Married Ladies Random Thoughts

I think I need to start going to therapy... I did a bad thing last night that I promised my DH I wouldn't do but I just felt so... defeated. So instead of doing that bad thing again, I think I need to see a professional who can help me deal with what I'm going through.
 
You ever have one of those days when you wake up and you feel like something shifted inside of you overnight? When my DH came home today, he took DS upstairs to turn on the tank lights for the bearded dragons. And I'm watching them go up and I feel... upset. Neither one of them did anything, but I had this feeling like this is not the life I wanted. I thought I did. I don't know if it's just all this stuff with DS that's making me feel like this, but in that moment I really felt like I didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore. I've been really down the last couple of days and I feel like it's getting worse. I told my DH yesterday he should divorce me and find a better mother for DS. He said I'm a great mother. But I don't think I'm cut out for this and I don't know what to do.
 
Miss617 said:
You ever have one of those days when you wake up and you feel like something shifted inside of you overnight? When my DH came home today, he took DS upstairs to turn on the tank lights for the bearded dragons. And I'm watching them go up and I feel... upset. Neither one of them did anything, but I had this feeling like this is not the life I wanted. I thought I did. I don't know if it's just all this stuff with DS that's making me feel like this, but in that moment I really felt like I didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore. I've been really down the last couple of days and I feel like it's getting worse. I told my DH yesterday he should divorce me and find a better mother for DS. He said I'm a great mother. But I don't think I'm cut out for this and I don't know what to do.
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You mentioned possibly going to therapy. I think that would help. You sound a little depressed. Do you get time to yourself to do the things you like to do? Do you have good friends that you can do dinner or lunch with to unwind? Do you and your husband get the opportunity to go out on dates or do something just the two of you? As a wife and mother we can be so busy taking care of everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves. I have three kids, three very different personalities, three different sets of needs. And I have a husband. One of my daughters is developmentally delayed, has learning issues at school and sometimes she has emotional issues. DH is an excellent father, but he stays in the background where her issues are concerned. Some days I feel alone in that regard, but I have found that talking to people who are in a similar situation is helpful for me.

This is my long winded way of saying that it sounds like you are going through a lot and you need someone who can help you sort through all your feelings. You aren't alone in this.
 
mrselle said:
You mentioned possibly going to therapy. I think that would help. You sound a little depressed. Do you get time to yourself to do the things you like to do? Do you have good friends that you can do dinner or lunch with to unwind? Do you and your husband get the opportunity to go out on dates or do something just the two of you? As a wife and mother we can be so busy taking care of everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves. I have three kids, three very different personalities, three different sets of needs. And I have a husband. One of my daughters is developmentally delayed, has learning issues at school and sometimes she has emotional issues. DH is an excellent father, but he stays in the background where her issues are concerned. Some days I feel alone in that regard, but I have found that talking to people who are in a similar situation is helpful for me.

This is my long winded way of saying that it sounds like you are going through a lot and you need someone who can help you sort through all your feelings. You aren't alone in this.
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No, I don't really have a lot of time to myself unless it's at night. I put my son to sleep around 8:30 and then usually clean up or finish anything I might have left over from the day. My DH leaves for work around 10:30 and after that I may watch something on Netflix or Hulu until I get tired. Our weekends are usually spent cleaning, going grocery shopping or doing laundry. Half the time when we do want to go out, we're both too tired. My closest friend isn't in state anymore, I just saw her for the first time in months because she was home from business school for a few weeks before going to NY to start her internship. My two other friends are doing their own things. One is a mom as well, one kid and another on the way. The other one is in nursing school so we don't get to talk very often. My DS has developmental delays as well and we're getting him evaluated next month, so that's its own challenge. Even though I was the one who raised the concern, my DH seems to be dealing with it better than I am. I feel like we have an uphill battle ahead of us and even though I'm doing everything I can, I feel overwhelmed already. And he may need even more services once we get a diagnosis, so it's like this isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

The other day I just had a total meltdown after my DH left and I almost didn't tell him about it because it's the same meltdown I had a couple of weeks ago. He must be tired of telling me the same thing over and over just for me to still feel the way I do.
 
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CafedeBelleza said:
Why not? Self-care is very important.
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I would feel guilty. I judged my DH pretty harshly when he said he needed a break, but he also said a week. I don't know if it would be fair for me to do something I just criticized him for saying. I also feel like I need to just suck it up and deal for my son's sake.
 
Taleah2009 said:
That's good that you guys will be able to take a break together without baby. I hope you feel better and just try to take care of yourself.
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Thank you. I have to hope my mom will agree to watch him, but I think she will. It just means she will have to take vacation, but I think she has the time. I have to ask her soon though so DH can put in the request with his job.
 
