Married Ladies Random Thoughts

syze6 said:
So starting the house thing because I can no longer stand neighbors above my head. So we are going through credit scores and such and hubby has outstanding credit score. I don't know why I instantly felt some type of way about mine being lower. I have been doing good at trying to raise my credit score and that has delayed the house process. At this rate, I'm thinking of letting him apply for the mortgage with his outstanding having credit a%%, because I can not take living under neighbors any longer...I have got to go.

My neighbors both do not work and have no consideration for anyone in the building. If I hear one more loud sex session, I'll dig a hole through the ceiling and cut somebody, I have got to get the hell out of there asap! Excuse me today, I didn't sleep well because when you have neighbors that don't have to get up AND GO TO WORK, it is impossible. We both work during the week and they are constantly moving about making noise. Then when the weekend comes you can forget sleeping in or resting because the guy has his three children over, add in her nephews and they run around like gang busters. You can NEVER rest or have peace for them because they are always there. If they do leave and you get a sign of relief, they are gone no more than 15 minutes if that.

I ain't waiting around for this credit score to inch it's way up. At this point a garage looking home will do!:lachen::drunk:
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I feel your pain...as soon as our lease is up we are out of here. I can't believe we lasted this long!!! Next time we relocated we will take the time to find a house before we move instead of going into an apartment.
 
Femmefatal1981 said:
I feel your pain...as soon as our lease is up we are out of here. I can't believe we lasted this long!!! Next time we relocated we will take the time to find a house before we move instead of going into an apartment.
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Yep...I can't take it anymore! I would rather let him get that mortgage and get a home, than suffer with these people any longer. I'll continue to increase my credit in the mean time.
 
So.

I spent Saturday and Sunday taking a class. I was gone from about 7:30 am until about 5:30 both days. I didn't know before I signed up that DH was going to pick up DSD for the weekend. So he was home with both kids and took DSD back early yesterday while my mom watched DS.

So.

My small token of appreciation is to give him the time for himself that he has been talking about for weeks now. He hasn't been able to work out much since we had DS, so I got a one-day guest pass for the Y. I'm taking Wednesday off from work, so I am hoping he will take it and use it that day.
 
So For all of our dating and married lives together, DH has worked offshore. Two weeks home- two weeks gone. He transitioned to a great opportunity where he's working a regular 9-5 job on land.
Now for the first few weeks it was lovely..and it still is but Lord why is he this messy and unorganized!?! These behaviors have been amplified by 100! I'm a neat personal and I like order in my house. DH is the total opposite and he is driving me crazy! I need a xanax or something if I see one more pile of his mess!
 
I give up. I told DH about the pass and he goes, "I'm not gonna go for one day because that won't do anything." I said I know that, but I'm home twice a week during the week, we can work it out so you can go on those days. Then he said he'll see how he feels when he comes home from work in the morning and decide if he wants to go. He said he told me before that that "lifestyle" is "selfish" and he can't spend all the time he used to working out, meal planning etc. like he did before we had a kid. So instead of at least trying and seeing if it's something he'd want to do, he'd rather have nothing at all?

This is why I've been telling him for years I feel like he plays the martyr. I told him it isn't fair when he complains about not getting to do anything for himself and says all that BS about needing to be alone and blah blah whatever, but when I offer him the chance to do what he wants for once, he doesn't take it. I tried, I really did, but this is incredibly frustrating. I'm starting to feel like he's doing this on purpose.

OH! And listen to this. I put food aside for him last night like I always do and he said he didn't want to take it since he wasn't getting a ride to work and it would be too much to carry with his work clothes. I think this is the dumbest logic ever as I have a much longer commute to work and almost always take lunch if we have leftovers, but whatever. So this morning I was like, "Are you depressed or something, it seems like you haven't been eating much lately."

He says, "Of course I'm depressed, look at the life I live."

I almost flipped the kitchen table. I was so mad. I understand that things aren't ideal right now but they could be so much worse. Honestly, the last couple of weeks have just made me feel like maybe he does need to leave if he's so freaking miserable.
 
futurelonglocks said:
So For all of our dating and married lives together, DH has worked offshore. Two weeks home- two weeks gone. He transitioned to a great opportunity where he's working a regular 9-5 job on land.
Now for the first few weeks it was lovely..and it still is but Lord why is he this messy and unorganized!?! These behaviors have been amplified by 100! I'm a neat personal and I like order in my house. DH is the total opposite and he is driving me crazy! I need a xanax or something if I see one more pile of his mess!
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LOL. I can totally relate to your issue!! Yes, it's great and everything but goodness gracious - NOPE! For approximately 13 years of our 20 year marriage, my husband worked 3rd shift. I had gotten used to eating ice cream in bed, staying up late to watch the shows I LIKE, wearing pajamas, etc. The first two days that he switched from 3rd to 1st were wonderful but by the third day I was done. Like you, I realized so many things about him that I had not noticed before because our schedules were different. And, selfishly, I missed my alone time (and late night snacks!).

