Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Dee-Licious said:
@Taleah2009 I just saw it came from his camp?!?! I'd DEFINITELY tell him who said it. Sounds like this person was trying to start up trouble.

I thought it came from someone who loved and cared about you and wouldn't want you not to know what was out there even if it wasn't true.
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Yes. It had to be his camp. But to be clear, the person who told me is friends with both sides of the family (so me and my hubby's family). So she had to have heard it from someone in his family. I can narrow her source down to a few people. But even then, her source wouldn't have been there.
 
OK @Taleah2009 Just saw your edit. I know it's hard but yeah, you have to let go of assuming you know how he will react. I haven't told my DH stuff for that reason and it always ends badly when he finds out on his own versus if I had told him. So even if I think something will make him mad, I tell him anyway and deal with the consequences because they're generally shorter lived than if I don't tell him.

So I'm team tell him who your source was. He can confront them and find out who their source was. But you should wash your hands of this because you're stuck in the middle over something that might not even be true. I'm sorry this is happening, but take this as a lesson to be very discerning about the people around you and your DH.
 
Dee-Licious said:
Yeah, if you were angry it probably was more of an "accusation" than a calm questioning to discuss what you were told.

Marriage is constantly learning and growing. Use this experience to help ya'll move forward.
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Yes, It definitely came off as very accusatory, vs calm discussion. Looking back, I would have handled my initial reaction much better. That is also part of the reason he is pissed because I came of accusatory and seemed like I believed this had to be true.

I hope we can move forward.

UGH.. i feel so sick to my stomach.
 
Taleah2009 said:
The source came to me saying their source was credible, but how do I know that??? Even their source most likely wasn't even there. So its a much of hearsay mess.

I am definitely going to pray to be more calm and patient. I tried everything. Counting to 10, taking breaths. But nothing helped. I knew confronting him right away was a bad idea.
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@Teleah I think most of us would have confronted without concrete evidence because that's just our nature. I know I might sound ridiculous when I say this but please trust me.........you are going to have to eat this one. Tell him you are sorry for listening to/believing whomever, you should have trusted him and please accept your apology. Keep your eyes open and head on a swivel though. IF it is true, it will come to light. IF not, you just saved yourself from days of arguing with your Boo and animosity. It's so not worth it - time reveals all.
 
I don't like he complains soooo much. Eventually I snapped on him in this. He told me okay I won't complain. I'll just break my ankle next time I mow the grass. (I hate that he exaggerate) I don't want to hear it and I don't want DS to pick up on it. Just let this go or gently remind him? How to inspire him to just do it. I'm not a complainer like this but I remember my parents were adamant about this as a child.

Examples:

-Ahhh I just went outside for fifteen minute (laughs jokingly so it doesn't seem so serious) and I got bitten by three mosquitos.
-I can't not smack because my braces hurt so bad (he's had braces two months new period over)
- It's so hot outside I feel like I'm just going to fall out mowing the lawn.
-I can't cut the hedges because I see a wasp in the bushes.
-My head hurts so bad. I must a sinus infection
-When I take aspirin it makes me sleepy. I can't do xyz.
-I havent made your peregola because I had to spend time with y'all.
-We can't have sex because the baby might hear us
-When he has a cold
-He can't remember to take out the trash because he was so tired when he woke up
-He can't pray over the food because why can't his brother do it.
-He can't patch up the big hole in the laundry room because the man who did t didn't answer the phone and he's not from here and doesn't know anyone.
-
 
Bad&Bougee said:
@Teleah I think most of us would have confronted without concrete evidence because that's just our nature. I know I might sound ridiculous when I say this but please trust me.........you are going to have to eat this one. Tell him you are sorry for listening to/believing whomever, you should have trusted him and please accept your apology. Keep your eyes open and head on a swivel though. IF it is true, it will come to light. IF not, you just saved yourself from days of arguing with your Boo and animosity. It's so not worth it - time reveals all.
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Seconding this, unfortunately the onus is on you for this one. Bringing third party accusations to him isn't cool. This reads like a game of telephone, A told B, B hears what they want to hear and adds who knows what or leaves pertinent information before telling you. Now you're upset and expect DH to defend himself against either a flat out lie or an exaggerated version of the truth.

If the person relaying the details to you can't give you all known participants, don't trust them.

Imagine if DH accused you of something he heard from someone who heard it from someone else; you'd immediately be on the defensive. It's not a good look.

Now you and hubby are stressed and you aren't getting any sleep and that person you're protecting is not losing a wink.

If I have news for a true friend, I'm coming with concrete evidence I've already sussed out on my own, no half stepping. Everything needs to be laid out.

