Married Ladies Random Thoughts

The in laws want to have a cookout at our house. I want to say no but hey what's the point of having a patio with no cookouts. the reason why I want to say no is because I just announced my pregnancy. DH mother is mad that she didn't know before everyone else so on Facebook she said Congrats but the proper thing would have been to tell the grandparents. Um lady no one knew okay. Including my brothers. Only y'all, DH, my mama, and like 3 of my closest friends knew. Chill.

She's really direct. I try to take y'all suggestions but they don't work like for Christmas she asked me do I cook for her son. I tried to redirect and said you'd have to ask my husband. She said I don't have to ask your husband because I'm not talking to him. I'm talking to you.

So the pregnancy questions will come. I want to remain semi private about my uterus. How do I redirect without her coming at me. I know I need to have a brief talk with DH to remind him how I felt when she talks to me. I dread being in her presence.
 
Girl, state your response, smile and move. I have learn to get myself out of scenarios like the one you describe with a simple "excuse me"

Are there any forbidden places for guest to go to in your house? For me it's my bedroom, I would spend plenty of time in my room, drama free.
But eventually you will need to confront your mother in law regarding how she speaks to, especially when the baby arrives. Just not while you're pregnant!
 
she sounds like a character.

thank god my MIL lived far away but even when she came to visit (for a month at a time), she was relatively drama free. So i don't have much advice for dealing with smart mouthed interfering MILs, but I do agree that you're going to have to put your foot down (hard) at some point..she doesn't seem to take hints
 
I know I want to be on the same page. But DH semi understands. He understands when I say the phrase on the same page but then it comes to stuff like this: we made our pregnancy announcement on Facebook when I was 13 weeks. She was mad. She said why didn't you tell us? Him: I didn't know when k was supposed to say anything because SHE said she wasn't telling anyone. I would like him to move towards WE decided WE would not tell anyone until after the first trimester. He puts it in me which gives the MIL more ammunition to interrogate me.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I know I want to be on the same page. But DH semi understands. He understands when I say the phrase on the same page but then it comes to stuff like this: we made our pregnancy announcement on Facebook when I was 13 weeks. She was mad. She said why didn't you tell us? Him: I didn't know when k was supposed to say anything because SHE said she wasn't telling anyone. I would like him to move towards WE decided WE would not tell anyone until after the first trimester. He puts it in me which gives the MIL more ammunition to interrogate me.
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Please don't take this the wrong way because I really don't mean any offense, but you don't think your MIL should have been told you were pregnant before you put it on social media? I wouldn't want to find out that way either. At this point, she is not just your MIL but your future child's grandmother and you even said the proper thing would have been to tell the grandparents. I feel like to have to find out through Facebook with however many other people undermines her role and sets a bad precedent for the relationship going forward. You really don't understand why she's mad?

As far as your husband's response, he shouldn't have put it all on you, but from some of your previous posts, it seems like he doesn't pick up on things the way you want him to. You might really need to spell things out for him if you want to avoid a repeat of this incident.
 
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Miss617 said:
Please don't take this the wrong way because I really don't mean any offense, but you don't think your MIL should have been told you were pregnant before you put it on social media? I wouldn't want to find out that way either. At this point, she is not just your MIL but your future child's grandmother and you even said the proper thing would have been to tell the grandparents. I feel like to have to find out through Facebook with however many other people undermines her role and sets a bad precedent for the relationship going forward. You really don't understand why she's mad?

As far as your husband's response, he shouldn't have put it all on you, but from some of your previous posts, it seems like he doesn't pick up on things the way you want him to. You might really need to spell things out for him if you want to avoid a repeat of this incident.
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Hmm now that u put it that way. The totally honest answer is I understand. I just don't care. She's rude. I never do anything right. I can't clean to her standards. I don't cook enough if he's it fat. I don't dress her son right(he can dress himself). My hair is not done nearly how she likes. I work too much. I like extra money too much. But if I asked DH for money she would be like you are too selfish yada yada. I don't like her personality. So I really don't want to deal with her. And she doesn't like keeping grandkids and lives an hour away so I could care less how she feels since I won't be needing her for babysitting duties or etc. dang sounds selfish huh. I dunno since the Christmas incident I really just dread being in her presence.

