Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Bad&Bougee said:
That is very sweet of you @melahnee. I try. The world has enough harshness so I try to be the opposite as often as I can.

How are things in your world, if I may ask?
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I'm doing great, thanks for asking! Taking the ATSA tomorrow for Air Traffic Control Operator. Then getting ready for BMT in November at the early. Could possibly leave in December too. How are you doing?
 
Wow. Time went by fast!! I am so happy for you. I know you will enjoy the experience. I actually thought about you a couple of Sundays ago. I attended my sis n law's promotion ceremony and my mind went straight to you for some reason. We got to go inside one of her planes. It was so neat.

I'm doing pretty ok. Thanks for asking. My job is driving me bananas but other than that I can't complain.
 
@Bad&Bougee
I'm a bit hesitant to post this since my marriage has been hot and cold for a while..but you all might be sorta proud of me.

He just got home and told me he doesn't want me to leave for bmt like I'm supposed to in a couple months. He wants me to stay here, work, do real estate(he's been wanting me to do this forever), and just save money. I said I don't want to do real estate. I don't want to stay in my job. I joined the AF and even though I can probably still back out somehow, I don't want to. He was like look I don't want you to go. You're my wife and I want you to stay. I don't wanna think about you possibly finding someone out there and cheating on me or anything like that.
I said you know what, if you feel so strongly about that, I understand. I will get my stuff and go to my mom's....again. He said are you serious? I said yes, I am. You tell me you feel this way all the time and now you're giving me an ultimatum...and I've made my decision..I'm going. He was pretty much speechless. Then he said we can still be friends. To which I responded no, we can't be friends.
So I got my stuff, and now I'm at my mom's....again. And I'm not even sad. :rose:
Hopefully it doesn't hit me later..
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Wow. Time went by fast!! I am so happy for you. I know you will enjoy the experience. I actually thought about you a couple of Sundays ago. I attended my sis n law's promotion ceremony and my mind went straight to you for some reason. We got to go inside one of her planes. It was so neat.

I'm doing pretty ok. Thanks for asking. My job is driving me bananas but other than that I can't complain.
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Aw! I feel special that you thought about me. hehe. Can't wait to get going. Congrats to your sis!!!
Jobs suck. My current one has been driving me bananas for years. lol
 
Dee-Licious said:
@melahnee that took strength.
Keep a clear head. Make sure you're doing what's best for the long run.

I like that you took control. Instead of him taking you to your mom, you made your decision for what you want to do.
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It sure did. I feel a very very weird right now. I hope this is what's best. I can't have someone treat me like a child all the time. If he wants me back, he will have to accept my decision and trust me. But it possibly would get worse if I left and he was so against it. I'm in a tough spot. I hope I did the right thing. Wish you all could make my decisions for me. lol.
 
@melahnee, you DEFINITELY did the right thing and sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do. And, if you think about what he said, you will become more confident in your decision to move back in with your mom until you leave for the AF. You quoted him:

I don't wanna think about you possibly finding someone out there and cheating on me or anything like that.

That statement would tell me all that I need to know and would have done exactly what you did. And, yes ma'am, I am very proud of you. You stuck to your guns and your decision is one that has the potential to make a profound, positive impact on your entire life. And please don't let him manipulate you into thinking you are not being a good wife. A good wife is a happy wife and you didn't seem to be all that happy/content in the situation you were in.

He's going to call and do all kinds of crazy things until you leave but ignore all of that and stay focused on the big picture. Often, big moves are made in our lives when the Lord is attempting to direct us to our intended paths. Kind of like getting a do-over. So please enjoy this new adventure and don't look back. We are all behind you, praying for the best.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
@melahnee, you DEFINITELY did the right thing and sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do. And, if you think about what he said, you will become more confident in your decision to move back in with your mom until you leave for the AF. You quoted him:

I don't wanna think about you possibly finding someone out there and cheating on me or anything like that.

That statement would tell me all that I need to know and would have done exactly what you did. And, yes ma'am, I am very proud of you. You stuck to your guns and your decision is one that has the potential to make a profound, positive impact on your entire life. And please don't let him manipulate you into thinking you are not being a good wife. A good wife is a happy wife and you didn't seem to be all that happy/content in the situation you were in.

