Married Ladies Random Thoughts

CafedeBelleza said:
Ss camaro. So loud it scared me a little when I turned it on with the garage door closed. It's too small for me puff was up,against the roof. But the engine :heart3:
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My dad has a Z28 Camaro when I was growing up. I will never forget how it made me feel lol. I loved the sound of it and how cool I felt. When I have some play money when I'm older, I want a Camaro. Girl put that puff in the wind with that thang!! lol
 
PrissiSippi said:
I've been really working on being deliberate with my words. Not tip toeing around stuff but being tactful and empathetic but truthful. I'm helping DH fix his credit report. I made a thread about it in the career board. So I'm getting all of his late payments erased that are three years old.

BUT I notice that there are quite a few late payments made in 2015 and 2016. He just legit went months without paying credit cards in these years. But the monthly payment is only like $25. So I don't get it. I think this is a mindset from his family that big bills are important (house note and car note) but all other bills are not.

I told him if he wants to improve his credit it makes no sense to fix this stuff if he's going to continue to make late payments on his credit and he needs to make a plan to not make any more late payments from here going on out and since a monthly payment is so low and he only has two credit cards this is no problem. And if he had a problem making a payment he needs to be open with me and I promise to listen without judgement and offer suggestions.

That sounds good? I feel like I did everything I need to do/ should do without babying him. Everything else on him right? And I'll casually ask him how it's going in three or four months? I'm just happy he allowed me to help him. He let me into his health too and allowed me to make some appointments for some minor things. Seems to be working so I'm happy about that. Last year he was a lot more closed and less receptive to what I had to say so I'm really trying to tread lightly.
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I have fought this battle...keep up the good work.
 
I would recommend a book that I'm currently reading by Laura Doyle, "First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors." The title is strange but it's a Shakespeare reference lol. Basically, she distinguishes between marriage counselors and relationship coaches, and she goes on to describe how to begin re-invigorating your marriage or improving it (if you're struggling). There were a lot of insights I had to integrate that felt very foreign to me, but I'd love to hear someone's opinion on it, especially if you've read it before.
 
Y'all. Why this man think he my personal trainer?
We're getting ready to do back squats from the ground, Rx is 90 so I'm like, "I'll do 70. I can't push 90 over my head and onto my back that many times"
Him, "let's get the trainer over here...yeah I think she should just do it from the rack because bla bla bla"
The trainer pretends to listen intensely :lachen:
Sir gone on somewhere (insert smoky with that lil hand wave from Friday)
 
DH has been supportive, loving, and compromising during this new time getting adjusted with the baby. I'm so appreciative of everything he does and how he goes the extra mile for us now. I'm actually starting to be back attracted to him. (Might have been the hormones too).

But it seems like I'm slow to not hold a grudge. I'm not very affectionate at all. I stopped kissing, touching, hugging, or even talking to him back in the summer. I cried for him to listen to me and since he didn't...over the course of a year...man I just completely shut down. I actually got that summer job to not have to see him. I spent two months away from him in a hotel 2 hours away and didn't call, text, or spend time with him period and didn't miss him at all. I came back for one week after the job ended and promptly got another job just so I didn't have to see him again. Now that's the honest truth that I never discussed on here. It had gotten THAT bad. And he never complained. He never asked why. He never demanded that I spend time with him or "put his foot down". He was just as laid back and aloof which pissed me off even more. After that I told him I wanted to leave him and that I wanted him out of the house ASAP. He still didn't complain or try to figure out why. He just said okay...but then back tracked and asked did I want the marriage anymore. I told him no and he dropped it and never brought it back up but didn't move out.

Things are better now. I cook for him more and spend time with him watching movies and talking about the baby and making some mini plans. I feel like I'm coming around but I still glimpse back at when I used to tell him my feelings and he would walk away, act aloof, or act slow like he didn't understand. I still remember how he would get out of providing for his family, refuse to stand up for me, be poor with communication, and act so durn passive aggressive.

I really don't know how I feel. I AM coming around. But sometimes I feel like I'm only coming around because I want DS to be raised in a two parent household. I've been trying to figure out am I changing so much and so fast that I don't love DH anymore. Do I just tolerate him? And I've told him all of this as well which I know hurts but...bruh we went through too much. I'm in selfish mode now. I'm just looking out for me and mine. And I've never been like that before.