Go apologize and y'all make up.

:bighug:
 
Taleah2009 said:
Ladies, question for you.
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Taleah2009 said:
If someone tells you some hearsay that they heard from someone about your husband, and this person wouldn't even tell you who the original source of the information came from, when you confront your husband, do you reveal your source??? Even if not revealing the source is causing sooo much strife and contention with your household?
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This is why I tilt my head when ppl say you don't need to know everything about your spouse. My husband is the source on him I'm the source on me and we're the source on each other. There is nothing my husband can't tell me. There is nothing I can't tell him. Even if the truth is something we don't want to hear or say. If someone popped into my face trying to educate me on mine they will look like a fool and I would let them. There are some bits of information about my husband where I tell him like cliff notes not details. I am abreast of main events but don't are about trivial details. However anything someone could tell me to ignite an argument and wield power in my household...absolutely not. I already know what I need to for an informed decision on who I'm with. I'm about just getting the truth from the source or using the truth as the source to shut down foolishnes.

Eta using truth doesn't mean I'll tell the messy person the story but I can definitely poke holes in nonsense.
 
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Bad&Bougee said:
@Teleah I think most of us would have confronted without concrete evidence because that's just our nature. I know I might sound ridiculous when I say this but please trust me.........you are going to have to eat this one. Tell him you are sorry for listening to/believing whomever, you should have trusted him and please accept your apology. Keep your eyes open and head on a swivel though. IF it is true, it will come to light. IF not, you just saved yourself from days of arguing with your Boo and animosity. It's so not worth it - time reveals all.
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Thank you sooo much! My eyes will be wide open for now.
 
IslandMummy said:
Seconding this, unfortunately the onus is on you for this one. Bringing third party accusations to him isn't cool. This reads like a game of telephone, A told B, B hears what they want to hear and adds who knows what or leaves pertinent information before telling you. Now you're upset and expect DH to defend himself against either a flat out lie or an exaggerated version of the truth.

If the person relaying the details to you can't give you all known participants, don't trust them.

Imagine if DH accused you of something he heard from someone who heard it from someone else; you'd immediately be on the defensive. It's not a good look.

Now you and hubby are stressed and you aren't getting any sleep and that person you're protecting is not losing a wink.

If I have news for a true friend, I'm coming with concrete evidence I've already sussed out on my own, no half stepping. Everything needs to be laid out.

Go apologize and y'all make up.

:bighug:
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Thank you sis. You are right.
 
Lylddlebit said:
​
This is why I tilt my head when ppl say you don't need to know everything about your spouse. My husband is the source on him I'm the source on me and we're the source on each other. There is nothing my husband can't tell me. There is nothing I can't tell him. Even if the truth is something we don't want to hear or say. Someone popped into my face trying to educate me on mine will look like a fool and I would let them. There are some bits of information I have been offered where I been like cliff notes not details so I am abreast of main events but aren't concerned with trivial details but anything someone could tell me to ignite an argument and wield power in my household...absolutely not. I'm about just getting the truth from the source or using the truth as the source to shut down foolishnes.

Eta using truth doesn't mean I'll tell the messy person the story but I can definitely poke holes in nonsense.
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Agreed. I really dislike the feeling of being blindsided with information, so I ended up looking a fool.
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
No you don't reveal your source. This is why friends and family see stuff going on and won't tell you.

Why does the person's name matter?
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I agree this to an extent. In this particular situation, the source was not witness to any events. Someone told my source, and I am pretty sure the original source heard it from somewhere else.

From my husband's stand point, he want the name because he is not going to want to be around them. Although the person who told me he is never around them anyway.
 
Taleah2009 said:
I agree this to an extent. In this particular situation, the source was not witness to any events. Someone told my source, and I am pretty sure the original source heard it from somewhere else.

From my husband's stand point, he want the name because he is not going to want to be around them. Although the person who told me he is never around them anyway.
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I havent read all the posts so I don't know if u divulged what the issue is..so don't know if major or minor. I do know that if as a friend that I tell you something I think you should know kmow about your dh, and he comes to try fight me, my lips would be sealed forever no matter what I saw or heard after that.
 
I don't like shopping so DH surprised me with a personal shopper! She came by today, we spoke about what I like, what's my style, what I do etc. We went through my closet to purge some stuff that I no longer use or have never used and took my measurements. She's going to do some style cards for me and Sunday she's coming over with clothes for me to try on and decide what to keep. SO EXCITED!!
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
I havent read all the posts so I don't know if u divulged what the issue is..so don't know if major or minor. I do know that if as a friend that I tell you something I think you should know kmow about your dh, and he comes to try fight me, my lips would be sealed forever no matter what I saw or heard after that.
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He won't do that. He would just not want to be associated with her (which he is not because he never sees her). Soo I forsee him saying she is not allowed at our house (we never have anything anyway), he not going to want to be around her (never is), blah blah blah.
 
