Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Bad&Bougee said:
Being from the South and admiring some patterns of my Grandmother and Mother, I fix all the plates at the same time; however, my husband receives his plate first. If I hadn't witnessed it in my childhood, I probably would still do it. As Sky mentioned, it just seems natural to me. I must admit, in our early years, I did it because that is how I was raised. As our marriage evolved, I realized that I was doing it because I felt that it is what I wanted for my husband.

The world can be unfair, unkind and unyielding to the Black Man. When my Baby comes home, I want him to know that, at our house, he is the King. He is respected, loved, appreciated, and recognized. Yeah, I know that I work just like he does and when I don't feel like it or get home late, he cooks but I try my best to not make that a habit. Cooking for him and serving him, in my eyes, is the way I remind him of who he is to me and what he means to this family. It doesn't take away from who I am or lessen my role as his wife and partner. I in no way whatsoever feel inferior or am made to feel inferior to my husband. Our relationship is a give and take but cooking for him and serving his plate first is what I want to do for him. There are many, many things that he does for me to remind me that the Queen still reigns supreme.

Everyone is different and it is very interesting to read the differences of opinion. There is no right or wrong to this but ladies, some of the things I heard when out and about was disheartening. Even though we may vary, everyone on LHCF seems to be in touch with reality and understand marriage and relationships. I just wanted LHCF to weigh in and to help me find middle ground again. Thanks LADIES!
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Yes I think that each person should do what they feel most comfortable. Like I said it wasn't something I consciously said " I'm going to make it a point to serve my husband first". It was just like when I cook it was like ok of course hubby gets first plate - that just felt like the right thing to do . If my husband does cook , he also serves me first. I will say this - doing those little things for him , serving him first , cooking things he likes , making sure I'm just on point and listening has gone a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng way! If I did do these things and didn't feel appreciated that would be a different story.
 
Miss617 said:
This is how it is for me and my DH. I don't do it with the mindset that he's the man and it's my duty as a wife to serve him first, but just that it makes sense. If I'm still cooking and he's doing nothing, if I make my plate first, it's gonna be cold by the time I'm done. Whereas if I make mine last as I'm finishing up, it's still hot. I dunno, seems more logical that way LOL.
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Very logical :)
 
Sky said:
Yes I think that each person should do what they feel most comfortable. Like I said it wasn't something I consciously said " I'm going to make it a point to serve my husband first". It was just like when I cook it was like ok of course hubby gets first plate - that just felt like the right thing to do . If my husband does cook , he also serves me first. I will say this - doing those little things for him , serving him first , cooking things he likes , making sure I'm just on point and listening has gone a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng way! If I did do these things and didn't feel appreciated that would be a different story.
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Yes! What you said. I think that's what was has been so upsetting. Their seems to be a lack of appreciation and respect, on both parts. Some don't care to be on point, attentive and listen. The little courtesies that we show each other aren't cognizant efforts in many relationships.

Small things say a lot. Not every woman that responded has the same view that we do but in their posts you can see the appreciation from the woman AND the man. Both pitching in and doing what it takes.

Love takes a long time. From the ones I heard while out and about, I think they want McRelationships. The facade of a relationship. Someone to pay some of these bills and help take care of these kids, and it doesn't matter whether I appreciate you or not.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Yes! What you said. I think that's what was has been so upsetting. Their seems to be a lack of appreciation and respect, on both parts. Some don't care to be on point, attentive and listen. The little courtesies that we show each other aren't cognizant efforts in many relationships.

Small things say a lot. Not every woman that responded has the same view that we do but in their posts you can see the appreciation from the woman AND the man. Both pitching in and doing what it takes.

