Married Ladies Random Thoughts

I got tired of the cycle. I post on here how hard he tries every few months. My mother says Priss be thankful you have a husband who tries cuz many men like your father don't even try. He will try for a month and then fail. Then I'll be back angry again.

i told him he needs a life. He has joined a bowling league so he actually has friends he can converse with once a week.

My older married classmate told me to never complain about my man coming home every night. I thought it was solid advice. But it's something in my soul that just irks me. He doesn't have a life outside of me. He has not one friend. He goes to work and wants to be all under me afterwards. Then he's a mamas boy not because he loves his mama but because he doesn't know how to do anything. (No cooking no cleaning just learned how to mow grass no maintenance stuff no strong people skills no assertiveness no ambition other than the fact he's super smart) I want him to have friends to be around other men and pick up on skills he missed out of.

I feel wrong because essentially I'm comparing. And the men I'm comparing him to have flaws too thst he doesn't have but it just irks me he's so clueless.
 
I'm an introvert and would hate if my partner saw my preference for staying home as a flaw. As a teacher, I'm around people all the time. During my lunch break, I'd rather eat in my room. That's my only solitude. The other teachers have tried to get me to eat in the teachers lounge but I'd rather not. It's exhausting having to be on all the time.
going out to make friends with random people would be torturous for me.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I got tired of the cycle. I post on here how hard he tries every few months. My mother says Priss be thankful you have a husband who tries cuz many men like your father don't even try. He will try for a month and then fail. Then I'll be back angry again.

i told him he needs a life. He has joined a bowling league so he actually has friends he can converse with once a week.

My older married classmate told me to never complain about my man coming home every night. I thought it was solid advice. But it's something in my soul that just irks me. He doesn't have a life outside of me. He has not one friend. He goes to work and wants to be all under me afterwards. Then he's a mamas boy not because he loves his mama but because he doesn't know how to do anything. (No cooking no cleaning just learned how to mow grass no maintenance stuff no strong people skills no assertiveness no ambition other than the fact he's super smart) I want him to have friends to be around other men and pick up on skills he missed out of.

I feel wrong because essentially I'm comparing. And the men I'm comparing him to have flaws too thst he doesn't have but it just irks me he's so clueless.
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Did you marry him for who you hoped he would become or for who he is? You have to meet him where he is at. I had to ask myself a very hard question prior to getting married- if my husband never changed a thing about himself- would I still want to marry and be with him?
I think it may be your hormones but try to Focus on his strengths. Sometimes their strengths aren't the same as our strengths. Where he has weak areas, hopefully you're strong in this same areas and you balance each other out.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I got tired of the cycle. I post on here how hard he tries every few months. My mother says Priss be thankful you have a husband who tries cuz many men like your father don't even try. He will try for a month and then fail. Then I'll be back angry again.

i told him he needs a life. He has joined a bowling league so he actually has friends he can converse with once a week.

My older married classmate told me to never complain about my man coming home every night. I thought it was solid advice. But it's something in my soul that just irks me. He doesn't have a life outside of me. He has not one friend. He goes to work and wants to be all under me afterwards. Then he's a mamas boy not because he loves his mama but because he doesn't know how to do anything. (No cooking no cleaning just learned how to mow grass no maintenance stuff no strong people skills no assertiveness no ambition other than the fact he's super smart) I want him to have friends to be around other men and pick up on skills he missed out of.

I feel wrong because essentially I'm comparing. And the men I'm comparing him to have flaws too thst he doesn't have but it just irks me he's so clueless.
Click to expand...


Also stop complaining about him. The more you put negative in the universe about him- the more things won't change. Start speaking life into your marriage and your partner. You attract what you put out.
 
futurelonglocks said:
Did you marry him for who you hoped he would become or for who he is? You have to meet him where he is at. I had to ask myself a very hard question prior to getting married- if my husband never changed a thing about himself- would I still want to marry and be with him?
I think it may be your hormones but try to Focus on his strengths. Sometimes their strengths aren't the same as our strengths. Where he has weak areas, hopefully you're strong in this same areas and you balance each other out.
Click to expand...
For what he'd become. If he never changed I wouldn't be happy. I'd be unsatisfied and trying to fill a void. Should have listened to the old folks on that tidbit.
 
