Married Ladies Random Thoughts

I am such a terrible wife. My husband's bday tomorrow and I have yet to get him a gift. Between work, getting my custom sewing business off the ground, taking care of the house and HIM etc. and getting things together for mom's surprise 50th bday party at our house on Friday I don't have the energy to even put thought into his gift.

I did make reservations at this really nice steakhouse we like in Atlantic City and I ordered his cake, but that's it. He is soo picky and is no help! Whenever I ask him what he wants he says he will send it to me and never does. I told him his bday gift will be late and I will worry about it this weekend. I don't have the mental capacity to think about another thing.

Also, tomorrow marks 1yr that we have been legally married. Time has flown by!
 
Taleah2009 said:
I am such a terrible wife. My husband's bday tomorrow and I have yet to get him a gift. Between work, getting my custom sewing business off the ground, taking care of the house and HIM etc. and getting things together for mom's surprise 50th bday party at our house on Friday I don't have the energy to even put thought into his gift.

I did make reservations at this really nice steakhouse we like in Atlantic City and I ordered his cake, but that's it. He is soo picky and is no help! Whenever I ask him what he wants he says he will send it to me and never does. I told him his bday gift will be late and I will worry about it this weekend. I don't have the mental capacity to think about another thing.

Also, tomorrow marks 1yr that we have been legally married. Time has flown by!
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How about not getting him a gift?
I think the restaurant and cake should be enough. That's what I did for my DH Bday. It was a restaurant and lounge.

I'm not really a gift item person. I like outings/events and cash.
 
NijaG said:
How about not getting him a gift?
I think the restaurant and cake should be enough. That's what I did for my DH Bday. It was a restaurant and lounge.

I'm not really a gift item person. I like outings/events and cash.
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It seems like he wouldn't mind if I didn't get him a gift. I have never not gotten him a gift before
 
locabouthair said:
Our first anniversary is next month. I need gift ideas.
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I'm cheesy so I like to do small things that might be sentimental to him/us. He'll likely be happy that you've done something so anything you do will probably be appreciated :) My ideas are:

-something that will remind him of the day you met, the first date, the first kiss or some other significant first in your relationship. You can take him to dinner at the restaurant where you went on a special date or a treat him to a picnic (my favorite) somewhere that is significant to him.

-a gift card or money toward one of his hobbies. I like to put money on his account at the comic book store or a gift card to put money on his online gaming account. I usually keep it a secret so he's surprised when he gets it.

-some men like flowers. You could have flowers or edible arrangements delivered to his job. Even if he's not big on attention, it'll make him feel special.

-if you're artistic, create something special for him (compose a song, a drawing for his office or space, a private dance performance, etc.)

Of course you could always cook/order a nice meal, wear some sexy lingerie and blow his mind with some creative "coloring."

GL and have fun! :D
 
MzSwift said:
I'm cheesy so I like to do small things that might be sentimental to him/us. He'll likely be happy that you've done something so anything you do will probably be appreciated :) My ideas are:

-something that will remind him of the day you met, the first date, the first kiss or some other significant first in your relationship. You can take him to dinner at the restaurant where you went on a special date or a treat him to a picnic (my favorite) somewhere that is significant to him.

-a gift card or money toward one of his hobbies. I like to put money on his account at the comic book store or a gift card to put money on his online gaming account. I usually keep it a secret so he's surprised when he gets it.

-some men like flowers. You could have flowers or edible arrangements delivered to his job. Even if he's not big on attention, it'll make him feel special.

-if you're artistic, create something special for him (compose a song, a drawing for his office or space, a private dance performance, etc.)

Of course you could always cook/order a nice meal, wear some sexy lingerie and blow his mind with some creative "coloring."

GL and have fun! :D
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Thanks for the tips! He hates flowers. He liked babyface and new edition but they aren't performing next month. I may do a wine tasting or a sexy photoshoot.
 
I am cracking up. My husband keeps looking in the mirror talking about he getting fat and he never had a stomach before. LOL. I told him he just needs to suck in gut in. lol. But looking at the bank statement, I can see why he getting fat. He eats out soooooo much!

We are trying something new this week where we only get 50 dollars of spending of money for the week. Let's see how this goes. he already spent 20 one day in! Smh... let's see how he makes out with his remaining 30.
 
Taleah2009 said:
Ours is next week! I did a boudoir shoot and put the pics in a book. Of course I procrastinated on ordering the book so it wont be here until after our anniversary.
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I had some pics done. I put it in a frame behind a regular pic so he could take it to work and look at it occasionally. It's still sitting in the living room. -___- Whatever.
 
