Married Ladies Random Thoughts

[melahnee]

@melahnee there is nothing wrong with being submissive or any adjective a woman uses to describe herself, all you need is to be with a man who compliments you and is willing to build a happy life with you.
I am uneasy that you appear to be taking all the blame for this fight as if he didn't do anything wrong, because with time you will get tired of being sorry, its not the best way to resolve matters. after all you weren't play fighting all by yourself. I don't have definite answers for you but I wish you well and hope you are able to find happiness in your marriage and also be self assured.

Thank you... yeah I told him I will never play fight with him ever again. Sometimes I take all the blame even if I don't think it's my fault, sometimes I just get bratty towards him and don't talk to him... I usually forgive him pretty fast. Thank you so much.. I hope I'm able to find happiness whether I'm with or without him too.... There is so much I could say, I'm sure you could only imagine seeing as you read about my previous arguments with him. I want so bad for it to work and the thought of it not working makes me feel so sad, but at the same time, I'm sad for a good amount of time in this relationship as well.. never thought I'd be in such a relationship, I really didn't.

 

[melahnee]

@melahnee I hope you guys are able to work it out. I truly understand you hating beefing with your husband. DH and I were in conflict all last week and it is the worse feeling ever.

Make sure you take care of yourself. *hugs*

Thank you ((hugs))
It literally makes me feel miserable to not be able to talk to him, hug him or kiss him.

@melahnee, if you don't mind my asking how old are you and your husband? I'm asking because he sounds very immature. I don't know what specifically made things go from "play fighting" to him dropping you off at your mother's house and him not returning your calls, but that is not the way marriage works. If the two of you are truly living as a married couple, under the same roof, then he has no choice but to see you and talk to you.

I'm 24, he's 25. Yeah he can be pretty immature. I don't know what happened either. It went from a game to him being angry, I could elaborate more on the situation, but it's just going to make him seem a lot worse. I agree it's immature to not speak to me. I'm just going to have to wait it out.

@melahnee
(((Hugs)))
Use this time to work on you and become stronger. It's hard to be in a healthy relationship if you feel weak and don't know how to be strong for you. Please don't text him anymore. Focus on you right now, what you want, and what you need. He had some nerve taking you away from your home. He sounds controlling and like he thinks he's the boss of the relationship.

I have stopped texting him finally. How long do you think I should wait before trying to contact him again? I'm going to try to focus on myself. Just need to not think about him, seems that's all I do. And yeah.... he's very controlling.. has my password to my phone and looks at all my stuff whenever he wants to. I wish I could be more like the strong women I see on this board because I truly feel like a weak, pathetic excuse for a woman sometimes...

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Do you think that his dropping you off at your Mom's is something that he's been wanting to do for a while? I ask because his response is too drastic for the situation. My DH only has one time to drop me off. I'm not saying that to be "bad", I'm saying that because you can't allow yourself to be toyed with. We put way too much into our marriages and give too much of ourselves to be dropped off. You drop off a pet or a casserole, not a SPOUSE. And then ignores your calls!! The audacity. Put on something cute, go out with the girls, have a good time and dust your shoulders off. If someone thinks so little of you that they can drop you off at your Mother's house then stay dropped off and find someone who is mature, supportive, uplifting, nurturing and less selfish. His actions are only a precursor of more to come - trust me. You are too much of a woman to be treated like this.

 

[hopeful]

...
I have stopped texting him finally. How long do you think I should wait before trying to contact him again? I'm going to try to focus on myself. Just need to not think about him, seems that's all I do. And yeah.... he's very controlling.. has my password to my phone and looks at all my stuff whenever he wants to. I wish I could be more like the strong women I see on this board because I truly feel like a weak, pathetic excuse for a woman sometimes...

Strength comes with practice. It's like lifting weights. At first you can lift only 5 pounds then more and more. You have to face your fears, gather support, press forward. Being strong is not easy but you my dear are stronger than you know. It sounds to me that you are in an abusive marriage. You can only change you. Start reading up on abusive relationships, the cycle of violence, etc. It's all about power, control, and domination. Keep pressing forward. Believe in yourself. Fight for your life and your happiness. You can do it!

 

[IslandMummy]

@melahnee first, big big hug. Do not beat yourself up, his response is dramatic and way over the top. I agree it seems completely immature and very controlling.

 

[melahnee]

@melahnee first, big big hug. Do not beat yourself up, his response is dramatic and way over the top. I agree it seems completely immature and very controlling.

Big hugs. thank you so much. that's what everyone in my life is telling me.... to stop acting like it's my fault..