Ima try to give DH a short run down before and see how that goes.
 
@Miss617
Good point, I agree. Her dh shouldn't have thrown her under the bus though either. So idk.

For now @PrissiSippi you should just focus on taking care of yourself for the balance of your pregnancy. I don't think the MIL or Dh issues are going to resolve easily so try to enjoy your pregnancy and bonding with the sweet little baby growing inside of you.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Hmm now that u put it that way. The totally honest answer is I understand. I just don't care. She's rude. I never do anything right. I can't clean to her standards. I don't cook enough if he's it fat. I don't dress her son right(he can dress himself). My hair is not done neIarly how she likes. I work too much. I like extra money too much. But if I asked DH for money she would be like you are too selfish yada yada. I don't like her personality. So I really don't want to deal with her. And she doesn't like keeping grandkids and lives an hour away so I could care less how she feels since I won't be needing her for babysitting duties or etc. dang sounds selfish huh. I dunno since the Christmas incident I really just dread being in her presence.

Ima try to give DH a short run down before and see how that goes.
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When you lay it out like that, she does sound overbearing. I was actually wondering if this would be her first grandchild because, but if she already has an established history of not wanting to keep grandchildren, then I wouldn't expect her to change now. Limit your contact with her as much as you can because stress isn't good for the baby.

Yeah, I would definitely have a conversation with your DH about how to handle certain situations going forward, especially when it comes to your MIL. You need to be able to present a united front because it seems like she's looking for chinks in your marriage.
 
I'm glad I wrote the post. I've come a long way but I used to kinda criticize DH like that. I used to tell him how his clothes (all that anime ish and shirts with dragons) would make people not take him seriously at work or how he never kept his haircut and look raggedy. I hated his truck when he bought it (the note was high and his mama took him car shopping without consulting me). Dang if he felt like I felt when I go near MIL well dang. That's awful. That woman makes me feel like I'm getting a root canal when I go see her.
 
Please tell me if I'm overreacting.

I had a myomectomy (removal of fibroids=feels like a c-section all over again) on Friday and came home yesterday. Dh did not work this weekend so he could take care of our 17-month old daughter and my 10 year old niece who is spending the summer with us.

His cousin, who happens to be one of the nastiest and messiest people I have ever met (and I'm not exaggerating), came to town with her 3-year old son the night before I went to the hospital despite the fact that I told my dh that this was recipe for disaster. My dh is another messy person who does not do any cleaning so I knew all the cleaning I had done prior to my hospital stay would be for nothing. It turns out that she made herself useful by watching the baby while my dh dropped me off and picked me up from the hospital. That's it.
The baby wanted nothing to do with anybody but my dh if he was around, most likely because she was anxious about my disappearance.

When I came back yesterday, I had to withhold the tears and negative comments because the house was a mess. I am trying to be thankful more than critical of my husband so I kept my mouth shut but there were dirty dishes EVERYWHERE, clothes all over the place, the floor and the kitchen counters were sticky, a cup of fruit I had prepared on Friday morning was sitting on the high chair left to rot and my baby's room now looks like a battlefield because the helping cousin laid all of her ish in there, clean and soiled clothes as well as underpants. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the 3-year old got hold of a pen, even though I make sure NO pens are within toddlers' reach, and proceeded to write all over our cream-colored ottoman. The mom didn't say anything until I noticed it and casually said she'll keep trying to take it off.

My dh wakes up this morning and gets my prescriptions from the pharmacy then tries to make me cream of wheat but he had no clue how to do it and was asking me step-by-step directions. I told him to just make something else simple. That was at 11am and by then I was starving.
He went to the swimming pool with the kids and cousin so I had some peace and quiet for a little bit.

