it by some relatives and by his wife)..And when I finally decided to date him..he did everything to divorce faster...his wife totally agreed with this decision (in fact it was hers -before I was in their life)...And now im happy !!! He asked me to live with him...so i ll see !

I probably made grammar mistakes...sorry but im not an english speaker !!

 

[misstobz]

They always say "If he'll cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you." I find it to be true for men and women. The thrill wears off and you are left with this person that snuck around and lied to be with you. What type of foundation is that?

My thoughts exactly, how happy/secure/strong can a relationship be that is founded on lieing, cheating, sneaking around and hurting the people around you. It just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Some may work and some may not but personally that is not my cup of tea.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

ok girls, so let me confesse something...im with a divorced man....When i met him he was married (i sent a post on it few months ago and i received a lot of negatif response...but nevermind -i m sure the ones who sent me those posts aren't that pure !)
So let me tell you my story...In fact I can not tell that he cheated on his wife...Cause they were about to divorce before we met...they lived separatly.They were not happy together...actually they get married because of their parents and because of religion not because of real love...they made a child and finally lived like brother and sister for 2 years (no kiss, no touch, no hug, no love at all...they did'nt even go out together)...(i get all those informations from Mr and confirmed it by some relatives and by his wife)..And when I finally decided to date him..he did everything to divorce faster...his wife totally agreed with this decision (in fact it was hers -before I was in their life)...And now im happy !!! He asked me to live with him...so i ll see !

I probably made grammar mistakes...sorry but im not an english speaker !!

Glad to hear your happy about your situation now. My question is (more out of curiousity) were you or have you been afraid to marry someone who, regardless of the situations, cheated? Meaning, he didn't wait until he was completely divorced to be with you, thus technically cheated. Since you are being honest, I just thought I would ask the question of whether or not you have an ounce of worry or fear that he would do the same with you upon any point of hitting a dry spot in your marriage/relationship.

Thanks in advance.

 

[neyhla]

Glad to hear your happy about your situation now. My question is (more out of curiousity) were you or have you been afraid to marry someone who, regardless of the situations, cheated? Meaning, he didn't wait until he was completely divorced to be with you, thus technically cheated. Since you are being honest, I just thought I would ask the question of whether or not you have an ounce of worry or fear that he would do the same with you upon any point of hitting a dry spot in your marriage/relationship.

Thanks in advance.

First of all sorry for the grammatical errors (again im not an english speaker)
IMO cheating means having an affair AND living with your wife like everything is fine with her by lying.... It wasn't the case at all. So Am not worried about him because thanks lord he always tries to make things clear(that's why i stayed because to be sincere "married man wasn't my cup of tea at all". But the situation was really different from what we see in general.
I think that they both didn't want to stay married...so when this happen what can you do if there is no love, no desire to continue...(by the way he never lied to her-I can confirm since SHE talked to me- yeah it was really weird.)
So girl if it happens to me ...what can i say : life is like that sometimes. But i keep in mind that it can happen to every married woman even if the guy never cheat before so....I m happy in love for the first time of my life with him and I think he is too, so i don't want to let him go because of that !

 

[Butterfly08]

Glad to hear your happy about your situation now. My question is (more out of curiousity) were you or have you been afraid to marry someone who, regardless of the situations, cheated? Meaning, he didn't wait until he was completely divorced to be with you, thus technically cheated. Since you are being honest, I just thought I would ask the question of whether or not you have an ounce of worry or fear that he would do the same with you upon any point of hitting a dry spot in your marriage/relationship.

Thanks in advance.

This is a good question. How many ladies would marry a man who she knew had cheated before (with or without her)? How likely is it that he would do it again? Do you consider the circumstances? Sorry if this is too far off-topic.

 

[DragonPearl]

I think some of these relationships do not work because there are trust and insecurity issues beneath the surface. One or both partners thinks (either secretly or openly) that their partner will cheat on them also with someone else. I think these relationships are often build on a sense of doing something forbidden and lust but once that wears off you don't have much.

On the other hand, some of these relationships do work out for whatever reason. Maybe the truth is that they met someone they were highly compatible with yet weren't mature enough to break it off with their current SO before leaping into the new relationship. Generally people don't like to entertain the possibility that it can work because cheating is seen as immoral and people don't feel cheaters should be happy. A happy relationship that was born out of people cheating is a threatening prospect in many people's minds and doesn't sit quite right.

Personally, I do not believe in cheating. I understand temptation, feeling the other side is greener, wanting to leave but having too much tied into the relationship, being with an uninterested partner etc. However, I feel at some point one needs to make the conscious decision to break free otherwise they should stay and work on what they have.

I loved every single word you wrote.

 

[czyfaith77]

I think some of these relationships do not work because there are trust and insecurity issues beneath the surface. One or both partners thinks (either secretly or openly) that their partner will cheat on them also with someone else. I think these relationships are often build on a sense of doing something forbidden and lust but once that wears off you don't have much.

On the other hand, some of these relationships do work out for whatever reason. Maybe the truth is that they met someone they were highly compatible with yet weren't mature enough to break it off with their current SO before leaping into the new relationship. Generally people don't like to entertain the possibility that it can work because cheating is seen as immoral and people don't feel cheaters should be happy. A happy relationship that was born out of people cheating is a threatening prospect in many people's minds and doesn't sit quite right.

Personally, I do not believe in cheating. I understand temptation, feeling the other side is greener, wanting to leave but having too much tied into the relationship, being with an uninterested partner etc. However, I feel at some point one needs to make the conscious decision to break free otherwise they should stay and work on what they have.

I agree with this for the most part. I also like to add though, if the individual does not really do some deep searching within to deal with some underlying issues that led to the cheating, then the issues will reappear again and they will either deal with the issues or go do it again thinking it is not them but the other person they were with. I have observed this....