He's going to call and do all kinds of crazy things until you leave but ignore all of that and stay focused on the big picture. Often, big moves are made in our lives when the Lord is attempting to direct us to our intended paths. Kind of like getting a do-over. So please enjoy this new adventure and don't look back. We are all behind you, praying for the best.
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Surprisingly, he is not being mean at all. He texted and called me a bunch of times last night and told me he loved me and missed me and he's just very sad that I'm leaving and is scared to lose me. I didn't answer any texts but I answered the phone the second time and told him that we will talk tomorrow because I was sleeping. He sounded a little teary but I'm not sure. I guess I am able to act this way because I'm not allowing myself to care or get sad anymore. Not sure if it's a product of him pushing me away, me being sick of the bs or both. All I know is that either way this goes, I will be okay. I don't mind being single at this point. Doesn't seem like he wants to let me go. We'll see what happens.
Hm. Guess this is what happens when I stick up for myself the right way. I'm learning:lachen:
Thank you so much for being here for me again. :love3:
 
Look at him. Sounds like he matured a little @melahnee and now realizes what's most important in life. You are not leaving him, you are just changing careers. Just so happens your new career has you away from home a lot. That's all. Both of you will be ok once you get over the initial shock of being apart.

You are always welcome!!!
 
@melahnee I actually thought of you the other day because I was playing around with my DH but I had to check him real quick when he wouldn't stop. He got offended and I told him, "If I say stop, you stop." Dassit. *** your feelings LOL. Then I remembered your situation.

I am very proud of you. What you did took a lot of courage, and it sounds like you don't need us to make your decisions for you. :-) If he is serious about not wanting to lose you, he'll get some act right. But for now, take this time to focus on what's best for you - even if that means moving forward without him.
 
We have a house we are buying. It's a nice starter house in a decent area. However, me being a teacher and noticing trends I know the school that we are zoned to is not good. This probably won't change by the time DS is 4. I would like to move to the Caucasian areas *just saying but don't stone me* where there are better schools. The problem with this is as a SAHM I don't have income that can be used to buy a house. DH does, the so no problem. However his credit is only average to low. I've tried to work with him to get collections and late payments off his credit. I got quite a few off by aggressively writing goodwill letters and writing creditors to get it removed. I get an email alert today that he has yet another late payment that has posted on his credit score. It's me suggesting that he should get braces. He took out a loan to do this and I guess he forgot to pay the bill. This has probably knocked his score back down from all the hard work I have done.

In the past I say do you understand the importance of credit. If we were to ever move it would be on you to help us move. Without your credit, we have low chances yada yada yada. I know he gets annoyed because it's gotten to a controlling/nagging thing. In fact, I will be honest that I wouldn't know about HIS credit report unless I created an account to monitor it without him knowing. So I realize I'm slick abusive with how anal I am about his credit.

What to do? Let it go? Will his credit always be bad unless HE makes the choice to change it? Stop trying to fix his credit? Don't write another letter and just focus on MY stuff. Bring it up? Ask is there anything I can do?

When I want to move DS to a better school district....what are my choices? What can I do? I got the last house on my own with my income and my credit. Could I do it again? Should I have to?
 
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Aight I think I thought this out.

Credit...I think of it as a need. It is not. We have a house. We have two cars apiece. We have everything we want that requires credit and they are in good order. PLUS my credit is A-1. We do NOT NEED credit any longer. A new house is a want. When the time comes...it is what it is. That may be 5-7 years till then. Maybe he would have changed by then but it's not my place to change him. It hasn't happened so far so it probably won't happen. It's up to him to change. I won't bring it up.

I WILL stop badgering him about his credit. I won't look at his report any more or slave around trying to improve his credit until he decides to a) ask me for help and b) help himself.

I feel like doing this will protect the peace in our house and allow him to grow from his own disappointments and not me pushing him like a man-child.
 
