Married Ladies Random Thoughts

[syze6]

Hubby has a new schedule and he is driving me nuts. Now... he is home when I get from work four days out of the week and goes in over night. I get two days where I can have time to myself. I was trying to watch my favorite show last night and he was jumping around exercising. He was on the floor in front of the television doing sit ups and such. Even though the bedroom has enough room for him to do his exercise uninterrupted. I really believe he does things like this purposely, because he knows how much I like my downtime and space. I wanted to stab him!

 

[onyxdreams]

Hubby has a new schedule and he is driving me nuts. Now... he is home when I get from work four days out of the week and goes in over night. I get two days where I can have time to myself. I was trying to watch my favorite show last night and he was jumping around exercising. He was on the floor in front of the television doing sit ups and such. Even though the bedroom has enough room for him to do his exercise uninterrupted. I really believe he does things like this purposely, because he knows how much I like my downtime and space. I wanted to stab him!

Lol, my hub is like that,
he will follow me into different rooms. He just wants to spend time with you but can't focus or doesn't like your show.

 

[syze6]

So I'm wearing my petty shirt, petty jeans, petty shoes, petty coat, petty underwear, petty... petty... petty everything. So hubby loses his wedding ring and seems to not understand why I am so perturbed at him. He had it in his pocket, where he says he put it when he was running out the house trying not to be late to work. He says it must have fallen out, when he took his keys out..yadda yadda yadda.

First off why when you pick up your ring, the first thought was not to put it on YOUR RING FINGER! Why would it end up in your frocking pocket? So after being at work a couple of hours, you thought of your ring and reached in your pocket to find it gone. REALLY???!!!!! So since he doesn't understand my level of pertubness. I have taken mine off and will not put it back on until he replaces his. So guess who is in their feelings now? Yep...Petty Labelle is in the house!

 

[Foxglove]

Great, he has a cold. Cue the dramatics

 

[futurelonglocks]

We have not been on a date in forever. We have a children centered household and we know that it's important to change it to make no our marriage a priority first...but when he is gonna move the needle?! Everything is about his job and the kid....I'm so over it.

 

[Sky]

Hmmmm.... any suggestions for last minute anniversary gifts? So we decided to do low key on the actual day as we have a trip planned for the summer. He sent balloons, chocolates, etc to my job. It was so fun to share with my peeps! But I realized I have to get him something on my way home?! I had planned to do a "show" but Aunt Flo is here.... any ideas ?????????????

 

[Foxglove]

Hmmmm.... any suggestions for last minute anniversary gifts? So we decided to do low key on the actual day as we have a trip planned for the summer. He sent balloons, chocolates, etc to my job. It was so fun to share with my peeps! But I realized I have to get him something on my way home?! I had planned to do a "show" but Aunt Flo is here.... any ideas ?????????????

Can you make him a nice meal or treat him to a fancy dinner?

 

[Sky]

Hmmmm. Yes. That's a good idea. I will get some balloons and candles and make a steak. Kids will be there too but you know they like that type of thing....lol. Thanks!

 

[fifi134]

Didn't know where else to put this, but how can I best support a friend with a possible broken engagement?

 

[Dee-Licious]

Didn't know where else to put this, but how can I best support a friend with a possible broken engagement?

Support her in getting clarity so that she can move forward. Help her to grieve. Let her talk, cry, drink whatever she needs. Don't let her wallow into a depression.

 

[Miss617]

So he's aggravated because he ordered flowers to be sent to the house because he forgot that I would be home since DS has a doctor's appointment today. That we scheduled months ago. That I've been reminding him about for at least a week. Yet I'm the one at fault?

And he really had the nerve to say that I only have to be mom half-time. Never mind that I'm the one who schedules and keeps tracks of the appointments or that I'm the one who gets sent all the bills even though DS is on HIS insurance. Unfreakingbelievable. NONE of that stuff would get taken care if it weren't for me. Ungrateful SOB.

 

[Miss617]

So about the flowers. I got an email from our office admin while we were at DS's appointment saying I had a delivery. I told DH and he called the company and said he had called that morning to reroute them but they got delivered to the first address. They apologized and said they would redeliver them that day or the next. My silly behind thought that meant they were gonna come back for the flowers that went to my job lol.