Here's where I lost it. His family decided to have a little barbecue and from 3pm on all he cared about was getting himself ready and going to the shop to bring some meats and stuff. He did not come back until 6pm continuing to prep for the party without asking me if he could do anything for me. Meanwhile I'm trying to feed the baby with the help of my niece but at this point I need some desperate rest, because I had been sitting for two hours redoing my niece's hair. That's after that idiot cousin unbraided the perfectly fine cornrows my sister had taken her time to do so that I wouldn't have to worry about her hair for a while! (I apologize for the long sentence)
The straw that broke the camel's back was the fact that our chronically constipated baby was not given any water at all today. My dh knows this so I cannot fathom how he forgot about making water available to her.

Is it selfish of me to assume that he would spend time with me before going back to work TOMORROW and lay out a plan regarding who is going to come help? Am I asking for too much given the fact that I still cannot walk or stand for long periods of time?

Y'all I am so resentful right and I sent him a text message to tell him how I felt which he proceeded to ignore. I even took pictures of the mess but I won't post them because it was so disgusting.
 
@MrsMe Take a deep breath, mama. No, you're not overreacting at all. Why did he even agree to let his cousin come in the first place, especially if you already knew what the outcome would be? It was really inconsiderate of him not to see if you needed anything before he went to the party, and I don't know how on earth you forget to give a baby water ESPECIALLY in the summer, let alone if they are constipated.

If you can afford it, honestly, I would tell him that he needs to hire a house cleaner until you are back on your feet if he isn't going to clean himself. If he says no, then he needs to be prepared to offer an alternative. I also don't think it's selfish for you to expect him to spend some time with you to work on a plan. Good luck, wishing you a speedy recovery. :bighug:
 
Guess we're moving in with my mom next month. There are definitely more pros than cons but I know DH still isn't very keen on the idea. Unfortunately, we don't have enough time to try to find something else and, even if we did have more time, we can't afford much because Boston rent is out of control. We've already been looking for months now and haven't found anything in our price range.
 
DH and I are going thru a rough patch..this has been progressively getting worst since May..a decision that he made has caused ripples in our marriage and I am at a point where I have to make peace with it and try to get back to a good place..we are still fairly new in our marriage..1 month shy of a year being married..and didn't know each other that long before getting married.. This has been very difficult to get through ..1 because of my reluctance to accept the situation for what it has become and 2 because of his subsequent mistakes and wanting to do things his way only.. I know all marriages hit rough patches..I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel..
 
Qtee said:
DH and I are going thru a rough patch..this has been progressively getting worst since May..a decision that he made has caused ripples in our marriage and I am at a point where I have to make peace with it and try to get back to a good place..we are still fairly new in our marriage..1 month shy of a year being married..and didn't know each other that long before getting married.. This has been very difficult to get through ..1 because of my reluctance to accept the situation for what it has become and 2 because of his subsequent mistakes and wanting to do things his way only.. I know all marriages hit rough patches..I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel..
Click to expand...

Make sure the burden of moving forward does not fall on you especially if he is the one who caused the problem. Also, it is not fair that things must be done his way only. Be strong and do what is best for you in the long run.
 
First off I had a myrctomy

That surgery recovery is no joke

I'm thinking he doesn't know how serious it is but!!!!!!

I would have lost my marbles with everything you described

You are not got damn overreacting.

You needed him!!! And only him to step up and cover you and the home
*** a bbq

Pen on a white ottoman. Someone would've had to say a prayer for me because !!!

Marriage has its moments
Wishing you a happy healthy recovery


MrsMe said:
Please tell me if I'm overreacting.

I had a myomectomy (removal of fibroids=feels like a c-section all over again) on Friday and came home yesterday. Dh did not work this weekend so he could take care of our 17-month old daughter and my 10 year old niece who is spending the summer with us.

His cousin, who happens to be one of the nastiest and messiest people I have ever met (and I'm not exaggerating), came to town with her 3-year old son the night before I went to the hospital despite the fact that I told my dh that this was recipe for disaster. My dh is another messy person who does not do any cleaning so I knew all the cleaning I had done prior to my hospital stay would be for nothing. It turns out that she made herself useful by watching the baby while my dh dropped me off and picked me up from the hospital. That's it.
The baby wanted nothing to do with anybody but my dh if he was around, most likely because she was anxious about my disappearance.