I'm so not attached anymore. I really don't want to even try anymore. We're going to a marriage retreat that's supposed to reignite our faith and marriage. I hope I learn something or just change my perspective. Our problems are differences in personalities. I know my feelings are valid, but I just gave up after the mama situation. It's like that was my last straw foreal. And I feel bad because It's not THAT big of deal, but mentally my brain shut off after that situation. I don't get turned on by him. I stopped talking to him. I stopped arguing. I stopped trying. We straight up living like some roommates.

And he's weird to me. He never asks how I'm feeling or doing. I walk around naked He never initiates touching me. He never complains that I'm not affectionate or don't cook/clean as much. It's like he's okay with anything life throws at him.

I just want him to acknowledge my body changing and rub my body or pamper me without me asking him to do something. He got me sick from his cold two weeks ago. I didn't clean for two weeks. He didn't clean not one day. I don't want to have to tell him that he needs to clean up. He should have catered to me and at least cleaned a dish/made up a bed.

Man I want to freaking much. But it's me.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I'm so not attached anymore. I really don't want to even try anymore. We're going to a marriage retreat that's supposed to reignite our faith and marriage. I hope I learn something or just change my perspective. Our problems are differences in personalities. I know my feelings are valid, but I just gave up after the mama situation. It's like that was my last straw foreal. And I feel bad because It's not THAT big of deal, but mentally my brain shut off after that situation. I don't get turned on by him. I stopped talking to him. I stopped arguing. I stopped trying. We straight up living like some roommates.

And he's weird to me. He never asks how I'm feeling or doing. I walk around naked He never initiates touching me. He never complains that I'm not affectionate or don't cook/clean as much. It's like he's okay with anything life throws at him.

I just want him to acknowledge my body changing and rub my body or pamper me without me asking him to do something. He got me sick from his cold two weeks ago. I didn't clean for two weeks. He didn't clean not one day. I don't want to have to tell him that he needs to clean up. He should have catered to me and at least cleaned a dish/made up a bed.

Man I want to freaking much. But it's me.
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I feel your pain reading this. I don't have any advice, but I am praying for you, and if you ever need someone talk to talk to just to vent, my inbox is always open.
 
Taleah2009 said:
I feel your pain reading this. I don't have any advice, but I am praying for you, and if you ever need someone talk to talk to just to vent, my inbox is always open.
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I just feel so different. Never been so disconnected. We usually spend a lot of time together. Now we're so divided. For instance my brother is having a bday party bash. We've known about it for months. Well last night he asks me can I go with my mom (she's not invited lol) because now his gma having an all white birthday party. If so you mean to tell me you just learned about it? And now you backing out but we planned on going to this party three months ago. You don't even wear white. I wonder what he's gonna wear. So I guess Ima go to the party alone and he'll go to his gma party.

We went to that comedy show a few weeks ago but the convo just wasn't there. His bday was last week. I took him out to dinner but I noticed I wasn't my usual affectionate self. I didn't go all out. But it's like I don't have the energy.

Never felt like this before
 
My husband is making good progress and we're claiming healing over cancer. The medical team will re-stage him later this month so we are praying really hard for a good report. He had hip & femur replacement because the cancer deteriorated these bones. On crutches and all, he killed a snake that scared me silly while watering plants. Even when going through it, he's always looking out for me. Love me some him.
 
divachyk said:
My husband is making good progress and we're claiming healing over cancer. The medical team will re-stage him later this month so we are praying really hard for a good report. He had hip & femur replacement because the cancer deteriorated these bones. On crutches and all, he killed a snake that scared me silly while watering plants. Even when going through it, he's always looking out for me. Love me some him.
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That's so sweet and beautiful! He still sees himself as your protector.
 
MrsMe said:
That's so sweet and beautiful! He still sees himself as your protector.
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@MrsMe, he sure does. After surgery, I had to grocery shop and do errands alone. He would gather the strength to ride in the car with me but he was unable to go inside. He'd call me midway through to make sure I was ok. I always found it cute because in my head I was thinking, if I were not ok, what would you do? I'm pretty sure he would have been right there in that store, hurt hip & femur and all. He's definitely my protector. :)
 
PrissiSippi said:
I just feel so different. Never been so disconnected. We usually spend a lot of time together. Now we're so divided. For instance my brother is having a bday party bash. We've known about it for months. Well last night he asks me can I go with my mom (she's not invited lol) because now his gma having an all white birthday party. If so you mean to tell me you just learned about it? And now you backing out but we planned on going to this party three months ago. You don't even wear white. I wonder what he's gonna wear. So I guess Ima go to the party alone and he'll go to his gma party.

