Married Ladies Random Thoughts

@PrissiSippi Your DH sounds like mine. He has told me so many ideas he's had for side businesses and won't go after any of them. He always says maybe when the baby is older or in school. Sure. :rolleyes: I feel like he is more family oriented than I am, but I've worked too hard to not want more. Meanwhile, he'd be happy being a stay at home dad.

I don't think there's anything wrong with comparing yourself to him as long as you keep things in perspective. Logically, I know my DH balances me out and that's what I need. He keeps me grounded. Perhaps that's what your DH does for you as well.
 
I haven't been home all summer. I'm only home for the weekends so like 3.5 days out of the week every week. I made this big of a sacrifice to save up enough daycare money for the baby so we wouldn't have to worry about anything finances related the first year of the baby being here. It made me more easy going on DH to. He keeps the house relatively tidy. I clean up in Friday's and Mobday mornings and that's it. I wonder can I stay this laid back about keeping the house clean once I'm back home.
 
CafedeBelleza said:
I've been going back and forward about posting this.
Dh says he is depressed. He dealt with depression in college once and it was diagnosed & treated. Part of me is really angry because he did not tell me this until after we married. Also about three months ago I vetted a bunch of doctors and made an elaborate ass spreadsheet on possible providers. Of course he never made a move on it and I assumed things had gotten better. I have a basic understanding of depression and I am ashamed to say that I am having a hard time empathizing.
Anyone experience in this area? Any tips?
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You might just have to make the appointment. My dad has depression and I got it from him. There is a hospital right down the street from my parents house. My dad was so mentally ill he couldn't even muster up enough energy just to go down the street. After staying in his room for five years...yes five years.... My mom ended up driving him to the doctor. And he still said he was fine.

I know it took me a long time to go to therapy. I either didn't need it or felt ashamed. By the time I went I was at the bottom of the barrel. Depression can make you have noooo energy at all. It's so dehabilitating
 
Totally normal to feel this way and I appreciate your honesty

Marriage is very interesting, in that the routine and commitment of it all can be a lot.

The need to explore life without having to think about the other person in your life is something many seek.

I think the therapy will help.

But I think your feelings are very valid and honest and don't beat yourself up about them.

Understand them and come to peace with how you will proceed going forward.

For me marriage is interesting. My husband I love buttttttt

I'm a woman who loves a life filled with adventure
Routines and complacency bother me and would kill my spirit so it's tough as the idea of marriage kinda is the opposite of that type of freedom.

Single me was epic, married me is epic with boundaries lol I hate boundaries


secretdiamond said:
Confession:
I've been avoiding this thread, since I last posted. :look:
I'm trying to find a way to save my marriage. I've only been married 2 years. :ohwell:

My DH has no idea. He's great. Really, he is. For some reason, it's like I just don't want to be married anymore. Like, I need to find myself. WTF? :confused: I was with him for 10 years before we married. No surprises. He hasn't changed. Only become better. By all accounts, I'm lucky -- he's very attractive, tall, smart, classy, hard-worker, provider, doesn't have a temper, has incredible patience, clean, neat, doesn't require much from me at all, very easy-going.
I feel so bad. I'm trying to work it out myself, because I don't want to hurt him. He thinks I'm going through a crisis because of work. He has no idea. I still love him. I can never stop loving him. He is still my best friend. But, that's it. :(

Oh, and for anyone who was following 7 months ago regarding his family: Things were better for all of a week. His family came down to visit and **** hit the fan. I no longer speak to his family. He doesn't either. My family has instructed me to stay away from them. I totally agree. I no longer consider them family.

So, with all this, I feel bad. I should be his rock. Be the best wife I vowed to be on our wedding day. Can't figure out why this is happening.

Going to start seeing a therapist next week.

I just wanted to let that out. :(
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This would be so me

He has a problem or issue you've plotted out several solutions for him to take the step to resolution

I know for the person who is depressed it's not that easy but the family and loved ones end up going thru it because they are close to said person

And I have a hard time empathizing as well.

This would be so me, it's tough and sucks as you are the person going thru this with him and is on the receiving end.

Hang in there.


CafedeBelleza said:
I've been going back and forward about posting this.
Dh says he is depressed. He dealt with depression in college once and it was diagnosed & treated. Part of me is really angry because he did not tell me this until after we married. Also about three months ago I vetted a bunch of doctors and made an elaborate ass spreadsheet on possible providers. Of course he never made a move on it and I assumed things had gotten better. I have a basic understanding of depression and I am ashamed to say that I am having a hard time empathizing.
Anyone experience in this area? Any tips?
Click to expand...
 
Apparently I'm anti-social because I want to spend time with my husband on his only day off instead of having guests over for the 3rd Sunday in a row, while I'm still recovering from surgery. ***.
He refuses to see the issue from my perspective and acknowledge the fact that I ain't his :censored: maid. I'm the one who always ends up cleaning after they leave even though I'm still in pain. That's after he said he would hire help.
I am getting more and more resentful and thinking I can do bad all by myself.
 
DH is missing his dad. He said the way he plays with DS is how his dad played with him and when he looks at him, he thinks about how much his dad would have loved him. Apparently he feels like this more often than he tells me, but he doesn't like to talk about it because I "can't bring him back." What am I supposed to do?
 
