They never marry the other woman, if they marry again, they marry a completely different woman.
Would you be the Other Woman?
- Thread starter janda
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They never marry the other woman, if they marry again, they marry a completely different woman.
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Me, no...doesn't fit with my moral compass
But I know a few women (particularly as they get older) who have no problem whatsoever with man sharing and being the mistress.
The married ones who know their husbands are cheating basically are like "so long as you don't bring a baby or some virus home, I don't really know about it, and you don't shame me by being too public...I'll look the other way".
As for the other women, they are more then happy to get what they want whether that's sex, gifts, etc. and send him back home so his wife will have to deal with the day to day difficulties of relationships.
Personally I think in both instances it reflects some of the issues folks have brought up about self esteem, deluding yourself into thinking you don't want more, or feeling so inadequate as to believe that half a man is better then none. Still, I'm surprised at how many women will settle for this kind of stuff.
But I know a few women (particularly as they get older) who have no problem whatsoever with man sharing and being the mistress.
The married ones who know their husbands are cheating basically are like "so long as you don't bring a baby or some virus home, I don't really know about it, and you don't shame me by being too public...I'll look the other way".
As for the other women, they are more then happy to get what they want whether that's sex, gifts, etc. and send him back home so his wife will have to deal with the day to day difficulties of relationships.
Personally I think in both instances it reflects some of the issues folks have brought up about self esteem, deluding yourself into thinking you don't want more, or feeling so inadequate as to believe that half a man is better then none. Still, I'm surprised at how many women will settle for this kind of stuff.
foxee
Well-Known Member
Your friend needs to stop falling for the okey doke. Every cheating man tries to paint their wife as some sort of shrew. His wife can be the kindest, most wonderful woman in the world but he'll tell his mistress anything to justify his actions. And if any of these things were true, a man with integrity would end his marriage first before stepping out on his wife.
If she really wants to know how much he "loves" her, she should put him to the test. She can tell him that during their relationship she's been sneaking around and seeing another man on the side. Something tells me he wouldn't be so understanding.
DSP
New Member
It's easy to look like a “perfect, loving couple” when the relationship is played out in a series of stolen moments here and there. Day-to-day living is the real test of love.
As for "the masses" not understanding, that’s a common thought process for 1) teenagers and 2) grown folks trying to justify their own lack of impulse control. There really is nothing new under the sun. Every person who cheats thinks they are the exception to the rules. It’s such a cliché. The fact is, one cheater is no more unique, special or deep than the millions of other cheaters in the world -- past, present or future. They want what they want when they want it, but don't want the consequences of their actions. Very similar to toddlers.
When you really love someone, you don't behave in ways that dishonor you both and you don't put the one you love in a position to act dishonorably. If this guy really loved the woman he's cheating with, he'd leave his wife and be with her full time. People get divorced for far less than that every day.
Real love doesn't flourish in the shadows. It seeks out the light where it can be celebrated openly. Lies and secrecy are to love what weeds are to a garden.
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Makenzie
Well-Known Member
On Topic: Great last paragraph. Very true.
Off Topic: The bolded is one of the reasons I don't watch The Bachelor. They are so in love and have all the romantic gooey feelings toward each other, but haven't lived in the real world. They go on amazing dates, see breathtaking sights and don't have to be concerned with money, conflicting schedules, or any other obligation but to look in each others eyes.
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LadyPaniolo
New Member
Sigh. GoddessMaker 
You are young, and I am in your corner 500%. I don't want you to think I'm jumping on you, because I'm not. I just don't want you to get confused by what you see.
OK, let's start at the beginning. Men want sex much more than women do. Men want sex with YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL women. Men want sex with MANY women. Marriage to a woman his own age is not providing those things. His wife is the same woman, over and over. His wife has gotten wrinkles and is no longer as young as she once was. That's why he wants to have sex with other women.
Let's address the "Evil abusive wife". Do you think your friend would get naked with him if he said the likely truth: his wife is wrinkly and he wants to smash young puddy? Probably not. He is painting himself as the victim, which is what selfish people usually do to justify their hurtful behavior.
OK, but what if the wife actually is mean to him? If she has been nagging him, why do you think she does it? IF she even is nagging him (most men lie about how horrible the wife is to young dumb jumpoffs) it's probably for good reason! Maybe he is being a selfish, lazy bum in the house, who treats her like Cinderella while he is off spending cash to pay for sex from young girls?