LivingInPeace said:
@PrissiSippi
Welp, this is a problem. Does he want to change?
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I think it's just him. Nope. Don't think he's gonna change. My main problem is I want him to stand up for me to his mother. It's not in him though. He won't. He doesn't see the need. He says he can't change people. But I feel he can how she approaches me. She's soooo critical of me and judge mental and I'm tired of it.
 
I noticed de man has been dressing a bit spiffy these days. Wondered why. Did not really pay it no mind though.

We just had a heart to heart and i told him i need more compliments and compassion. He said he is trying but does not know how. But he will try harder.

Then this damn man asked me if i noticed he has been dressing nicer for me so that i would be more pleased with him and find him more attractive. I feel so wicked. He is 6'2 and very handsome. I feel so bad. I need to fix this...
 
He seems like he is crying out for your attention and your crying out for his


You saw him looking nice why not compliment him, hey babes you look great today? Something

Ya'll both need to put your ego and pride aside
Next time you see him, just walk up to him and hug him long and tight
Hold the embrace.... And just hold each other


Wishing you guys the best.

Ganjababy said:
I noticed de man has been dressing a bit spiffy these days. Wondered why. Did not really pay it no mind though.

We just had a heart to heart and i told him i need more compliments and compassion. He said he is trying but does not know how. But he will try harder.

Then this damn man asked me if i noticed he has been dressing nicer for me so that i would be more pleased with him and find him more attractive. I feel so wicked. He is 6'2 and very handsome. I feel so bad. I need to fix this...
Click to expand...
 
PrissiSippi said:
For what he'd become. If he never changed I wouldn't be happy. I'd be unsatisfied and trying to fill a void. Should have listened to the old folks on that tidbit.
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You're gonna have to find it within yourself to be okay with who he is.and who he himself said he'd become. Did Yall ever talk about the future and your expectations for him as a a husband before Yall married?
 
SamandI said:
I'm an introvert and would hate if my partner saw my preference for staying home as a flaw. As a teacher, I'm around people all the time. During my lunch break, I'd rather eat in my room. That's my only solitude. The other teachers have tried to get me to eat in the teachers lounge but I'd rather not. It's exhausting having to be on all the time.
going out to make friends with random people would be torturous for me.
Click to expand...

Exactly what I was thinking. I'm an introvert but so is my DH. We enjoy spending our time together, and we're each orher's best friend. Other people are optional. People are draining, and he's the only one that doesn't drain me.
 
CafedeBelleza said:
You're gonna have to find it within yourself to be okay with who he is.and who he himself said he'd become. Did Yall ever talk about the future and your expectations for him as a a husband before Yall married?
Click to expand...
We did. We went through two sets of counseling. One in the church and one without. This stuff has always been a problem. It's little petty things so I talked to old folks and they said let it slide cuz he was learning.

Now I'm holding on to all those incidents and just became fed up over night. I really feel like it's the hormones but hormones or not it makes me unhappy. I feel like he will never learn. It will be a different situation but it will happen over and over again. He won't stand up for me. He won't even stand up for himself. It's not his personality.

I was wrong the other day. I called his mother a fat a.r.s.e bia three times to his face and told him if he thinks it's okay to criticize me Ima criticize how all her kids and grandkids fat with with high blood pressure and diabetes because she refuses to cook vegetables and make her kids eat balanced meals. I was wrong it's a line. I shouldn't have disrespected him on his mom or called his mom names. I was frustrated. I was wrong. But I can do these things cuz I know he won't say not a word.

I brought that up. I apologized but I said that's a prime example how he's a pushover. He could have stopped me right there. He told me he has been talked about his whole life. He doesn't argue with people when they're wrong because if they're stronger than you even if they're wrong they will still win.

This is why I didn't want a boy. This is petty but I feel like DH is the type if someone stole his bike he would whine and ask his mom to buy another one instead of standing up for himself even if it meant getting his tail whooped for what was right and what was his. I do not want our son to be a pushover like their dad. Even though he is very smart, kind, gentle, and a Christian. I think that's my biggest fear these days.
 