When I came back yesterday, I had to withhold the tears and negative comments because the house was a mess. I am trying to be thankful more than critical of my husband so I kept my mouth shut but there were dirty dishes EVERYWHERE, clothes all over the place, the floor and the kitchen counters were sticky, a cup of fruit I had prepared on Friday morning was sitting on the high chair left to rot and my baby's room now looks like a battlefield because the helping cousin laid all of her ish in there, clean and soiled clothes as well as underpants. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the 3-year old got hold of a pen, even though I make sure NO pens are within toddlers' reach, and proceeded to write all over our cream-colored ottoman. The mom didn't say anything until I noticed it and casually said she'll keep trying to take it off.

My dh wakes up this morning and gets my prescriptions from the pharmacy then tries to make me cream of wheat but he had no clue how to do it and was asking me step-by-step directions. I told him to just make something else simple. That was at 11am and by then I was starving.
He went to the swimming pool with the kids and cousin so I had some peace and quiet for a little bit.

Here's where I lost it. His family decided to have a little barbecue and from 3pm on all he cared about was getting himself ready and going to the shop to bring some meats and stuff. He did not come back until 6pm continuing to prep for the party without asking me if he could do anything for me. Meanwhile I'm trying to feed the baby with the help of my niece but at this point I need some desperate rest, because I had been sitting for two hours redoing my niece's hair. That's after that idiot cousin unbraided the perfectly fine cornrows my sister had taken her time to do so that I wouldn't have to worry about her hair for a while! (I apologize for the long sentence)
The straw that broke the camel's back was the fact that our chronically constipated baby was not given any water at all today. My dh knows this so I cannot fathom how he forgot about making water available to her.

Is it selfish of me to assume that he would spend time with me before going back to work TOMORROW and lay out a plan regarding who is going to come help? Am I asking for too much given the fact that I still cannot walk or stand for long periods of time?

Y'all I am so resentful right and I sent him a text message to tell him how I felt which he proceeded to ignore. I even took pictures of the mess but I won't post them because it was so disgusting.
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I really hate my husband sometimes. This morning he started getting on me about sh*t and being like "18 months with a baby and you're still doing stuff like this." I had left a few things out while I was getting ready for work while my son was still in bed, but he got out a couple of minutes later. So I went to the bed to check the time on my phone and he comes up behind me and I pushed him away. So he starts being like why are you being such a ***** and I'm like all you do is criticize me and I'm supposed to be nice to you? He goes well if you did what you were supposed to do we wouldn't have this problem and I said he still makes mistakes too. Then he's like whatever, the house will be better off without you anyway. I seriously wanted to tell him he could just look for an apartment for himself and me and the baby can go to my mother's house. I'm so tired of him acting like he's so f**king perfect. One of these days, I'm not gonna come home, we'll see how much better off his sorry ass is then.

ETA: He just sent me a text saying he was sorry for upsetting me and he has to work on that. Man, whatever. :rolleyes:
 
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I don't like SIL or MIL. I'm going to be okay with this as time goes by. I WANT to like them though. They were talking behind my back and I feel like I'm being overly sensitive but it feels like I'm 28 I'm on top of my ish and from the outside it appears I have this perfect life so of course people look from the outside and wonder how I have it so perfect and they don't.

YES DH doesn't have as much spending money as he used to. I pushed him to pay off all his debts fix his credit pay off all installment loans and save his money. That's what he is supposed to do. But he wasn't taught that at home. He sees the light now. He doesn't owe any of anything and now he has more play money but for the last few months we've cut back on everything. Eating out me getting my nails done shopping. Etc.

They feel like he gives all his money to me which is why he is unable to ball out like he used to.