When a man wants sex, he has to either offer 1. a relationship or 2. cold hard cash/expensive gifts. Your friend is young and dumb. She is doing what she KNOWS is wrong. He is using her like a discount prostitute. A pro makes $200 for 30 mins of sex. How much does your friend get?
But because he speaks sweetly to her, while using her like a discount skeet receptacle that passes for "respectful"? No, no ma'am. There is nothing even close to respect going on there.
You are young, and I am in your corner 500%. I don't want you to think I'm jumping on you, because I'm not. I just don't want you to get confused by what you see.OK, let's start at the beginning. Men want sex much more than women do. Men want sex with YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL women. Men want sex with MANY women. Marriage to a woman his own age is not providing those things. His wife is the same woman, over and over. His wife has gotten wrinkles and is no longer as young as she once was. That's why he wants to have sex with other women.
Let's address the "Evil abusive wife". Do you think your friend would get naked with him if he said the likely truth: his wife is wrinkly and he wants to smash young puddy? Probably not. He is painting himself as the victim, which is what selfish people usually do to justify their hurtful behavior.
OK, but what if the wife actually is mean to him? If she has been nagging him, why do you think she does it? IF she even is nagging him (most men lie about how horrible the wife is to young dumb jumpoffs) it's probably for good reason! Maybe he is being a selfish, lazy bum in the house, who treats her like Cinderella while he is off spending cash to pay for sex from young girls?
When a man wants sex, he has to either offer 1. a relationship or 2. cold hard cash/expensive gifts. Your friend is young and dumb. She is doing what she KNOWS is wrong. He is using her like a discount prostitute. A pro makes $200 for 30 mins of sex. How much does your friend get?
But because he speaks sweetly to her, while using her like a discount skeet receptacle that passes for "respectful"? No, no ma'am. There is nothing even close to respect going on there.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't.
I think that people who are knowingly in relationships with married men/women just lack morals. Plain and simple. You can have low self esteem etc. and still have morals.
With respect to her going to church, as they say you can go to church and not be a Christian. We see this example right here.
Also married men and women who participate in affairs, no matter what the reason, again lack morals.
However, at the end of the day we are all sinners and slip from our moral and spiritual footing from time to time.
I think that people who are knowingly in relationships with married men/women just lack morals. Plain and simple. You can have low self esteem etc. and still have morals.
With respect to her going to church, as they say you can go to church and not be a Christian. We see this example right here.
Also married men and women who participate in affairs, no matter what the reason, again lack morals.
However, at the end of the day we are all sinners and slip from our moral and spiritual footing from time to time.
janda
New Member
I just hope that the affair is in fact over. Supposedly her DH spoke told the other woman that it was over and that he wanted to try and work things out with his wife. According to her DH, the other woman did not make any fuss or fight. Her DH told her that the other woman actually thanked him for ending it because "she could never do it herself". Sound odd? They still work together and her DH makes it seem as if it's not that uncomfortable. Hmm.. as they were "seeing each other" intimately for over a year.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I wish them the best but I do not see how the bolded is going to work
The DH should try to find a new job somewhere else--I'd want my DH to do so if I was in the wife's shoes.
I don't see any good happening with them still working together.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Sigh. GoddessMaker
OK, let's start at the beginning. Men want sex much more than women do. Men want sex with YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL women. Men want sex with MANY women. Marriage to a woman his own age is not providing those things. His wife is the same woman, over and over. His wife has gotten wrinkles and is no longer as young as she once was. That's why he wants to have sex with other women.
Let's address the "Evil abusive wife". Do you think your friend would get naked with him if he said the likely truth: his wife is wrinkly and he wants to smash young puddy? Probably not. He is painting himself as the victim, which is what selfish people usually do to justify their hurtful behavior.
OK, but what if the wife actually is mean to him? If she has been nagging him, why do you think she does it? IF she even is nagging him (most men lie about how horrible the wife is to young dumb jumpoffs) it's probably for good reason! Maybe he is being a selfish, lazy bum in the house, who treats her like Cinderella while he is off spending cash to pay for sex from young girls?
When a man wants sex, he has to either offer 1. a relationship or 2. cold hard cash/expensive gifts. Your friend is young and dumb. She is doing what she KNOWS is wrong. He is using her like a discount prostitute. A pro makes $200 for 30 mins of sex. How much does your friend get?
But because he speaks sweetly to her, while using her like a discount skeet receptacle that passes for "respectful"? No, no ma'am. There is nothing even close to respect going on there.
