Married Ladies Random Thoughts

We have our bachelor and bachelorette parties this weekend! Mine starts tomorrow, and his started tonight. I can't wait to get out of work LOL! I'm gonna miss being with him, but drinking always makes things fun :)
Oh yeah I'm also gonna tell my current best friend that we are no longer friends. But I'll tell her after my wedding :lachen:
 
I am in this relationship group on FB and there is post currently going on where men are giving relationship advice. The post is pretty interesting and I am taking notes. But alot of stuff they are saying and stuff women say here all the time.
 
I haven't done not a thing and haven't lifted not a finger. I feel a little bad but....yolo I deserve it. I've been making him wake up with the baby, cook for me with his noncooking self, and cater to me. I've worked this man so much he probably a little excited to go back to work lol. But honestly he's been beaming with pride caring for his "two babies"

I dunno if I said it in this thread but DH bought me this small rhythm in motion necklace for Christmas. Bruh we are not in high school. Be more original and thoughtful. THEN He told me it was my Christmas present and push present. Ummm no sir. I don't do duo gifts. So I printed out of a pic of a David Yurman petite necklace in the baby's birthstone and told him that's what I wanted and i needed the money for it. Can't believe it worked. He looked crazy and gave me $100 that day and the rest the next week. All things solved. I'm not mad because of the lack of thought in the gift and got two gifts I'm sure to wear everyday.
 
Miss617 said:
Interesting.

Guy I was "seeing" in college looked at my LinkedIn profile yesterday, even though we haven't spoken in years. If you're gonna creep, bruh, be sneaky about it like I was. :sekret:
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I usually just observe this thread vs post, but had to add this. I found out recently that people can follow your LinkedIn account. These aren't your connections, it's a different category (although they may overlap as many of my connections follow me). But how about at least four of my exes are following me who aren't connections? I was shocked. Even one from a very short term dating situation...the whole thing was weird. Check your followers ladies, you might find something very interesting!
 
My husband irritated the crap out of me this morning and I left my phone home. I guess that is for the best because on my drive to work this morning before I realized I left it, I had a whole list of things I wanted to say to him and I was just like wait to get to work, I am send a long arse message with everything I am feeling. Welp. That can’t happen now lol
 
natural in ATL said:
I usually just observe this thread vs post, but had to add this. I found out recently that people can follow your LinkedIn account. These aren't your connections, it's a different category (although they may overlap as many of my connections follow me). But how about at least four of my exes are following me who aren't connections? I was shocked. Even one from a very short term dating situation...the whole thing was weird. Check your followers ladies, you might find something very interesting!
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I can't see followers for some reason (I think they're updating my profile or something), but that guy found me through the homepage. We're connections, so I think he saw that there was an update about me because someone I interviewed mentioned me and linked to my article. Just thought it was interesting since we haven't talked in over four years! Not even at graduation and we were sitting right next to each other. B**tard broke my heart and probably doesn't even know it. Oh well.
 
@tolly @FoxxyLocs, thank you very much. My phone rings and chimes non-stop with friends and family checking on me/us.

long vent ahead, but please no judgment....

It's a great feeling knowing people genuinely care but the constant need to check on us becomes overwhelming. I'm emotionally broken and some days we just need a break. A day to feel normal. No excessive phone calls and texts. No cancer discussions. Between coordinating with doctors, other various appointments, making sure dh is ok, caring for dh's medical needs, working (2 jobs), on again / off again blogging for a mental escape from life, etc., I just don't have the energy.

If I tell people I need a break, they become worried and want to check on me more. When I talk on the phone and don't sound "ok", they become worried and will check on me even more. It's a vicious cycle. Therefore, I try to act like everything is fine as it's easier that way but even that's draining.

I hate coming to work because people want to ask questions, love on me, hug me and that makes me emotional. Many haven't seen me in months because I was on medical leave for about 6 months until his health improved. I know they mean well but having cancer conversations 24/7 wears me out.

As a result of the above, I've become socially awkward because I know where the conversation is headed. I try to exit conversations quickly to avoid talking about the obvious. I normally act like I'm late for an appointment or have somewhere to be to cut conversations short.

I'm rambling. I need sleep. Felt good to vent.
 
@divachyk is it possible to pick one person amongst friends and family and one at work to rely the information that you really want to talk less about the sickness.... I know most people don't know what to do or say to you and they will be happy to make your life easier and it also lets you off the hook. Please consider sending someone to tell everybody to back off, I really hope you and your husband get better very soon.
 
melahnee said:
This was the worst week of my life. I'm so incredibly embarrassed but I need to let this out. I got married and my husband seriously just completely changed. I can't even believe what has happened to me. This is gonna be long..