My feelings are hurt because I work soooo hard. That's one of my best qualities. I work HARD at my dreams and goals and I don't let them out of my sight. I never depended on NOBODY for nothing. But now behind my back they think DH is paying all my bills and that's how I'm able to take trips, buy a new car,afford and add on to the house, and save money. Behind my back they told DH that he is a fool for paying the whole house note. They said I'm "running" him.

And at our cookout they made condescending remarks about how I "finally" did something to my hair and how it's "finally" growing back and how they didn't think I knew how to do hair.

They told me how do I think Ima keep up my lifestyle (working extra side jobs) with a baby. And criticized how I treat the dog (he's our dog child) and criticized my future parenting skills. They told DH this baby will just be another expense on him.

Now since DH said something to them they only do it when he's not around. I talked to DH about it. He made me feel better that now I can see he is TRYING to stand up for me. But I have trust issues. What if he is feeding them this stuff and making them feel like I'm just sucking all of his money. And in part I think he does. A few months ago he asked his sister for money. He was hurt because I called him sorry. Men don't ask others for money and especially not his single parent sister AND it makes me look bad. He didn't ask me. He asked his sister. So I bet sister thinks he works hard but doesn't have free money because he gives it all to me. It hurts cuz we both pay about the same amount of bills towards our house essentials. We just split things up.

I think I'm living in a fantasy world. I told DH I feel the way I feel. I don't like his folks and I won't make myself be fake and hang out with them unless absolutely necessary. I don't want to go to another cookout or etc. unless I have to. At this rate I really don't want to see them again til Thanksgiving. *** them country bumpkins.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't like SIL or MIL. I'm going to be okay with this as time goes by. I WANT to like them though. They were talking behind my back and I feel like I'm being overly sensitive but it feels like I'm 28 I'm on top of my ish and from the outside it appears I have this perfect life so of course people look from the outside and wonder how I have it so perfect and they don't.

YES DH doesn't have as much spending money as he used to. I pushed him to pay off all his debts fix his credit pay off all installment loans and save his money. That's what he is supposed to do. But he wasn't taught that at home. He sees the light now. He doesn't owe any of anything and now he has more play money but for the last few months we've cut back on everything. Eating out me getting my nails done shopping. Etc.

They feel like he gives all his money to me which is why he is unable to ball out like he used to.


My feelings are hurt because I work soooo hard. That's one of my best qualities. I work HARD at my dreams and goals and I don't let them out of my sight. I never depended on NOBODY for nothing. But now behind my back they think DH is paying all my bills and that's how I'm able to take trips, buy a new car,afford and add on to the house, and save money. Behind my back they told DH that he is a fool for paying the whole house note. They said I'm "running" him.

And at our cookout they made condescending remarks about how I "finally" did something to my hair and how it's "finally" growing back and how they didn't think I knew how to do hair.

They told me how do I think Ima keep up my lifestyle (working extra side jobs) with a baby. And criticized how I treat the dog (he's our dog child) and criticized my future parenting skills. They told DH this baby will just be another expense on him.

Now since DH said something to them they only do it when he's not around. I talked to DH about it. He made me feel better that now I can see he is TRYING to stand up for me. But I have trust issues. What if he is feeding them this stuff and making them feel like I'm just sucking all of his money. And in part I think he does. A few months ago he asked his sister for money. He was hurt because I called him sorry. Men don't ask others for money and especially not his single parent sister AND it makes me look bad. He didn't ask me. He asked his sister. So I bet sister thinks he works hard but doesn't have free money because he gives it all to me. It hurts cuz we both pay about the same amount of bills towards our house essentials. We just split things up.

I think I'm living in a fantasy world. I told DH I feel the way I feel. I don't like his folks and I won't make myself be fake and hang out with them unless absolutely necessary. I don't want to go to another cookout or etc. unless I have to. At this rate I really don't want to see them again til Thanksgiving. *** them country bumpkins.
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Can yall move far far away because these in-laws whew! Hell he supposed to give it all to you the hell they thinking?
Im mad for you. Thats too much. See my in-laws knew I was sorta a bitvh off top, I wish they would!!!! In my house???
For your health, and really for the health of the baby you're prolly gonna have to cut them off.
 
