Married Ladies Random Thoughts

@Bad&Bougee

If he was vetoing you joining a gym or going on a diet or buying a handbag, I would say "he is not the boss of you, wth".

Plastic surgery is major though. There are always risks in going under anasthesia (sp) and you will need someone to look after you post-surgery.

I am not anti - plastic surgery, but i have been in a situation where my dh underwent surgery (not plastic surgery tho :lol) and it was a nerve wracking experience, seeing him being wheeled away down the hall and not knowing how everything was going until hours later.

I don't think you need to apologize to him, and i do agree that he could have discussed his opinion with you instead of just shutting you down right off the bat.
 
Miss617 said:
@Bad&Bougee Maybe you can ask him to go to a consultation with you?
Click to expand...

@Miss617 that WAS my plan before last night. A consultation will connect the dots and allow him to ask whatever questions or concerns he has but right now I'm kinda over it until my anger subsides. I can be a fool when I am angry and I don't want to be that way so I'm going to let some time pass and circle back.
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
@Bad&Bougee

If he was vetoing you joining a gym or going on a diet or buying a handbag, I would say "he is not the boss of you, wth".

Plastic surgery is major though. There are always risks in going under anasthesia (sp) and you will need someone to look after you post-surgery.

I am not anti - plastic surgery, but i have been in a situation where my dh underwent surgery (not plastic surgery tho :lol) and it was a nerve wracking experience, seeing him being wheeled away down the hall and not knowing how everything was going until hours later.

I don't think you need to apologize to him, and i do agree that he could have discussed his opinion with you instead of just shutting you down right off the bat.
Click to expand...
LeftRightRepeat said:
@Bad&Bougee

If he was vetoing you joining a gym or going on a diet or buying a handbag, I would say "he is not the boss of you, wth".

Plastic surgery is major though. There are always risks in going under anasthesia (sp) and you will need someone to look after you post-surgery.

I am not anti - plastic surgery, but i have been in a situation where my dh underwent surgery (not plastic surgery tho :lol) and it was a nerve wracking experience, seeing him being wheeled away down the hall and not knowing how everything was going until hours later.

I don't think you need to apologize to him, and i do agree that he could have discussed his opinion with you instead of just shutting you down right off the bat.
Click to expand...

You made some great points and I can definitely appreciate the anxiety and unknown that goes with having surgery. Especially when you hear about all the horror stories.

I'm not sure what happened though. I went to have my hair braided this morning and when I got home this afternoon, he apologized for his comments and not allowing me the opportunity to really talk about the procedure. Without me offering, he suggested going to the consultation with me to make sure the procedure is safe and find out what happens before and after. I was speechless. I still am. I don't even want to know why he changed his tune but I'm happy for the compromise and sensibility.

Everyday I pray two things: for me to be still and for the Lord to bridle my tongue. Today He made that count and my husband and I are back on one accord. I've been without my friend almost all week and I have missed him.
 
Farida said:
I feel like my marriage is going to fail. 9 years strong...
Click to expand...

I've had that feeling in the past and we are going 28 years strong. Read his signals for either privacy or whether its attention he is seeking, act accordingly. At a later date sit down and discuss the issue. If you are in need of space then be silent until you feel you are able to verbalize your thoughts.
 
Farida said:
We seem to do nothing but argue lately. We don't seem to understand what the other is expressing or wants. He resisted therapy and when we went (I chose a man) he said he got nothing from it. The counselor even called me afterwards and said I can go in alone since he noticed DH's attitude.
Click to expand...

Has there been any changes in your lives that could be the underlying cause of the arguments, i.e., change in employment, money issues, extended family issues, etc? I ask because when a man begins arguing for no reason it often times is due to issues that have nothing to do with his spouse, persay.
 
Farida said:
We seem to do nothing but argue lately. We don't seem to understand what the other is expressing or wants. He resisted therapy and when we went (I chose a man) he said he got nothing from it. The counselor even called me afterwards and said I can go in alone since he noticed DH's attitude.
Click to expand...

Take the counselor up on his offer and have one on one sessions. He may provide some helpful insight.
 
Farida said:
I feel like my marriage is going to fail. 9 years strong...
Click to expand...


Don't try to solve anything right now. Couples therapy during a relationship crisis will probably increase arguments. Focus on finding common ground, laughing together, and keeping regular fun dates. Work on your friendship, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong if the two of you are at odds. Take good care of yourself...really spoil yourself and focus on being happy.
 