We were arguing the other day about how to organize the refrigerator because I like organization. He didn't think it was a big deal and told me to stop scolding him. I told him I wasn't scolding him and that he needed to calm down. he threw all the water bottles on the ground and he said I'll put stuff in the fridge however the **** I want. I went to the room to give him space. He came and told me to go to the kitchen to eat and I told him I would go later because he made me lose my appetite and was calling me names. He called me another name and went to the kitchen. Started calling me a bunch of disrespectful stuff to his niece. So, I got up and got ready to go to my parents. He grabbed my collar as I was trying to walk out of the door and I fell and my necklace broke & he called me yet another name. I was laying on the floor speechless and his niece came to help me out. I didn't say a word and I just got up and went to my parents, hysterically crying because this has never happened to me in my life. He said my necklace breaking was my fault because I pushed him to the point to get that way.

He went bananas and started punching my windshield, punching my window, punching the roof of my BMW. He spent the whole night crying and apologizing, I told him I wanted an annulment because I can't deal with a violent person who cannot control his anger. Not to mention he always accuses me of being a cheater and a liar.

My dad thinks he might have married me because of money. I have a really good job and make very good tips. His job is average. I'm so embarrassed to say I pay for almost everything. I loved him. We had a history since middle school. I'm still at my parents and he's texting me about how sorry he is and to please forgive him. My father, mother, aunt and everybody in my family is telling me that if it's this bad this soon, get out now and if I don't, they won't take me seriously next time. I'm so sad. SO so so sad. I don't know why this happened to me. And I don't know what to do.
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I'm sorry that you had to experience abuse at the hands of your husband, but trust me when I say that this is just the beginning if you stay. His violent outbursts will get worse and he'll become more aggressive b/c you've shown that you basically fall in line with what he wants and cower to him when he acts like this.

Also, the accusations of cheating and lying are more than likely projections on his part. He also appears to be very resentful of you - you earn more, drive a BMW and he feels emasculated b/c you front the bills. This is why he tears apart your material possessions. Sorry, but you married all the way wrong. The fact that you mention that you have history from middle school is a moot point. If you find yourself on the highway going in the wrong direction, do you continue going the wrong way or do you turn the car around and get on the right path?

Get the annulment before he's able to take you for your paper and get a restraining order. Lace up your Nikes and RUN!!
 
melahnee said:
This was the worst week of my life. I'm so incredibly embarrassed but I need to let this out. I got married and my husband seriously just completely changed. I can't even believe what has happened to me. This is gonna be long..

We were arguing the other day about how to organize the refrigerator because I like organization. He didn't think it was a big deal and told me to stop scolding him. I told him I wasn't scolding him and that he needed to calm down. he threw all the water bottles on the ground and he said I'll put stuff in the fridge however the **** I want. I went to the room to give him space. He came and told me to go to the kitchen to eat and I told him I would go later because he made me lose my appetite and was calling me names. He called me another name and went to the kitchen. Started calling me a bunch of disrespectful stuff to his niece. So, I got up and got ready to go to my parents. He grabbed my collar as I was trying to walk out of the door and I fell and my necklace broke & he called me yet another name. I was laying on the floor speechless and his niece came to help me out. I didn't say a word and I just got up and went to my parents, hysterically crying because this has never happened to me in my life. He said my necklace breaking was my fault because I pushed him to the point to get that way.
View attachment 385617
My neck the day after he ripped off my necklace on accident. It gets worse..
I forgave him and went back because I felt like I shouldn't give up so easily. We have been together for a long time so wth ???? So yesterday (2 days after the previous story), we got into a fight about ****in youtube. I don't feel like it's important to lay the whole story out, just know that it was really stupid. He got so irritated with me that I told him you make me not even want to start any projects with you sometimes--you are always angry about something nowadays. He went bananas and started punching my windshield, punching my window, punching the roof of my BMW. He spent the whole night crying and apologizing, I told him I wanted an annulment because I can't deal with a violent person who cannot control his anger. Not to mention he always accuses me of being a cheater and a liar.
He was hysterically crying and told me he loved me so much, we can work it out, he doesn't want to lose me, etc. I felt really bad but I didn't give in. When we woke this morning, he called me a few more names. We were arguing the entire morning with no solutions and a bunch of blame on one another. He said that he gets violent because he cares so much, called me every name in the book and talked about how he deserved better. I said, "if I'm all these bad things, then why did you marry me? why do you wanna stay married?? I feel like it was a big mistake-- you weren't like this before and you're not acting like the man I thought I married. He said I changed too and I said no, I didn't. I'm standing up for myself because you physically pulled me down to the ground! All of a sudden, I hear my parents knocking at the door to come to my rescue (I was texting my sister the whole time). My dad showed me a ****in knife he had in his pocket in case I looked like I was hurt or anything. And he reassured me that he has no problem going to jail. I hate things like this so much, violence SCARES me. I don't get violent, I don't fight, ever, I like to be a very peaceful person. So my parents took me, I took our dogs (I spent a whole $9000 on them together -- we were planning on breeding and it's almost time for her to get pregnant).
My dad thinks he might have married me because of money. I have a really good job and make very good tips. His job is average. I'm so embarrassed to say I pay for almost everything. I loved him. We had a history since middle school. I'm still at my parents and he's texting me about how sorry he is and to please forgive him. My father, mother, aunt and everybody in my family is telling me that if it's this bad this soon, get out now and if I don't, they won't take me seriously next time. I'm so sad. SO so so sad. I don't know why this happened to me. And I don't know what to do.
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So sorry about your situation and I think it's good you are reaching out. Go back and read what you wrote.

