Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Oh ok.
I'm a teaser, but I only tease with people I like. I can't offer any advice besides for you to consider changing how you interpret her comments. otherwise, it'll be a long, uphill road bc she won't change.
Married Ladies Random Thoughts
- Thread starter naturalgyrl5199
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Oh ok.
I'm a teaser, but I only tease with people I like. I can't offer any advice besides for you to consider changing how you interpret her comments. otherwise, it'll be a long, uphill road bc she won't change.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
@PrissiSippi since you acknowledge that she's kidding. What is your ideal situation for you and your husband? Would you like to not have to be around her? Would you like you *and* him not to be around her?
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I don't mind him spending time with her. I just don't want to. I feel like I'm faking the funk. I usually like everyone but she rubs me wrong. Maybe I rub her wrong. I don't agree with how controlling she is. She tried to tell DH the other he should stop paying the house note. What kinda ish is that when he's my husband and lives here. Your husband pays your house note. You just wanna be in control of his money like u used to. Then flip the card and she calls ME controlling because I made him get his credit straight. Wtf.
I hate to tell uou, its gonna get worse when the baby comes.....just know that coming from someone who has been there....
Make it plain you are the woman of your own house. She had her turn and now its yours...
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I'm praying it doesn't. She lives an hour away. She seems a little jealous my mom lives closer. She asked me if my mom was going to keep my baby. I think that is her reason why. And asked my mom the same thing. My mom told me to stop answering all her questions. Let people's minds wander.
I'm practicing this line though: you just worry about insert their address because Mr. Priss and Mrs. Priss run insert our address.
This ish goes against my personality. Too much stuff to do and address.
I have NEVER had problem with people parents. But man Bruh this man mama...and he's not even closer to her like a stereotypical mama's boy.
I feel like I'm complaining too much in this thread. I apologize y'all. But man I don't want to complain in real life. And I try to talk to my mom but she just tells me to love the lady how she is and set boundaries. I'm not good with it. With that I feel like a failure. This is not common sense to me. I don't know what to say and when I'm being too sensitive. So Ima just fade to black with these people.
Miss617
Always left of center
@PrissiSippi I think I said it before, but you need to just limit your interactions with her. I actually like my MIL and still don't spend a lot of time with her because there's always drama (usually with my BIL). I told my DH I don't want to be around her and don't want our son to be around her until she gets her sh*t together or unless it's on our terms. Some people are just toxic. But your DH, sorry to say, sounds weak. Even if she was kidding, knowing y'all don't have that kind of relationship, he should have backed you up. That's not a good quality in a husband at all. 
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Yup I already told him I won't be going down there unless it's absolutely necessary. I'm aiming for once a month or every two months. He is weak when it comes to that. He has many great attributes but that's his weakness. He doesn't like confrontation. He doesn't "protect" me in a sense. It's gotten old with me. I'm kinda sad about it. Ima go talk to my dad privately about it this week. He always gives brute honest advice. But then again he probably won't relate because he's TOO strong willed. He would take up for my mama in a minute.@PrissiSippi I think I said it before, but you need to just limit your interactions with her. I actually like my MIL and still don't spend a lot of time with her because there's always drama (usually with my BIL). I told my DH I don't want to be around her and don't want our son to be around her until she gets her sh*t together or unless it's on our terms. Some people are just toxic. But your DH, sorry to say, sounds weak. Even if she was kidding, knowing y'all don't have that kind of relationship, he should have backed you up. That's not a good quality in a husband at all.
Miss617
Always left of center
My DH doesn't like confrontation either, but when it comes to his family (me, DS and DSD), he doesn't play. I know he would go to bat for me or the kids in a heartbeat, even if it was against his mother. I would be careful about talking to your dad. I made the mistake of doing that once in a situation where I felt like my DH didn't adequately defend me and my dad was like, "Oh, hell no!" You don't want your dad to lose respect for your DH because then that will sour their relationship if he feels like he can't protect you. I'm sure you have many times, but you need to tell your DH straight up that in public, you are to present a united front. If he disagrees with something, he can tell you when y'all get home. But if you say it's time to go, it's time to go. No ifs, ands or buts. And he needs to stand up to his mama. She's disrespecting you and this isn't the first time. He should be ashamed of himself for letting her to speak to you any old way.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Ima take my chances. I can't talk to anyone else but them.
My friends? Naww. I know they would lose respect.
My pastor? He just gonna say some make it work type ish.
My therapist? I stopped going but he'll just say we have different personalities.