Those feelings will pass but it is so cute. I think it's neat how wives/women share so many of the same experiences and emotions. Good luck!
 
locabouthair said:
HUGS @Miss617 I can imagine balancing work, kids, household stuff can be a lot. Do you have any family or a babysitter that can watch your son so you two can have a weekend alone?
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Thanks, lady. We moved into my mom's last year after a looooong battle with our landlady, so we try to ask her to watch him once a month so we can go out for a couple of hours. It just never feels like enough, you know? We haven't had an entire weekend alone since... last June or July, before we came here.

I asked him today what's been going on with him and he said he hated not being able to spend time with me. I said we've been doing this for over two years and he said that doesn't mean he's numb to it. I felt kind of bad about that.
 
Miss617 said:
...So this morning I was like, "Are you depressed or something, it seems like you haven't been eating much lately."

He says, "Of course I'm depressed, look at the life I live."

I almost flipped the kitchen table. I was so mad.
...
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I know you aren't trying to be funny but when you said you almost flipped the kitchen table I :lol:.

But seriously, be careful re being overly responsible re his feelings and your current marital situation. You two co-own where you live etc. And he owns his feelings, even if he is depressed. I mean you should care, but it's easy for wives to feel too responsible, take responsibility for things that aren't their burden to carry. And him like wanting space? Idk but that kind of pisses me off :look:.

I wish you the best dear. You've been under a lot of stress for a while.
 
Miss617 said:
I give up. I told DH about the pass and he goes, "I'm not gonna go for one day because that won't do anything." I said I know that, but I'm home twice a week during the week, we can work it out so you can go on those days. Then he said he'll see how he feels when he comes home from work in the morning and decide if he wants to go. He said he told me before that that "lifestyle" is "selfish" and he can't spend all the time he used to working out, meal planning etc. like he did before we had a kid. So instead of at least trying and seeing if it's something he'd want to do, he'd rather have nothing at all?

This is why I've been telling him for years I feel like he plays the martyr. I told him it isn't fair when he complains about not getting to do anything for himself and says all that BS about needing to be alone and blah blah whatever, but when I offer him the chance to do what he wants for once, he doesn't take it. I tried, I really did, but this is incredibly frustrating. I'm starting to feel like he's doing this on purpose.

OH! And listen to this. I put food aside for him last night like I always do and he said he didn't want to take it since he wasn't getting a ride to work and it would be too much to carry with his work clothes. I think this is the dumbest logic ever as I have a much longer commute to work and almost always take lunch if we have leftovers, but whatever. So this morning I was like, "Are you depressed or something, it seems like you haven't been eating much lately."

He says, "Of course I'm depressed, look at the life I live."

I almost flipped the kitchen table. I was so mad. I understand that things aren't ideal right now but they could be so much worse. Honestly, the last couple of weeks have just made me feel like maybe he does need to leave if he's so freaking miserable.
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I'm annoyed for you, just reading that. I'm divorced, so I just lurk in here. Lol. I had to say something though. He sounds insufferable rt now. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all that. Smh. He needs to change some things if he's so unhappy. That's his responsibility though!
 
hopeful said:
I know you aren't trying to be funny but when you said you almost flipped the kitchen table I :lol:.

But seriously, be careful re being overly responsible re his feelings and your current marital situation. You two co-own where you live etc. And he owns his feelings, even if he is depressed. I mean you should care, but it's easy for wives to feel too responsible, take responsibility for things that aren't their burden to carry. And him like wanting space? Idk but that kind of pisses me off :look:.

I wish you the best dear. You've been under a lot of stress for a while.
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I'm just saying. He's lucky there wasn't anything on the stove, cuz he might have gotten Al Green'ed. I've said a million times that I know our situation isn't ideal, but it could be a lot worse. I know I benefit more from our arrangement because I get to work normal hours and go to sleep at a normal time versus his inverted schedule. I get it, I do. But don't give me the family man spiel one day and complain about the sacrifices you have to make the next day. This isn't going to last forever, so suck it up.

I'm not going out of my way to get him out of the house. The offer is on the table - whether it's to go to the gym, hang out with his friends, whatever - but I'm not gonna keep badgering him about it. If and when he decides to get off his ssa, I will gladly keep DS for as long as he needs. I was pissed off by the wanting space thing too because it seemed contradictory to feeling like we don't spend enough time together, but whatever. Cancer men, I tell you! The freaking worst.
 
JerriBlank said:
I'm annoyed for you, just reading that. I'm divorced, so I just lurk in here. Lol. I had to say something though. He sounds insufferable rt now. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all that. Smh. He needs to change some things if he's so unhappy. That's his responsibility though!
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Oh, please don't be annoyed on my behalf! He's a PITA, but I chose his whiny behind LOL. I agree that if he's unhappy he needs to make some changes because that's exactly what I did/am doing when I was feeling that way. I just want him to pull on his big boy underoos and go do something with himself without my prodding and pleading.
 