I got another email from the office admin saying she brought them to my cubicle and my friend said he would put them in water in the vase for me. He sent me a text telling me he had done that and sent me a picture. A little later I got an email from UPS saying I would be getting a delivery tomorrow (if I hadn't know already, it would have ruined the surprise). So the next day, I got a bouquet of 12 roses sent to the house.

I finally went into the office yesterday (having not been in since last Tuesday) and the first set of roses still looked pretty good. I was able to revive the two that were a little wilted, but otherwise, they were in good shape. So I got two dozen roses for the price of one.

I also told my DH that his half time comment hurt my feelings and he said he didn't mean to. He said he does tell me he appreciates those things and that I'm doing a great job. So that was that.

 

[CurliDiva]

Didn't know where else to put this, but how can I best support a friend with a possible broken engagement?

Listen but stay QUIET just in case they get back together! You don't want to be the "friend" that say he was no good if she ends up married to him. :/

 

[Miss617]

I had a complete and utter breakdown yesterday. It wasn't everything I've been holding in, it was mostly relating to DS. I just couldn't take it anymore. I've been beating myself up for months.

My DH... as much as I complain about him, he's a good man. He reassured me that I was doing a good job, and that we'll get through this together. He said this is hard for him too, but at the end of the day, we have to do everything we can for DS.

 

[Foxglove]

I had a complete and utter breakdown yesterday. It wasn't everything I've been holding in, it was mostly relating to DS. I just couldn't take it anymore. I've been beating myself up for months.

My DH... as much as I complain about him, he's a good man. He reassured me that I was doing a good job, and that we'll get through this together. He said this is hard for him too, but at the end of the day, we have to do everything we can for DS.

 

[Miss617]

Thank you.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!

 

[Sky]

Always serve my husband first since we got in a good place. When we weren't in a good place I barely cooked for him and if I did, I didn't even fix his plate. About a year ago we started to really work on our relationship and it's been amazing. One of the things I wanted to really work on was cooking more. So as I started cooking for him it just seemed natural to serve him first. My kids even started to notice and I could tell it impacted them in a positive way.

 

[hopeful]

Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!

IMO I'd prefer we mostly serve ourselves and on occasion we serve each other, take turns. Take turns cooking, washing the dishes, serving each other, etc. That's just not the kind of relationship I want. I don't like the dynamics of a woman serving a man like that is her job. He can be the king, but if I am the queen, I don't wait on or serve. We are equals. No offense at all to ladies who do this and enjoy doing so. This is how I feel now about the matter and my opinion.

 

[Foxglove]

Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!

His hands and legs work so...
I'm with @hopeful, we see each other as equals so the optics of me serving/being subservient doesn't sit well with either of us. You may see a difference in the answers depending on culture/location (ex southern vs somebody from the diaspora, etc)

ETA we share housework so in general if I cook he cleans up, we each do our own laundry, if we're grabbing food from somewhere we'll stop and grab food for the other, etc. It's more the expectation of the subservient wife serving her husband first that gets me

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Everyone has really great points as to why they feel the way they do. Foxglove made a great point about some of the opinions and rationale being based on culture (and upbringing).

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Always serve my husband first since we got in a good place. When we weren't in a good place I barely cooked for him and if I did, I didn't even fix his plate. About a year ago we started to really work on our relationship and it's been amazing. One of the things I wanted to really work on was cooking more. So as I started cooking for him it just seemed natural to serve him first. My kids even started to notice and I could tell it impacted them in a positive way.

It is amazing what and how much children pay attention. The enjoy seeing their parents in love and taking care of each other.

 

[Dee-Licious]

I'm from the South. If I cook, I fix both of our plates at the same time. I might walk the plates to the table while he is getting the beverages, or he might take the plates to the table as I get the beverages. If he cooks, he fixes my plate as he fixes his.

I probably fix his plate about 75% of the time if not more. He does 90% of our laundry because I forget the clothes in the washer, and they have to be rewashed. I have no problem with fixing his plate while I'm already in the kitchen fixing my plate; it's just not something that I care enough about to matter.