Last edited:
Bad&Bougee said:
Has there been any changes in your lives that could be the underlying cause of the arguments, i.e., change in employment, money issues, extended family issues, etc? I ask because when a man begins arguing for no reason it often times is due to issues that have nothing to do with his spouse, persay.
Click to expand...

We do have a lot of stressful changes in our family. Most of the issues are on my side - my mom's and sister's serious illnesses. Reduced sleep and time alone for both of us and taking care of a baby.

I keep telling him that it is normal for spouses to fight more under those conditions but he does not buy it. And if he spoke to other couples or people with the same issues they would say the same. But he refuses to talk to anyone.
 
Farida said:
We seem to do nothing but argue lately. We don't seem to understand what the other is expressing or wants. He resisted therapy and when we went (I chose a man) he said he got nothing from it. The counselor even called me afterwards and said I can go in alone since he noticed DH's attitude.
Click to expand...

I'm really sorry @Farida. My advice would be to take the counselor up on his offer. As I get older I realize that relationships are not supposed to be so hard and that women cannot make their marriages working their job or responsibility. In every other relationship we require reciprocity. If he doesn't want to see a counselor and doesn't have any answers, then what does he want to do then? If he wants a happy marriage then what is he going to do about that?

Take good care of you and make yourself and your peace, happiness, and success your number one priority. Yes, your marriage should be a priority too but it shouldn't be a project that you fret over and try to fix alone. Talking to the counselor may help you gain clarity on what's going on. You may be missing some pieces to the puzzle.
 
Farida said:
We do have a lot of stressful changes in our family. Most of the issues are on my side - my mom's and sister's serious illnesses. Reduced sleep and time alone for both of us and taking care of a baby.

I keep telling him that it is normal for spouses to fight more under those conditions but he does not buy it. And if he spoke to other couples or people with the same issues they would say the same. But he refuses to talk to anyone.
Click to expand...

Congratulations on your bundle of joy!!

Having a baby changes the dynamic of a marriage and can definitely create alot of stress for both parents. Being tired, taking care of a baby, working AND maintaining all of your other responsibilities can weigh heavily on new parents. No one really understands the gravity of having a newborn until you have one. You're tired, hubby's tired, your attention is now divided and things just may not be what he expected (not necessarily bad).

Give him some time and allow him to figure things out. While he's doing that, take care of YOU. Find time to rest. Make sure you are eating right, taking vitamins, exercising and loving you. Our bodies go through so much after we give birth but we don't allow the process to unfold naturally. For some, it's back to work, for others, the hormonal imbalance wreaks havoc because we have no idea what's going on. Then there are those who try to be all and do all without realizing they just had another human being!

Time Sweet Pea. Time for him to figure it out but most importantly, time for you.
 
I noticed that DH asks each day, "And what did you do today since DS was at school". I don't mind answering but I see myself making a to do list for him of what I did today and that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I didn't do much. Maybe I did a lot. Is cleaning, ironing your clothes, having a balanced meal not good enough for you? He's quite quiet so does he feel some kind of way at the choices to stay at home? He says he does not but maybe he does? Should I bring this up or let this ride?
 
PrissiSippi said:
I noticed that DH asks each day, "And what did you do today since DS was at school". I don't mind answering but I see myself making a to do list for him of what I did today and that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I didn't do much. Maybe I did a lot. Is cleaning, ironing your clothes, having a balanced meal not good enough for you? He's quite quiet so does he feel some kind of way at the choices to stay at home? He says he does not but maybe he does? Should I bring this up or let this ride?
Click to expand...

Communicate. Ask him if he is having second thoughts about you becoming a stay at home mom. Ask him what his concerns are, if any. Just have a open discussion about his feelings on where you guys are. It could be nothing or it could be something, but you'll never know if you don't ask.
 
Farida said:
We do have a lot of stressful changes in our family. Most of the issues are on my side - my mom's and sister's serious illnesses. Reduced sleep and time alone for both of us and taking care of a baby.

I keep telling him that it is normal for spouses to fight more under those conditions but he does not buy it. And if he spoke to other couples or people with the same issues they would say the same. But he refuses to talk to anyone.
Click to expand...