I respect my mother and father. My mom knows the pits of my frustration but she loves and respects DH like he is her son. She would never "kid" with him like DH mom kids with me. Now my dad on the other hand he's the whole that's your life and IDGAF type. He's gonna tell me what he thinks and leave it at that. I think he knows what kind of person DH is. (DH is very sweet which is why my parents love him. He will go to the end of the earth for me. He will go get my Gma (2 hours) and drive her back. Go to the store at 3 am. Rub my back for hours. Give me whatever I want and etc.) He just won't stand up for me. He's beta all the way.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I think talking to your dad is a GREAT idea. That's what dads are for. Good you have one to go to. Also, keep in mind, it's not always what your dh does, but what he doesn't. You need to meditate on him not protecting you and what that means and how it feels. Really how it feels to be attacked and dh be too weak to make a stand, or too unconcerned, or too worried about the other person. That is a biggy IMO.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Better to do it here than out there, you're good.
I've decided to fade to black on my mil for less, you're doing good.
futurelonglocks
Well-Known Member
Long time lurker here. I've been married for almost two years and we were dating for two years prior. Proposed on our one year anniversary and got married exactly one year later. Anywho I enjoy reading the advice given here and have taken some of it for myself.
Our marriage was rough in the beginning but now it has gotten a whole lot better. One of the things that I had to realize was that I can't change him- I can only change my response to him. I had the issue of him not helping out as much and when I stopped nagging him and started playing the damsel in distress more- he stepped up. He wasn't going to do What I wanted as long as I nagged then played superwoman. Nope/ he responds better to my damsel n distress move. I don't lift a finger to change batteries in our thermostat now- before I would try to do everything, to the point of emasculating him. I didn't do this on purpose, I was just raised to be independent and do things on my own- which didn't go over so well n my marriage. Anyway I'm sorry this is so long but I wanted to finally post!
Our marriage was rough in the beginning but now it has gotten a whole lot better. One of the things that I had to realize was that I can't change him- I can only change my response to him. I had the issue of him not helping out as much and when I stopped nagging him and started playing the damsel in distress more- he stepped up. He wasn't going to do What I wanted as long as I nagged then played superwoman. Nope/ he responds better to my damsel n distress move. I don't lift a finger to change batteries in our thermostat now- before I would try to do everything, to the point of emasculating him. I didn't do this on purpose, I was just raised to be independent and do things on my own- which didn't go over so well n my marriage. Anyway I'm sorry this is so long but I wanted to finally post!
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
He asked me what's the difference in his mama talking about me and my friends joking about me? Are you serious? Cop out. Then he told me he can't change his mother no matter what he says.
I won't be going back down there period then.
He told me don't make him go spend time with my folks. That's fine but my folks don't criticize him at all.
He told me don't hide when he tells his mother why I won't be coming around anymore because she's the direct person who's probably going to call. And I should tell her the truth.
I really shouldn't have to do all this ish.
I won't be going back down there period then.
He told me don't make him go spend time with my folks. That's fine but my folks don't criticize him at all.
He told me don't hide when he tells his mother why I won't be coming around anymore because she's the direct person who's probably going to call. And I should tell her the truth.
I really shouldn't have to do all this ish.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
He's tripping. He should be more concerned about your happiness than anyone else's. Go ahead and block mil phone number and take care of yourself.
Nyssa28
Well-Known Member
He really needs to step up to the plate and protect his wife. Your dad should definitely have a talk with him. Are his parents still together?
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
Went against all Hopeful's advice and plan to handle something my husband was supposed to be handling for months. I have stuck by him through this situation, but at this point I can't do it anymore. Its wearing on me tooo much. He is making the wrong decision, and its effecting me too much. I told him what I plan to do, and he is pissed, but at this point, I couldn't care less. I keep telling him how much this situation is effecting me, and he has the power to dead it, but is too stubborn too. I haven't put my solution into motion yet, but I will. I hope he comes to the realization that this is the right decision to just dead the just situation. Why keep it going when it can be resolved???
I hate stuff lingering. Resolve it and be done to fight the next battle.
I hate stuff lingering. Resolve it and be done to fight the next battle.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Dh's obsession with my happiness is cute but unhealthy. Anytime I'm unhappy he thinks it's about him and that he can fix it...
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
lol That's so cute though!
summertimewine
*sips tea*
I hate one of my SIL and my MIL 
I have blocked her # in my phone and will KIM.
But I've always had this dream that my in-law family would be like my second family and it is truly depressing me. It's actually bumming me out most days. I honestly hate this situation but I have done nothing wrong so it's my reality.
