Married Ladies Random Thoughts

delitefulmane said:
What do you do with your bonuses you receive from work? (Add it to your join savings account? Go on a shopping spree? )

I'd especially like to hear from @hopeful @HisBestFriend @Taleah2009 !!!
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@delitefulmane We always put something into the joint account; no matter how small the amount. The amount in the joint account depends on the current household circumstances.

One year I received a bonus and we put it all in the joint account because we wanted to go on a trip. Then another year I received a bonus and had been eyeing a few expensive items for myself. That year I put $50.00 in the joint account. I remember the amount because DH still makes jokes, that I coulda kept my little ole money!
 
My hope is that as I get older and wiser I care less about what others think. DH told me that we won't be visiting his people for Thanksgiving. We will only visit my family because they know that I feel uncomfortable around his mother and they have been quite stand off Ish to me. I felt so bad I start peddling backwards. I said I don't want them to think that I'm taking you away from them or that this was my idea. You can go spend time with your family and I spend time with mine. He said we are a unit so we won't be going to my family's. I thought about it. My mom is the example of a a bougie woman that wouldn't care if they felt some kind of way about us not some or not. Either get right or miss us. Plus I need to learn to follow his leadership more. He doesn't lead often but he is trying. I'm going to enjoy this holiday. Eat a lot of food lol and be thankful my DH made a decision and stuck with it.
 
I had the baby shower last week. His in laws came down and didn't say hardly a word to me. Came in and sat down and we're so dry that it was awkward. Got to their present, they bought us a nice expensive swing with elephants all over it. (Not on our registry) (I'm an AKA though lol). I said "look at the pretty elephants" sarcastically as I was opening it up to my delta friend and the inlaws blew up. They said I better be happy I got that. And it was very expensive. They could take their gift back. And I could take the elephant off if I didn't like it. Talking loud and fussing in front of my guests at the baby shower. Then afterwards MIL barged her way in and wanted me to get my dr to write a script for her to stay two weeks in our house after baby is born to take care of me. No mam.

1. I'm returning the swing. My BFF said I was being a little petty but I really don't like elephants lol. It's an AKA thing. They make the same swing with teddy bears. I'll get that or a gift card for something in the future.
2. DH told MIL she can't stay if she's going to annoy or criticize me and it makes me feel uncomfortable so she can't. I plan on going into detail if he opportunity arises. I need to stop being so scaredy and not wanting to be rude to these people.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I had the baby shower last week. His in laws came down and didn't say hardly a word to me. Came in and sat down and we're so dry that it was awkward. Got to their present, they bought us a nice expensive swing with elephants all over it. (Not on our registry) (I'm an AKA though lol). I said "look at the pretty elephants" sarcastically as I was opening it up to my delta friend and the inlaws blew up. They said I better be happy I got that. And it was very expensive. They could take their gift back. And I could take the elephant off if I didn't like it. Talking loud and fussing in front of my guests at the baby shower. Then afterwards MIL barged her way in and wanted me to get my dr to write a script for her to stay two weeks in our house after baby is born to take care of me. No mam.

1. I'm returning the swing. My BFF said I was being a little petty but I really don't like elephants lol. It's an AKA thing. They make the same swing with teddy bears. I'll get that or a gift card for something in the future.
2. DH told MIL she can't stay if she's going to annoy or criticize me and it makes me feel uncomfortable so she can't. I plan on going into detail if he opportunity arises. I need to stop being so scaredy and not wanting to be rude to these people.
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I love the fact that he told her straight up how her drama and narcissistic ways are not wanted around his wife and baby. I'm even happier about the fact that he CHOSE to stay away from them this Thanksgiving knowing how uncomfortable it would make you. He's protecting you! :amen:
Now this MIL is a real thorn. Just reading about her and the rest of the family makes my blood boil. :mad: I'm super petty so they are lucky not to have me as a DIL. :look: They would just see pictures.
 
PrissiSippi said:
My hope is that as I get older and wiser I care less about what others think. DH told me that we won't be visiting his people for Thanksgiving. We will only visit my family because they know that I feel uncomfortable around his mother and they have been quite stand off Ish to me. I felt so bad I start peddling backwards. I said I don't want them to think that I'm taking you away from them or that this was my idea. You can go spend time with your family and I spend time with mine. He said we are a unit so we won't be going to my family's. I thought about it. My mom is the example of a a bougie woman that wouldn't care if they felt some kind of way about us not some or not. Either get right or miss us. Plus I need to learn to follow his leadership more. He doesn't lead often but he is trying. I'm going to enjoy this holiday. Eat a lot of food lol and be thankful my DH made a decision and stuck with it.
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look at him!
 