Strength comes with practice. It's like lifting weights. At first you can lift only 5 pounds then more and more. You have to face your fears, gather support, press forward. Being strong is not easy but you my dear are stronger than you know. It sounds to me that you are in an abusive marriage. You can only change you. Start reading up on abusive relationships, the cycle of violence, etc. It's all about power, control, and domination. Keep pressing forward. Believe in yourself. Fight for your life and your happiness. You can do it!

Thank you..I don't think I would call it abusive.. I do, however think he is very controlling.. but I was in a relationship before him with a guy who let me do whatever the heck I wanted... I feel like him trying to "control" me all the time is kind of his way of showing he cares... sounds crazy, but I feel like he cares a lot more than my old boyfriend did..
I try to believe in myself, I really do...the examples around me are just not so great... my mom is usually on his side and thinks I shouldn't try to talk back to him and stuff (which I sometimes do because I can't take it anymore)... he's very old fashioned. Feel like I'm in the 50's sometimes.

Do you think that his dropping you off at your Mom's is something that he's been wanting to do for a while? I ask because his response is too drastic for the situation. My DH only has one time to drop me off. I'm not saying that to be "bad", I'm saying that because you can't allow yourself to be toyed with. We put way too much into our marriages and give too much of ourselves to be dropped off. You drop off a pet or a casserole, not a SPOUSE. And then ignores your calls!! The audacity. Put on something cute, go out with the girls, have a good time and dust your shoulders off. If someone thinks so little of you that they can drop you off at your Mother's house then stay dropped off and find someone who is mature, supportive, uplifting, nurturing and less selfish. His actions are only a precursor of more to come - trust me. You are too much of a woman to be treated like this.

No I don't think he's been wanting to do it for a while. I think he has anger issues and maybe needs space or something. I've been speaking to my father in law and he says that loves me and thinks he just needs his space. I still don't think it's fair for him not to talk to me. He's also been very stressed out at work lately and kind of taking it out on me. I haven't spoken of this on here but I'm swearing into the military (if all goes well) on the 28th and I'm just really Praying that things will be settled by then. That's a whole nother topic, he doesn't want me to leave because he doesn't want to be away from me. also thinks I will find someone else in the Air Force. but I am SICK of being a cocktail waitress. Sure it pays a lot. But it's not a freakin career and who knows how long it will even last! So, maybe he just has a lot on his plate and needs some space, i really don't know. I still haven't texted him. Only called him once more since my last call.


So what if he never responds? What do I do? What the heck do I do? This isn't fair for me not to know what's going on. I asked him if he was really done and no response. Then I said if you don't respond I will assume you're just angry. Still no response. I know most of you on here do not like him.. but honestly I post most of the bad stuff about him on here. There are lots of good things about him too. I just run here to spill my heart out when stuff happens.
Love you guys so much... thank you so much for taking time out of your days for me and my stupid life

 

[Bad&Bougee]

First I must say CONGRATULATIONS on swearing in. Good for you! That would be a great move. I am a fan of what the military offers and making it a career means that when you retire, you won't have to worry so much about money. Do great, be great, climb the ranks and make a name for yourself. I am so excited for you. Most of my friends are former military (mostly retired) and they do very well for themselves and their families. My sis n law is currently in the AF and is an engineer. Part of being an engineer is flying bombers - she is thoroughly enjoying herself so it can definitely be done. Good luck to you!!

You have a lot on your plate too. Like it or not, he should be supportive of you and your dreams. He has the rest of his life to be concerned with himself but right now, it's about you. And do not call or text him anymore. He knows you are calling and texting him. When he wants to talk or feel that he has punished you enough, he will call you. If he doesn't then it shows you what kind of a man he is. But you made an excellent point. You can't just share the bad, you have to share the good about your DH. That way when you vent, people can give you more informed advice. I'm sure he is a great guy but right now, he's not acting like it. I'm confident that almost every married woman on here can attest that their DH has been a jerk once or twice. It happens. How you respond will let him know whether or not his behavior is acceptable but you have to teach him how to treat you.

We love you too sweetie. This too shall pass.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@melahnee Once upon a time a mentor told me there were some things I should never play about. My body was one of them. I should never hit someone and they should never hit me. Playing or not. I had a boyfriend in college and it just started very subtle with the hitting your head playfully or etc. Before long he wanted to do wrestling moves, push me and the like. I then saw what my mentor meant. I never ever ever accept someone physically hitting me or doing anything I don't want done to me because of his wise words. I worry how quickly things can escalate. Please, be careful!

 

[CurliDiva]

We recently suffered a miscarriage and me being me wanted (rather needed) to talked about it. But DH was like "we'll try again and so let's not dwell on this". Plus he tried to celebrate my b-day the following day to cheer me up, and I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just doesn't get how traumatic this was for me - emotionally and physically. He doesn't get it....