PrissiSippi said:
We have a house we are buying. It's a nice starter house in a decent area. However, me being a teacher and noticing trends I know the school that we are zoned to is not good. This probably won't change by the time DS is 4. I would like to move to the Caucasian areas *just saying but don't stone me* where there are better schools. The problem with this is as a SAHM I don't have income that can be used to buy a house. DH does, the so no problem. However his credit is only average to low. I've tried to work with him to get collections and late payments off his credit. I got quite a few off by aggressively writing goodwill letters and writing creditors to get it removed. I get an email alert today that he has yet another late payment that has posted on his credit score. It's me suggesting that he should get braces. He took out a loan to do this and I guess he forgot to pay the bill. This has probably knocked his score back down from all the hard work I have done.

In the past I say do you understand the importance of credit. If we were to ever move it would be on you to help us move. Without your credit, we have low chances yada yada yada. I know he gets annoyed because it's gotten to a controlling/nagging thing. In fact, I will be honest that I wouldn't know about HIS credit report unless I created an account to monitor it without him knowing. So I realize I'm slick abusive with how anal I am about his credit.

What to do? Let it go? Will his credit always be bad unless HE makes the choice to change it? Stop trying to fix his credit? Don't write another letter and just focus on MY stuff. Bring it up? Ask is there anything I can do?

When I want to move DS to a better school district....what are my choices? What can I do? I got the last house on my own with my income and my credit. Could I do it again? Should I have to?
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You definitely need to keep on him to get his credit up. It makes such a huge difference in house loans and this will be affecting your entire family in multiple ways.

Your alternative would be to try homeschooling your son since you plan to stay home... but that requires a lot of thought...

Good luck but keep on him!
 
PrissiSippi said:
Aight I think I thought this out.

Credit...I think of it as a need. It is not. We have a house. We have two cars apiece. We have everything we want that requires credit and they are in good order. PLUS my credit is A-1. We do NOT NEED credit any longer. A new house is a want. When the time comes...it is what it is. That may be 5-7 years till then. Maybe he would have changed by then but it's not my place to change him. It hasn't happened so far so it probably won't happen. It's up to him to change. I won't bring it up.

I WILL stop badgering him about his credit. I won't look at his report any more or slave around trying to improve his credit until he decides to a) ask me for help and b) help himself.

I feel like doing this will protect the peace in our house and allow him to grow from his own disappointments and not me pushing him like a man-child.
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:yep: You have to pick your battles, which is largely about strategic timing. If your needs (and a few wants) are met right now... just enjoy life. It's OK to not have something to argue/nag about all the time and just live LOL, my grandma told me that. :huggle:
 
PrissiSippi said:
Aight I think I thought this out.

Credit...I think of it as a need. It is not. We have a house. We have two cars apiece. We have everything we want that requires credit and they are in good order. PLUS my credit is A-1. We do NOT NEED credit any longer. A new house is a want. When the time comes...it is what it is. That may be 5-7 years till then. Maybe he would have changed by then but it's not my place to change him. It hasn't happened so far so it probably won't happen. It's up to him to change. I won't bring it up.

I WILL stop badgering him about his credit. I won't look at his report any more or slave around trying to improve his credit until he decides to a) ask me for help and b) help himself.

I feel like doing this will protect the peace in our house and allow him to grow from his own disappointments and not me pushing him like a man-child.
Click to expand...

Protect the peace in your home. It sounds like you have everything you need and a lot of what you want. Revisit this at another time and change your approach. He may understand the value of having good credit more if he does the bulk of the work necessary to repair it himself.

A good friend once told me that the way to get a man to do what you want is to make him think it was his idea all along.
 
Miss617 said:
@melahnee I actually thought of you the other day because I was playing around with my DH but I had to check him real quick when he wouldn't stop. He got offended and I told him, "If I say stop, you stop." Dassit. *** your feelings LOL. Then I remembered your situation.