My friend told me I'm really beating a dead horse about this mama thing. I have literally not talked to him for two weeks because of the mama situation. But I dunno why but it's so important to me. It transcends to other areas. I feel like if someone took my purse or something he would ask "Why were you xyz" instead of protecting me or helping me. I dunno if that makes sense.
 
I did that psychic thing in the other thread....I know it's for fake fake but my reading told me my marriage wouldn't last more than 1-2 years. It also said I was only placed in the relationship to figure out a lesson I didn't know which was what I value the most.

I just want to go in a hole and meditate.
 
I really think you are too critical of your husband and he is trying to please you but what you want isn't his nature.
Try to shift the focus off him, let him be and just focus on yourself. Leave the situation with his mother alone, stop criticising her.
You don't have to interact with his mother if you don't want. I think you should just focus on yourself and your reactions, you can't change another human being- your husband or in-laws, so just let it be.
Don't fixated on any negative psychic stuff. You are in control of your life. Just stop with all the criticism, it hasn't gotten you what you want ....try something different.
I have written all this with a lot of compassion for you so I hope it didn't seem too harsh but I really want to pull you back, give you a hug and let you know you are handling this wrong.
 
I lol but I realize dh has surpassed me on the sweet lil things.... He makes life for me so magical

Yesterday just another random Monday
I go to shower and come out to a room filled with candles and massage equipment
dude bought the massage table and gave me the best massage ever!

No coloring afterwards just talking and holding each other
It was just so sweet and needed... I laugh because as I mentioned our early days were interesting lol but I realize he enjoys my happiness and it's something that makes him happy

nothing compares to a man whose mission is to keep you happy... This is what my soul values...it's my lil peace of heaven :2inlove:

I want to do something really nice for him... Off to figure it out...
 
PrissiSippi said:
I did that psychic thing in the other thread....I know it's for fake fake but my reading told me my marriage wouldn't last more than 1-2 years. It also said I was only placed in the relationship to figure out a lesson I didn't know which was what I value the most.

I just want to go in a hole and meditate.
Click to expand...


Don't believe that psychic stuff dear. Fight for your marriage. Your husband loves you. You are about to bring in a new life for you AND your husband. He is a first time daddy so I am pretty sure he already has insecurities swimming around in his head about being a father. He doesn't need to fight husband insecurities too. There is no perfect husband. There is no husband that will measure up to every little requirement we have. But we allow our husbands to grow and WE grow too. You haven't been married long, give your marriage some time to settle. DH knows he gets on my nerves sometimes :look:, but you know what I know? I know I get on his too :look:. And I know those temporary feelings does not determine the outcome of our marriage. If you start pouring confidence and compliments into your husband, it's going to bring about a change. And a change does not happen overnight ,you have to continue it.

I know people may think it's weak to not "stand up" to everything, but I think it some cases it's the exact opposite. It takes strength to not always confront everything. Just because your husband doesn't say nothing doesn't mean he's not bothered. He just may choose to which battles to fight. One thing I had to learn to love about DH was how laid back he is. It use to annoy me that nothing bothered him, but then I began to appreciate it. I can be a little ummmmm dramatic/emotional sometimes :look:. But I love having DH to balance me and say " baby you tripping, calm down. It's not that big of a deal". And then I look back and it wasn't that big of deal. But what if we were both dramatic and emotional? We would have a mess. We would argue constantly because we both would be sensitive. So learn to appreciate the differences instead of trying to change them.

Praying for you sis.
 
I sent DH some Edible Arrangements to work, chocolate covered strawberries, just because. I was so nervous he would think it was weird for a guy to get fruit, but he loved it. He is so funny, when I got home he was like "sooooooo what you want to do with the strawberries" I was like eat them :lol:. Men always think it has something to do with sex lol
 
LucieLoo12 said:
Don't believe that psychic stuff dear. Fight for your marriage. Your husband loves you. You are about to bring in a new life for you AND your husband. He is a first time daddy so I am pretty sure he already has insecurities swimming around in his head about being a father. He doesn't need to fight husband insecurities too. There is no perfect husband. There is no husband that will measure up to every little requirement we have. But we allow our husbands to grow and WE grow too. You haven't been married long, give your marriage some time to settle. DH knows he gets on my nerves sometimes :look:, but you know what I know? I know I get on his too :look:. And I know those temporary feelings does not determine the outcome of our marriage. If you start pouring confidence and compliments into your husband, it's going to bring about a change. And a change does not happen overnight ,you have to continue it.