 

[tapioca_pudding]

We recently suffered a miscarriage and me being me wanted (rather needed) to talked about it. But DH was like "we'll try again and so let's not dwell on this". Plus he tried to celebrate my b-day the following day to cheer me up, and I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just doesn't get how traumatic this was for me - emotionally and physically. He doesn't get it....

I know this is a sensitive time for you love... I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Just to offer a bit of perspective... men have a VERY HARD TIME with miscarriage. There are so many layers to what they go through during this time. I would be willing to bet that he is trying/fronting to be strong for you. He's not dismissing your feelings, he's trying to keep things light to hopefully help you stop hurting. It may also be a way for him to cope, just a distraction for now. Give him time. This is a crucial time in a marriage because often women feel that they are the only ones that suffered a loss, and they don't give their husbands' feelings honor.... which leads to him feeling dismissed and could lead to even bigger issues. I'm not trying to be dramatic, just trying to offer perspective. You both are hurting and probably dealing with this pain in very different ways. Maybe look into counseling to help you find a little peace of mind over time, and stay close to your husband. He will open up.

 

[tapioca_pudding]

@Taleah2009 I'm so sorry sissy.... like everyone else has echoed, don't let this tough time bury you. It is a lot to deal with but I promise you that things will look up, likely sooner than you think. Stay encouraged and positive, don't let those negative spirits into your home. You have a whole husband that has your back. Lean on him as needed and let him be your rock. I know you are a grinder and you will make pearls out of this "pressure"... and you know I'm here 100%. xoxo

 

[melahnee]

First I must say CONGRATULATIONS on swearing in. Good for you! That would be a great move. I am a fan of what the military offers and making it a career means that when you retire, you won't have to worry so much about money. Do great, be great, climb the ranks and make a name for yourself. I am so excited for you. Most of my friends are former military (mostly retired) and they do very well for themselves and their families. My sis n law is currently in the AF and is an engineer. Part of being an engineer is flying bombers - she is thoroughly enjoying herself so it can definitely be done. Good luck to you!!

You have a lot on your plate too. Like it or not, he should be supportive of you and your dreams. He has the rest of his life to be concerned with himself but right now, it's about you. And do not call or text him anymore. He knows you are calling and texting him. When he wants to talk or feel that he has punished you enough, he will call you. If he doesn't then it shows you what kind of a man he is. But you made an excellent point. You can't just share the bad, you have to share the good about your DH. That way when you vent, people can give you more informed advice. I'm sure he is a great guy but right now, he's not acting like it. I'm confident that almost every married woman on here can attest that their DH has been a jerk once or twice. It happens. How you respond will let him know whether or not his behavior is acceptable but you have to teach him how to treat you.

We love you too sweetie. This too shall pass.

thank you!!!! very excited.. but also so nervous! hope I do good... hope it all goes as planned and I swear in and become an official part of the US military! I don't have to decide MOS just yet but I'm kind of torn between Space Operations or Air traffic control team... but I have soo many other wonderful choices too! very very excited. First have to get through BMT..yikes!

He's become more supportive as time goes by... just said and says he doesn't know what he's gonna do with himself while I'm gone.. scared of losing me to someone else but that's not my reason for joining... I'm joining for US. And even if I were single, I still would not want to be involved with someone I work with and see every day. Too much potential to become messy. Thank you so so much for making me feel better!! A thousand hugs

@melahnee Once upon a time a mentor told me there were some things I should never play about. My body was one of them. I should never hit someone and they should never hit me. Playing or not. I had a boyfriend in college and it just started very subtle with the hitting your head playfully or etc. Before long he wanted to do wrestling moves, push me and the like. I then saw what my mentor meant. I never ever ever accept someone physically hitting me or doing anything I don't want done to me because of his wise words. I worry how quickly things can escalate. Please, be careful!

Oh yes I've learned this the hard way for sure. Never again. Ever Ever. Was fun while it lasted. Escalated VERY quickly.

We've pretty much made up at this point..making him his favorite dinner right now. He thinks I like to fight and anger him... I see how he can feel that way, even though it was all a game to me...thought he was playing along. Anyway. Lesson l-e-a-r-n-e-d. For the thousandth time, thank you all so much for helping me through such a difficult time again.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

I am so sorry @CurliDiva. I know that is a devastating hurt and I am sorry you had to experience it. But please try again when your womb has healed because we can never have enough beautiful babies.