I'm withthe whole Ro Cutno thing with this.

If someone told me my man was doing xyz I would tell them "Wrong person. Wrong family." and keep it moving. I trust my husband and his judgement. In my opinion, anything that I NEED to know will come to me. I don't need a third party with sketchy info telling me about my husband. Plus I do not know their intentions. I'm trying to protect the peace of our house and our generational success. Everything I need to know the universe will tell me. And if the universe did tell me xyz happened I would deal with it privately in my home and try to stray away from outside advice. Now, I trust my gut more.
 
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Miss617 said:
OK @Taleah2009 Just saw your edit. I know it's hard but yeah, you have to let go of assuming you know how he will react. I haven't told my DH stuff for that reason and it always ends badly when he finds out on his own versus if I had told him. So even if I think something will make him mad, I tell him anyway and deal with the consequences because they're generally shorter lived than if I don't tell him.

So I'm team tell him who your source was. He can confront them and find out who their source was. But you should wash your hands of this because you're stuck in the middle over something that might not even be true. I'm sorry this is happening, but take this as a lesson to be very discerning about the people around you and your DH.
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I haven't told my DH stuff for that reason and it always ends badly when he finds out on his own versus if I had told him
@Miss617 you ain't never lied. Happens every time.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't like he complains soooo much. Eventually I snapped on him in this. He told me okay I won't complain. I'll just break my ankle next time I mow the grass. (I hate that he exaggerate) I don't want to hear it and I don't want DS to pick up on it. Just let this go or gently remind him? How to inspire him to just do it. I'm not a complainer like this but I remember my parents were adamant about this as a child.

Examples:

-Ahhh I just went outside for fifteen minute (laughs jokingly so it doesn't seem so serious) and I got bitten by three mosquitos.
-I can't not smack because my braces hurt so bad (he's had braces two months new period over)
- It's so hot outside I feel like I'm just going to fall out mowing the lawn.
-I can't cut the hedges because I see a wasp in the bushes.
-My head hurts so bad. I must a sinus infection
-When I take aspirin it makes me sleepy. I can't do xyz.
-I havent made your peregola because I had to spend time with y'all.
-We can't have sex because the baby might hear us
-When he has a cold
-He can't remember to take out the trash because he was so tired when he woke up
-He can't pray over the food because why can't his brother do it.
-He can't patch up the big hole in the laundry room because the man who did t didn't answer the phone and he's not from here and doesn't know anyone.
-
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@PrissiSippi your list is too funny!!

You know what else is funny (not funny haha)? I cannot stand to hear my husband eat or drink! I want to cut his throat out every time and ball it up. Does he have to make all that dang noise? How is he making all that noise with his mouth closed? Erks the heck out of me. What's funny is, I don't hear it unless I am upset with him about something.......

Anyhoo - it sounds like that's just who he is - a complainer. You can gently remind him, and even inspire him, but it's not going to totally cease. Just love him and all his idiosyncrasies.
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
I havent read all the posts so I don't know if u divulged what the issue is..so don't know if major or minor. I do know that if as a friend that I tell you something I think you should know kmow about your dh, and he comes to try fight me, my lips would be sealed forever no matter what I saw or heard after that.
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It's one thing if I come to you woman to woman with first hand information of things I've seen with my own eyes. But if I do hear something I think useful I'll discern if I need to pass it on.

The problem in this situation is Teleah confronting her husband with it in anger and not knowing what's going on. Instead of oh hey I saw Cathy today and she said she spoke to someone who attended XYZ event and they said you were swinging on the chandelier. What the heck were y'all up to at that party? DH has no reason to be on the defense feeling attacked and will say "girl what? Lol we did ABC."

No one likes feeling attacked especially if they've done nothing wrong.

and Teleah, I can put myself in your DH's shoes only because I recently had a similar situation of someone attempting to say I'd been talking badly about DH behind his back. It was in no way true but she was doing it to make herself the center of attention at a gathering i had not attended and she speaks badly about her husband all of the time, constant complaining. I felt A: attacked and B: pissed off that he would take this persons words over mine.