I know people may think it's weak to not "stand up" to everything, but I think it some cases it's the exact opposite. It takes strength to not always confront everything. Just because your husband doesn't say nothing doesn't mean he's not bothered. He just may choose to which battles to fight. One thing I had to learn to love about DH was how laid back he is. It use to annoy me that nothing bothered him, but then I began to appreciate it. I can be a little ummmmm dramatic/emotional sometimes :look:. But I love having DH to balance me and say " baby you tripping, calm down. It's not that big of a deal". And then I look back and it wasn't that big of deal. But what if we were both dramatic and emotional? We would have a mess. We would argue constantly because we both would be sensitive. So learn to appreciate the differences instead of trying to change them.

Praying for you sis.
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All of this!!! Your husband sounds like mine. We are the total opposite in how we manage things and I'm so glad about it because our life would be a wreck if he was as high strung and emotional as me. A man is not supposed to do or handle things the way we would because we as women are naturally emotional beings. I've even learned a lot in being still and calm until the right moment from him.

@PrissiSippi maybe in this season of your marriage it's not about changing him, but building character and a deeper more intimate type of love in you - for him. It's hard to love someone's flaws believe me I know but once you start having compassion and trust in your husbands nature- your heart towards him will begin to change and your marriage will turn around. You will appreciate him for who he is. Whenever I want to murder DH I look at our wedding pictures and think back to how I felt that day and why I married him. I have a 6 month old and he loves looking at pictures and art. On our wall in our bedroom we have a collage of our engagement photos. My baby would just look up and stare at those pics- esp when I'm mad at DH. My sons' wonderment of our pics reminded me of the wonderment I have for my husband. Find something that will bring you back to that time- even when you aren't upset at him, to keep your love for him on the forefront.
 
And he's really trying. I'm been sleep a lot lately. And he's so patient with me. I went from cooking everyday to probably cooking every other day and he doesn't mind at all just as long as he's fed lol. He's kept up with the bowling league. He went Monday and last Thursday with the church crew so I said I was going to go and cheer him on soon. I've been in my feelings and haven't been going to church with him. I really need to nip that in the bud now. He's been to church alone three weeks and I know that makes him feel alone. Afterwards he didn't blow up my imperfections in his face, he just brought me Snow biz like normal and we watched movies together like normal.

A lot of our problem is my pettiness. And the fact that I've grown really cold and bitter towards his passive aggressive ways. I think this is my season to change and not focus so much on changing him. I have a lot on my plate. Baby due in 4 months, doctorate to be completed by May, applying for administrator jobs, trying to find another house to flip as my side hustle, and keeping my sanity lol. With me focusing so much on him it's a wonder I can even do me.
 
lux10023 said:
I lol but I realize dh has surpassed me on the sweet lil things.... He makes life for me so magical

Yesterday just another random Monday
I go to shower and come out to a room filled with candles and massage equipment
dude bought the massage table and gave me the best massage ever!

No coloring afterwards just talking and holding each other
It was just so sweet and needed... I laugh because as I mentioned our early days were interesting lol but I realize he enjoys my happiness and it's something that makes him happy

nothing compares to a man whose mission is to keep you happy... This is what my soul values...it's my lil peace of heaven :2inlove:

I want to do something really nice for him... Off to figure it out...
Click to expand...
FoxxyLocs said:
I want to do something nice for DH too. He's been taking such good care of me. Idk what to do though. I need to think about it some more.
Click to expand...

CafedeBelleza said:
His behavior has been so good lately...
Click to expand...

LucieLoo12 said:
I sent DH some Edible Arrangements to work, chocolate covered strawberries, just because. I was so nervous he would think it was weird for a guy to get fruit, but he loved it. He is so funny, when I got home he was like "sooooooo what you want to do with the strawberries" I was like eat them :lol:. Men always think it has something to do with sex lol
Click to expand...


Aawwww loves this lovey dovey posts!
 
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