 

[PrissiSippi]

We recently suffered a miscarriage and me being me wanted (rather needed) to talked about it. But DH was like "we'll try again and so let's not dwell on this". Plus he tried to celebrate my b-day the following day to cheer me up, and I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just doesn't get how traumatic this was for me - emotionally and physically. He doesn't get it....

Battling with infertility I'm not in your shoes but I've definitely felt the same type of pain. It's my prayers that you get your heart's desires soon and you find peace physically and emotionally. Much love.

 

[IslandMummy]

We recently suffered a miscarriage and me being me wanted (rather needed) to talked about it. But DH was like "we'll try again and so let's not dwell on this". Plus he tried to celebrate my b-day the following day to cheer me up, and I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just doesn't get how traumatic this was for me - emotionally and physically. He doesn't get it....

I am so very sorry love

 

[hopeful]

@CurliDiva (((hugs))). So sorry about the miscarriage. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Foxglove]

So sorry for your loss @CurliDiva

 

[NijaG]

My condolences @CurliDiva

 

[Dee-Licious]

@CurliDiva allow yourself time and the ability to grieve your loss. No matter how early on, the loss of a wanted baby is indeed a loss. ((Hugs))

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

We recently suffered a miscarriage and me being me wanted (rather needed) to talked about it. But DH was like "we'll try again and so let's not dwell on this". Plus he tried to celebrate my b-day the following day to cheer me up, and I just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he just doesn't get how traumatic this was for me - emotionally and physically. He doesn't get it....

I took my miscarriages very hard and DH could not fully understand. looking back, I think he was sad but just internalized it. I also think he didn't know what to do for me to make me feel better.

I'm so sorry for your loss.*hugs* I say this a lot but planting a shrub/tree or making a scrapbook page with the sonogram pictures really helped.

Let yourself heal and grieve, and don't put a timetable on it.

 

[Sosoothing]

thank you!!!! very excited.. but also so nervous! hope I do good... hope it all goes as planned and I swear in and become an official part of the US military! I don't have to decide MOS just yet but I'm kind of torn between Space Operations or Air traffic control team... but I have soo many other wonderful choices too! very very excited. First have to get through BMT..yikes!

He's become more supportive as time goes by... just said and says he doesn't know what he's gonna do with himself while I'm gone.. scared of losing me to someone else but that's not my reason for joining... I'm joining for US. And even if I were single, I still would not want to be involved with someone I work with and see every day. Too much potential to become messy. Thank you so so much for making me feel better!! A thousand hugs


Oh yes I've learned this the hard way for sure. Never again. Ever Ever. Was fun while it lasted. Escalated VERY quickly.

We've pretty much made up at this point..making him his favorite dinner right now. He thinks I like to fight and anger him... I see how he can feel that way, even though it was all a game to me...thought he was playing along. Anyway. Lesson l-e-a-r-n-e-d. For the thousandth time, thank you all so much for helping me through such a difficult time again.

This statement is concerning to read. No matter what you do, he is in charge of his feelings and controls them. Regardless of what you do, he doesn't have to get angry. That's on him. It isn't right for him to blame feelings that are in his control on you.

I hope things go well for you two.

 

[CurliDiva]

I know this is a sensitive time for you love... I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Just to offer a bit of perspective... men have a VERY HARD TIME with miscarriage. There are so many layers to what they go through during this time. I would be willing to bet that he is trying/fronting to be strong for you. He's not dismissing your feelings, he's trying to keep things light to hopefully help you stop hurting. It may also be a way for him to cope, just a distraction for now. Give him time. This is a crucial time in a marriage because often women feel that they are the only ones that suffered a loss, and they don't give their husbands' feelings honor.... which leads to him feeling dismissed and could lead to even bigger issues. I'm not trying to be dramatic, just trying to offer perspective. You both are hurting and probably dealing with this pain in very different ways. Maybe look into counseling to help you find a little peace of mind over time, and stay close to your husband. He will open up.

Thanks @tapioca_pudding,

Your post is very insightful! I do realize that he is dealing with this in his own way but he does not want to talk about it at all. This still feels hurtful to me because I don't have anyone IRL to talk to (other than my doctor), but posting here has been therapeutic!

I know he hurting because he can't stop my hurt right now, an yes - staying close/untied is important to us both.

 

[CurliDiva]

Thanks everyone for the SUPPORT and wonderful words of wisdom! Luv my LHCF family

 

[Taleah2009]

@Taleah2009 I'm so sorry sissy.... like everyone else has echoed, don't let this tough time bury you. It is a lot to deal with but I promise you that things will look up, likely sooner than you think. Stay encouraged and positive, don't let those negative spirits into your home. You have a whole husband that has your back. Lean on him as needed and let him be your rock. I know you are a grinder and you will make pearls out of this "pressure"... and you know I'm here 100%. xoxo

Thank sissy

 

[divachyk]

Has anyone talked to @divachyk? I haven't seen her post in a while. Hope she's doing ok.