I agree with alot of this post.My friend's not young she is 45 and he is 46.His wife is 60.The wife seems to like having a husband as place holder.I know in most situations I would be all oh that ish is wrong which I did at first but after getting to know the man and I know my friend..I have never seen two happy ppl..I know its wrong and they go through that moral issues alot but they love each other even though most dont believe that.
Having been the other at one point in life I dont judge but I wouldnt do it at all know its wrong morally and soul wise.
adnolej
New Member
I honestly think its the whole "forbidden fruit" theory. I think she wants what she can't have and likes the thrill. Some women are so conniving that they get a thrill out being able to be around the wife and kind of smirk like 'yeah I'm doin your man and what' type of thing.
I have a friend who seems to attract married men and she's messed with a couple just because, never had a "relationship", just relations
Now that she's older, she stays away from married men because she enjoyed the thrill when she was younger (lower to mid 20's), but now that she's older, she realizes these married men who are out to fool around on their wives ain't ****!
Personally, I couldn't do it. A married man tried to get with me and told me he had filed seperation for his wife, but when I asked to see the documents, he was full of excuses, so I couldn't go there
I have a friend who seems to attract married men and she's messed with a couple just because, never had a "relationship", just relations
Now that she's older, she stays away from married men because she enjoyed the thrill when she was younger (lower to mid 20's), but now that she's older, she realizes these married men who are out to fool around on their wives ain't ****!Personally, I couldn't do it. A married man tried to get with me and told me he had filed seperation for his wife, but when I asked to see the documents, he was full of excuses, so I couldn't go there
renren
New Member
To answer the question... no i would not.
I think many ppl. in this world have a very twisted idea of what happiness and love is...If a man was in a real relationship/marriage with the same person (outside woman) that they are ohh soo in love with, im sure they would cheat on them as well when they get bored or tired of dealing with marriage issues.
As for the women that sleep with married men....... most have had their share of pain and heartbreak themselves (not justifying it). Low self-esteem mixed with the search for fulfillment and 'happiness' has led so many people astray searching in all the wrong places.
If people continue to make these decisions they will continue to reap pain, hurt and guilt 100x over. You reap what you sow in due time. I hope that many of them begin to make wise decisions that would bring them joy, fulfillment and peace.
I think many ppl. in this world have a very twisted idea of what happiness and love is...If a man was in a real relationship/marriage with the same person (outside woman) that they are ohh soo in love with, im sure they would cheat on them as well when they get bored or tired of dealing with marriage issues.
As for the women that sleep with married men....... most have had their share of pain and heartbreak themselves (not justifying it). Low self-esteem mixed with the search for fulfillment and 'happiness' has led so many people astray searching in all the wrong places.
If people continue to make these decisions they will continue to reap pain, hurt and guilt 100x over. You reap what you sow in due time. I hope that many of them begin to make wise decisions that would bring them joy, fulfillment and peace.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
^^^Is he waiting for his wife to die so he can cash in? I guess LadyP was right. 45 might not be young, but it's definitely younger than 60!
If only she had something..I guess they are ok with the situation.She knows the wife and is cool with it since it alleviates her of any work and he doesn't worry as much.So sad really.
MissMasala5
New Member
I'm too selfish when it comes to love and sex, so no. My name is not Sharon. I ain't sharin' sh!t.
greight
Well-Known Member
I wonder if there is anyone on in LHCF who'd ever admit it to doing it? Nah, don't think so.
In any case, this topic is timely. I do think that it's interesting to see how the dynamics play out. I think men generally look for woman who would probably fall for the okey dokey.
Can people fall in love and out of love? Yes. I do think it happens. I don't think it's as simple as going for the young and dumb, even though it may happen this way the majority of the time.
I also think people get restless, are dealing with rough spots in their lives, have issues, and someone temporarily fills in the gap/pain or is some type of escape.
There's also blatant disregard.
If I were the other woman, I'm not sure why I'd expect him to be with me. Nor would I want him to be with me. How could I trust him to be faithful to me? Seriously. This is the part that I don't get. Contrary to the whole low self-esteem, that's a whole lotta ego right there to think you the best when you've been part of the rest essentially.
In any case, this topic is timely. I do think that it's interesting to see how the dynamics play out. I think men generally look for woman who would probably fall for the okey dokey.
Can people fall in love and out of love? Yes. I do think it happens. I don't think it's as simple as going for the young and dumb, even though it may happen this way the majority of the time.
I also think people get restless, are dealing with rough spots in their lives, have issues, and someone temporarily fills in the gap/pain or is some type of escape.
There's also blatant disregard.