@Miss617 I was thinking it sounded contradictory too "the wanting space thing too because it seemed contradictory to feeling like we don't spend enough timetogether, but whatever."

Yes :yep:, it's perplexing. Awhile back I said he seems to like to set up situations where you just can't win, no one can win. He seems comfortable with things being uncomfortable and unresolved.
 
hopeful said:
@Miss617 I was thinking it sounded contradictory too "the wanting space thing too because it seemed contradictory to feeling like we don't spend enough timetogether, but whatever."

Yes :yep:, it's perplexing. Awhile back I said he seems to like to set up situations where you just can't win, no one can win. He seems comfortable with things being uncomfortable and unresolved.
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I'm starting to see that and I don't understand it at all. I'm trying to think if it's always been like this and I just never realized it. I really need him to get some act right though because I want to bop him on the head. But for now, I'm just gonna worry about myself and DS. He'll figure it out or he won't, but I'm not doing the back and forth anymore.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
LOL. I can totally relate to your issue!! Yes, it's great and everything but goodness gracious - NOPE! For approximately 13 years of our 20 year marriage, my husband worked 3rd shift. I had gotten used to eating ice cream in bed, staying up late to watch the shows I LIKE, wearing pajamas, etc. The first two days that he switched from 3rd to 1st were wonderful but by the third day I was done. Like you, I realized so many things about him that I had not noticed before because our schedules were different. And, selfishly, I missed my alone time (and late night snacks!).

Those feelings will pass but it is so cute. I think it's neat how wives/women share so many of the same experiences and emotions. Good luck!
Click to expand...

My hubby schedule is similar in that I get the weekends and evenings to my self at least 4 days a week. I love it and it gives me some me time. I get to have some week days when I get home and some day time on weekends. When he changes schedules I am all in my feelings. I love eating snacks in my bed while flipping through the television. I love that I don't feel the need to cook every night I come home. I love the quietness of having NO ONE nic pick about the smallest things. The kids and I be in heaven!:lachen:
 
My hubby will tell you I'm the messy one in the marriage :cry3::cry3:. He is always picking up after me. I need to be more thoughtful since I see how much it drives you guys crazy. I probably drive him crazy
 
Miss617 said:
I'm just saying. He's lucky there wasn't anything on the stove, cuz he might have gotten Al Green'ed. I've said a million times that I know our situation isn't ideal, but it could be a lot worse. I know I benefit more from our arrangement because I get to work normal hours and go to sleep at a normal time versus his inverted schedule. I get it, I do. But don't give me the family man spiel one day and complain about the sacrifices you have to make the next day. This isn't going to last forever, so suck it up.

I'm not going out of my way to get him out of the house. The offer is on the table - whether it's to go to the gym, hang out with his friends, whatever - but I'm not gonna keep badgering him about it. If and when he decides to get off his ssa, I will gladly keep DS for as long as he needs. I was pissed off by the wanting space thing too because it seemed contradictory to feeling like we don't spend enough time together, but whatever. Cancer men, I tell you! The freaking worst.
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Miss617, your husband is a Cancer, what is your sign? Just curious because mine is too. Some things we are compatible on but for the most part we have to work really hard on everything else. Especially since he is an introvert (most Cancers are) and I am the COMPLETE opposite.
 
syze6 said:
My hubby schedule is similar in that I get the weekends and evenings to my self at least 4 days a week. I love it and it gives me some me time. I get to have some week days when I get home and some day time on weekends. When he changes schedules I am all in my feelings. I love eating snacks in my bed while flipping through the television. I love that I don't feel the need to cook every night I come home. I love the quietness of having NO ONE nic pick about the smallest things. The kids and I be in heaven!:lachen:
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Some people would argue that children monoplolize your time and schedule but in my case, it's my husband so I feel you when you talk about how important that ME time has become. I'm envious! Enjoy!! I miss it so much. I love my husband, wouldn't trade him for anything but Lord knows.......
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Miss617, your husband is a Cancer, what is your sign? Just curious because mine is too. Some things we are compatible on but for the most part we have to work really hard on everything else. Especially since he is an introvert (most Cancers are) and I am the COMPLETE opposite.
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I'm a Scorpio. We are compatible as well in some areas and in others, not so much. But yeah, he is an introvert on top of working weird hours.
 
I'm MAD and I am keeping my "mad" self to my self all day!

I'm tired of putting other's feelings first. In fact, they are only "concerned" because I'm not making them feel "good"................. so grown adults are sitting in my family room waiting for me to come down stairs after being rude and disrespectful to me in my own dmmm house.

N-O-T moving - entertain yourself, feed yourself or scratch your sssssssss for all I care! I guess they don't know who they were dealing with but picked the wrong one......

Update: So our company left, and this woman will never step foot in my home again!
 
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