We went to that comedy show a few weeks ago but the convo just wasn't there. His bday was last week. I took him out to dinner but I noticed I wasn't my usual affectionate self. I didn't go all out. But it's like I don't have the energy.

Never felt like this before
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One thing you don't need right now is stress. Just focus on taking care of yourself for your baby. The rest you can figure out later.
 
divachyk said:
My husband is making good progress and we're claiming healing over cancer. The medical team will re-stage him later this month so we are praying really hard for a good report. He had hip & femur replacement because the cancer deteriorated these bones. On crutches and all, he killed a snake that scared me silly while watering plants. Even when going through it, he's always looking out for me. Love me some him.
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Praying for a full recovery for your hubby
 
@divachyk prayers for you and your husband. Love how he wants to provide and protect you!

I don't post about my husband's illness, but things were not good for a while. 2016 has been an evil witch! He's been hospitalized twice for weeks each time. It's been hard, hard, hard.....

But he's home with us now and healing. Doctor says he can return to work in another 2 weeks if next round of tests go well.

Just want you to know that I get your feelings 100%. Message me if you want to vent about anything. I mean it. :)
 
@divachyk @Miss617 thank you so much!

I go to the gym 5 days a week now and only do the treadmill mostly. My stress levels have been in control and it helps to pound away on the treadmill when I get frustrated.

I joined a support group through the hospital - which is amazing for me because I hate talking about my feelings. I feel selfish sometimes because I should be strong for my husband, not "whining" about myself. The other wives are so understanding and supportive.

We've gotten all of our financial affairs in order just in case. It took me a long time to even talk about that with dh. I'm greedy. I want at least another 50 years with him. When we got married, I envisioned us being in our 90s still cracking jokes. We're not supposed to be dealing with this in our 40s dammit!
 
Yesterday was homecoming at my school. I've been running all day. I overslept for the conference. I woke up at the time it started. I called DH. In a cheerful mood DH told me he was already at the conference. He went straight from work. Didn't call me to ask if I needed a ride, if I got off work, if I was okay, if I was coming or nothing and it was at the time of the conference so I should have been there by then. On church grounds I just straight up told him. Why didn't you call. He's started this new thing. Instead of arguing when I blow up about something he just looks at me blankly and listens then walks away with no feedback. This pisses me off. I feel like I'm working with an autistic child. The situation frustrated me because it shows how we live separate lives. Here we are going to a marriage conference in separate cars. Haven't talked to each other since 7:30 that morning and we don't talk to each other period.

After the conference He said I flip flop. He said in the past he's tried to check up on me. I either sound disinterested or act like I don't care about him so he stopped checking on me.

I feel if that's so he should present his frustrations to me instead of just shrugging them off like oh well. Which sounds weird but like I want him to stand on an issue he does not like. I'm used to different men. Like in the past I've been aloof and not called after work. They would be like baby why? 9 would say because I was busy. They would stand firmly on their belief and say well I want you to get unbusy and make sure you at least call me after work so i know you're okay. I have a strong personality. Sometimes is don't see where he is coming from. But he doesn't stand on anything and make it adamant. That's both of our faults. It's like he's so afraid of confrontation or the slightest arguement he avoids it at all costs.
 
He told me he revolves his whole life around me and I'm not appreciative. Example he said he didn't want to go to the comedy show. He wanted to go to cruising on the coast. (He never brought this up and I didn't know they were on the same weekend). Instead of going he took me to the comedy show because I wanted to go and he wanted to spend time with his wife. But he feels I don't see that at all. I don't see it because he doesn't remind of what he wants to do and he acts like a puppy dog he follows behind whatever I say never standing up for his needs/wants. I didn't know he wanted to do anything else and I figured he didn't go because he didn't have the money. He never plans these things out. It's like our communication off.

He claimed he told his dad about how I don't like MIL anymore because she's rude. He said he asked what could he do about it because I feel singled out and criticized every time I go over. Which has left his mother wondering if she's invited to the baby shower because she doesn't want to go where she is not wanted. He said I don't see his efforts to diffuse the situation between him and his mother. But I don't see it because he doesn't talk about it and communicate with me. Last time we talked about the MIL thing he put it back on me and said he was going to tell his mom why I don't come around so don't be surprised if she calls me asking directly why I don't like her. (Which annoyed me because it's easy to put the task on me instead of correcting YOUR FOLKS) he's holding on to the thing that you can't change people.
 
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