Hi @FoxxyLocs and ladies, thank you for the well wishes. My husband has been hospitalized since 30 June. He was in and out of ICU for the entire month of July. At one point, I had to call all family to the hospital but God said it's not time and gave him more life to live. The Dr's were shocked but we weren't. We know God can perform the impossible. The ICU stays really did a number on him. He's weak and lost mobility. We're now in a long term care facility trying to regain strength and mobility. Dr's are not hopeful but we are. He's talking and nibbling here and there because his appetite is not where it needs to be. So many challenges before us but we are continuing to trust God no matter what it looks like. There's a testimony in the making!

@IDareT'sHair @curlyhersheygirl

 

[Virtuosa]

Hi @FoxxyLocs and ladies, thank you for the well wishes. My husband has been hospitalized since 30 June. He was in and out of ICU for the entire month of July. At one point, I had to call all family to the hospital but God said it's not time and gave him more life to live. The Dr's were shocked but we weren't. We know God can perform the impossible. The ICU stays really did a number on him. He's weak and lost mobility. We're now in a long term care facility trying to regain strength and mobility. Dr's are not hopeful but we are. He's talking and nibbling here and there because his appetite is not where it needs to be. So many challenges before us but we are continuing to trust God no matter what it looks like. There's a testimony in the making!

@IDareT'sHair @curlyhersheygirl

My prayers and love are with you.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I wanted a different style, to experiment. So I purchased some inexpensive hair and did a sew in, sorta like the Kerry Washington wavy bob with bangs, but I cut it about chin length in the front and a bit shorter in the back.
Dh came home "so you went and got a perm huh?"
Issa weave
Now I know it looks realistic. To man eyes anyway.

 

[syze6]

Hi @FoxxyLocs and ladies, thank you for the well wishes. My husband has been hospitalized since 30 June. He was in and out of ICU for the entire month of July. At one point, I had to call all family to the hospital but God said it's not time and gave him more life to live. The Dr's were shocked but we weren't. We know God can perform the impossible. The ICU stays really did a number on him. He's weak and lost mobility. We're now in a long term care facility trying to regain strength and mobility. Dr's are not hopeful but we are. He's talking and nibbling here and there because his appetite is not where it needs to be. So many challenges before us but we are continuing to trust God no matter what it looks like. There's a testimony in the making!

@IDareT'sHair @curlyhersheygirl

God will continue to keep him. My aunt went through this exact same thing last year. My uncle was in such bad shape that they called the family to the hospital to say their goodbyes. But God...I tell you is and will always be in control!!!

My uncle came back from everything the enemy threatened his health with. The man is alive today this year 2017 and enjoying life and good health. We took a trip with him this February and all I could think about was how happy him and my aunt was. I couldn't even look at him without getting emotional, because I saw God all over that. We love him and are enjoying life with him today. We had a ball celebrating Fourth of July together the whole family. We had a family soul train line and watching him and my aunt come down the line dancing together had many of us bawling like babies....I tell you. God got you and hubby, believe that...I do!!!

 

[Lylddlebit]

Husband and I are celebrating our first year wedding anniversary later this month. It's been awesome! The entire year has been great. I say this acknowledging that tough experiences and tragedies occurred that couldn't hold a candle to our joy. We had several "make or break a relationship" moments. However I am happy to say that we really focused on what was relevant to OUR life and experiences and set the standard for OUR home, OUR marriage OUR family based on him and I this year. If something didn't align with our values and standards then it was kept at arms length, if not eliminated altogether. Our top priority was protecting, building and flourishing within our union. This created an established system of security. Even the tragedies we went through this year really validated the foundation we built during the courtship stage and carried us through to fortify our relationship further. It was good to see challenges resolve in victory rather than introduce doubt, insecurity or failure. The first year of marriage really can be the year that your planning, and God given favor all comes together. It can be the year that life begins to feel "right" as you reap the harvest of your destiny. It has been an amazing year for me and my husband. Ignore the cynics who try to introduce negativity that has nothing to do with the reality that you and your spouse build together, build every day of your happiness with one good decision after another together with your equally yolked husband. On to to the the next level!

 

[Virtuosa]

I am grateful for the peace we've had so far this weekend. We had dinner with friends last night and with our first taste of autumn, I've pulled out a heavier comforter, opened the windows so I can hear the rain, and turned on the fireplace. We need a break from the Harvey madness.