Miss617 said:
@MrsMe Take a deep breath, mama. No, you're not overreacting at all. Why did he even agree to let his cousin come in the first place, especially if you already knew what the outcome would be? It was really inconsiderate of him not to see if you needed anything before he went to the party, and I don't know how on earth you forget to give a baby water ESPECIALLY in the summer, let alone if they are constipated.

If you can afford it, honestly, I would tell him that he needs to hire a house cleaner until you are back on your feet if he isn't going to clean himself. If he says no, then he needs to be prepared to offer an alternative. I also don't think it's selfish for you to expect him to spend some time with you to work on a plan. Good luck, wishing you a speedy recovery. :bighug:
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I asked him if he could pay for cleaning service and he said he had a cousin he could hire instead. I don't care who does it, as long as it's done. I gave him a piece of my mind yesterday and my language was "colorful" but necessary. F being the nice wife. It doesn't work with him.


lux10023 said:
First off I had a myrctomy

That surgery recovery is no joke

I'm thinking he doesn't know how serious it is but!!!!!!

I would have lost my marbles with everything you described

You are not got damn overreacting.

You needed him!!! And only him to step up and cover you and the home
*** a bbq

Pen on a white ottoman. Someone would've had to say a prayer for me because !!!

Marriage has its moments
Wishing you a happy healthy recovery
Click to expand...

Girl, we've had so many bad moments over the last few moments that I'm really at my wits ends. He loves our baby but clearly has no idea how to protect and defend me as his wife. Sometimes I get irritated with how little backbone he has, especially with that particular cousin. It's like he feels the need to please her and protect her at all times but does not realize that as his wife, I'm the one who should be his priority now. Simple example: my sister offered to come help and she would've been soooooo helpful! The house would've been cleaner than before I left and my baby would've been well taken care of. However, my husband and I have negative history with her so I said "no, thank you" because I knew it would make him feel uncomfortable. I did not want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home. Why can't he reciprocate that?
 
I get so much better. I kept writing in my journal this week "What others think of me is not any of my business". Easier said than done. But it's a start!

I came home and the house is sooo tidy. My husband did s great job of keeping the house clean while I was away and that means a lot to me because I know he's not naturally a neat person
 
I'm still recovering from surgery. He asks me what I want to eat because I said I'm done with rice and it increases my pain. I said soup would be a good idea or something easy to digest.
Why does he come back with twin lobsters and onion rings? Panera bread was only 500ft away. He bought what HE wanted to eat, not what's best for me.
I can't.
 
My husband loves giving the parking authority money. I kept telling him to just pay the damn. No T I'm going to go dispute. When?! Pay the ticket before it goes up! The nonpayment fees are disrespectful here it More than doubles. What do I come home to but a letter that the ticket went from 26 to 91 dollars. I'm steaming! He should have just paid the f$&&@!? Ticket! Like we have extra money to be giving away. This the dumb ish I be talking about.
 
MrsMe said:
I'm still recovering from surgery. He asks me what I want to eat because I said I'm done with rice and it increases my pain. I said soup would be a good idea or something easy to digest.
Why does he come back with twin lobsters and onion rings? Panera bread was only 500ft away. He bought what HE wanted to eat, not what's best for me.
I can't.
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Feel better Hun and take care of yourself as best you can
 
Taleah2009 said:
My husband loves giving the parking authority money. I kept telling him to just pay the damn. No T I'm going to go dispute. When?! Pay the ticket before it goes up! The nonpayment fees are disrespectful here it More than doubles. What do I come home to but a letter that the ticket went from 26 to 91 dollars. I'm steaming! He should have just paid the f$&&@!? Ticket! Like we have extra money to be giving away. This the dumb ish I be talking about.
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Leave it and forget about it. Don't tell him anything else. I'd let it get to $500 if it had to. But I wouldn't touch it, think about it, or say another word. He's hard-headed and has to learn the hard way and suffer the consequences.
 
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