PrissiSippi said:
I had the baby shower last week. His in laws came down and didn't say hardly a word to me. Came in and sat down and we're so dry that it was awkward. Got to their present, they bought us a nice expensive swing with elephants all over it. (Not on our registry) (I'm an AKA though lol). I said "look at the pretty elephants" sarcastically as I was opening it up to my delta friend and the inlaws blew up. They said I better be happy I got that. And it was very expensive. They could take their gift back. And I could take the elephant off if I didn't like it. Talking loud and fussing in front of my guests at the baby shower. Then afterwards MIL barged her way in and wanted me to get my dr to write a script for her to stay two weeks in our house after baby is born to take care of me. No mam.

1. I'm returning the swing. My BFF said I was being a little petty but I really don't like elephants lol. It's an AKA thing. They make the same swing with teddy bears. I'll get that or a gift card for something in the future.
2. DH told MIL she can't stay if she's going to annoy or criticize me and it makes me feel uncomfortable so she can't. I plan on going into detail if he opportunity arises. I need to stop being so scaredy and not wanting to be rude to these people.
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Petty and shady. You're right to return it.
 
MrsMe said:
I love the fact that he told her straight up how her drama and narcissistic ways are not wanted around his wife and baby. I'm even happier about the fact that he CHOSE to stay away from them this Thanksgiving knowing how uncomfortable it would make you. He's protecting you! :amen:
Now this MIL is a real thorn. Just reading about her and the rest of the family makes my blood boil. :mad: I'm super petty so they are lucky not to have me as a DIL. :look: They would just see pictures.
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And he did it right in front of me. Lots of times he says he has tried to talk to his mother but it's always when I'm not around. As soon as she brought up she was gonna stay with us two weeks he told her twice no because I need time to bond with the baby and don't need people criticizing me then. At the baby shower. That made me feel so happy. Y'all just don't know. I almost cried.
 
Just a little military vent:
My husband received orders to be stationed in Hawaii in August and leaves December 5th. With the help of his Chief, I received my assignment to go with him in February a little less than two weeks ago. We go on leave for Thanksgiving break and this Sunday I received an email that my assignment to join him was canceled because I elected to separate from the military. I did no such thing. Now I'm battling to have my assignment reinstated so that I can join my husband. My supervisor called yesterday and said I should get my assignment back once the paperwork for extending my contract goes through but the office that handles assignments told me that I may or may not get my assignment back :cry3:.

I just want everything to work out. This will be the longest my husband and I have been separated. We used to work in the same shop for a while so I got used to being with him 24/7 or seeing him at work even when we worked different shifts. I've been in tears or close to tears all day, and it has only been two days. I've made a daily to do list for this week to keep myself busy and hanging out at barnes and noble so that I'm not in my lonely apartment. Although I feel guilty for leaving my cat alone...I've even been looking into the process of changing my last name because I miss our closeness even though I was originally opposed to that idea :drunk:. Okay I'm done...
 
I'm thankful for this thread. It made me realize some things. Now I must admit it takes me a LONG time to learn and 2017 will have to be a time of growth for me relationship wise (as this year).

I addressed it as soon as it happened yesterday. DH came in with McDonalds. Didn't bring me anything. Didn't ask if I wanted anything. I was calm but I stated the facts. This is what I am talking about. Pregnant or not you will not walk into this house with food and you didn't buy me any. Then you want to hide behind the so sad "Nice guys finish last" statement but is this nice? Is the fact that you know ways that you could lighten my load but you don't nice? Is the fact that you've had business ideas but NEVER acted on not one of them "NICE".

He claims I'm focusing on the one time he didn't bring me food and not the millions of times he did including this week. It really doesn't matter at NO TIME PERIOD should he walk into the house with food for himself but not for his family.

But he's such a "nice guy". It feels like it's so easy to be "a nice guy" but what is a "nice girl?" Aren't I that? And if so...don't I deserve more?

I compared him to Lawrence on Insecure. Just because he was smart and loyal he's supposed to be a catch? He's supposed to be one of the "nice" guys even though he sat around day after day with no plan in action to get a job or even help Issa. He was "nice" even though he forgot her birthday and half arsed it. It's not enough and yeah I've been distance. I don't cater to his needs. But he doesn't make it easy to do such. I was honest with myself. I probably won't ever be able to cater to his needs without him making a honest effort to cater to mine. That's my flaw.

I won't remind him to do nice things for me WITHOUT me asking like: buy me food, wash my car, rub my feet, take on the dishes, and etc. But I do expect it and if he can't do it....I have no qualms about leaving.

We went over this budget thing again. We're going to try the envelope method for both of us. We make way too much money to ever be broke. Boy bye. I understand where he is coming from though. I get paid monthly. He gets paid every two weeks. How he has it 70% of the bills come out on one check and then the next check a few more bills come out. Because of this one check leaves him broke. One check leaves him with a little pocket change. I don't know how to fix that. I'm not willing to do the joint account. I feel like it benefits him a lot more than me and will take away from my savings....And I'm in preparing and *** it mode.
 