If I were the other woman, I'm not sure why I'd expect him to be with me. Nor would I want him to be with me. How could I trust him to be faithful to me? Seriously. This is the part that I don't get. Contrary to the whole low self-esteem, that's a whole lotta ego right there to think you the best when you've been part of the rest essentially.
MissMasala5
New Member
^^^There have been a few posters here who have admitted to it. Their posts were filled with lots of retrospection and frankness.
One thing I don't understand, is how some women who were the other women, get the men to leave their wives for them, and then get the fury of the woman scorned when they themselves get cheated on?
One thing I don't understand, is how some women who were the other women, get the men to leave their wives for them, and then get the fury of the woman scorned when they themselves get cheated on?
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
yeah, folks got the wrong idea. men like it new and exciting. overall their marriage might not be a bad one, but there is usually something lacking. men nowadays will tell women straight up that divorce is not an option for them. they don't want to pay child support, spousal, lose their homes, etc....
i have been the wife that got cheated on, and i've had the option of going on the other side. it's not what folks make it out to be, unless you have been there.
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my dad and uncle married their mistresses
Yeah, I don't know why people like to think in absolutes in these situations. No, its not the rule, but it really does happen more often than folks seem to think.
Also don't understand why people assume that all mistresses even WANT them to leave their wives and be with them.
Britt
Well-Known Member
I have a friend I've known since high school and we've grown apart a lot for many reasons. Anyway, a few months ago she told me she was dating a guy who was married. So she knew this straight up and down. There was no mention of him getting a divorce, no bad talk of the wife... nothing. So when she told me this, my blood started to get hot at her total non chalance. She quickly checked me and said "that don't have shyt to do w/ me, I'ma do me" 
. She just didn't care at all. I kinda wished the wife would find out and beat her arse . She is currently seeing a 46 yr old man and when I googled him, it says he's married. But when I asked her she said he isn't 
. I wouldn't be surprised if he really is. There really are some women who just don't give a fluck, their moral compass is broken, and they view a married man just as they'd view a single man - it's all fair game 
.
. She just didn't care at all. I kinda wished the wife would find out and beat her arse . She is currently seeing a 46 yr old man and when I googled him, it says he's married. But when I asked her she said he isn't . I wouldn't be surprised if he really is. There really are some women who just don't give a fluck, their moral compass is broken, and they view a married man just as they'd view a single man - it's all fair game .
IrrationalThoughts
Well-Known Member
I have a friend I've known since high school and we've grown apart a lot for many reasons. Anyway, a few months ago she told me she was dating a guy who was married. So she knew this straight up and down. There was no mention of him getting a divorce, no bad talk of the wife... nothing. So when she told me this, my blood started to get hot at her total non chalance. She quickly checked me and said "that don't have shyt to do w/ me, I'ma do me"
And some of them LIKE it. They seek it out. Roundheeled hussies.
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
my dad and uncle married their mistresses
The sad truth is that most men will not leave their current situation until they have another situation lined up, although it doesn't mean they're going to marry that woman like you're dad and uncle did. I think some women jump into it because they're hoping that if the guy leaves his marriage he'll stay with them.
greight
Well-Known Member
Interesting that people have admitted to it; I guess I just never really looked it up before. Or more than likely, those threads were poofed with angry replies
I really think ego plays a role in cheating/other woman. Not getting caught, knowing that this person is choosing you, etc. When they get cheated on, they realize that they were just another one in the long list of conquests.
I've been hit on before by guys that were in relationships/engaged. They went in with the flattery, the stares, the gestures. Now it's to the point where I'm highly suspicious of a man who is that overt, sadly.
I feel that some women get caught up in the romance and don't really smell the manure that's making those roses grow (which he gives to you.... along with his SO).
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
Ditto. Some women actively pursue married men. After finding out a guy is married, the next question is "are you happily married?" And they keep pursuing or pass along their number just in case the married guy wants to "talk".
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
men do this too
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
This is a shame shame shame. My cousin was telling me how the women at her husband's job flock to him (he is a very handsome man), try to invite him out, etc and they know he's married (wears his ring, has pictures of them up and everything). It's funny because we all know he's not going anywhere
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
What was the point in mentioning this as the topic is referring to the other woman?? Not trying to be mean but I just don't get it.
dicapr
Well-Known Member
I've seen women who have been cheated on flip and actively become the other woman. They feel that everyone cheats and it is better to be the one the man is cheating with rather than be at home only to be blind sided again. I had a co-worker like that found out her husband was cheating when she went for drinks after work with her co-workers. Her husband was at the bar with his girlfriend. After her divorce she actively sought out married men.
