Married Ladies Random Thoughts

tilati said:
Most men don't get hinting. You should just ask on a pleasant manner.

Trust I tried hinting. I wanted my dh to be romantic and think about those little things. It left us both miserable. I was angry and he was sad because he didn't know how to please me.

Now 8 years into my marriage I can say we are really happy. Tired, overwhelmed and happy lol. My dh is so happy to make me happy, I just say what I want and he gladly comply.

And I read your other posts and wanted to add. As a couple we didn't do pregnancy well. I wanted out and vented about it on this thread. First pregnancy was the worst. The 2 others we were more prepared lol. Hang in there. I really think you all will figure it out.
Click to expand...
I really hope so. I go back and forth not wanting to post about stuff on here.

I blame myself for not knowing the proper way to communicate to get what I want and what we need.

It's just all frustrating and I'm emotional.

Just the other day I found a receipt for a pay day loan. Who in their right mind does pay day loans. Especially when we have minimum bills. Then I find out the security system bill which is in my name has been late for two months and is behind about $100. Even though this is my credit do u think he told me? Never mind the fact why can't he pay a $45 bill when the only other thing he pays is the house note. (It's less than $800). Bruh I get it he's not the financial person like me but this is all just annoying. Put it on auto pay and keep going.
 
tilati said:
Most men don't get hinting. You should just ask on a pleasant manner.

Trust I tried hinting. I wanted my dh to be romantic and think about those little things. It left us both miserable. I was angry and he was sad because he didn't know how to please me.

Now 8 years into my marriage I can say we are really happy. Tired, overwhelmed and happy lol. My dh is so happy to make me happy, I just say what I want and he gladly comply.

And I read your other posts and wanted to add. As a couple we didn't do pregnancy well. I wanted out and vented about it on this thread. First pregnancy was the worst. The 2 others we were more prepared lol. Hang in there. I really think you all will figure it out.
Click to expand...


This was the case for me as well. We both had one child prior to marriage and we just had a baby 7 months ago. We did not do pregnancy well at all. Matter of fact I wanted to kill my husband lol. I could not stand the sight of him and trough the told he probably didn't like me either. I decided no more pregnancies for us because of my age, it was taxing on my body, and my marriage wouldn't have survived it.
 
futurelonglocks said:
This was the case for me as well. We both had one child prior to marriage and we just had a baby 7 months ago. We did not do pregnancy well at all. Matter of fact I wanted to kill my husband lol. I could not stand the sight of him and trough the told he probably didn't like me either. I decided no more pregnancies for us because of my age, it was taxing on my body, and my marriage wouldn't have survived it.
Click to expand...

Congratulations on the new addition! My DH and I didn't do well with my pregnancy either since it was all so quick and unexpected. The first couple of weeks after we found out were awful and I was so stressed, I really didn't think we were going to make it. He got better toward the end, though. We both want to have at least one more child, but it won't be for another couple of years. And I've gotta see how DS turns out before I can decide if I want to do it again lol.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I really hope so. I go back and forth not wanting to post about stuff on here.

I blame myself for not knowing the proper way to communicate to get what I want and what we need.

It's just all frustrating and I'm emotional.

Just the other day I found a receipt for a pay day loan. Who in their right mind does pay day loans. Especially when we have minimum bills. Then I find out the security system bill which is in my name has been late for two months and is behind about $100. Even though this is my credit do u think he told me? Never mind the fact why can't he pay a $45 bill when the only other thing he pays is the house note. (It's less than $800). Bruh I get it he's not the financial person like me but this is all just annoying. Put it on auto pay and keep going.
Click to expand...
Sorry to interrupt- but does your husband gamble? Some of your posts about his financial situation suggest you may not have a clear understanding of where his money is going. Is it possible he's hiding a gambling addiction?
 