I clean the master bathroom, and he cleans the guest bathroom. This isn't a split that we came up with... it's one that has kind of developed. He brings the bags in when I do groceries, and I put them away. He brings them and puts them away when he does the groceries. We don't have set splits on things. It's whoever feels like doing whatever whenever. We both make sure everything is taken care of, and I have no problem fixing his plate.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

IMO I'd prefer we mostly serve ourselves and on occasion we serve each other, take turns. Take turns cooking, washing the dishes, serving each other, etc. That's just not the kind of relationship I want. I don't like the dynamics of a woman serving a man like that is her job. He can be the king, but if I am the queen, I don't wait on or serve. We are equals. No offense at all to ladies who do this and enjoy doing so. This is how I feel now about the matter and my opinion.

I can definitely understand how you feel. Many women view it as being subservient and ask why does it have to be slanted in favor of the man; the man is just as capable.

 

[mrselle]

I have always served our children first and that is the way he prefers it. I know him well enough to know that he would feel funny sitting down, eating dinner while our kids are still waiting to be fed. Sure, its just a few minutes more, but its something that doesn't sit well with him. In the past he was fine fixing his own plate and I assumed that he didn't want me to fix his plate. After observing him, I realized that he isn't always comfortable asking me to do something for him because he feels like I do so much for the kids, our household, etc... Lately, I've been fixing his plate for him and he really appreciates it.

 

[LivingInPeace]

Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!

When I cook I serve his plate first. It's just the two of us, though. Even if we had children, I would serve him first then the children in order of age. When he cooks, he serves my plate first. I do it as a courtesy. It wouldn't make sense for me to plate my food and sit it on the table and then make his. I would feel rude.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Always serve my husband first since we got in a good place. When we weren't in a good place I barely cooked for him and if I did, I didn't even fix his plate. About a year ago we started to really work on our relationship and it's been amazing. One of the things I wanted to really work on was cooking more. So as I started cooking for him it just seemed natural to serve him first. My kids even started to notice and I could tell it impacted them in a positive way.

Seemed natural...... very interesting.

 

[Bad&Bougee]

Being from the South and admiring some patterns of my Grandmother and Mother, I fix all the plates at the same time; however, my husband receives his plate first. If I hadn't witnessed it in my childhood, I probably would still do it. As Sky mentioned, it just seems natural to me. I must admit, in our early years, I did it because that is how I was raised. As our marriage evolved, I realized that I was doing it because I felt that it is what I wanted for my husband.

The world can be unfair, unkind and unyielding to the Black Man. When my Baby comes home, I want him to know that, at our house, he is the King. He is respected, loved, appreciated, and recognized. Yeah, I know that I work just like he does and when I don't feel like it or get home late, he cooks but I try my best to not make that a habit. Cooking for him and serving him, in my eyes, is the way I remind him of who he is to me and what he means to this family. It doesn't take away from who I am or lessen my role as his wife and partner. I in no way whatsoever feel inferior or am made to feel inferior to my husband. Our relationship is a give and take but cooking for him and serving his plate first is what I want to do for him. There are many, many things that he does for me to remind me that the Queen still reigns supreme.

Everyone is different and it is very interesting to read the differences of opinion. There is no right or wrong to this but ladies, some of the things I heard when out and about was disheartening. Even though we may vary, everyone on LHCF seems to be in touch with reality and understand marriage and relationships. I just wanted LHCF to weigh in and to help me find middle ground again. Thanks LADIES!

 

[sarumoki]

Ladies,

this topic has been bothering me for a while and I keep hearing about it and I want to get your opinions and points of view.

When having dinner, do you all serve your husbands first and please explain why or why not? Thanks in advance for your responses!

I'm not married, but the way my parents do it is that whoever cooks serves the other person's plate.

 

[Miss617]

I'm not married, but the way my parents do it is that whoever cooks serves the other person's plate.

This is how it is for me and my DH. I don't do it with the mindset that he's the man and it's my duty as a wife to serve him first, but just that it makes sense. If I'm still cooking and he's doing nothing, if I make my plate first, it's gonna be cold by the time I'm done. Whereas if I make mine last as I'm finishing up, it's still hot. I dunno, seems more logical that way LOL.