Love takes a long time. From the ones I heard while out and about, I think they want McRelationships. The facade of a relationship. Someone to pay some of these bills and help take care of these kids, and it doesn't matter whether I appreciate you or not.
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Yes I would read articles about how showing love to your husband is a choice. A lot of times we romanticize love and think there has to be this "feeling" , but the feeling is also created by the choice to love. I used to wait until I was inspired to be loving or until he did something "right" before I could be loving. Basically like he had to earn my love. Then as I started to choose to be more loving - not to get anything back or to manipulate the situation , but just purely to love - it shifted everything. I think a lot of times we are scared of being taken advantage of or scared of being the fool. But the reality is that we can set necessary boundaries in love. In fact it's easier to set those boundaries in love because then you don't have those guilty feelings and other energies scrambling the frequency. So I really try to make a conscious effort to be the light. I would say most people don't marry for love. Pure and true love. Not the feeling of love. But I'm talking about Corinthians 13 love. Most people don't marry for that. But they are confused as to why there's no love in their relationships ....
 
Sky said:
Yes I would read articles about how showing love to your husband is a choice. A lot of times we romanticize love and think there has to be this "feeling" , but the feeling is also created by the choice to love. I used to wait until I was inspired to be loving or until he did something "right" before I could be loving. Basically like he had to earn my love. Then as I started to choose to be more loving - not to get anything back or to manipulate the situation , but just purely to love - it shifted everything. I think a lot of times we are scared of being taken advantage of or scared of being the fool. But the reality is that we can set necessary boundaries in love. In fact it's easier to set those boundaries in love because then you don't have those guilty feelings and other energies scrambling the frequency. So I really try to make a conscious effort to be the light. I would say most people don't marry for love. Pure and true love. Not the feeling of love. But I'm talking about Corinthians 13 love. Most people don't marry for that. But they are confused as to why there's no love in their relationships ....
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This is what I have been learning as I grow into my marriage and more into knowing who I am. Love is always available and I can choose to give or receive it. The saying be the change that you want to see is so key in relationships period. I noticed that once I made an effort to be loving without expectations, my relationship with my husband shifted also. Reading the book The 5 Love Languages really put things in perspective also. When I make the effort to really be loving and communicate my husband's love language, he naturally began to shift himself although he has always been loving to me. It just seem like the intimacy deepened and he was more open with his feelings, which I appreciated. We began speaking each other's language without asking or fussing about it.

As far as fixing plates, either I fix his plate or he fixes mine. Sometimes I have to beat him to fixing his plate first because he is naturally someone who loves to serve and would make mine without a question. And like another OP mentioned, when my husband comes home, I want him to know that he is appreciated and loved. It is really the little things that count. Yesterday I was on the verge of beating myself up because I felt that I cannot catch up on getting our paperwork organized for nothing. He told me that I was doing a good job and thanked me for everything that I did that I did not realize he even noticed because I "thought" it was something "little".
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!
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I do most of the cooking, because I'm the better cook and I enjoy it. If it's just the two of us, I'll either make his plate as I make mine, or ask him what portions he wants and he often wants to share it himself. In the case we are reheating food, and he's doing it, he serves me first, and I TRY to wait on him. No matter what scenario takes place, he will not take a bite of his food until I am also seated next to him with mine. Even if I tell him to. Like when I make home made pizza and I want each of us to have hot out of the oven ones. I'll give him the first one (takes 5 minutes on a pre-heated pizza stone) and tell him to go ahead while I put mine in. No, he'll wait and have to heat it up in the microwave (therefore ruining my master creation :nono:)
 
I make our plates at the same time for the most part. But if I do make his plate first he will wait until I make mines and we eat together. Hubby cooks sometimes. During those times I'm in the kitchen with him so we make our plates
 
I'm an extrovert and much more of a social butterfly than DH, and he's cramping my style!

He is satisfied getting together with "one" much older couple. While they are nice, they could be our parents, in fact, they are friends of his parents. They're ok but I like the husband, much better than the wife.......

Since getting married and moving - its been hard to maintain my old friendships........ .so I want to cultivate friendships with other couples our age (that are dealing with similar life stages/issues).