I am very proud of you. What you did took a lot of courage, and it sounds like you don't need us to make your decisions for you. :) If he is serious about not wanting to lose you, he'll get some act right. But for now, take this time to focus on what's best for you - even if that means moving forward without him.
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Lol!! You better let him know girl :laugh: I've been getting better at my attitude:spinning:
I'm nosy and curious :lachen: how'd he react when you told him to stop?
Yes, I was pretty proud of myself too hahaha. I didn't even care if he got mad, lol. I feel his respect for me increased a couple points from me being assertive that day. So glad I have you all to back up my thoughts when I need. :love3::love3:
I found out I'm leaving at the end of November for sure. Starting to get a little scared!!
 
melahnee said:
Lol!! You better let him know girl :laugh: I've been getting better at my attitude:spinning:
I'm nosy and curious :lachen: how'd he react when you told him to stop?
Yes, I was pretty proud of myself too hahaha. I didn't even care if he got mad, lol. I feel his respect for me increased a couple points from me being assertive that day. So glad I have you all to back up my thoughts when I need. :love3::love3:
I found out I'm leaving at the end of November for sure. Starting to get a little scared!!
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He was like, "I can't play around with my wife?" I said, "You can, but I'm done playing right now." He sulked a bit and said I'm no fun, then came back later and apologized, trying to kiss up on me. :rolleyes: It's like, yeah, we've always played around like that, but sometimes I remember I'm a grown woman with a kid and have to act like it LOL.

One thing I've learned, and am still learning, is that it's OK to change your boundaries - and to expect the other person to respect that. My DH has his hard no's (like no hitting his face), and I respect that. But I expect the same. Otherwise, there's gonna be consequences and repercussions LOL. He knows how far he can push me before all hell breaks loose.

I understand being scared, but you will be just fine. You made a huge, huge decision and didn't let your DH's foolishness deter you. That tells me you are way stronger than you think. And we're here for support if you need us. You've got this.
 
Miss617 said:
He was like, "I can't play around with my wife?" I said, "You can, but I'm done playing right now." He sulked a bit and said I'm no fun, then came back later and apologized, trying to kiss up on me. :rolleyes: It's like, yeah, we've always played around like that, but sometimes I remember I'm a grown woman with a kid and have to act like it LOL.

One thing I've learned, and am still learning, is that it's OK to change your boundaries - and to expect the other person to respect that. My DH has his hard no's (like no hitting his face), and I respect that. But I expect the same. Otherwise, there's gonna be consequences and repercussions LOL. He knows how far he can push me before all hell breaks loose.

I understand being scared, but you will be just fine. You made a huge, huge decision and didn't let your DH's foolishness deter you. That tells me you are way stronger than you think. And we're here for support if you need us. You've got this.
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lol, awww. that's so cute to me. I hope my husband can learn to let things go quickly like that one day. I quit play fighting with him completely though. :laugh: He has tried a couple times since that day but I just give him a death stare and say NO. :lol: He keeps telling people that I'm feisty and hit really hard even when I'm not trying lmao.

Thanks so much! I'm trying very hard to be a stronger person altogether nowadays. I hope I don't cry in BMT lol. Can't wait until BMT is over and I haven't even started it yet.:drunk: I can run a mile in 9 minutes or so, 1.5 in about 12 minutes if I pace myself correctly, so I'm decent I guess with that because we need to be faster than 13:57 for 1.5. Still trying to get faster. Can only do a couple pushups at this point, so I've been working on that one too. My body aches!
 
^^you'll be fine and you're already ahead of the pack. when i went there were girls who couldn't do a single pushup or situp. i had no issues with that but i did my first 1.5 mile run in like 18 minutes.:look: the fitness will come. just focus on preparing yourself mentally.

basic was soooo fun. i has a blast!
 
Oasis said:
^^you'll be fine and you're already ahead of the pack. when i went there were girls who couldn't do a single pushup or situp. i had no issues with that but i did my first 1.5 mile run in like 18 minutes.:look: the fitness will come. just focus on preparing yourself mentally.

basic was soooo fun. i has a blast!
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thanks so much! I hope I have fun too and don't get sad over missing the holidays! So, do they kick you out if you can't do all the pushups you are supposed to by the end? Cause 27 seems hard as heck!
 
We made it to the top of the wait list for a luxury apartment we applied for last year. I'm shocked. Buttttt, we probably won't meet the maximum income limit because we were already pushing it last year (even applying as a 4-person household) and I got another raise a few months ago. I'll ask anyway just so I don't waste my time again.
 
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