Let it sink in. What would you tell someone else if they wrote what you wrote?

You are in an abusive relationship. Both you and your husband need help. Since you can't change him you need to get help. You should immediately seek the help of a professional counselor - specifically someone who deals with abuse. There are patterns we run that keep us stuck in these types of relationships. Counseling can help you heal those wounds. Right now focus on YOU. You need time apart from him to be able to take care of you. Please seek counseling now.
 
Wow! I say this with nothing but love, but if he is so comfortable calling you names and getting physical, He will master it as time goes by. If he doesn't get help for HIS anger issues, it will not end well at all. I know you say you have been with him since middle school, so it is hard to believe you have NEVER seen how he handles his anger.

I really hate that this happened to you but I will say you have to think of you. Verbal abuse is so hurtful and adding Physical is the worst. Many abusive men, go through the sorry dialogue when they hurt you. They also are slow to see their part in it, but reduce it to being your fault for their actions.

Regardless of the argument, there is no reason to name call and get physical. You have to be careful in situations as this because other people get involved and get hurt. You stated your dad had a knife, but you wouldn't want to see him hurt or go to jail. You have to be clear about what you want, from this point on. If you want an annulment then consider it seriously for your peace and safety. I honestly don't see him reacting differently toward you, unless HE sees it as a problem. You don't want years to go by and you look up and he is getting worse. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells, trying to monitor what will or won't set him off.

I will say this as a mother of a daughter, If mine came to me in this situation, I would help her pack! I would NEVER want my daughter to be treated in such a way. I don't want to imagine you in your life continuing down a road as this. It has to be your call and you know if it will get better or not. I will say, the love you have for yourself is way more important than expending energy for a broken man. A broken man who doesn't seem to see his faults, makes for a long hurtful road ahead! Just think of bringing children into a union where he is violent. That is not a blueprint you want to leave on your children's mind. Good luck love!
 
Thank you so much @CafedeBelleza @syze6 @Sky @candy1214 @Miss617
I have a lot of work to do to undo this mess that has been created. I can't let him take everything I've worked for and I can't let him keep calling me names. I do feel like I've been walking on eggshells lately.
Oh and also, we haven't been together since middle school, but we have a history that far back. I dated 2 other men in between. I swear he's never been violent towards me. I've seen him get in a fight but towards me, never ever ever. I completely understand what you are all saying. I don't know what to say because I'm really sad and stressed out right now. I'm not going back home for a few days most likely.
 
melahnee said:
Thank you so much @CafedeBelleza @syze6 @Sky @candy1214 @Miss617
I have a lot of work to do to undo this mess that has been created. I can't let him take everything I've worked for and I can't let him keep calling me names. I do feel like I've been walking on eggshells lately.
Oh and also, we haven't been together since middle school, but we have a history that far back. I dated 2 other men in between. I swear he's never been violent towards me. I've seen him get in a fight but towards me, never ever ever. I completely understand what you are all saying. I don't know what to say because I'm really sad and stressed out right now. I'm not going back home for a few days most likely.
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Be selfish. Don't give him what he does not deserve. And take care of yourself. He should only be adding goodness to your life.
 
@tolly, thank you for the input. My (work) mentor and I need to strategize as she mentioned doing something similar. The workplace has so many people that it's hard to notify everyone without sending an email which might come across disrespectful. Regarding family, the few that I'd like to tell to ease up are the same ones that are there with me through the darkest moments. They mean, they really do so I try to roll with it because I'm the issue. One minute, I need an ear and then the next, I don't want to be bothered. I'm just moody I guess. :cry3:
 
@melahnee, I'm very sorry you're going through this. I understand the connection you feel to your dh because I have been with my dh since middle school as well. When you have that type of history, you feel like you know everything there is to know. However, when dh and I first married, things changed. I can't explain it. Marriage changes things. Living in the same space, under the same roof creates friction that doesn't happen while dating. In addition, some things simply don't come to light until you're living under the same roof. This behavior could be one of those things.
 
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