Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Men need love like humans need water. I wrote before in another thread about my husbands back pain that started about last Friday. 2-3 years ago, I would have just ignored him or tried to argue that he's being a baby and to man up. I would have talked about all the pain I've endured (monthly periods, c section, gym injuries) and harped on how women are the better/stronger sex.

Now that I'm in year five of marriage, I instead gave him a day to complain. Then on day two, I bought him lidocaine patches, a back brace, drew him a hot bath in the whirlpool, kept the kids busy so he could have some quiet time, and used supportive language (all the while rolling my eyes on the inside).

The rest of the weekend he spent it telling me how loved he felt once he saw my efforts. Today he dropped off the kids, made dinner, cleaned up the house, and is planning to pick the up kids-all while singing my praises, talking about how glad he is to have me.

This marriage thing is hard, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. Feed his ego and he'll support mine.
 
So. I'm a terrible wife LOL.

There is this author whom I really like. I've been reading everything of his I can get my hands on in the past few months, and I just bought his new book. I told my DH how he likes/replies to/retweets tweets on Twitter. I tweeted him today and found out he is coming to Boston next month. I told my DH and he was like, "Do I need to be worried?"

I realize I've been gushing. But I do this with female authors, too! When I went to Isabel Allende's book signing a few years ago, I was on cloud 9 for like a week straight because she's one of my favorites. So here's what went down when I got home.

Me: "I just finished this book and OMG, OMG, OMG, the author is coming to Boston next month!! I have to go!!" DH automatically knows who I'm talking about.
My mom: "What's his name?"
DH: "Dead man." :lachen:

I really hope he is not taking me too seriously cuz I'm going to that book signing, IDGAF. :laugh:
 
divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
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@divachyk im so sorry for your loss...may God be with you and give you peace((((hugs))))
 
So I officially have stopped working (unless they call and tell me they really need me which I doubt) until I leave next month. I wanted this so I could relax and spend time with people this last month and a half.
.....I'm so freakin bored. I literally don't know what to do with my time. Been spending a lot of time at my mother's cause most of the time when I'm around him, I don't wanna be around him.(might be my biggest issue) Sorta miss him when he's not around. :spinning: I stop missing him after a few hours though. lol. oh marriage, you are nothing like I had imagined you to be. :rolleyes:

Literally been spending so much time on the computer that it feels unhealthy. Gone to the gym, keep doing little intervals of 10 pushups at a time. I went and had a picnic..just me and my dogs. :look: Wrote my feelings down a little. Spent time with an old friend who I'm really not similar to in any way anymore. Got tipsy yesterday for no freakin reason. :rolleyes:
I've cleaned out my old room, rearranged everything, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, guess now I have to do the backyard... Then I don't know what I'm gonna do. What the heck do people do all day? This is gonna be a long wait.... I don't really wanna go back to work...
 
FemmeCreole said:
DH went out of town on business. Me alone in this big bed feels so good!!
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I feel you. DH has been gone a while. I miss him but I don't miss sharing a bed. He is a horrible sleeper. He snores, steals sheets, pushes me, crushes me...ugh. I love cuddling with him but once I fall asleep I want out. He would be extremely hurt if I told him this.
 
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melahnee said:
So I officially have stopped working (unless they call and tell me they really need me which I doubt) until I leave next month. I wanted this so I could relax and spend time with people this last month and a half.
.....I'm so freakin bored. I literally don't know what to do with my time. Been spending a lot of time at my mother's cause most of the time when I'm around him, I don't wanna be around him.(might be my biggest issue) Sorta miss him when he's not around. :spinning: I stop missing him after a few hours though. lol. oh marriage, you are nothing like I had imagined you to be. :rolleyes:

Literally been spending so much time on the computer that it feels unhealthy. Gone to the gym, keep doing little intervals of 10 pushups at a time. I went and had a picnic..just me and my dogs. :look: Wrote my feelings down a little. Spent time with an old friend who I'm really not similar to in any way anymore. Got tipsy yesterday for no freakin reason. :rolleyes:
I've cleaned out my old room, rearranged everything, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, guess now I have to do the backyard... Then I don't know what I'm gonna do. What the heck do people do all day? This is gonna be a long wait.... I don't really wanna go back to work...
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I say go back to work. Although, I do agree with taking a couple of weeks off before you leave to say "Bye" and hang out with loved ones but remaining employed and active will be good for muscle memory. I get lazy after a week's vacation and am tragic when I return to work. Just food for thought. I'm still jealous of your free time though. Just being sounds good right about now.
 
