Married Ladies Random Thoughts

divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
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Oh no :( I am so sorry for this tremendous loss in your life. I pray you find peace of mind in the coming weeks, months, years. Please take care of yourself. xo
 
divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
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@divachyk I am so sorry to hear you loss your DH, your best friend. I can't even imagine. Please know that you are in my prayers and we are here if you need us.
 
Miss617 said:
Hi @Bad&Bougee Yes, I'm definitely a little overwhelmed. I mentioned the sleep thing because I'm fully aware of his schedule, but he never lets me forget that he works overnight and only sleeps for maybe three hours before he goes to work, and maybe a nap with the kid in the afternoon. I said once DS starts school he can either get a new schedule or keep the one he has but be able to sleep during the day. But he'll kind of throw it in my face that he sacrifices sleep so I can go to work, study, etc.

He does a lot of the household stuff like cooking, dishes or laundry since he's home and is just very clean and tidy in general and loves to cook. He doesn't like staring at piles of clothes or anything and it frustrates him if they don't get done within a certain time period and he knows that I don't always want to cook when I get home and have to take over DS. I literally can't ask him to take on any more of that stuff because I don't do it and would kick and scream if I had to lol. But I manage all of our son's appointments and keep track of his schedule and that's like a full-time job itself. I actually made a separate calendar within my calendar so I could share it with DH so he wouldn't keep asking me what he had any given week. But it's like... his workday ends at 7 am, even though he calls watching DS his "second shift. " Like, no, watching your child is not a job or chore, and you sound ridiculous. I check work email for at least an hour after I get home because someone almost always needs me, work on my freelance articles and now do my school assignments - and yeah I choose to do these things, but I feel like he thinks I don't "work" as much because I do almost everything on the computer. But I I also have to deal with my writers, my editor, interview subjects... that gets mentally taxing. I don't know, I guess I just feel like he could be a bit more understanding about everything that I deal with.

I guess I'm just venting now. I don't know if this is really what I was upset about it or if I just worked myself up lol.
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Hi @Miss617. Just wanted to see if you are having a better day today and if venting helped to relieve some of the frustrations you were feeling?
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Hi @Miss617. Just wanted to see if you are having a better day today and if venting helped to relieve some of the frustrations you were feeling?
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Thank you for checking on me. :-) I feel a little better today, but I didn't really have a chance to talk to him last night because I got home late from work. I think as @SamandI said that maybe he needs more empathy from me but he is going about it the wrong way (to me at least). I've never worked a night shift so it's not me trying to be a jerk about it, but really just not understanding the toll it takes on him. I think my idea that reminding him it won't last forever and that I can make arrangements at work if I need to is not as helpful as I like to think it is, because I know he won't ask to change my schedule any more than I already have. We'll figure it out though, just have to be willing to listen.
 
divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying God gives you the peace and comfort you need during this time and that you are surrounded in love.
 
Miss617 said:
Thank you for checking on me. :) I feel a little better today, but I didn't really have a chance to talk to him last night because I got home late from work. I think as @SamandI said that maybe he needs more empathy from me but he is going about it the wrong way (to me at least). I've never worked a night shift so it's not me trying to be a jerk about it, but really just not understanding the toll it takes on him. I think my idea that reminding him it won't last forever and that I can make arrangements at work if I need to is not as helpful as I like to think it is, because I know he won't ask to change my schedule any more than I already have. We'll figure it out though, just have to be willing to listen.
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@SamandI made a great point about 3rd Shift workers and I'm sure it contributes a lot to the situation. Being awake at night wreaks havoc on a person's Circadian Rhythm. But, as you said, I know you two will figure it out through patience, compromise and understanding.
 
divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
Click to expand...

I am sooo sorry for the loss of your husband. Sending you sooo much love and many hugs of comfort.
:bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Miss617 said:
Hi @Bad&Bougee Yes, I'm definitely a little overwhelmed. I mentioned the sleep thing because I'm fully aware of his schedule, but he never lets me forget that he works overnight and only sleeps for maybe three hours before he goes to work, and maybe a nap with the kid in the afternoon. I said once DS starts school he can either get a new schedule or keep the one he has but be able to sleep during the day. But he'll kind of throw it in my face that he sacrifices sleep so I can go to work, study, etc.

I guess I'm just venting now. I don't know if this is really what I was upset about it or if I just worked myself up lol.
Click to expand...

Working overnight and then taking care of a child during the day has to be exhausting. And not getting a full day of sleep, just naps here and there. I would be hell to live with if I had that kind of schedule.

He shouldn't throw it in your face, but he might feel like you aren't acknowledging his sacrifice. I empathize because I've worked overnight before and it's tough even when you are able to sleep during the day.
 
I went to a baby shower today for my LS and to give me a break and let me reconnect with my line sisters DH took DS with him for the day. It feels so good to have options to go out and recharge with my friends when needed. Tonight I will run DH some nice bath water, give him a full body massage, and watch a movie. My life has become so peaceful since I started making boundaries, being more grateful, and being intentional in my actions. This weekend and last weekend were absolutely perfect. Last weekend for the first time as three we went to the park then we left and got frozen yogurt and grocery shopped together. I say all that to say it was so normal just a regular activity but it left me with so much joy.
 
:( I'm so sorry for your loss love! I missed this post initially!!

divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
Click to expand...
 
divachyk said:
My husband passed on 10 Sep 17 and will be buried on 16 Sep 17. I'm so heartbroken yet relieved he's not suffering any more. He and I started dating in middle school and have been married for 19 years. In total, we've been together for 28 years. I miss my best friend so much. Thank you in advance for the condolences.
Click to expand...

Here for you sis. I know you love him with your whole heart.
 
acapnleo said:
I posted that and went on to try and give myself more time to think this thru more and be more thoughtful with my perspective.

In short it has to do with me feeling justified with how I feel while being faced with the challenge to be the bigger person and I just feel like I'm constantly having to be the bigger person. It's so difficult!
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To be honest, I think being the bigger person is overrated:look:. I don't think anyone should have to carry that burden constantly. Number one goal IMO should be to be happy and to have your needs met. Always trying to be the bigger person puts you at a disadvantage.
 
hopeful said:
To be honest, I think being the bigger person is overrated:look:. I don't think anyone should have to carry that burden constantly. Number one goal IMO should be to be happy and to have your needs met. Always trying to be the bigger person puts you at a disadvantage.
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@hopeful, you are so right!!

@acapnleo I think people often get so caught up in wanting to be a good person that it provides opportunities for people to take advantage of them and disregard their feelings, actions and opinions. Of course, all fights are not worth fighting but if you feel strongly about something then voice it and do not worry what others may think. It's not their life, it's yours and as @hopeful said, your goal is to live a full and happy life.
 
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