Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Trip went okay. We didn't talk that much. I guess that's on me. I told him I felt a little lonely from a lack of talking much lately. lol He sighed and told me his head hurt. So then the convo was dropped. However, when I got back home he gave me $100 towards the baby shower/baby/me out of the blue and told me to spend it on whatever I thought I wanted/needed. I've bought everything we need for the baby over the months. So I went and got a nice pedicure/manicure and I'll probably get a prenatal massage. I'm going to make him an oreo cheesecake out of appreciation and just try to start talking more. It just seems we don't play as much as I want.
 
@PrissiSippi
I'm unsure if rewarding him for giving you the money is going to send the message that you want.
You NEED to talk, express, communicate. That doesn't appear to be how he needs to feel connected BUT he NEEDS to learn it for the sake of your marriage.
You need to figure out a good time to approach this topic before it gets worse.
If he's open to reading with you, ya'll should read the book on love languages.
 
I've been so busy with work and school lately I feel like my husband has been making all the sexual advances, while I haven't said no, I think he wants me to take the initiative more frequently. So tonight we are going to an engagement party and I'm going to get liquored up and flirt with him all night and put it on him later :)
 
Fine 4s said:
@PrissiSippi
I'm unsure if rewarding him for giving you the money is going to send the message that you want.
You NEED to talk, express, communicate. That doesn't appear to be how he needs to feel connected BUT he NEEDS to learn it for the sake of your marriage.
You need to figure out a good time to approach this topic before it gets worse.
If he's open to reading with you, ya'll should read the book on love languages.
Click to expand...
Well I don't know what to do lol. We read that book. His love language is touch. Mine is acts of service and gifts. Our problem is I won't give him affection because he won't give me acts of service unless I tell him exactly what to do. So we're stuck. I've been giving him the cold shoulder for about two months because I have been tired of him acting slow. It's like everyone else thinks he is husband of the year and it makes me look like a friggin monster. I DO appreciate him giving me $100 though because he has never done that before and he even asked was it anything I needed and that's a big pet peeve of mine....he NEVER asks if I need anything but when things get done around the house he takes all the credit and brags to his people at work like he's the one doing all this stuff.

Case and point. He has complained about the tree in our backyard for ages. Says it has snakes under it, he can't mow because the tree is too low, he doesn't have the right tools to trim it, it needs to go, yada yada. I tell him I'm going to get an estimate to get the tree cut. I get an estimate and we talk about getting the tree cut. He's the one who goes out with the guy to get the estimate so he knows how much it costs. Doesn't ask if I need anything on it just says yeah the tree needs to go lol. I get the tree cut down. He brags to his friends and work that we got our tree cut down and gets the number to send to them. BUT YOU DIDN'T HELP PAY FOR IT OR EVEN ASK IF I WAS OKAY. I was a little irritated about that. I let it go.

We go out to eat. I order a pizza and at the register he says, "So how are we gonna do this?" (I don't know how to play dumb or be aloof). I said I guess I'll pay for this pizza. The pizza costs $20. He instead only buy a $6 salad. Then proceeds to ask me for half of the the pizza. if you knew you were going to eat the pizza and we were going out to eat...ummm why didn't you just pay for it? But on the outside looking in he tells my mom and others....oh I took Priss on a date the other day. lol

He plays dumb so I've been playing crazy.
 
PrissiSippi said:
We go out to eat. I order a pizza and at the register he says, "So how are we gonna do this?" (I don't know how to play dumb or be aloof). I said I guess I'll pay for this pizza. The pizza costs $20. He instead only buy a $6 salad. Then proceeds to ask me for half of the the pizza. if you knew you were going to eat the pizza and we were going out to eat...ummm why didn't you just pay for it? But on the outside looking in he tells my mom and others....oh I took Priss on a date the other day. lol

He plays dumb so I've been playing crazy.
Click to expand...

I wish DH would!!! When he asked how at the register I woulda said he could pick which card in his wallet he wanted to use. I mean you're not only his wife but his pregnant wife... heck even a new girlfriend wouldn't have paid for her own pizza.

Eta. Our accounts are joint, and I still wouldn't have pulled anything out.
 
Dee-Licious said:
I wish DH would!!! When he asked how at the register I woulda said he could pick which card in his wallet he wanted to use. I mean you're not only his wife but his pregnant wife... heck even a new girlfriend wouldn't have paid for her own pizza.

Eta. Our accounts are joint, and I still wouldn't have pulled anything out.
Click to expand...
I go back and forth like I know I'm not crazy for how I feel but on the other hand I feel ungrateful. Like my mom told me to be grateful because I was able to get the tree taken down only because he pays the full house note. And I guess that's true too. Man life has too many gray areas
 
@PrissiSippi
I'm hoping other women can chime in to share some strategies on money management in a marriage. I suspect this arrangement wasn't discussed prior to marriage, meaning this is how we're going to roll....
I'm thinking @Mai Tai or @hopeful can have some tips to share.
Sorry Prissi. Don't stress during this pregnancy though!
 