toaster said:
Sorry to interrupt- but does your husband gamble? Some of your posts about his financial situation suggest you may not have a clear understanding of where his money is going. Is it possible he's hiding a gambling addiction?
Click to expand...
Nahhh. I really think he's giving it to family though. And plus we're young and he doesn't ask for advice. He makes a decent amount so he's paying a lot on student loans but he still should have pleeeeenty left over.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Nahhh. I really think he's giving it to family though. And plus we're young and he doesn't ask for advice. He makes a decent amount so he's paying a lot on student loans but he still should have pleeeeenty left over.
Click to expand...
So why doesn't he?
Taking out loans etc his unfocused attitudes. Actually very telling of an addiction. Whether it be gambling or drugs.
 
frogkisses said:
So why doesn't he?
Taking out loans etc his unfocused attitudes. Actually very telling of an addiction. Whether it be gambling or drugs.
Click to expand...

Agree this is something deeper for sure. He could sports betting/casino, etc.. doesn't add up. Addiction will definitely cause a lot of issues.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Nahhh. I really think he's giving it to family though. And plus we're young and he doesn't ask for advice. He makes a decent amount so he's paying a lot on student loans but he still should have pleeeeenty left over.
Click to expand...

You (and your son once he is here) are his family now. He needs to understand that! Otherwise they will just continue to take and take and take and there will be nothing left for you and the baby.
 
Miss617 said:
You (and your son once he is here) are his family now. He needs to understand that! Otherwise they will just continue to take and take and take and there will be nothing left for you and the baby.
Click to expand...

This. Any additional money he has instead of going to other family could go towards saving for daycare expenses... college fund... whatever for your son. Have you tried having this discussion with him?
 
PrissiSippi said:
Nahhh. I really think he's giving it to family though. And plus we're young and he doesn't ask for advice. He makes a decent amount so he's paying a lot on student loans but he still should have pleeeeenty left over.
Click to expand...

Is there any way you guys could get a joint account dedicated to bills and misc family expenses? You could have a certain amount of his paycheck go there and take the responsibility of paying bills from this account. Something definitely needs to be set in place before the baby gets here and it doesn't sound like he's the best with money
 
FoxxyLocs said:
Giving it to his family is also a reasonable explanation. They probably aren't used to him having other responsibilities and make him feel guilty if he tries to say no.
Click to expand...
I really think it's family. Remember before I said something baout them going behidn my back telling him he shouldnt pay nothing but half of the house note and I'm "ta
Dee-Licious said:
This. Any additional money he has instead of going to other family could go towards saving for daycare expenses... college fund... whatever for your son. Have you tried having this discussion with him?
Click to expand...
he hides it. He claims he doesn't give money to them. But why are they so adamant that he only pay half of the house not instead of paying the full thing? Or telling him that I'm draining him dry but he only pays four bills house, security, water, and internet. To me it's just so they can get more money. I know he was doing this when we were dating but he claims he stopped but I wouldn't know.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I really think it's family. Remember before I said something baout them going behidn my back telling him he shouldnt pay nothing but half of the house note and I'm "ta

he hides it. He claims he doesn't give money to them. But why are they so adamant that he only pay half of the house not instead of paying the full thing? Or telling him that I'm draining him dry but he only pays four bills house, security, water, and internet. To me it's just so they can get more money. I know he was doing this when we were dating but he claims he stopped but I wouldn't know.
Click to expand...

I want to fight them on your behalf.

How can his pregnant wife "drain him dry"? What on earth?
 
NinaShamone said:
I want to fight them on your behalf.

How can his pregnant wife "drain him dry"? What on earth?
Click to expand...

Seriously. They ain't even my in-laws and I'm bout *this* close to breaking out the vaseline.

I'm not ashamed to say I told my DH he needed to stop running to his family everytime they needed something. And this was before we had DS. He is married to you. His obligation is to you and your child. Going behind your back to give money to his family is deceitful. I don't understand why he doesn't understand this!

Let me go eat my Ben & Jerry's and get ready to put this child to bed. Got my pressure all up and ****.
 
Ditto

Our house would be turned upside down if anyone is compromising the finances.

