Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Hubby and I are in a great place right now. We had a great weekend and I am looking forward the weekend coming. We are going to NY on Thursday to hang out with friends and the rest of the weekend will be spent with friends. No baby yet, but we are having fun trying to conceive. Last cycle I let it stress me out, but this cycle I was more relaxed about it.

I am just happy we are in such a grea tplace and pray that we continue to grow together.
 
Why does he not know how to do ANYTHING?! It didn't annoy me before but it's just nauseating own doesn't know how to do laundry, clean, cook, pay bills on time, nada. DH is so sweet. He's trying to cater to me these last few days before Baby. So he made me a meal. -__- of Pizza Rolls and Corn Dogs and French fries. I let him make it but everything is burnt. Like how don't u know how to put things in the oven without burning them?! WHY?!
 
My
PrissiSippi said:
Why does he not know how to do ANYTHING?! It didn't annoy me before but it's just nauseating own doesn't know how to do laundry, clean, cook, pay bills on time, nada. DH is so sweet. He's trying to cater to me these last few days before Baby. So he made me a meal. -__- of Pizza Rolls and Corn Dogs and French fries. I let him make it but everything is burnt. Like how don't u know how to put things in the oven without burning them?! WHY?!
Click to expand...

My DH is also like this so when I was 7 months pregnant he hired me a housekeeper who did everything for me so that took the pressure off of him. I made peace with my DH's shortcomings very early in our marriage and even now we have 2 kids, he has never made a bottle or changed a nappy but we have a Nanny and he provides in other ways so I never complain.
 
Fotchygirl said:
My


My DH is also like this so when I was 7 months pregnant he hired me a housekeeper who did everything for me so that took the pressure off of him. I made peace with my DH's shortcomings very early in our marriage and even now we have 2 kids, he has never made a bottle or changed a nappy but we have a Nanny and he provides in other ways so I never complain.
Click to expand...
How did you seek the maturity to look past his shortcomings. I really struggle with this. I know in part is the pregnancy hormones but lately I can't even see him as sexual because I see him as a little kid. I understand we were brought up different. He said it's hard for Hinton notice things need tone done around the house or remember about bills because he was brought up different and his family didn't value money and they just expected him to be book smart. Nothing more. But because of it he means wells but has child like tendencies. Very carefree and laid back but can't take care of anything adult wise because he forgets. I know it's his demeanor because he even waits til the last minute when the light is flashing to tell him to get gas. Not a second before lol. He doesn't plan his day he just carefree and happy as a lark just going with the flow.
 
PrissiSippi said:
How did you seek the maturity to look past his shortcomings. I really struggle with this. I know in part is the pregnancy hormones but lately I can't even see him as sexual because I see him as a little kid. I understand we were brought up different. He said it's hard for Hinton notice things need tone done around the house or remember about bills because he was brought up different and his family didn't value money and they just expected him to be book smart. Nothing more. But because of it he means wells but has child like tendencies. Very carefree and laid back but can't take care of anything adult wise because he forgets. I know it's his demeanor because he even waits til the last minute when the light is flashing to tell him to get gas. Not a second before lol. He doesn't plan his day he just carefree and happy as a lark just going with the flow.
Click to expand...

I think if you look at the good he does, you can overlook the bad. Not saying it won't irk the hell out of you, but every time his shortcomings arise, try to think of 2 things he does well. I reckon it will be easier with practice and time.

For me personally, when I think about my DH shortcomings, I also think about my own and how he doesn't nag me about having the house super clean all the time, washing clothes and not folding them right away etc. I just remember I am not perfect either and I am sure I do things that irk the hell out of him as well. So they helps to not harp on him about certain things.

And also, I know the man I married, and I know certain things he will never do. I knew that going on.
 
Christmas was nice this year. We went to see the lights and spent time with my family. (We still aren't going to visit his fam). I can't believe he took what I said and really listened. Maybe I don't put my foot down enough. I know they will blame me but oh well. Little one will be here in two days. I'm scared as hell. Lol. Luckily hubby is taking a week and a half off to be with me and baby. I'm hoping for a speedy recovery since I'm having a csection. We set up the pack n play today so I can have him right next to me.