Has anyone else felt like this?
I have blocked her # in my phone and will KIM.
But I've always had this dream that my in-law family would be like my second family and it is truly depressing me. It's actually bumming me out most days. I honestly hate this situation but I have done nothing wrong so it's my reality.
Has anyone else felt like this?
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
I hate one of my SIL and my MIL
I have blocked her # in my phone and will KIM.
But I've always had this dream that my in-law family would be like my second family and it is truly depressing me. It's actually bumming me out most days. I honestly hate this situation but I have done nothing wrong so it's my reality.
Has anyone else felt like this?
Yup. Absolutely. About my in laws via dh's family and about my sil via my brother's family. It's been years now and I'm just resolving not to be bummed. *** alla them.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I hate one of my SIL and my MIL
I have blocked her # in my phone and will KIM.
But I've always had this dream that my in-law family would be like my second family and it is truly depressing me. It's actually bumming me out most days. I honestly hate this situation but I have done nothing wrong so it's my reality.
Has anyone else felt like this?
I hope you can work this out. Long term it can become very difficult and effect your marriage too. You are so intertwined with your in-laws with spending holidays together and then when you have children etc. What are your fh's thoughts. Is he bothered by the situation too? I think you and he need some kind of game plan.
summertimewine
*sips tea*
Yes. It bothers him but he is use to his mothers antics. She is narsacistic and wants everything to go her way. She screams and yells and cries which makes me highly uncomfortable. He defends me promptly in the situation, but ultimately wants peace. I've told him that I will no longer be speaking or engaging with his mother but how it makes me fear long term damages it might cause to our relationship. He says she brought it upon herself and he doesn't see it affecting us. I don't want to ask him to not speak to his mother but it does make me feel some kinda way that their relationship has not altered drastically when she has called me out of my name several times/screamed at me/disrespected me and my family
Femmefatal1981
Well-Known Member
He's right...you can't hide forever. If you don't like the way she talks to you and he won't handle it then you need to take care of it yourself. If anythignt his is the perfect time, you can blame it on the hormones.
If I still had my original screen name you could go back to when I first joined this board and see how much I disliked my mother in law. I did not like her at all!!!!! Now? We are fine, more than fine actually. She treats me like a daughter and I appreciate it.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry. I love that he defends you
. But I understand that it hurts that it seems his relationship with his mom stays the same regardless of how she treats you and your family. In other words, no real consequences for her. It's almost like his mom has some type of handicap or mental illness and he is able to overlook her behavior. I'm just wondering if you guys can seek some type of professional help before the wedding? Really good boundaries will need to be established. And something has to change (I'm not sure what ) but long term if someone (even if it's his mom) disrespects you and your dh does not truly protect you, it is going to erode your security, and feelings of safety and cherishing within the marriage. If it were me I'd get help now, before the marriage. You have the most leverage now, before the wedding, to get things at least somewhat settled. I'm really sorry hon. You are too lovely and beautiful to have this to look forward to for years. You really are marrying his family as well. It's a package deal.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I feel like he wants me to do his dirty work. It's just an excuse for him not to step up once again. But I hope he knows if I talk to her it won't go over as well as it would if he did it. But that's fine. I will lay it all out. Fake arse fat arse people.He's right...you can't hide forever. If you don't like the way she talks to you and he won't handle it then you need to take care of it yourself. If anythignt his is the perfect time, you can blame it on the hormones.
If I still had my original screen name you could go back to when I first joined this board and see how much I disliked my mother in law. I did not like her at all!!!!! Now? We are fine, more than fine actually. She treats me like a daughter and I appreciate it.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
I'd point this out to him one more time.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't talk to her about anything.
michelle81
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't either. I'm in the camp of "you handle your family and I handle mine". This is one issue I would seek counseling about regarding him stepping up to "protect/defend" you and putting up boundaries with his family.
If he places strong boundaries, they'll comply. Hopefully he wouldn't let someone on the street treat you that way, so why is it okay for him mom to do so? And for you to be the one to address it? You are/should be his primary concern since you're married.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Maybe he's from the show me state. I feel he doesn't believe me because he knows I've been trying to work on how I talk to people so I will avoid doing it. I already cussed out and supposedly belittled my sister in law after she was talking to me crazy. It's been three years. I JUST started talking back to her. I went off on the bridesmaid girl I cut her deep after she tried to use my past against me. We still don't talk. After that I really been Tryna hold my tongue. BUT if I talk to his mama or his sister this gonna be part 3.
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