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@PrissiSippi I think it's rare (maybe not on LHCF, but in real life) for one person's income to cover all of the household bills, needs, and wants for two adults living together in marriage. Part of the reason your husband may be struggling is he's using his sole income to provide for two working adults and that's why he doesn't have extra cash.

If you want to save all of your money and not contribute to the bills (or not contribute more than you currently are) it may be necessary to adjust your budget so that the two of you are spending less.

You're about to be three people trying to live off of one income and I think that will hurt you more than being a family living off of two incomes. I'm not suggesting living beyond your means, but is there a reason you don't want to spend your salary towards family needs?
 
toaster said:
@PrissiSippi I think it's rare (maybe not on LHCF, but in real life) for one person's income to cover all of the household bills, needs, and wants for two adults living together in marriage. Part of the reason your husband may be struggling is he's using his sole income to provide for two working adults and that's why he doesn't have extra cash.

If you want to save all of your money and not contribute to the bills (or not contribute more than you currently are) it may be necessary to adjust your budget so that the two of you are spending less.

You're about to be three people trying to live off of one income and I think that will hurt you more than being a family living off of two incomes. I'm not suggesting living beyond your means, but is there a reason you don't want to spend your salary towards family needs?
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I agree but He doesn't pay all the household bills. I pay electricity, groceries, house gas, an extra amount on the house, the down-payment on the house, and then my bills (cell phone, car note, my savings). He is responsible for the house note (which is not over $800), internet, and the security bill and the water bill. He does have a car note and student loans, but I don't feel like his bill amount is unreasonable. His household bills is $950. My household bills are $800. Then we each have our own personal bills (car, phone, and etc.)
 
PrissiSippi said:
I agree but He doesn't pay all the household bills. I pay electricity, groceries, house gas, an extra amount on the house, the down-payment on the house, and then my bills (cell phone, car note, my savings). He is responsible for the house note (which is not over $800), internet, and the security bill and the water bill.
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Ooh. I read your original post as saying he paid all bills and you could save all your take home pay.

Nevermind!
 
PrissiSippi said:
I agree but He doesn't pay all the household bills. I pay electricity, groceries, house gas, an extra amount on the house, the down-payment on the house, and then my bills (cell phone, car note, my savings). He is responsible for the house note (which is not over $800), internet, and the security bill and the water bill. He does have a car note and student loans, but I don't feel like his bill amount is unreasonable. His household bills is $950. My household bills are $800. Then we each have our own personal bills (car, phone, and etc.)
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Hey!
I know you said your not willing to do a joint account- but would you consider doing a joint account solely for the household bills - you both contribute a set amount to that account and you pay the household bills from that account?
This ensures that all of the household bills get paid regardless and then it will up to him to budget his money and manage the rest of his personal bills such as student loans, car, etc.
 
futurelonglocks said:
Hey!
I know you said your not willing to do a joint account- but would you consider doing a joint account solely for the household bills - you both contribute a set amount to that account and you pay the household bills from that account?
This ensures that all of the household bills get paid regardless and then it will up to him to budget his money and manage the rest of his personal bills such as student loans, car, etc.
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Hmm that sounds doable right there. I could do that tomorrow after work.
 
I feel so bad. I was supposed to help my husband fix up the back of his hair, but I ended up cutting out a chunk of it because there was no guide comb on it! I feel awful.

But here's the kind of man he is. Instead of being rightfully pissed, he said it wasn't entirely my fault. He said he should have put the comb back on or reminded me to do it, so it was his fault too. Fortunately the back is short and his hair grows fast so it will even out sooner than later, but I feel so dumb for not putting the comb on. I bet he'll never ask me to help him cut his hair again. :(
 
DH really came through today. These last few weeks I feel like a sloth. I literally can't get enough sleep or rest. Plus round ligament pain is no joke. After work all I can do is sleep. I gave DH a grocery list (keep in mind he has never grocery shopped before besides junk food) and sent him to get some Christmas decorations so I can decorate the outside a little tomorrow and he did great!!! All I had to do was sit back and relax since I cooked an easy quick meal. It felt so good.
 
Took the elephant swing back lol. Felt bad at first but honestly I took it back for the exact same swing just in rainforest animals and not elephants PLUS it was cheaper and I had $30 left over for diapers. Lol. So Yolo!

In laws popped over without warning earlier even though DH told them I stay in the bed all day after work these days. They talked to me then went straight to the back to see the swing. Lol. It's gone. Long gone. :angeldevil:It might have been petty and out of my nature lol but yolo. Charge it up to being resourceful or something.
 
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