I think DH liked his gift. I tried to get him all the little things he loves like pajama pants in his favorite cartoon characters, GameStop card, and this fancy controller for his game.

He got me a necklace that was supposed to be my Christmas AND push present. Little bitty high school kids necklace. Plus I hate duo gifts. Get me something for both. These are two separate occasions. I don't care how small but get me something for both. My bff told me I need to start being selfish and telling what I want. So I was appreciative and wore my necklace and told him how much I appreciate it but told him I wanted something with the baby's birthstone. I picked out a David yurman necklace and asked for the money for it. He gave it to me no problem on the spot! I guess I need to ease up off the spontaneity thing for a minute. And just ask for what I want.
 
He took a lot of Liberty with my list a bought an Apple Watch. Sir, ain't nobody got time to be deleting all these apps and songs to pair these devices. :cry3:
I am excited about picking this bag later:afro:
 
My husband bought me an Asus ZenPad 10 and bluetooth keyboard, and a mother and child locket. He said he saw the look I gave him when he said he bought his mother a locket (because I had asked for one for my birthday but couldn't make up my mind), so he took a shot and got this one. I love it, it's simple enough that I can wear it everyday.

I felt like I didn't get him enough (new shoes for work and a Chromecast), so I told him I would buy him something else. He wanted Versace cologne, so I ordered it for him - he's got a nice little collection going now.
 
This man is acting incredibly insecure. I go into the city to buy a purse and he has convinced himself that I went to see someone. Like seriously? You travel all the time, sometimes with women and I have never. You drove all the way to Atlanta for lunch with an old coworker and I did not say a thing- but one random trip to give myself a better shopping selection and all of a sudden there's a man at the end of the trip. He most definitely can kiss my whole as.
Guilty conscience?
You cannot put a leash on me. I will not announce every move that I make, never have and never will. Deal with it.
 
Taleah2009 said:
I think if you look at the good he does, you can overlook the bad. Not saying it won't irk the hell out of you, but every time his shortcomings arise, try to think of 2 things he does well. I reckon it will be easier with practice and time.

For me personally, when I think about my DH shortcomings, I also think about my own and how he doesn't nag me about having the house super clean all the time, washing clothes and not folding them right away etc. I just remember I am not perfect either and I am sure I do things that irk the hell out of him as well. So they helps to not harp on him about certain things.

And also, I know the man I married, and I know certain things he will never do. I knew that going on.
Click to expand...
I too am struggling with this. And honestly focusing on his good is not helping. Because all of what he is not doing leaves me exhausted and frustrated. I have a very very demanding career, I am the breadwinner even if he wasn't being taken to the cleaners in child support but all my husband does consistently is 'straighten' the house. I don't say clean because if my fridge, microwave and toilets still require me to clean them then all you did was straighten up. I take our son to get haircuts, he rarely does it, I take care of all of the kids needs (4 altogether) whether its school supplies clothes whatever. I buy the groceries and cook the food, i do all the laundry, I work 60 hours a week and while he is the one with the degree he settles for making less because he's comfortable so his refusal to get the financial burden off me grinds my gears especially like I said since his CS is a huge bill. One which we may could have avoided had he listened to me. He's off this week and I'm still coming home from work and insane commuter traffic to hop right on in the kitchen because he refuses to cook or hell order a pizza. We have no romance, he can't afford to do anything ever for me. And then still wants a coloring buddy every single night!!! I'm literally at my wits end and ready to write a strawberry letter to Steve and Shirley. My husband is a good person but just so immature and selfish. He doesn't love any of us as much as he loves himself and I'm so over that. I wish someone would have knocked the rose-colored glasses off my face before I said I do. I feel trapped. I don't want to put my step son through another divorce, DH is the only father my son knows and we have a daughter together. I don't want to break up my family and its not like he's out cheating on me but I'm just so sad that my marriage is literally going stale after only 6 years. Our coloring life is the bare minimum. I won't hold it back but its been a minute since I put in work because I just don't see him like that right now. Its been 3 years of this cycle and even though i keep begging for a change he just doesn't get it. I'm sad everyday because I am married to someone I don't love like that anymore but I really want to. UGH. I am open to any suggestions!!
 