Miss617 said:
@hopeful I've been really reluctant to say I'm depressed, but I think I am. I've been internalizing it for the most part though, which I know is bad. I think I will try to get out of the house this weekend, maybe that will help.
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You sound so unhappy and like your load is very heavy. This should be a really happy time for you. Take care of you first. That is not being selfish. It's simply what must be done. Like the airlines say, put your mask on first. That will help you think more clearly and help you be an even better mom. But if you are depressed it's even harder to put yourself first, to see what's going well, and to make necessary changes. Hope you have a wonderful weekend and that the clouds start to lift soon.
 
hopeful said:
You sound so unhappy and like your load is very heavy. This should be a really happy time for you. Take care of you first. That is not being selfish. It's simply what must be done. Like the airlines say, put your mask on first. That will help you think more clearly and help you be an even better mom. But if you are depressed it's even harder to put yourself first, to see what's going well, and to make necessary changes. Hope you have a wonderful weekend and that the clouds start to lift soon.
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Hmm, I don't feel like I have anything to be really happy about right now. Everything is just... OK. I'm just going through the motions. But I guess I can't/shouldn't complain, things could be worse. I think what I'll do is take some time this weekend to do some journaling and see what I get out of that. DH and I are also supposed to go out, but I will try to go out by myself too. I need to go shopping (which I absolutely dread, but I am in desperate need of new clothes). But you're absolutely right, I need to take care of myself first and I'm just not good at that at all.
 
Miss617 said:
Hmm, I don't feel like I have anything to be really happy about right now. Everything is just... OK. I'm just going through the motions. But I guess I can't/shouldn't complain, things could be worse. I think what I'll do is take some time this weekend to do some journaling and see what I get out of that. DH and I are also supposed to go out, but I will try to go out by myself too. I need to go shopping (which I absolutely dread, but I am in desperate need of new clothes). But you're absolutely right, I need to take care of myself first and I'm just not good at that at all.
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That's what I usually say. Things could be better, but then again they could be worse lol
 
We have been fighting a lot recently and I am exhausted in all ways and now emotionally. I feel like I am slowly becoming apathetic which is one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse for a marriage. I keep mentioning counseling or at least mentoring from an older couple and he is resistant.
 
Miss617 said:
Hmm, I don't feel like I have anything to be really happy about right now. Everything is just... OK. I'm just going through the motions. But I guess I can't/shouldn't complain, things could be worse. I think what I'll do is take some time this weekend to do some journaling and see what I get out of that. DH and I are also supposed to go out, but I will try to go out by myself too. I need to go shopping (which I absolutely dread, but I am in desperate need of new clothes). But you're absolutely right, I need to take care of myself first and I'm just not good at that at all.
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The good things I see from my vantage point, things to be happy about:
You are alive and healthy
You have a job
You have a college education
You have your beautiful son
You have siblings who love you, etc.
Doesn't mean the upsetting stuff doesn't exist or will need to be dealt with. But there are things going well in your life.

And yes, you can complain. Things could be worse. But they could also be better. You have every right to complain and to take action to make sure your needs are being met.

Also, until you learn to take care of yourself first, at least some of the time, you will never be happy or be able to make some tough decisions. Foundationally you must learn to love everything about you, the good and the not so good. You are precious and beautiful, smart and ambitious. You are perfect as is and deserving of good things, feeling secure, and happiness. You deserve to be loved unconditionally and cared for by you:kiss:.
 
al
Miss617 said:
You ever have one of those days when you wake up and you feel like something shifted inside of you overnight? When my DH came home today, he took DS upstairs to turn on the tank lights for the bearded dragons. And I'm watching them go up and I feel... upset. Neither one of them did anything, but I had this feeling like this is not the life I wanted. I thought I did. I don't know if it's just all this stuff with DS that's making me feel like this, but in that moment I really felt like I didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore. I've been really down the last couple of days and I feel like it's getting worse. I told my DH yesterday he should divorce me and find a better mother for DS. He said I'm a great mother. But I don't think I'm cut out for this and I don't know what to do.
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:bighug:big hugs @Miss617!

I'm not a mother, but I can so relate to your statement about questioning your day-to-day life. Please reach out to us, to your family and/or a professional to express your feelings. Try to find actions or ways - big or small - to add more joy to your daily routine and cherish what makes you..... YOU! At the core of being a good wife and mother, is a wonderful person that it sounds like sometimes is overburden or stressed................................... YOU!

Talk with your husband, (maybe he can help you find more balance in your household routines) I'm sure he wants you to be happy.
 
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Thank you @CurliDiva. I definitely need to find some time for myself during the day (NOT at nearly 11 pm). I think I should also take at least one day a month on the weekend to go out, even if it's just to the library. My DH helps out a lot with household stuff, so I can't imagine what he could possibly take off of my plate. I generally do most of the cooking (which mainly involves me throwing meat on a grill pan LOL), but he does the majority of the cleaning and grocery shopping. I actually have it pretty darn good in that regard.

I'm working on scheduling our vacation. Initially I didn't want to spend too much, but I think we deserve to splurge a little bit, all things considered. One thing that will definitely be on our itinerary is a couples massage for our anniversary. :blush2:
 
Aight, so we are headed to a "cookout" by the pool. I've told dh that this lady makes me uncomfortable with her questions about "the baby". We gone see if she ask those questions and how he reacts if she does.
Quotation marks around cookout cuz it's yt folks. Theyrecooking hotdogs. We are bringing baked beans. I put plenty meat, onions, peppers, brown sugar and BBQ sauce in em in case that's my dinner.
 
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