Should I just continue on the path I'm on and work on it and hope I come around soon? I think I will, but man I'm going about it so slow. It seems that I can't "push" myself or fake it til I make it.
 
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PrissiSippi said:
Okay. I'm just doubting myself.. that's not the word but I don't know I wish I weren't this way. I'm trying I really am, but I wish I would try a little harder.
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Hi @ PrissiSipp,
Be gentle with yourself! Think of each day as a fresh start, a new opportunity reconnecting for the both of you, for your marriage, and for your family.
 
I'm annoyed that I came home in a good mood and DH decided to question me about why I was late, even though I got here around my usual time. Smfh. Why does he have to ruin everything?
 
Im learning a lot about my husband after soooooo many years. I would just say as I talk less and listen more....everything I need to know is being revealed. Man I wish I had done this sooner...it would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Five years in March
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I was going to suggest group and individual therapy. It would be good to have somebody both to help sort out your feelings and to help point out where he could improve. Sadly he may take it in more if he hears how to improve from a third party. He may not realize how unhappy you are
 
Farida said:
DH never wants to talk to anyone about our relationship. Counselor, pastor, friend, nobody. I hate that. Sometimes we go in circles and need an external voice.
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@Farida, imagine being married to a Pastor...he absolutely refuses external help. Our marriage is struggling as a result. Trying to get the strength to post but just reading here and praying has helped a lot.
 
We've gotten more bad news about dh's health. :(

I swear we just can't get a f'in break!

Don't know how much I can take. Yeah that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel.

Everything falls on me because he can't do it. I have so many days where everything goes right and I keep all the balls safely in the air. I'm having more days where ish keeps hitting the fan daily.

Dh is in pain and doing his best to get better. I can't be mad at him. He's fighting with every breath.

We'll get through it. It's just very hard some days. So much to do. So much to think about. :whyme:
 
sunnieb said:
We've gotten more bad news about dh's health. :(

I swear we just can't get a f'in break!

Don't know how much I can take. Yeah that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel.

Everything falls on me because he can't do it. I have so many days where everything goes right and I keep all the balls safely in the air. I'm having more days where ish keeps hitting the fan daily.

Dh is in pain and doing his best to get better. I can't be mad at him. He's fighting with every breath.

We'll get through it. It's just very hard some days. So much to do. So much to think about. :whyme:
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I'm so sorry for the bad news. Hang in there (((hugs)))
 
sunnieb said:
We've gotten more bad news about dh's health. :(

I swear we just can't get a f'in break!

Don't know how much I can take. Yeah that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel.

Everything falls on me because he can't do it. I have so many days where everything goes right and I keep all the balls safely in the air. I'm having more days where ish keeps hitting the fan daily.

Dh is in pain and doing his best to get better. I can't be mad at him. He's fighting with every breath.

We'll get through it. It's just very hard some days. So much to do. So much to think about. :whyme:
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((Hugs))
 
sunnieb said:
We've gotten more bad news about dh's health. :(

I swear we just can't get a f'in break!

Don't know how much I can take. Yeah that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel.

Everything falls on me because he can't do it. I have so many days where everything goes right and I keep all the balls safely in the air. I'm having more days where ish keeps hitting the fan daily.

Dh is in pain and doing his best to get better. I can't be mad at him. He's fighting with every breath.

We'll get through it. It's just very hard some days. So much to do. So much to think about. :whyme:
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Sorry to hear this! I pray for you and your husband's health. People don't realize the toll caretaking takes on a person mentally and physically.
 
Hmmmm for people who spoke about the counseling. It really helped us out a lot. I don't even think it necessarily takes a lot of sessions. My dh recommended it as I was on the brink of filing those papers. I wasn't even really wanting go. It was really hard. But it helped sooooooooo much to have a neutral person. We were stuck in a rut being together so long and just not able to see ourselves or each other differently in the context of the relationship. The counselor really helped him to see his funky ways and mine. But it wasn't easy. We would both leave the sessions exhausted but saw immediate results. If your dh won't go I would say go by yourself so you can get clarity for yourself. I wish I had went sooner - it would have really helped me a lot set better boundaries.
 
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