I kind of was happy my husband went out last night. I was craving some serious me time. Didn't feel like anyone asking me for me nothing, asking me to do anything or talking to me in general lol. I washed my hair did some sewing, studied my sewing book, and ate some ice cream:look:. Now I'm ready to hang out hubby today and put some dinner on the grill:2inlove:
 
Miss617 said:
DH is missing his dad. He said the way he plays with DS is how his dad played with him and when he looks at him, he thinks about how much his dad would have loved him. Apparently he feels like this more often than he tells me, but he doesn't like to talk about it because I "can't bring him back." What am I supposed to do?
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When I have those feelings about my parents and how they would have loved their grandchildren they've never met, I appreciate when DH just listens and holds me. Sometimes he says the right thing. Sometimes he doesn't, but he cares and that's what matters to me. But you know your husband in a way no one else does and know what may be of comfort to him.
 
hopeful said:
Thank you! I've learned most of what I know the hard way, unfortunately, and so I try to share my little bit of wisdom.
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Your advice helped so much when I was married, even when I was just lurking and not asking questions directly. I could never go to my mom for advice, and MIL'S act like your mom...until you have problems with their son. Lol. So I knew better than to take it to her. Just wanted you to know that even when people aren't speaking up, the advice is more than likely touching home for someone reading. You and others on here are gems. :kiss:
 
Y'all know I have a problem with DH lack of leadership. He's starting to turn around. I think if I practice uplifting his leadership more and following him more he will lead/ pick up the slack around the house even more often! He has really picked it up since he found out I was pregnant. I wonder does that have anything to do with it.

Examples:
A few months ago I told DH I would love to have kitchen cabinets that had decorations on the front. At least a basic beveled rectangle design. I didn't bring it back up but he actually found a guy who could do our existing cabinets and priced it without me pushing him.

He went to church Subday even though I didn't go because I was extremely tired from waking up early.

Usually if he has a extra day off the house can be a mess he won't lift a finger and clean nada including the stuff he messed up. I came home and he had washed all the dishes without me asking and put groceries he bought up.

We went out for a date that I planned and paid for and he had enough extra spending money to buy whatever extras we wanted.

He applied for that new job despite his parents telling him not to do it and he reached out and found the job on LinkedIn which is what I've told him to get for years. He finally created one.
 
@Taleah2009 :bighug: I know how you feel. Is there anyone IRL you can talk to who might understand what you're going through? You can always PM me if you need to vent, I've been where you are and didn't have anyone to talk to other than my DH. Even he didn't completely understand and got tired of hearing it after a while. Hang in there, sis.
 
So going to play basketball was more important than cutting the yard that hasn't been cut in almost a month....This %&*(*&#&((%$* has really pissed me off today! Our house is on the corner so it definitely sticks out. Ugh!!!
 
Taleah2009 said:
I really hate when fertile myrtle women who gets pregnant by just looking at them can't understand the struggles of someone else that's it's harder for. So frustrating
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I started getting so frustrated. Here my kids have two and three babies at 16 in my class and I couldn't even have one? They used to cry to me about what could they do. And I used to cry at night because there was nothing I could do. And then my nephews and nieces I don't get to see that much and I spoil them to pieces to slightly compensate how empty I felt on the inside. I cried for many nights. I always felt DH never understood. And he's never seen me cry sooo he just was lost on how to console me. He is soooo okay with not being able to have kids. I was not able to accept it. I feel like I horrible person for saying this but it was a deal breaker for me. I don't think I would have made it much later without just leaving. :( if you ever want to just talk or vent please PM me.
 
Miss617 said:
@Taleah2009 :bighug: I know how you feel. Is there anyone IRL you can talk to who might understand what you're going through? You can always PM me if you need to vent, I've been where you are and didn't have anyone to talk to other than my DH. Even he didn't completely understand and got tired of hearing it after a while. Hang in there, sis.
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PrissiSippi said:
I started getting so frustrated. Here my kids have two and three babies at 16 in my class and I couldn't even have one? They used to cry to me about what could they do. And I used to cry at night because there was nothing I could do. And then my nephews and nieces I don't get to see that much and I spoil them to pieces to slightly compensate how empty I felt on the inside. I cried for many nights. I always felt DH never understood. And he's never seen me cry sooo he just was lost on how to console me. He is soooo okay with not being able to have kids. I was not able to accept it. I feel like I horrible person for saying this but it was a deal breaker for me. I don't think I would have made it much later without just leaving. :( if you ever want to just talk or vent please PM me.
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Thank you!!
 
Nyssa28 said:
So going to play basketball was more important than cutting the yard that hasn't been cut in almost a month....This %&*(*&#&((%$* has really pissed me off today! Our house is on the corner so it definitely sticks out. Ugh!!!
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I totally feel you. My yard is a mess. My DH hates doing it, but then he doesn't want someone else to do it because then they would have to walk through the house to get to the yard. Its irritating.
 
ARGH.

Our anniversary is tomorrow. I bought a card when I bought DH's birthday card last month and I cannot for the life of me remember where I put it! I could have sworn I put it in a cabinet specifically so I wouldn't lose track of it but I started packing up the stuff that was in there and didn't find it. I'm gonna have to go through the cards I've put away and make sure I didn't overlook it by accident.
 
I'm trippin. I had actually bought a birthday card and Father's Day card because they were a week apart. Duh! I don't know why I didn't realize that sooner. Will have to get a card after work.
 
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