Dh and I had a discussion about this early as I noticed he was mister money bags

I had him tell everyone the bank is closed... Im focusing on my own family

Love you. God bless.

I don't give an edf no money leaves this house/ bank accounts without my knowledge.

Still love you family but nope.

Pay day loan that seems pretty serious that can really significantly mess up your credit!!!!

Hellll nah!! We need to talk babes!!!

Blood pressure on a billion.:angry2:

NinaShamone said:
I want to fight them on your behalf.

How can his pregnant wife "drain him dry"? What on earth?
Click to expand...
 
@PrissiSippi I want to apologize because I know it seems like we're all ganging up on your DH. I'm sure we're not telling you anything you don't already know and that you haven't already discussed with him. I just want him to do better for and by you, and I'm sure the other ladies do, too. I think if you frame it in the way @Dee-Licious put it - that that money could be going toward stuff for your son, it might knock some sense into him. Emphasize "our son," but remove yourself from the equation. I think he thinks you'll be good either way, but the baby will be totally dependent and will make him feel needed. (Not saying that you don't, but I get the feeling he doesn't feel like you do.)
 
Miss617 said:
@PrissiSippi I want to apologize because I know it seems like we're all ganging up on your DH. I'm sure we're not telling you anything you don't already know and that you haven't already discussed with him. I just want him to do better for and by you, and I'm sure the other ladies do, too. I think if you frame it in the way @Dee-Licious put it - that that money could be going toward stuff for your son, it might knock some sense into him. Emphasize "our son," but remove yourself from the equation. I think he thinks you'll be good either way, but the baby will be totally dependent and will make him feel needed. (Not saying that you don't, but I get the feeling he doesn't feel like you do.)
Click to expand...
I don't feel like that at all. I feel frustrated like I'm hitting my head consistently against a wall. Like he just doesn't get it. I'm muhh fuhhh tied. But I will use the baby more because I think you're right. He knows I will be good at the end of the day. Baby will not.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't feel like that at all. I feel frustrated like I'm hitting my head consistently against a wall. Like he just doesn't get it. I'm muhh fuhhh tied. But I will use the baby more because I think you're right. He knows I will be good at the end of the day. Baby will not.
Click to expand...

I totally understand. TBH, even though he denies it, my DH started getting some act right when he found out we were having a boy... and everything always comes back to him. There is something to be said about the obligation men feel toward their sons! It's a very powerful thing. Best of luck. :bighug:
 
Daina said:
@hopeful, you are right but difficult to do when my babides are impacted.
Click to expand...
I feel you. You have to gradually release the responsibility to him.
I used to manage EVERYTHING including DH's finances and credit. I gave every kind of advice and built every budget but he still did not listen.
I just stepped back and let him get a headache instead. I thought I was doing him a favor by helping but I was just emasculating him and letting him relax while I stressed.
He's still not what I would call trustworthy in terms of not overspending but he pays all of his bills on time.
 
MrsMe said:
I feel you. You have to gradually release the responsibility to him.
I used to manage EVERYTHING including DH's finances and credit. I gave every kind of advice and built every budget but he still did not listen.
I just stepped back and let him get a headache instead. I thought I was doing him a favor by helping but I was just emasculating him and letting him relax while I stressed.
He's still not what I would call trustworthy in terms of not overspending but he pays all of his bills on time.
Click to expand...

I am going to take this approach next. I make the budget. We have a budget app and my dh still don't pay attention to any of it. It's so annoying
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsBKJ
Im gettin' married...I gave in!!
2
Replies
40
Views
1K
MrsBKJ
MrsBKJ
Glib Gurl
What are your "Marriage Musts"?
Replies
29
Views
735
JustKiya
JustKiya
Julessy
Tradition: Children before Marriage...thoughts?
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Julessy
Julessy
yokoyokogirl
Married and never divorced: Big deal or not?
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Aveena
A
movingforward13
Married Ladies - Question
Replies
4
Views
262
movingforward13
movingforward13
Back
Top