Miss617 said:
Daniel Jose Older. :2inlove:

The quote in my siggy is from his newest book. He's awesome. The dedication for one of his novellas was, "This Book is Dedicated to Black Girls Everywhere. You are Powerful. You are Beautiful. You are Loved." I may have a bit of crush on him LOL.
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I'm going to Google him. He sounds fascinating. And please go see him.
 
Farida said:
I feel you. DH has been gone a while. It's him but I don't miss sharing a bed. He is a horrible sleeper. He snores, steals sheets, pushes me, crushes me...ugh. I love cuddling with him but once I fall asleep I want out. He would be extremely hurt if I told him this.
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That's my story! I pretty much stay in place when I fall asleep but that doesn't mean he has to take the rest of the bed. I can't move even if I wanted to!
 
Bad&Bougee said:
I say go back to work. Although, I do agree with taking a couple of weeks off before you leave to say "Bye" and hang out with loved ones but remaining employed and active will be good for muscle memory. I get lazy after a week's vacation and am tragic when I return to work. Just food for thought. I'm still jealous of your free time though. Just being sounds good right about now.
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i just might. this extra time might be extra bad for me right now because he and I are "off" right now, for the thousandth time. ugh. it was my idea again to leave. sorta impulsive, i only left because he really hurt my feelings. missed him right away though. still miss him. hungry but don't feel like eating. weird.
he says he's over the back and forth, i am too. I'm doing okay for the most part, have only cried twice. I miss him though.:cry3: I feel so dumb every time I write about him on here. what kind of grown woman does this?
although, I did see a post the other day about friends being in unhealthy relationships and it really hit me.. I'm definitely that friend, no doubt about it. it's just harder than it seems. unhappy with him, unhappy without him.
I made a list about all the bad things that i can think of at the moment that he's done to me. sort of want to post it, but i don't want to regret it. its a really really bad list.
 
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melahnee said:
i just might. this extra time might be extra bad for me right now because he and I are "off" right now, for the thousandth time. ugh. it was my idea again to leave. sorta impulsive, i only left because he really hurt my feelings. missed him right away though. still miss him. hungry but don't feel like eating. weird.
he says he's over the back and forth, i am too. I'm doing okay for the most part, have only cried twice. I miss him though.:cry3: I feel so dumb every time I write about him on here. what kind of grown woman does this?
although, I did see a post the other day about friends being in unhealthy relationships and it really hit me.. I'm definitely that friend, no doubt about it. it's just harder than it seems. unhappy with him, unhappy without him.
I made a list about all the bad things that i can think of at the moment that he's done to me. sort of want to post it, but i don't want to regret it. its a really really bad list.
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DO NOT POST IT.
 
You shouldn't feel dumb about how you feel. EVER. You love someone and love is never simple. You just have to make up in your mind what's healthy for you, what's not and do your best to eliminate what is unhealthy. Sometimes what is unhealthy for us is the people we love most. You are leaving soon and this will fix itself. Let it.
 
melahnee said:
...
I made a list about all the bad things that i can think of at the moment that he's done to me. sort of want to post it, but i don't want to regret it. its a really really bad list.
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If the list is long and really really bad, your love for him may be unhealthy and more like an addiction. You need to figure out who you are and what you want first and foremost. I think you are so young that you haven’t had a chance to become the strong, autonomous woman you want and need to be. Focus your attention on strengthening and healing yourself first. I would also suggest reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
 
hopeful said:
If the list is long and really really bad, your love for him may be unhealthy and more like an addiction. You need to figure out who you are and what you want first and foremost. I think you are so young that you haven’t had a chance to become the strong, autonomous woman you want and need to be. Focus your attention on strengthening and healing yourself first. I would also suggest reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
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haven't thought of it this way. you could be right. It could be an unhealthy addiction.
I will look that book up. Thank you for the recommendation.
deep inside, I know what I want. The process is just draining. and he's loony so I'm sorta scared of what he might do or try to do.
 
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