For example, a friendly couple down the street invited us to a party on Saturday, and I really wanted to go (since this was our first invite) but DH did not. I was tempted (for a hot second) to go by myself but realized that that would not be appropriate instead I sat in front of my office watching people coming and going to their house! :/

Any suggested on how to get my introverted husband to spread his "social" wings just a little?
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!
Click to expand...
I simultaneously fix our plates but since I don't want to drop dinner all over the place most of the time I take him his first.
I don't mind. He takes care of me, I take care of him. When he cooks, he does the same
 
CurliDiva said:
Any suggested on how to get my introverted husband to spread his "social" wings just a little?
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I'm the social one also. I do attend some things alone as recently as last Sunday; we had tickets and he didn't feel like going, so I went alone and had a blast.

Tips: don't try to attend everything... pick a few and start him slow. Set a limit like lets go down here for 30 minutes... that gives him a set time to just make it through. Find social events he'll like.

We have ended up in an argument when I've felt he's been a wet blanket at an event. I'd rather go alone than be irritated.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!
Click to expand...
Yes I do, because he is the head of our household and shoulders the most responsibility in the house. I also saw this from my Mom, my Dad always gets served first before anyone. So I first serve my DH, then my kids then myself then we pray and eat at the same time. But if my Dad is around, I serve my Dad first.
 
CurliDiva said:
I'm an extrovert and much more of a social butterfly than DH, and he's cramping my style!

He is satisfied getting together with "one" much older couple. While they are nice, they could be our parents, in fact, they are friends of his parents. They're ok but I like the husband, much better than the wife.......

Since getting married and moving - its been hard to maintain my old friendships........ .so I want to cultivate friendships with other couples our age (that are dealing with similar life stages/issues).

For example, a friendly couple down the street invited us to a party on Saturday, and I really wanted to go (since this was our first invite) but DH did not. I was tempted (for a hot second) to go by myself but realized that that would not be appropriate instead I sat in front of my office watching people coming and going to their house! :/

Any suggested on how to get my introverted husband to spread his "social" wings just a little?
Click to expand...

I'm just curious. Why did you feel it wouldn't be appropriate to go by yourself or was it exclusively a couples party?
 
So dh randomly sent me flowers at work (I called the florist after he was acting oblivious) I'm going to leave them here overnight and when I get home I'm sure he'll be looking for them and I'll be like- oh? I gave them away because they weren't from you. Or something other crafty tale. :lachen:
IMG_6738.JPG
They were too pretty to leave at work. I don't trust these outsourced custodians
 
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mom calls and says thank you for the flowers
I say I didn't send any flowers, I say maybe dad, she goes no his flowers arrived yesterday
she looks and read the card, from my dh happy mothers day mrs xyz and thank you for creating the woman who has made me the happiest man

My dh is great guy, I love him and he is so very thoughtful, one of my favorite things about him is he is very thoughtful
I had no idea that he was sending anything and it was just a really sweet gesture:2inlove:
 
DH and DS are sleeping. I'm watching Scandal sipping Bailey's, trying to chase away this depression that has been creeping up on me lately. I feel so miserable. DH and I have been good. DS is making progress with EI. It's like... I know things could be worse but I cannot find it in me to be happy about what's going right.

I just want to run away.
 
He getting on my last nerve. Talking about "I feel like I gotta help "Jane" out cuz "joe" is newly retired and he isn't that patient." Ninja work on yoself- how you out here taking about helping somebody out like you got it all together. If you don't getchoasoutofherewitthat.
Of course I told him this.
Of course he got sensitive.
And of course I'm not biting my tongue on it.
My life is not perfect, our life is not perfect. As I told him, as an adult I'm not ever gonna have a "bad" life. As long as I can make decisions for myself, they will be good. At the same time I will not allow that type of thinking- that you are without room for improvement. Puhlease
 
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