What you guys are going through is normal. Within a span of less than a year my husband's father died, we had another death in the family, I became a stay at home mom, gave birth to twins and then my husband lost his job. Needless to say it took us some time to get out heads above water and get adjusted to our new normal. Those months were rough, but we pulled through and you and your husband will too. Like another poster said, take some time to nurture yourself. There are a lot of physical and emotional changes after having a baby and it takes several months for your hormones to balance out and for you to feel more like yourself again. Be good to yourself. Cuddle with your baby. They grow up so fast. Do what you can to nurture your marriage, but don't put it all on yourself. In time, things will sort themselves out.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I noticed that DH asks each day, "And what did you do today since DS was at school". I don't mind answering but I see myself making a to do list for him of what I did today and that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I didn't do much. Maybe I did a lot. Is cleaning, ironing your clothes, having a balanced meal not good enough for you? He's quite quiet so does he feel some kind of way at the choices to stay at home? He says he does not but maybe he does? Should I bring this up or let this ride?
Click to expand...

How old is your son? If he's not close to 3 maybe DH is wondering why y'all are paying for him to go to daycare if you're at home. But, to know his thoughts you'd have to ask him since I'm just speculating.
 
Dee-Licious said:
How old is your son? If he's not close to 3 maybe DH is wondering why y'all are paying for him to go to daycare if you're at home. But, to know his thoughts you'd have to ask him since I'm just speculating.
Click to expand...
7 months. Yup Ima ask him. We talked about it before. We are leaving DS in daycare at least part time until I finish my dissertation. DS is so active that it's hard for me to focus and write. In January he's going to be hopefully homeschooled by me.
 
PrissiSippi said:
7 months. Yup Ima ask him. We talked about it before. We are leaving DS in daycare at least part time until I finish my dissertation. DS is so active that it's hard for me to focus and write. In January he's going to be hopefully homeschooled by me.
Click to expand...

@PrissiSippi, just be prepared for the answer. This is a tough one. Men really want to be supportive of their mates but I think it's natural, at first, to feel a certain way when one goes off to work and the other stays home. Especially if the home is based on 2 incomes and is now reduced to 1. It will work out - he's just trying to adjust.

Good luck on your dissertation!!
 
Farida said:
Thank you. Things are a bit better this week. I think we have tried to avoid heavy discussions but I know this won't last forever. I am getting a break this weekend to doll myself up and have fun on my own. I cannot wait!
Click to expand...

I am happy to hear that this week went well. No, it won't last forever but just take it as it comes. And do not let anything stand between you and your Doing Me weekend. You deserve this so please enjoy yourself, only positive thoughts and live in the moment. LHCF is here when you need us.
 
Soooo
We had dinner plans but the other couple had to cancel. A couple of weeks ago we were at a informal dinner and one of the vps from dh job pulled him aside and asked did we play spades. :look:
So now we playing spades with the yt folks tomorrow. Ion even know how to play spades with yt folks.
Like how much crap can I talk? Is there going to be brown likka? May I throw my cards or nah? Everytime I think about it I start giggling.
Dh and I are known to run tables. Are we to go easy?
 
CafedeBelleza said:
Soooo
We had dinner plans but the other couple had to cancel. A couple of weeks ago we were at a informal dinner and one of the vps from dh job pulled him aside and asked did we play spades. :look:
So now we playing spades with the yt folks tomorrow. Ion even know how to play spades with yt folks.
Like how much crap can I talk? Is there going to be brown likka? May I throw my cards or nah? Everytime I think about it I start giggling.
Dh and I are known to run tables. Are we to go easy?
Click to expand...

a7b.gif
 
DH and I have been arguing for the past 3 days. I look over last night and he is sleeping so peacefully. Like the how the hell are you sleeping so peacefully when we are going through this mess. The pettiness in me woke him up like dude, I need more answers because I am still feeling unresolved, angry, and confused.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsBKJ
Im gettin' married...I gave in!!
2
Replies
40
Views
1K
MrsBKJ
MrsBKJ
Glib Gurl
What are your "Marriage Musts"?
Replies
29
Views
735
JustKiya
JustKiya
Julessy
Tradition: Children before Marriage...thoughts?
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Julessy
Julessy
yokoyokogirl
Married and never divorced: Big deal or not?
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Aveena
A
movingforward13
Married Ladies - Question
Replies
4
Views
262
movingforward13
movingforward13
Back
Top