Fine 4s said:
@PrissiSippi
I'm hoping other women can chime in to share some strategies on money management in a marriage. I suspect this arrangement wasn't discussed prior to marriage, meaning this is how we're going to roll....
I'm thinking @Mai Tai or @hopeful can have some tips to share.
Sorry Prissi. Don't stress during this pregnancy though!
Click to expand...

I've already given my advice to PrissiSipi re her situation.
 
Fine 4s said:
@PrissiSippi
I'm hoping other women can chime in to share some strategies on money management in a marriage. I suspect this arrangement wasn't discussed prior to marriage, meaning this is how we're going to roll....
I'm thinking @Mai Tai or @hopeful can have some tips to share.
Sorry Prissi. Don't stress during this pregnancy though!
Click to expand...
Man ain't no helping this situation. I feel like I'm just buying time. But I realize the hormones might have stifled my feelings a lot so I'm truly waiting to see how I feel. This is what I always wanted. I really do have a really supportive man that is soooo sweet to me. (Just spent two hours hooking up my moms phone and computer system, drove me to a conference last minute I had to go to and didn't complain not one bit, and etc. )

I've received some great advice in this thread. We have money problems. To solve it we need to combine finances so I can help manage them better and see what's going on. I'm too scared to do it. I don't want him seeing that I spend my money on a lot of frivolous things but still manage to save a lot. And I'm scared if having arguements with him now cuz they take us nowhere.

I will forever feel he's a great guy but just had mama's boy tendencies. But now I have so much on the line (Like if he's this passive aggressive now will he be passive in raising our son?) I just dunno how long Ima keep this up. I plan on going to marriage counseling soon once again.
 
PrissiSippi said:
ems. To solve it we need to combine finances so I can help manage them better and see what's going on. I'm too scared to do it. I don't want him seeing that I spend my money on a lot of frivolous things but still manage to save a lot.
.
Click to expand...

How about a discretionary spending fund for both of you -based on what's left over after expenses, 401 k etc.

With baby coming i think both of you are going to have cut back on frivolous spending (daycare? college fund etc)
 
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If you listen to podcasts, try listening to the David Ramsey show and attending their Financial Peace University together to help you BOTH manage money better. I wish you both the best!
 
One of my very close friends told me that she sees marriage as a commitment for life. I asked her was there a non negotiable for what she would not tolerate and leave her husband for. She said no. Why do we love our kids unconditionally but have conditional love for our husband ? She told me she doesn't think of marriage in that way. She as once starring down divorce and is church going. She said if her husband wanted to leave that she couldn't make him stay but that she doesn't look at divorce as the option anymore. Hmmmmm....
 
Sky said:
One of my very close friends told me that she sees marriage as a commitment for life. I asked her was there a non negotiable for what she would not tolerate and leave her husband for. She said no. Why do we love our kids unconditionally but have conditional love for our husband ? She told me she doesn't think of marriage in that way. She as once starring down divorce and is church going. She said if her husband wanted to leave that she couldn't make him stay but that she doesn't look at divorce as the option anymore. Hmmmmm....
Click to expand...

I think it's very human to conditionally love your husband. I mean if he goes out here and beats me, will I still love him? If he loses his job and refuses to find another for years and is unable to provide for his family would I be okay with that? I think Relationships are working partnerships. However the bond I have with a child that is mine is incomparable to that.
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
How about a discretionary spending fund for both of you -based on what's left over after expenses, 401 k etc.

With baby coming i think both of you are going to have cut back on frivolous spending (daycare? college fund etc)
Click to expand...
I'm scared. :look: But I think I could do that. I'ma talk

I saved all the money the money for that. Daycare for a year and baby's college fund is scheduled to auto draft starting in January. But yeeeessss! Me and BFF are on a no spend challenge as we speak. My problems are frivolous spending.Spending when bored. I think DH problem is not tracking money and giving it to family.
 
Having faith in God n patience has really got us through some hard times.. n not that everything now is sunshine n rainbows.. I can say we can now talk about those hot button topics without arguing or hurt feelings.. marriage is definitely a test n u have to put in real work .. but all in all I love being married to my imperfect man..
 
Qtee said:
Having faith in God n patience has really got us through some hard times.. n not that everything now is sunshine n rainbows.. I can say we can now talk about those hot button topics without arguing or hurt feelings.. marriage is definitely a test n u have to put in real work .. but all in all I love being married to my imperfect man..
Click to expand...
That gave me some hope and was beautifully written
 
FoxxyLocs said:
Baby is barely 2 weeks old and DH is already trying to get some. You have another month to go sir, lol. He keeps telling me I look good which I appreciate, cuz these nursing bras and granny panties do not make a girl feel sexy.
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lol that's so cute!!! I dunno nursing bras kinda gotta edge to them. One snap, that's all lol.
 
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