I went through all of my iMessages through November and sent screenshots. DH apologized because he's like babe you didn't need to do that etc etc etc but I mean if sally off the street is able to get you riled up at me on nothing but her word, then yes I do. I didn't want her name to confront, just so that I would not engage with her on anything but an impersonal surface level ever again.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
@PrissiSippi your list is too funny!!

You know what else is funny (not funny haha)? I cannot stand to hear my husband eat or drink! I want to cut his throat out every time and ball it up. Does he have to make all that dang noise? How is he making all that noise with his mouth closed? Erks the heck out of me. What's funny is, I don't hear it unless I am upset with him about something.......

Anyhoo - it sounds like that's just who he is - a complainer. You can gently remind him, and even inspire him, but it's not going to totally cease. Just love him and all his idiosyncrasies.
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I think that's it. My period is on and I'm upset about something else. I wouldn't even notice him smacking if I wasn't upset. It's just such a feminine trait to me to complain all day. It's so annoying.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I'm withthe whole Ro Cutno thing with this.

If someone told me my man was doing xyz I would tell them "Wrong person. Wrong family" and keep it moving. I trust my husband and his judgement. In my opinion anything that I NEED to know will come to me. I don't need a third party with sketchy info telling me. Plus I do t know their intentions. Plus, I'm trying to protect the piece of our house
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Peace is definitely something we haven't had all week:cry3:
 
I need to take my own advice and keep protecting our peace. It's been very very very peaceful in the house since I quit my job. I have very little to complain about. Very stress free life. Just be. Work on my dissertation. Cook. Take care of DS when he gets out of school. Choose if he goes to school or stays with mommy all day. It's lovely.

However I let little stuff attack our peace.

I hate he doesn't finish what he started.
I do not want to hear his dreams that will probably never come into fruition.
Probably shouldn't have told him that though. I have very little patience.

But I really love the peace. I'll try to work on Keeping it as the main goal.
 
It's been 3 months since the wedding and I'm only now sitting down to do the thank you cards. I know you're suppose to write personalized messages thanking people for specific gifts, etc. I don't have time for that. I have homework -- school starts on Monday and unpacking -- just moved to a new city this week. I'm just going to keep it basic. :look: :thud:
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't like he complains soooo much. Eventually I snapped on him in this. He told me okay I won't complain. I'll just break my ankle next time I mow the grass. (I hate that he exaggerate) I don't want to hear it and I don't want DS to pick up on it. Just let this go or gently remind him? How to inspire him to just do it. I'm not a complainer like this but I remember my parents were adamant about this as a child.

Examples:

-Ahhh I just went outside for fifteen minute (laughs jokingly so it doesn't seem so serious) and I got bitten by three mosquitos.
-I can't not smack because my braces hurt so bad (he's had braces two months new period over)
- It's so hot outside I feel like I'm just going to fall out mowing the lawn.
-I can't cut the hedges because I see a wasp in the bushes.
-My head hurts so bad. I must a sinus infection
-When I take aspirin it makes me sleepy. I can't do xyz.
-I havent made your peregola because I had to spend time with y'all.
-We can't have sex because the baby might hear us
-When he has a cold
-He can't remember to take out the trash because he was so tired when he woke up
-He can't pray over the food because why can't his brother do it.
-He can't patch up the big hole in the laundry room because the man who did t didn't answer the phone and he's not from here and doesn't know anyone.
-
Click to expand...


A lot of things that annoy me about my husband, I just turn it into a joke and tease him about it, and we both laugh. He'll catch himself doing it and he'll laugh like oh I'm doing it again huh babe. For the most part it's not worth it to be mad about. It's just a small annoyance, which you would have with anybody you're in a relationship with. We have fun with it.
 
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FoxxyLocs said:
A lot of things that annoy me about my husband, I just turn it into a joke and tease him about it, and we both laugh. He'll catch himself doing it and he'll laugh like oh I'm doing it again huh babe. For the most part it's not worth it to be mad about. It's just a small annoyance, which you would have with anybody you're in a relationship with. We have fun with it.
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Can you give me a sample joke
 
melisandre said:
It's been 3 months since the wedding and I'm only now sitting down to do the thank you cards. I know you're suppose to write personalized messages thanking people for specific gifts, etc. I don't have time for that. I have homework -- school starts on Monday and unpacking -- just moved to a new city this week. I'm just going to keep it basic. :look: :thud:
Click to expand...

People who love you and want you to be happy will understand. A quick thank you note is better than none at all. A lot of people never send thank you's, and to be honest, I remember stuff like that :look:, especially if they don't even call, text, or nothing. Then I'm like cool:look:, won't be wasting my time and money next time. But a quick thank you so much is fine and appreciated.
 
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