TBird said:
I too am struggling with this. And honestly focusing on his good is not helping. Because all of what he is not doing leaves me exhausted and frustrated. I have a very very demanding career, I am the breadwinner even if he wasn't being taken to the cleaners in child support but all my husband does consistently is 'straighten' the house. I don't say clean because if my fridge, microwave and toilets still require me to clean them then all you did was straighten up. I take our son to get haircuts, he rarely does it, I take care of all of the kids needs (4 altogether) whether its school supplies clothes whatever. I buy the groceries and cook the food, i do all the laundry, I work 60 hours a week and while he is the one with the degree he settles for making less because he's comfortable so his refusal to get the financial burden off me grinds my gears especially like I said since his CS is a huge bill. One which we may could have avoided had he listened to me. He's off this week and I'm still coming home from work and insane commuter traffic to hop right on in the kitchen because he refuses to cook or hell order a pizza. We have no romance, he can't afford to do anything ever for me. And then still wants a coloring buddy every single night!!! I'm literally at my wits end and ready to write a strawberry letter to Steve and Shirley. My husband is a good person but just so immature and selfish. He doesn't love any of us as much as he loves himself and I'm so over that. I wish someone would have knocked the rose-colored glasses off my face before I said I do. I feel trapped. I don't want to put my step son through another divorce, DH is the only father my son knows and we have a daughter together. I don't want to break up my family and its not like he's out cheating on me but I'm just so sad that my marriage is literally going stale after only 6 years. Our coloring life is the bare minimum. I won't hold it back but its been a minute since I put in work because I just don't see him like that right now. Its been 3 years of this cycle and even though i keep begging for a change he just doesn't get it. I'm sad everyday because I am married to someone I don't love like that anymore but I really want to. UGH. I am open to any suggestions!!
Click to expand...


***Hugs***

I can feel how hurt and fed up you from your post. This sounds soooo fustrating. @hopeful any words of wisdom?
 
TBird,
I'm so sorry you are going through this, it is ashame. Do you have shared accounts? The first thing I would do is separate the accounts and turn over some bills to him. Nothing major, just something that can get the responsibility ball rolling. If you havent already done so start saving some money for yourself. If possible, dont go straight home find time for yourself. Text him a duty like, "Im going to be late order pizza for kids" when he text you with excuses dont answer. He needs a reality check,your not his mother but his partner.

I dealt with a similiar issue and have high blood pressure to show for it. While we steady trying to be a rock and help mate, they go through life unbothered. I learned to invest in me, focus on me and be selfish, he will live.
 
@TBird use your money on you and your biological children and prepare yourself to have to be the sole provider (even though you basically already are) for the 3 of you if you decide it's best for you and your children for him to leave (because I wouldn't advise a woman to leave her place she's been paying for with her kids...). It sounds like you are basically carrying your household, him, and his other child(ren). You taking care of 4 kids' needs while he's chilling and you only birthed 2?! No ma'am. Self-preservation!

Don't let yourself get stressed out to the point you are sick/dead and your children are left without you... because then where would they be.......
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsBKJ
Im gettin' married...I gave in!!
2
Replies
40
Views
1K
MrsBKJ
MrsBKJ
Glib Gurl
What are your "Marriage Musts"?
Replies
29
Views
735
JustKiya
JustKiya
Julessy
Tradition: Children before Marriage...thoughts?
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Julessy
Julessy
yokoyokogirl
Married and never divorced: Big deal or not?
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Aveena
A
movingforward13
Married Ladies - Question
Replies
4
Views
262
movingforward13
movingforward13
Back
Top